Lay Your Hands
by OCDJen
Summary: The sequel to Healing Heart. This is set 5 years later, life has settled into a nice routine for the boys, they have plans for the future. What will happen when life, fate and heart ache get in the way? Rated M, AH,E&J. please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN/ This is the sequel to Healing Heart, you dont need to read that one first but it would give you a better idea of what has happened.**_

**_Thank you to my Beta for doing her thing, and letting me fill her inbox with idea's lol, thanks hun._**

**_Right this is set 5 years after Healing Heart._**

**_I hope you all enjoy this as much as you enjoyed Healing Heart._**

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_**JPOV**_

"Daddy! Look, Uno on slide!"

I lifted my head up from the book I was reading to see Olivia sitting at the top of the slide; her little pink dress bunched up around her thighs, her bronze coloured hair hanging halfway down her back waving slightly around the edges. Her blue eyes shone at me with her dimples sitting proud in her checks as she smiled, and giggled. Bruno was at the top of the slide with her. I smiled as she pushed him down making her giggle loudly in the back garden.

"Olivia, be careful with Bruno." I warned her, she just laughed at me giving me the same look I had seen Edward pull so many times before when he wasn't listening to what I was saying.

"But he like daddy, he like." She replied as she slid down the slide before running round and making Bruno follow her. She had made our lives complete; she was perfect in every way shape and form.

She was now three years old, going on six. She had brought so much love and happiness in to our family, and the day she arrived I couldn't take my eyes off her.

_Flashback_

"_So shall we go through with it?" Edward asked me in bed one night. We had been looking in to having a child of our own, and we were looking at using a surrogate, and egg donor to make our dream come true. We wanted to have a child that was biologically one of ours, and we had slowly been putting wheels in to motion._

"_Yes, we both want this and it feels right to do this now, so let's do it." He smiled widely and gave me a gentle kiss. The question was who was going to be his or hers biological father? _

_Of course we both wanted to be his or hers biological father and we had spoken about doing this twice so we both could have that, but who was going to go first? Toss a coin? Best out of three? Pick a name out of a hat? Draw straws? One of us was going to have to wake seeing their DNA in a little person, not that it mattered. The child would be loved by both of us and never looked upon as not theirs, it was just something we both wanted, we both wanted to leave something behind._

"_Jasper." I looked to see him with his brow pulled together thinking hard over something._

"_Babe, I want you to go first." I smiled at him, but he shook his head at me. I wanted him to go first, I wanted him to do this first. He was always doing things for me, and I hardly ever got the chance to return them so this was my way._

"_No, Jasper....." I cut him off before he had a chance to finish._

"_Edward, we both want this, we both want to have a child, and we said that we would walk this road twice so we both can have this. I want you to go first, please don't fight me on this." I smiled at him watching as his face filled with excitement before giving me a kiss._

_A few weeks later we had found ourselves an egg donor who matched me looks wise, blonde hair, blue eyes, a similar in looks to what I had, (or so we were told). I was over the moon, knowing that our dream was on its way to becoming true. We found a surrogate that lived not too far from us, she had 'Cooked' as she called it, five or else six times for different couples, but we her first gay couple. She was excited to add this to her CV, we both laughed when she said this thinking she was taking the piss, but she wasn't._

"_I'm not joking boys, if other gay couples see that I have been a surrogate for another gay couple they will feel more at ease with me." Claire was a wonderful woman, who did this not for money but to help others out to achieve their dream. She had a daughter of her own and a loving husband who thought the world of her for what she did._

"_Okay.... how long do you have to wait?" I was standing next to Edward while he was on the phone to Claire; she had just taken her test and was on the phone to us waiting to tell us the news._

"_Baby centre isn't my department Claire." He joked down the phone squeezing my hand. This was our second attempt through IVF. The first attempt had failed, the test showed negative; Edward was beside himself that night. He hadn't gotten so worked up this time round or so he said, but Edward had gotten all worked all over again. He just didn't show it this time, but I could see it, the little things he did when people spoke about babies gave him away. I couldn't wait to be a father, but at the same time I was keeping a lid on it until we heard the positive news._

"_What? Are you sure.......? Send me a picture, I want to see it to believe it." He said down the phone smiling widely at me as he hung up._

"_Two lines!" He whispered to me as he sat down staring at his phone waiting for the picture message to come through._

"_Are we...." His phone beeped loudly in the living room, his hands shook as he opened the message to see two pink lines on the test. Tears ran down my face, we were having a baby. We were going to be daddies._

_The next nine months consisted of trips to see Claire all the time as she grew, appointments for scans kitting out the baby's room, and picking names. We never wanted to find out what our baby was going to be but the midwife let it slip, calling our baby a her. _

_Edward had gone in to some sort of protective mode, he had become obsessed with making sure that everything was safe for when the baby arrived and when Claire was closing in on her due date he was calling her every day to make sure she was fine and eating well. He started to act like he thought she didn't know what she was doing, but Edward was just worrying. Put a wedding in front of him and he is calm until the day, put a baby there and he is a wreck from start to finish._

_Claire had agreed to have the baby at the hospital where Edward worked at. It was further away for her to get to, but she had seen Edward freaking out; and it helped put his mind at rest if it was there, with people he knew and trusted in the medical field. The call arrived one Sunday morning at 6.47 am. Edward had been back in the house for less than half an hour after being on a night shift. He changed in seconds and we were on our way to see our baby being born. _

_The midwife knew Edward, as did the nurses. They all knew that this was our baby and were so supportive. The midwife had been cornered more than once by Edward asking her endless questions about the baby. _

_At seven minutes past two in the afternoon, Olivia Grace Cullen entered the world. _

_It was the most beautiful and disgusting thing I have ever seen. After watching it I now have the utmost respect for women, because that shit looked beyond painful. We cried as we heard her cry for the first time, Edward cut the cord and I held her first. Her head was already covered in the same bronze tone that Edward has, her face perfect, she was stunning. I cried for hours happily as I held her close to me feeling her tiny fingers grip my hair, or her little noises she made now and then made my heart soar. _

_Claire had been fantastic and had offered to let us use her again in the future. We had a photo taken with her and her husband with Olivia and both of us just hours after she was born, the idea was to let Olivia know who helped bring her in to this world. _

_The day we brought her home was both scary and exciting, we watched her for ages sleeping in her crib._

"_Is she okay?" I whispered to Edward, this was so new to me, to us. I had no idea what we were meant to do with a baby._

"_She's fine, Angel, just sleeping. When do you think she will wake up?" He asked. I just shrugged, they didn't come with a manual telling you these things._

_We both took time off for her first few months. Edward took two months off, whereas I took a year off. Edward earned more money so it made sense for him to go back. He cried the day he had to go back not wanting to leave either of us, not wanting to miss anything that Olivia did. He had stopped working nights so he could be home more with us and had cut down his hours as well. Our life was filled with dirty nappies, bottle feeding, sleepless nights, and baby sick. Olivia was the sole attention of our world._

_The day she spoke her first word I was out. I had to nip in to town to pick a few things up and Edward had her._

"_Jasper, she spoke!" He cried down the phone as I was getting out of the car._

"_What did she say?" I was gutted that I had missed it, but thrilled that Edward hadn't. Her first step he missed because he was working._

"_Uno, she said Uno. Hang on." I heard him flick the button on to speaker phone. "Olivia who's that?" I could almost see him pointing at the dog._

"_Uno." I heard her high pitched angelic voice down the phone. The tears started, hearing her talk for the first time was better than hearing her first cry._

"_I'm coming back." I turned round and headed back to our daughter. I wanted to share in this and see if she could say anymore._

Watching her play on the slide it felt like she had always been in our life, she had filled so many space's in our lives, made us complete and if it was possible brought me and Edward closer together. She had a love of the hospital. Whenever she saw grandpa Carlisle, she would make him tell her all about the heart operations he had performed, she wanted details. If we picked Edward up from work we had to go in, she wanted to see where daddy worked, she wanted to learn it. Edward laughed saying third generation doctor, the way she was heading I wouldn't be surprised if she followed Edward in to the medical world. We took her to the history museum which she loved, finding it all highly interesting. She might not be biologically mine but she was sure as hell picking up my traits.

"Yo Bean." I was brought out of my thoughts of the past by Emmett. He wandered through the garden towards me as Olivia waved madly at him.

"Unle Em." She called out but didn't move from her spot, she wouldn't move now until Edward returned.

"How's Rose?" I asked him as he pulled the chair out and sat down. Emmett and Rose had married a year after Olivia was born and had her as a flower girl. Rose was now excepting their first baby.

"Dude, I'm glad to get away, the hormones are killing me. One minute she wants sex and lots of it, the next she can't fucking stand me, thank heavens she only has three months to go." He smirked, he was excited as anything about becoming a father. He loved Olivia like there was no tomorrow and spent hours playing with her. "So how long you guys going to be?" I half smiled at him.

"We shouldn't be too long, only about an hour or so." I picked up my bottle of water and took a big gulp.

"So where you two off to?" He asked while popping a sweet in his mouth.

"Mine, Unle Em." Olivia called out as she watched Emmett fill his face with her sweets.

"I know, Bean. They're great. I might just eat them all myself." He joked pretending to put them all in his mouth.

"Nooo, Ulce Emm." She cried out, he chuckled at her. He got up and walked over to her, bag of sweets in hand. He stood in front of her and she wrapped her little arms around his neck. Thank you, Olivia.

"You know I wouldn't eat them Bean, your daddies would kill me." She giggles loudly. "How about we go through the freezer once they're gone?" He asked her.

"Yey! Ice cream and bits." She screamed out, bouncing around in front of him.

"Don't give her too much, Em. She won't eat her dinner otherwise." Olivia crossed her arms and pouted at me. Emmett whispered in her ear making her giggle. "Just wait until yours arrives." I threatened. His booming laugh filled the garden.

"Daddy!" Olivia cried out sliding down the slide and running towards Edward who was just coming through the patio doors. He picked her up and wrapped his arms around her and smiling brightly at her gave her a kiss.

"Hello princess, have you been a good girl?" He asked her, she nodded. "And what have you been doing today?"

"Uno on slide, he went down." The excitement in her eyes matching Edward's when he got excited over something. "It was fun, me and Unle Emm havin' ice cream."

"Are you? And who's to say we have any?" He asked her raising his eyebrow at her.

"We have, I seen it." Edward laughed and placed her down on the floor. "Daddy in cubs." She beamed at him running off back towards Emmett. Edward wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"How are you, angel?" He kissed my neck and I smiled and shrugged, the thought of this afternoon was looming in my head.

"I'm okay, missed you though." I turned my head and gave him a kiss. In the five years that we had been married I had fallen more in love him with each passing day.

"I missed you too, give me a minute to get changed and we'll go, okay?" I nodded my head as he let me go and walked off upstairs.

I watched Olivia play with Emmett, watching as she climbed all over him trying to pin him down on the grass. Emmett threw her off with ease, she kept coming back until he caved and let her pin him. Edward appeared again changed in fresh clothes ready to go. I waved to Olivia and took hold of Edward's hand as we walked towards the car.

"Don't worry, Angel, everything will be okay." He whispered giving me a kiss before I got in. I felt uneasy, I hadn't told Edward just how uneasy I felt. I didn't want to freak him out any more than I already was.

"Yeah, I'm sure you're right." I smiled at him trying to hide just how nervous I was, but I didn't fool him. He could see through every act I put on, he knew me better then I knew myself. He could pick my mood up from just how I stood. "I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"What for? Jasper, what have you got to say sorry for?" Fingers gently looped in mine as we drove down the road, my eyes were already watering, the sobs soon started. Edward pulled over on the side of the road while I cried.

"Jasper, Angel, tell me what's on your mind." I wanted to, I really did, but how could I tell him? How could I actually unwrap what I was feeling to tell him what was going on inside my head?

"I'm sorry, so sorry." I whimpered out. Edward lent across to me and pulled me in to his arms while I gently sobbed until I stopped.

"Angel, you can talk to me, you can tell me your fears." He whispered to me. I knew I could and I had tried to, but I couldn't right now; not while I didn't know what was going on. I could be freaking over nothing, or I could be freaking over something worse.

"I know. When we get out I'll give you the full insight on what has been going on up there, okay?" He simply nodded at me giving me a gentle kiss.

My mind was filling with thoughts of Olivia, all her little milestones running through my mind, her first step, her first word, and the first time she stood on her own. I smiled as I thought about how we thought of her name.

_Flashback_

_Claire was eight months pregnant, we had been throwing names around since we had found out it was a girl, nothing seemed to fit. Some were okay, but nothing that said 'yeah, that's it'._

_We were curled up together watching Grease, going through names._

"_Sarah?" I asked._

"_No, don't like. Emma?"_

"_Umm maybe, Elizabeth?" _

"_No way, it's my grandmother's name. Louise?"_

"_Don't like it." I sighed. This was getting past a joke, our nights seemed to be full of this, picking names, happy for a minute then changing our mind. _

_My head was pressed against Edward's chest, I tried to picture our daughter so many times, but failed each and every time I tried. I worried about how she would feel having two daddies. When she got older and understood that her parents are different to her friends, would she be embarrassed by us, not wanting to bring her friends around to the house because she didn't have a mummy. I didn't care what other people thought of us, but it would kill me if our daughter hated us, if she felt embarrassed to be seen with us._

"_Edward what if she doesn't like us?" I asked. I heard him chuckle, he gently kissed the top of my head._

"_Why would she hate us?" He asked. I shrugged not wanting to say, surely he knew what I was thinking, surely he had thought this too. "Is it because we're gay?" He whispered in my ear._

"_Well she might hate us once she understands that her parents are different." I whined out, I was scared shitless she might freak out._

"_Jasper, she will have a loving family around her and when she is old enough and she asks questions we'll answer them. Stop worrying." He kissed the top of my head._

"_What if she gets picked on because of it?" I then started to worry about her going to school, Edward laughed._

"_Jasper, she won't be the only child that has the same sex parents, and if that happens we will deal with it when the time comes. Jasper, please stop worrying about things that are miles away, she hasn't even arrived yet." I smiled, true she wasn't and yet I was worrying about things ten years down the line._

"_Olivia." I whispered. _

"_What?" He asked. I thought about it a little more, the more I thought the more I liked it._

"_Olivia Grace Cullen. What do you think?" I turned my head to him slightly watching as he smiled at me giving me a gentle kiss._

"_I love it, we can tell her she was named after Olivia Newton John." _

I worried back then over how she would handle having two daddies but my worries never came about. She had noticed that out of all our friends we were the only couple that are both boys, she had never battered an eyelid to it, I hoped it continued that way.

God, what if ...... No, I cant think like that. I can't think about those sort of thoughts, I don't even know what I'm dealing with here, it could be nothing as I said before. Then again... I looked at Edward, I could see the torture he was trying so hard to hide from me. He was worried about this as much as me, even more so, but neither one of us had spoken about the what ifs.

No one knew where we were going today, I hadn't breathed a word to anyone neither had Edward. Emmett had no idea what we were doing, I guessed he thought we were planning something for our wedding anniversary, which was only two weeks away. Two weeks and it would be six years, six blissful years. Why is this happening to me, to us? I hadn't even thought about what we could do. Last year we went away for a week, Olivia stayed at Edward's parents for the week while we disappeared for a week of pure heaven between the two of us. Our passion hadn't gone, it was still as strong as it ever was, but with having Olivia now our alone time became less.

We had date nights where we would ship Olivia off to my parents for the night, giving us the chance to have a night alone; with no reading bedtime stories or fighting over bath time, or bed time, just me and him together, alone, no little feet interrupting at the worst time. Olivia loved it, she thought it was great to go and stay there, it was every child's dream. They let her have all the fizzy pop and sugared sweets she could muster, they bought her pizza and ice cream, and she could watch what she wanted, that was her treat.

I played with the band around my finger, something I had started to do when I was worried or deep in thought. It seemed to help me focus more when I could fiddle with something, it drove Edward nuts. I could see him out the corner of my eye looking over every now and then, frowning.

"What did you and Olivia do today? Other than push Bruno down the slide?" He smirked at me.

"We baked." Edward laughed. Yeah, the baking things wasn't going well. I could cook, but ask me to make a cake and it tasted like shit. Olivia seemed to enjoy licking the bowl though. Edward seemed to have mastered the whole bake a cake thing with ease. Bastard.

"Let me guess, it didn't rise and it tasted like crap?" I nodded making him laugh again and shake his head.

"How did you achieve the whole baking thing? Olivia seems to think that I fuck up on purpose." He smirked at me and tapped his head. "Spill, if you know something then I want to know." He smiled at me and tapped his head again.

"Jasper, she is three, she has no idea if the ingredients have come out of a packet or not." He smirked again. I thought about it for a minute, he had been cheating.

"You cheat." He laughed again. "She thinks you're brilliant at it and all the time you're cheating." I was pissed that I didn't think about buying a packet mix and passing it off as my own, she wouldn't know the difference.

"It's not cheating. Going and buying a cake that's fully made is cheating, this is just helping. The trick is to not let her see the box. Empty out all the ingredients before you start and say you have done the boring bit. Mix it together and bingo, a nice baked cake and she is over the moon." He smiled thinking his master plan was brilliant. It was, I can't believe I hadn't thought of it.

I was glad of our little chat about how we fooled our daughter, it took my mind off what was happening, but all too soon we pulled up. Edward cut the engine. My heart was beating wildly in my chest as I looked up at the building. It had never bothered me, I had been here thousands of times for one thing or another. I walked in to this very building, sometimes having a crying little girl in tow.

"Jasper, come on, it's fine. There is nothing to worry about." Yeah, if there was nothing to worry about then why are you using your doctor tone on me? That fake calming tone they use to reassure people, those people thought it was the real deal, but I knew different. Edward's actually calming tone was warmer, more full of love and care. His doctor tone was a little colder, kind of robotic, there was love and care there, but it didn't have a patch on his normal one.

I shot him a look, he just shrugged. He knew I knew his tone was off, but he wouldn't admit it and neither would I. I guess I felt better having the fake calming tone then none at all.

He kissed me gently and took hold of my hand. We walked slowly to our point of call, and I was dragging my feet trying to put it off. Trying to delay what I had to face. I knew I could drag my feet all day long, but it would never take away what I had to do. There was no stopping what was coming, I had to man up but the truth was, I was scared.

Edward squeezed my hand tightly as we walked through the building and up to the floor we needed. We arrived at the reception, I heard Edward talk to the woman, even make idle chit chat while we waited. She gave a nod and walked towards the door.

"It's okay." He whispered giving me a kiss on the cheek before opening the door and walking in. The room was full of books; I could see the man's pictures of his wife, his family, children, and grandchildren. The large dark wood desk making his look important. He shook our hands.

"Dr. Cullen, Mr. Cullen please have a seat."

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**_So what do you all think of the first chapter then? _**

**_Hehe im leaving you all guessing, aren't i mean?_**

**_Anyway please hit the review button and tell me what you think of it, thank you, Jen :)_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN/ I'm blown away by the response i got from the first chapter! Thank you so much to everyone that has reviewed and put this story on alert, it means a lot thank you!**_

**_Ok so I have freaked you all out with Jasper and i know you all want answer's. There is a lot more light shed in this one, and things should be a little more clearer from here on in._**

**_Again thank you to my wonderful Beta who is great at doing her thing._**

**_Here's Chapter 2_**

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_**JPOV**_

I sat there my mind blank just staring at the man with a beard. Nothing he said was making sense, none of it was going in, it was like he was speaking in tongues. I could hear words like "angiotensin converting enzyme" and "Haemodialysis", words that meant nothing to me. Edward seemed to understand them as he went back and forth with the man with the beard. I couldn't even remember his name. I was sure he said it when we came in, but for the life of me I couldn't think of it, just like what they were talking about. None of it made any sense to me. I don't think they were even talking about me. I could hear Edward's voice becoming strained as he went back and forth, but what he was talking about? No idea.

Edward had pushed this through, Edward had gotten me in to see this man, Edward had spotted it first, not me. I passed it off as nothing, just thought I was tired from work and Olivia running round my legs, I didn't think anything of it. The warning bells went off in Edward's head one night, it caused us to have a big fight. Thinking back to it, if it was the other way around I would have thought the same things.

_Flashback_

_We were in bed, Edward had the week off to be able to be with me and Olivia. Halfway through the week I was tired, worn out, but Edward was in the mood. He kissed my neck working his way down and across my collarbone, sucking, licking and nibbling as he did. His lips travelled down my chest teasing my nipples making them hard and pebble like. My breathing was ragged as his tongue went down my stomach towards my aching cock. He pulled the waistband of my boxers down releasing my aching member, his tongue darted out licking the tip, and tonguing my slit, and then it went. My rock hard, can hang off it; it's that hard, hard on started to go limp._

_This wasn't the first time it happened, it happened before when I was fucking him, that went down like a lead balloon. And it had happened in the shower just two days ago while he was giving me head._

_He sat up resting his wrists over his knees. He took a few deep breaths and sighed as he looked at me. I saw the hurt and confusion in his eyes, as he searched my face looking for something. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at his wedding band._

"_How long?" His voice was strained as he spoke to me breaking slightly as he battled to keep the pain out of his voice._

_I looked at him and shook my head. He couldn't actually think that, could he? Surely he knew me better than that, we knew each other inside and out, there wasn't anything we hid from one another._

"_Who is he? Do I know him?" He pushed the ring around his finger as I saw the tears slowly fall down his face. He thought I was cheating, cheating on him, how could he?_

"_What?" I was shocked more than anything that he could possibly think that I was fucking someone behind his back. I loved him more now than I did the day we married. I would never ever do anything like that._

"_Come on, Jasper, the least you can do is be truthful to me. How long has the affair been going on?" He never moved from the spot he was in, his tone never changed, he just stared at his ring._

"_You think I'm cheating?" I whispered out._

"_This is the third time it's happened, you're always tired and you seem to have developed itchy skin. So who is the dirty fucker you're fucking, Jasper? Because you can't seem to keep it up for me." He got off the bed and walked away from me, leaving me alone on our bed. _

_It's not like it happened all the time, we fucked in the morning and the day before and I was fine. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I got out of the bed and walked out in to the hall. I checked on Olivia who was fast asleep curling her little fingers into a ball every now and then, asleep she was like a little clone of Edward. I smiled at my sleeping beauty and closed the door gently, not wanting to wake her from her sleep. I crossed the hall and pushed open door to the study, he wasn't there. _

_Down the stairs and in to the kitchen I saw Edward out on the decking his head tilted up to the stars. His arms were crossed over his chest, his bare back flexing every now and then, the muscles so defined. How could he think that of me, how could he think I would throw away what we had? _

"_Edward please, look at me, look at me and tell me you believe there is another man." I touched his arm, he didn't move, his head stayed upwards to the stars. I hadn't seen him look at them in so long, normally choosing to do this twice a year, he only did this if he was really hurting._

"_If..... If there is no one else Jasper, then what's going on with you?" He turned to look at me, his eyes covered in pain as our eyes met. _

"_I don't know, but there isn't and never was, and never will be another man. Please tell me you believe me?" I watched as his hand came up and stroked my cheek softy. He smiled his lips trembling a little as he half smiled at me._

"_No, I jumped there and I shouldn't have, but what else was I meant to think?" I placed my hands on his hips and leaned forward and gently kissed him._

"_I think I'm just tired." I took hold of his hand and brought him in to the living room, which was full of pictures of Olivia at different stages along with a few wedding photos. We curled up on the large oversized corner sofa together._

"_Angel, you're a thirty-one year old man, this shouldn't be happening, I think we should get it checked out." _

And that led us to where we are now, sitting in the office, listening as he rambled on. I nodded, not really sure of what I was nodding to. My mind was a mess of everything but what the man was telling me. How would I break the news to people? How would we tell Olivia? The questions ran round and round inside my head, but nothing made sense.

"Jasper?" I turned to look at Edward, his face constructed of a mixture of emotions, which he was trying to hide from me.

"Sorry? What?" I asked blinking, my ears ringing slightly as I took in my surroundings.

"Do you understand, Mr. Cullen?" I nodded and shook his hand and took hold of the paper. My eyes scanned over it, but none of it made sense. I wondered if I was losing the power to be able to understand, would I even know who I was later on?

Edward took it from my hands and placed it in his pocket. Holding my hand we walked back to the car, his thumb gently rubbing my knuckles, giving me a gentle squeeze. This couldn't be right, surely? Somewhere along the line they must have made a mistake, somewhere along the line they have confused me with someone else. This couldn't happen to us, we had plans, future plans, and none of them involved any of this.

Neither one of us spoke as we reached the car. I was sure Edward was waiting for me to talk first, to say something, anything, but I couldn't. I had a thousand and one questions but I couldn't think of a single one to say, not one would come to the front. I knew I had to let this sink in, turn it around inside my head for a while before I could speak to Edward about it.

God Edward, what was he thinking? How worried was he now? I had made promises, promises that I figured I could keep for the next fifty years at least, not breaking them after almost six years of marriage. I wanted to be close to him. I wished we weren't in the car, in a car park, I wished we could be at home. I wished for the house to be empty so I could have some private time with him, but I knew Emmett was there looking after Olivia; and it would be this evening until I had that alone time I now so desperately wanted.

"We need to think of what we're eating tonight. I'm sure Olivia will be hungry when we get home." I said looking out the window, staring at the trees and buildings as we passed them.

"Jasper, say something. Please." I could hear the plea in his voice screaming at me; to say something to him, to break the ice, but I couldn't, not yet.

"We need to sort Olivia's uniform out for preschool." I looked at him, he shook his head slightly at me. "Tonight, let me think this all through please." I smiled slightly at him and watched as he half smiled back at me and nodded.

The whole drive home was like an outer body experience for me, I knew I was sitting in the car next to Edward, but I felt like I was sitting high above looking down on us. Looking down on our life, none of it seemed real. What sort of impact would this have on my life, on our life, on Olivia's life? There was now a little girl to think of, someone who looked at us to keep her safe, loved and protected, would this affect her? Have some long lasting side-effects on her life as she grew up? We carried things through from our childhood to our adulthood, would she carry this through to hers?

I would hate it if something I did brought her pain in her adult life, made her scared of something. What if her love for the hospital disappeared because of me? Could I live with myself if that happened?

I fought back the tears not wanting to break now, I couldn't, we were minutes from home. I couldn't let her see me like this. I had to hold it together, put on a smile until later on, until I could talk with Edward alone. Would I even live to see her grow up? To see her first boyfriend, or to see her get married, would I see any of these things? We had worked so hard to get her. The process of it all had been long, finding a donor, finding someone to carry the child who we liked, the money we had spent on IVF. The papers I had to fill out to adopt her, the headaches it caused as we went through pages upon pages of legal forms so she would legally be mine as well. What if I lost all the years I was meant to have with her? We had been talking about having another, another one that would be biologically mine, would I get that now? I knew it sounded like I was being selfish but these were our plans. I wanted to sob, breakdown and crack in to tiny pieces but I couldn't, not now, not yet, not ever.

We pulled up on the drive and walked to the front door. The mood, the atmosphere between us was tense, we both needed to talk, but we both needed to think. Edward opened the front door and I heard Olivia laughing her head off at Emmett. I wanted to see my little girl. I wanted to hold her close and feel complete the only way she could make me feel.

"What the.....?" Edward started and stopped taking in the sight of our now flour covered kitchen.

"Daddies!" Olivia said bouncing on the spot covered in white powder, sprinkles of it flying off her as she ran towards us. I bent down and held my arms out as she ran in to them, wrapping her tiny body around me. I held her close to me, the same closeness I did the day she was born. I breathed in her vanilla scented hair burying my face in her hair.

"I missed you, sweetheart." I whispered in her ear, she gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek, her little blue eyes looking right at me.

"Love you." She smiled as her little fingers locked themselves in to my hair. The kitchen was a mess. What the hell had they been doing while we were gone?

"Emmett?" Edward seethed at him almost hissing at the same time.

"Well she pulled it out of the cupboard while I wasn't looking and threw a handful of it at me, and well....." Emmett trailed off looking sorry. "I'll clean it up." He said.

"Damn right you will. Come on princess, let's get you bathed." Edward took Olivia off me and carried her up the stairs. I could hear them talking as they went, her angelic laugh floating down the stairs.

"You alright, Jazz?" Emmett asked while clearing up the rest of the flour that was on the floor. This was the trouble when you have known someone since you were kids, they can see when something isn't right.

"I'm fine, just tired." I wasn't lying, I was tired. I was just bending the truth slightly. He looked at me for a second working out if I was telling the truth or not.

"You know if you and Edward are having problems you can talk to me, maybe I can give you some advice." I smiled. "I love you guys, and I'm here for both of you." I was touched by his words. I knew our friends would be there for me, for us, when the time came, but hearing it was always nice.

"Honestly me and Edward are fine, but thanks Em." I smiled at him hoping he wouldn't push this. I hadn't spoken with Edward yet about this and I didn't want to get cornered.

I could hear the noise coming from upstairs, I heard Edward shout Olivia before hearing her tiny feet hit the stairs running down them laughing. I could hear her feet hitting the tiled floor as she ran through the hallway. Her little giggles filled the house in a beautiful sound as she came in to the kitchen.

"Aren't you meant to be having a bath?" I asked her as she hid behind my legs. She giggled at me.

"Up daddy, up." She stood there her arms outstretched, clenching and unclenching her hands. Edward was behind her while I smiled. He picked her up and carried her back off, blowing raspberries on her tummy as he went making her giggle.

"She's a handful." Emmett said. I chuckled at him and shook my head, if he thought she was a handful what was he going to think when his own arrived and they were there 24/7?

"She is, but worth it." I flicked on the kettle and looked out of the window in to the back garden. I don't think I had ever felt so alone but at the same time surrounded by the people I love.

"Dude, I'm off. Rose will be wanting to be feed again. Shit man, she's eating like it's going out of fashion." I smirked and looked at him.

"She's carrying your child, what did you expect? Do you know how much food you put away Em?" He shrugged at me.

"I'm a growing boy, later." I waved as he walked out of the living room. I heard him call up the stairs to Olivia and Edward, her high-pitched laughter calling after him.

I walked to the fridge that was covered in pictures, paintings and drawings Olivia had done. I smiled wondering where we would fit anymore on there. Everyone she did we wanted up, they were placed all over the house in different room's. She had taken over like an unstoppable force, there wasn't anything we wouldn't get her, she wanted for nothing. Yes, she was spoiled by us, but we were teaching the value of things. She had to learn to wait for things, but we couldn't deny her anything. I never thought I would have a child. Yes, I wanted them, but I wasn't sure I would ever find a man that wanted them as much as I did.

We or should I say I had found out in a heartbreaking way that Olivia was allergic to nuts, so everything that we made and fed her we had to make sure that there weren't any nuts in it. We were told as she gets older she could grow out of it or it could become better, I just never wanted to see that happen again.

_Flashback_

_Edward had to work one night; he hardly did them now, but was called in leaving just me and Olivia to ourselves for the night. We played around for while and made something to eat. Edward had brought her some chocolate covered peanuts, and she was working her way through the bag. I heard her ragged breathing, struggling to suck oxygen in to her lungs. Panic washed over me as I thought one had gotten stuck in her throat. I ran back in to the kitchen and her face, lips and neck were swelling up at an alarming rate._

"_It's okay, baby girl." I soothed picking her up and bolting out of the front door. I strapped her in to the car and raced towards the hospital, the whole time her face was swelling more and more. I could hear her breaths becoming shorter._

_I pulled up outside A&E, I didn't even bother to close the doors or lock it up as I pulled her from the car and raced inside, and my eyes were stinging as I saw Edward calling up the next patient._

"_She can't breathe!" I screamed. His head snapped round and he was pulling her out of my arms in seconds. Carrying her in to a room he checked her over._

"_Jasper, what has she had?" He asked panic written all over his face. The room was filling up with other nurses who were pushing fluid in to her tiny body as well as oxygen._

"_Nuts." I whispered out watching as they worked around her. I had never seen Edward work before, I was amazed by how he was moving around her, talking to her the whole time as he injected her with drugs to stop the allergic reaction. Her little eyes were fixed on Edward as he continued to work and talk to her, his voice so caring and loving towards her, not a slightest bit of panic there._

_I was frozen on the spot. My mind was racing, thinking about how she couldn't breathe, seeing her swollen face in front of me. Her eyes never showed any panic as she looked at Edward, she had complete faith in him. I wondered if this was anything like how Edward felt that dreadful night, I wondered how he was feeling looking at his daughter on the table. _

"_Jasper, honey, come on. Let's get you a coffee, okay?" Jane's voice in my ear and her arms placing them,selves on my shoulder brought me out of my frozen state. I shook my head at her._

"_She's fine, the drugs are working. Listen to her breathing, it's getting better, come on." I looked at Edward, he nodded at me. I knew he wouldn't send me away if she wasn't going to be okay._

"_I..... we didn't know." I whispered as I sat down in the staffroom. Jane handed me a coffee, my hands shook as I took it off her._

"_Most people don't until this happens. Jasper, you did the right thing and she will be fine. They're just making her comfortable now before they move her to the children's ward." I was shaking like a leaf. My little girl couldn't breathe, and we gave her those nuts, we could have killed her._

"_The car." I suddenly remembered I had just left it, doors open and everything._

"_Give me the keys, I'll move it for you. I'm sure Edward will be here in a minute." I passed her the keys and watched as she walked out the room. I heard her talking to someone before the door opened again._

"_Edward." I breathed seeing him there. He walked towards me, and bent his knees in front of me so we were level, his hands resting on my knees. The relief on his face telling me she was okay._

"_She's going to be fine, Jasper. Luckily you got her here in time, we're going to have to be careful on what we give her in future. They're moving her up to the children's ward, want to come?" He asked and I nodded. He gave me a gentle kiss on the lips and held my hand as we walked towards her._

Since then we had kept the medicine in the house, just to make sure if anything like that ever happened again we had it there on hand so we could inject her with it.

Her little face caught my eyes as she sat herself down on the chair at the table in her pink pyjamas, her hair wet and combed, her little legs swinging as she sat waiting for her dinner. I finished off her chicken salad and put it down in front of her, and then passed her a drink of orange juice. She grinned at me, her little white teeth showing. It broke my heart to look at her and think about how many boys hearts she would break when she was older.

"Eat it nicely. Sweetheart." I told her as Edward appeared sitting down across from her and pulling face's making her laugh. Bruno looked ever helpful, waiting to be fed next to her. The dog followed her everywhere, she patted his head and he gave his paw.

"Ere, Uno." She passed him some chicken and he sat back waiting for some more. "Can watch cartoons?" She asked while pushing the food around on her plate.

"After you have had your dinner, princess." Edward said smiling at her, she screwed her face up.

"Not hungry." She replied crossing her arms over her chest and huffing.

"You've hardly touched it. Bruno has eaten more than you, eat some more then you can." He replied, she stuck another bit of chicken in her mouth.

"How much do you think Emmett let her have?" I asked sitting back in the chair and playing with the glass of OJ.

"Unle Em, let me loads." She nodded her head looking all innocent. Yeah that figures, Emmett wouldn't stop her from filling her face with ice cream.

We finished off dinner and Olivia was soon off the chair and heading in to the living room to watch cartoons. I watched as Edward filled the dishwasher up, we hadn't really spoken more than a couple of words since we returned back home. I knew he wanted me to speak, to talk about it, but I couldn't. I wanted to forget about it, pretend that it wasn't there, but I couldn't. The smile on my face was forced, the laughter that I made was forced. I was hurting, and inside I was dying. My world was falling apart, our world was falling apart, and yet I couldn't muster the energy to talk to him about it.

"Jasper." I turned my head to see him leaning back against the counter top, the pain in his eyes. I shrugged at him, and he huffed.

"What? This is something I have to work with here." I snapped at him, his mouth dropped open.

"This affects me as well you know, Jasper. You're not the only person here." He tried to reason with me.

"I'll talk when I'm ready, not the other way around." I snapped back at him leaving the table and wandering away.

I knew I shouldn't snap at him for this, he was standing right along with me through this. He needed to hear me talk about this as much as I needed him. We were in this together, but I was denying it, denying it all. I didn't want to be pushed to talk about it yet, I had to come to terms with it.

It was soon time for Olivia to go to bed. She hugged Edward and gave him a kiss whispering her goodnight and love you to him, before running into my arms to be carried to bed. Pulling back the covers her little arms wrapped around my neck. I laid her down and unwrapped them from around me. I grabbed a bedtime book and laid next to her, she tucked herself in to my side as I wrapped my arm around her. We took turns in bathing and reading her bedtime stories.

"Love you, daddy." Her voice was half full of sleep. I smiled kissing the top of her head, letting the smell of her shampoo fill my nose.

"Love you too, sweetheart." I whispered to her before continuing to read the story, it didn't take long until she was out like a light.

Switching the lamp off I kissed her head and left the room, closing the door softy behind me. I had heard Edward come up the stairs and take a shower so I headed to our room. I saw him standing on the balcony, his back to me wearing nothing but pyjama bottoms. I took in the sight of his back, his muscle, the tension in his shoulders as he rested his hands on the side. I needed him, needed to be close to him, to feel him. My eyes travelled down the back of his body, drinking him in, his ass sticking out as he bent forward. He knew I was there, but hadn't turned round. I licked my lips while taking in his form, even now after all these years together my heart still skipped a beat every time I saw him like that.

As I passed the bedside table I picked up the bottle of lube that was on the side, and made my way out to him. I wrapped my arms around him gently trailing my fingertips over his muscles, across his pecs and over his abs. I felt his breathing hitch slightly as his muscles contracted underneath my touch. I loved that I made him do this, that this was the result of me, of my touch against his skin. I pulled my T-shirt off, throwing it on the floor, and kissed across his shoulders blades and up towards his neck.

"Jasper." His breathless words gave me all the encouragement I needed. His hand came up and grabbed the back of my hair as he turned his head to kiss me. Our lips locked together as our tongues danced with one another, I moaned in to his mouth making him shudder.

My hands travelled down his stomach, swirling my fingertip around his belly button before dipping them down past his waistband. My hand gripped tightly around his hard cock, running my thumb over the tip collecting the pre-cum that was there. He gasped at the feeling as I licked my tongue down the side of his throat while gently pumping his cock. His head tilted over to the side giving me better access to his neck.

"I love you." I whispered in his ear as I removed my hand from his cock making him whimper slightly. I smirked as I undid my jeans pulling them down and kicking them off my feet. I pulled his pyjama bottoms down dropping to my knees at the same time.

My eyes drank in the sight of his pert ass, smooth as silk and begging to be fucked. My hands lightly touched his cheeks, kneading them. He was writhing in front of me as I pushed apart his ass. I ran the flat of my tongue over his hole, making him gasp. I flicked open the bottle of lube coating my fingers, I stood behind inserting two fingers in to him with ease. I pumped in and out of him a few times hearing him moan softly, breathlessly saying my name.

I coated my cock with lube and teased him, rubbing the tip over his entrance a few times.

"Jasper... please." He whimpered out. I kissed the back of his neck smiling. I loved making him wait, hearing him beg for it. It made me feel great to have this power over him, to feel his need, his desperate pleas for me. I pushed in to him hard.

"Fuuuccck." I called out, my head rolling back loving the feeling of being buried deep within him. I pulled almost all the way out of him before pushing back in hard, making his body move forward with the force. His blissful screams filled the night sky as I continued my slow but forceful thrusts. As much as I wanted to keep my thrusts slow I was failing, getting lost in my own pleasure of fucking him.

"Faster...... Jasper..... I need more." He cried out as I picked up the pace of my thrusts, ramming him harder and faster. My hands gripped his hips pulling him back to meet my thrusts, hitting spots deep him inside of him. I could feel myself losing control as I moved closer and closer to my orgasm. I bit in to his neck hearing him make a chesty growl at me. It turned me on more, hearing him growling at me.

"Cum with me..... baby.... please." I panted out as my thrusts became more frantic, more full of need. His hand gripped his hard cock, gripping it tightly as he stroked himself matching my thrusts. His head was back moaning wildly as we neared our euphoric high. Our breathing was hard as I fucked him harder over the edge of the balcony.

"Jasper!" He cried out shooting his hot cum on the balcony. His body shook as his orgasm ripped through his body. His ass tightened around me and I hit my peak. With a final hard thrust I erupted in him, filling him with my cum.

"Oh... god." I cried out as I came hard. My muscles in my legs gave way as I collapsed on his back, breathing hard. His back was covered in a thin layer of sweat as I kissed it before pulling out of him and grabbing the packet of wipes off the table, to clean ourselves up with. I grabbed his hand and walked to our bed. I kissed him softly on the lips as we climbed in. We lay on our stomachs, our heads turned to one another and gently touched the others face. Our love for each other running through us, making the air thick with it.

"I'm scared, Edward." I whispered smiling slightly, feeling my lips tremble. I was scared, I was shitting it. His forest green eyes held his own tears as he kissed my lips softy.

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**_Ok i just want to add that the sympton's are actually off the NHS website, so this isn't something I'm making up. Yes I've been doing research for this one._**

**_Anyway my lovely's please hit the review button and send me some love :) Jen_**


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN/ Ok so I'm going to lay it out here. I have had a lot of reviews telling me they don't know if they can read this story, I feel as though i have disappointed and let down the readers that followed me from Healing Heart. I feel like crap to be honest, we are all free do as we please, but I'm sure that the writers out there will understand just what a knock it is when you read people saying they might not be continuing with it. I can't tell you what will happen just to make you all stay, there would be no point in writing it if everyone knew what was going to happen. **_

**_I love these boys, and i spend so much time writing these chapter's and pouring so much emotion into them to bring them to life, i wish you all to have some faith in the love i have for these two and the love i have for my story and hope that you continue to follow, if not then i understand and hold no bad feelings to any lost readers._**

**_As of right now I'm not sure if I will continue this story, as I said i feel have disappointed my readers, who begged for a sequel to Healing Heart, and now they have it they don't like it. I'm sorry to all the readers out there who i have disappointed, your support and reviews mean a lot to me, and it hurts a little to read the fact that i may of lost some readers._**

**_I want to thank all of you who have supported me through Healing Heart._**

**_Thanks again, Jen x_**

_**

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_**EPOV**_

"I'm scared, Edward." He whispered. Smiling slightly his lips trembled, I could see the fear in his eyes, as I fought to keep my emotions under control. I kissed him softly on the lips. How had this happened, hadn't I suffered enough in one life time?

"I know, so am I." I whispered to him, the thought of losing him, the thought of him not being here with me ripped me apart. I couldn't do this on my own. I couldn't go through it again.

"What did it all mean, the words you were using? Something enzyme?" He asked, his voice low, straining at me.

"Angiotensin converting enzyme?" He nodded. "It's a medicine to help lower blood pressure, or control it. It's something we will have to keep an eye on." I touched his cheek; Jasper had been diagnosed with kidney failure. My world shook hearing those words, he was healthy, thirty-one years old, how do people that age get something like this?

"So will I be placed on dialysis right away?" I shook my head.

"Not right away, they're giving you drugs first. It's bad, but they are still functioning, the idea of the drugs is to try and help the kidneys. Your progress is going to be monitored now, every week you will need to give a blood sample, your kidneys will be checked weekly. At some point you will need to go on dialysis, but we're hoping the drugs will work first, it could be a while until that happens." I saw the tears run down his face, I wiped them away. His head moved forward and rested on my chest as he sobbed.

I wrapped my arms tightly around him kissing the top of his head. I knew what the next two questions would be, and I knew it wouldn't be long until he would mention Olivia. How were we going to tell her? At three years old, how could she possibly understand this?

"Will I need a transplant?" He asked pulling his head up from my chest.

"At some point yes, but it could be years until you hit that point. We don't know how your body will react to the drugs." His eyes were all red and swollen, his cheeks freshly streaked in tears.

"Am I going to die?" He whispered. I closed my eyes, in all this time we had been together I never once thought I could lose him this soon.

"No, not if we can help it. Jasper, I won't let you die. I can't lose you, not now, not ever." The tears escaped my eyes now. I couldn't hold them back any longer.

"You need to make sure you follow the diet he gave you, and please promise me if something, happens, if you feel different, tell me. Don't you dare hide it away from me." He shook his head at me.

"I promise. So will I have to wait for someone to die before I get a transplant?" Our fingers interlocked with one another as we talked.

"No, the body only needs one. We have two, but we can manage with one and not have any problems, some people are born with only one. The waiting lists are long, and once they put you on dialysis you will placed on the waiting list." He rolled on his back as I rolled on my side propping myself up on my elbow.

"So where do I get one then?" Jasper hadn't been listening in the doctor's office today, his expression on his face, so far away, as the doctor spoke. I knew the basics when it came to this, but I didn't have in depth knowledge on it. I could answer some of his questions, but not all of them. Luckily I could answer the one's he was asking.

"When the time comes they will look at you getting your family and friends tested to see if someone is a match. The higher the match the better the chance of your body not rejecting it. As I said the body only needs one."

"I don't....." He got cut off by Olivia screaming, he went to move but I stopped him.

"I'll get her, stay there." I kissed his lips and climbed out of bed pulling on a pair of boxers.

I headed down the hall to her open room. Opening it I saw her sitting up, her face all red and wet from crying. "What's wrong, princess?" I picked her up, holding her close to me as she cried on my shoulder.

"There, nasty monster." She pointed to the closet and buried her head in the crook of my neck. I smiled and walked towards the closet, flicking the light on and opening it.

"See there's nothing there, you're safe." Her little hands gripped my skin tighter, she was shaking. I rubbed her back trying to get her to calm down before trying to put her back down.

"Nooooo, they'll eat me." She cried holding on even tighter.

"Its okay, princess. No one is in there, I won't let anyone hurt you." I could feel her little heart beating wildly against my chest. "You want to sleep with us?" She nodded her head and I turned to leave her room.

"No need Uno too." I looked at Bruno who was sprawled out on her bed lying on his back, I smiled.

"Come on, Bruno, you too." Bruno followed us across the hall and in to the bedroom bouncing straight on the bed and getting himself comfy.

"She had a bad dream and thinks that there is a monster in the closet." I whispered to Jasper as I placed her in the middle of the bed. She was under the covers and curled in to Jasper in seconds. I watched as he gripped her tightly, the fear of the future so clear on his face, and in his eyes.

I didn't want to think of the what ifs, that wouldn't happen because he would be fine. Once the medicine started to work and he changed his diet he would soon see the improvements, and when the time came and he did need one, he would find one. He had too, I couldn't go through the loss of my partner again. I barely made it through last time. If it hadn't have been for him, I wouldn't be where I was now. I wouldn't be a proud father to a beautiful little girl. I can't lose my Angel. I leant forward to whisper in his ear.

"We'll get through this, I love you." I kissed him gently on the lips before kissing the top of Olivia's head. He smiled softly at me before closing his eyes and resting his head on top of Olivia's. I rolled over and turned the bedside lamp off.

I tried to tell myself not to worry, I tried to tell myself that everything would be okay, but I couldn't help but think about it. I had seen people on dialysis, seen them rushed in when they suddenly taken a turn for the worse and they were dancing with the grim reaper in desperate need for that transplant. Their life became limited with the dialysis, having to be on it for hours at a time a couple of times a week. I can't see Jasper like that.

The tears spilled down my face as I wept silently, my daughter next to me and my husband next to her. I couldn't wake either of them, I couldn't let Olivia see me like this, give her something to worry about. At some point we would have to tell her, but until then I didn't want to frighten her. My world lay in this bed next to me, my whole life was right here, how could I lose it all again? There really would be no god if he let this happen to me all over again.

I traced the fine line that ran on the inside of my wrist. I hadn't thought about James in such a long while, I didn't need to anymore. There were times in the year where I would visit him, on his birthday and the day he died, but now here I was thinking about him. He was ripped away from me, my world ripped apart and torn into pieces, could I lose Jasper the same way? The very same man who helped me, who healed me, who I fell in love with? Have him ripped apart from me before our time? The cruel world was not happy with fucking up my life once, wasn't happy with the job they did last time and decided to come back for seconds, how fair was that? We had Olivia, our little girl, if I lost Jasper how could I look after her? I never thought that I would ever have to face the thought of losing my partner again, but now it's there, its right there, in my face, waiting to strike. I won't let anything happen to him, I can't, he's the other half of me, the better half of me, the other half to my soul making me complete. I couldn't risk losing the life I had now, not now, not ever.

****

I thought I could feel the bed moving, moving up and down as I slowly woke from my slumber. It couldn't be moving, could it? I felt it again along with a little giggle. Yes, it was moving, and a three year old little girl was using the bed as a trampoline. I opened an eye and saw her mass of bronze hair all over the place from her sleep; her pink pyjama's all creased up, her face smiling widely as she bounced.

"Olivia." I groaned as I rolled on to my back. She continued to bounce on the bed paying no attention to me whatsoever.

"Stop it now, Olivia. I'm tired, let me sleep." I threw my arm over my eyes; the bright light was shining at full force in to the bedroom.

"No, daddy. Up, we go park." Why do children think it's okay to wake parents up at silly o'clock?

As she came back down I grabbed her pulling her to me and tickling her stomach. She kicked her little legs out screaming and giggling at the same time.

"Daddy, stop." She giggled out. I stopped tickling her and wrapped my arms around her, the back of her head resting on my chest. I smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"Love you, princess." I whispered, feeling contented having her this close to me.

"Love you, daddy" Her little hands rested on top of mine.

"Where's daddy?" I asked her. She giggled at me, and rolled on to her side, her elbow digging in my stomach, pressing against my full bladder. Yeah thanks, just what I wanted.

"Pancakes!" She all but screamed at me, her eyes dancing at me as she smiled, her excitement filling her face. I smiled at her.

"And you're not helping?" I asked her, she shook her head.

"No, I got you up." She giggled again, her little angelic voice filling my heart with so much love. How did I get so lucky to have Jasper and Olivia in my life?

"Come on then, let's get up." She was on her feet and back to bouncing on the bed as I headed in to the in suite bathroom to empty my bladder. I looked at my face in the mirror, my eyes were a little red and puffy, Jasper would spot them right away. I sighed, I just wanted to have a normal life with none of this crap in it. I've had too much crap already.

I walked back in to the bedroom to see Olivia still bouncing on the bed. I smiled at her as I picked up a T-shirt and held my hand out, she grabbed hold of it and bounced off the bed. We walked downstairs together and in to the kitchen where Jasper was, Olivia let go of my hand and climbed up on to the breakfast bar. Her juice was already waiting for her as Jasper placed her pancakes in front of her. He stroked her hair and smiled and then gave me a gentle kiss.

"You were crying last night." He whispered in my ear, I dropped my head slightly and ran my hand through my hair. I walked over to the kettle and flicked it on.

"Want one?" He asked. I shook my head and turned round resting my hands on the work top. Jasper's arms wrapped themselves around my waist as he rested his head on my shoulder.

"I heard you last night, Edward. We'll talk later when little ears aren't listening." I looked around to see Olivia looking at us, her face lit up with a wonderful smile.

"Sorry, I let my mind wander last night." I turned my head and kissed him, he smiled at me.

"It's okay." We stayed like that for a few minutes before Olivia started making her presence known.

"We go park?" She asked wiping her face on the back of her hand. Bruno was standing up on his back legs, his front paws resting on the chair waiting for the remaining pancake to be thrown his way.

"Soon, sweetheart. Have you finished?" Jasper asked walking up to her, she nodded her head at him smiling brightly.

"Can more juice ease?" She asked. Bruno was now crying over the food that he could see wasn't being eaten, Jasper pushed it in his bowel which he ate in seconds before he filled her glass back up.

"Have you taken your pills?" I asked him, he rolled his eyes at me. "What?" It was just a simple question.

"I'm not a child, Edward. Don't speak to me as one." He seethed at me through gritted teeth. I took a step back, how was asking him if he had taken his pills speaking to him as a child?

"I wasn't." He just shot me a dirty look. "Olivia? Why don't you go and watch some TV before you get dressed." I smiled at her as she got off the chair and headed in to the living room. "What was all that about, Jasper?" He slammed the door shut to the fridge making some of the picture's fall off.

"I'm angry, Edward. I'm fucking seething and you're checking up on me." He rubbed his forehead and sighed. "I don't mean to snap, it's a lot to take in, so much in fact I don't even know where to begin sifting through it in my head. How do I tell my parents? How do we tell Olivia? Will I even see her grow up?" He rested his back against the work top, his arms across his chest, his head down.

"It's going to be okay, we will deal with Olivia when she has to know. Right now, she doesn't. As for your parents, well we're heading there tomorrow, so we can tell them then if you like." I moved towards him. His head rested on my shoulder as I wrapped my arms around him rubbing the back of his neck. "We will get through this." I whispered kissing the top of his head.

Pretty soon Olivia was bouncing off the walls in a desperate attempt to get us to go to park now, the first time we took her she was six months old.

_Flashback_

_The park was busy with children running around with their parents, we settled down near the pond. Olivia was fixated on the water, watching the ducks, her eyes shining, grinning and giggling whenever one came near her. She sat on Jasper's knee, it was so peaceful being here, so relaxing being able to just be with my family like this. _

"_Hi, how old is she?" A woman with blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail asked while trying to keep hold of her toddler. We both smiled at her and looked at Olivia._

"_She's six months." Jasper replied, bending his head and kissing the top of it._

"_She's beautiful, you both must be so proud." I smiled widely at the woman. "What's her name?"_

"_Olivia." Jasper answered._

"_A beautiful name for..... Ben, stop that, that's not nice." I looked at her son who was now throwing stones in the pond scaring the ducks. "Sorry, they're so sweet at this age, just wait until she's as big as this little monster." She smiled and took off after her son, me and Jasper laughed._

"_Please tell me she won't turn out like that?" Jasper asked . "The child looked like the devils' very own." I laughed at him_

"_You never did things like that growing up?" I raised an eyebrow at him._

"_No.....okay, maybe once, but still." I smirked so much for the devil child then. "Olivia, want to feed the ducks?" Jasper asked, her face lit up in a beautiful toothless smile as she giggled._

_We took her down to the water, Olivia enjoyed trying to feed the ducks but wanted to eat the bread herself. We spent a few more hours there before Olivia fell asleep and we headed home._

"Daddy, we take Uno?" She said holding his lead in her hands; Bruno was now pacing the floor and wagging his tail.

"Yes, we can take Bruno with us, I'm sure he will enjoy the walk." I took the lead off her and wrapped it around my neck. Olivia ran in to the other room calling after Jasper as I grabbed my car keys off the side.

Olivia already had the front door open and was at the car waiting for us, sometimes I wondered just who was in charge here. The sun was out shining high in the sky another beautiful clear day. Jasper walked out of the front door closing it behind him, his face sad as he walked towards us. I wrapped my arm around his waist.

"Are you okay?" I whispered in his ear while Olivia climbed in the car.

"Stop asking me if I'm okay, I'm not fucking okay. In fact I'm seriously that far past okay, I don't think I'll ever be okay again. Now stop fucking asking me!" He seethed through his teeth at me before getting in. I check that Olivia was strapping in before letting Bruno in the back of the car, which I don't really know why I bothered because the moment the boot came down he jumped over to Olivia.

I got in the car and looked at Jasper, his head pressed against the window with his eyes closed. I could understand why he was like this. People go through stages when they learn something like this, they get angry and go through denial. Some get depressed before they accept it, so I knew he wasn't really intending to be this way with me, and I knew he was just struggling to come to terms with it. It didn't mean it didn't hurt any less.

"Beeenanna." Olivia piped up. I looked at her in the mirror her face smiling at me, I gave her a wink before looking back at the road.

"Do you want a Banana?" Jasper asked turning his head to look at her.

"Ease." Her high-pitched voice filled the car. Every time I heard her speak my heart filled with love, she was so perfect. Of course I was going to think that, she's mine and no other child compares to her, but she truly was perfect. Jasper peeled a banana and handed it to her.

"Eat it nicely, baby girl." He smiled and turned his head round to look at me, a little smile played on his lips. I could see his lips tremble slightly as his fingers gently brushed mine that was on top of the gear stick. I smiled at him and gave him a wink turning my hand over so I could hold his in mine. I gave him a gentle squeeze.

Jasper hated to have to say sorry when he blew off at you for no reason, once he calmed himself down he would feel bad and slowly try to make peace with you without having to say the words. This was his way of saying sorry. I didn't want him to feel bad, I had seen more than once how people handled these types of things, I knew he was worried about what would lie ahead for him. The only thing I could do was support him and help him understand certain things. I hoped that he wouldn't feel so scared once we went through everything in detail, of course that would have to wait until he had gotten his head around it first.

We pulled up at the park, Olivia near the point of combustion as she bounced on the seat. Bruno had his head pressed up against the door eager to get out, his tail wagging high. I opened the back door and Bruno shot straight out, Olivia had already undone her seatbelt and was out the car before I could get her, running off with Bruno on her tail.

"Don't run too far ahead." I called after her, watching as her little pigtails bounced off her back as she ran.

"Won't." She called back over her shoulder. Jasper smiled looking at her; I could see the lost look in his eyes. What I wouldn't give to take away that pain I can see in his eyes. We walked together a few feet behind Olivia who was now throwing sticks for Bruno to catch.

"She'll break heart's, Babe." Jasper said gently linking his finger with mine. I frowned, I wasn't looking forward to the day she brought home her first boyfriend. I was hoping that maybe she might take a life as nun and then I wouldn't have to think about some sixteen year old hormone crazed teenager lusting after her.

"Don't, that thought scares me." Jasper laughed at me, yeah like it's never crossed your mind.

"The day will come, just think what if she brings home a boy and he is twenty-three?" He smirked.

"Shot gun in the head, that simple." I half joked, Jasper's face fell slightly.

"I will see that, won't I? You know, her growing up?" I could hear the fear in his voice as he spoke.

"Yes, you will, trust me. I won't let anything happen to you, and you will see her grow up, get married and all of that. When you're ready I'll go through all the things that are going happen at some point with you, okay?" He nodded and smiled.

"You still me love me then, even though I've been acting like a child?" I chuckled, and kissed his hand gently. I didn't give a fuck what people around us thought, they could look and stare, and if they did I'd give them something to look at.

"Of course I do, Jasper. I know you're dealing with this, it's normal, but I'm here, right here by your side. You walked through hell with me and I will walk through hell and back with you." He smiled at me, a true Jasper smile, full of love and care.

"Olivia, be careful on there." Jasper shouted at her as he saw her trying to hang herself upside down on the jungle gym. She giggled, Bruno sitting underneath it. "I'm going to tell my parents tomorrow when we go for dinner. How should I tell them?" He asked as we sat down the bench facing where Olivia was playing.

"Just come out with it, there isn't a right or a wrong way, just don't make it out to be less than what it is, you will need their support through this." I ran a hand through my hair. "How do you feel with the drugs? You should start to feel a difference soon." I asked him watching as he crossed his arms and stretched out his long legs, the sun highlighting his blonde curly hair.

"I don't feel as tired today as what I have been doing. Will the drugs help other things?" He motioned towards his crutch, I chuckled.

"Yes, the drugs will help." I watched him breathe a sigh of relief.

Olivia was soon off the jungle gym and running towards us, with tears running down her face holding her hand. Jasper leant forward opening out his arms and she ran straight in to them. He picked her up and pulled her on to his knee, her head resting on his chest.

"What happened, sweetheart?" He soothed in her ear, gently rubbing her back.

"Smacked ...... it....... hurt." She sobbed out. Her hand looked a little red from where she had caught it. I took hold of her hand and looked at it, checking to see if anything seemed broken. I gently kissed it. Wiping away her tears, I smiled.

"Would ice cream make it feel better?" I asked her, she nodded. "Come on then, we'll get some on the way home." She wrapped her legs around Jasper's waist, her arms around his neck. I clicked Bruno on to his lead and we walked back towards the car.

Olivia was sulking holding her hand, being a drama queen in a vain attempt to get more than she was given. She had wanted a bigger ice cream instead of the one she got, so she was using her 'hurt hand' and her sulky looks to get use to crack. She went home an unhappy little girl. I hated seeing her like that, I never wanted to see her sad, but if we caved in she wouldn't eat her dinner and who knows just how much Emmett let her have. Sometimes you had to be cruel to be kind.

The evening passed and we had dinner, Olivia had stopped sulking pretty quickly when we got home admitting defeat and getting over it. She had a bath and had curled up on me to watch a film, she made the first ten minutes before she was out, sleeping on my chest, her little hands holding the T-shirt I was wearing.

Jasper had disappeared after he bathed her, I figured he wanted some alone time to sort his head out, and get to grips with what he had been told yesterday. My fingers gently ran over her long bronze hair as she slept on me, there would be a time when we would have to tell her, considering that he would either have to go on dialysis or have a transplant, or both depending on finding a donor. This was something we wouldn't be able to hide from her, how do we sit her down and tell her that? As a doctor you're trained to tell bad news, but how do you tell your own little girl who won't understand what is happening?

"Is she asleep?" I turned my head and smiled seeing my angel standing in the doorway. He looked a little more relaxed than he had been, but still carried a shy feared look on his face.

"Yeah, she's been out for awhile." I held my hand out him, beckoning him to come to us, to come to me. I needed to be near him, I was scared of the future, for what might happen. He walked towards us and linked his fingers through mine, bending to give me a kiss. He sat next to me on the corner sofa and I tilted my head and shifted slightly to see him better.

"I'm going to ask my parents if Olivia can stay over tomorrow night so we can get through everything." I saw a single tear roll down his cheek which I wiped away with my hand.

"That sounds like a good idea, I'm sure she won't have a problem staying there." He smiled and shook his head. "Let's take her up to bed and relax, just me and you." He got up and carefully took Olivia off me, she whimpered slightly but soon curled in to Jasper's chest. He held her close to him as he carried upstairs and in to her bedroom. With any luck she would sleep through and not have another nightmare.

****

Olivia was full of beans in the morning as we packed her overnight bag; she couldn't wait to get there and to be spoiled rotten by Jasper's parents. They worshipped her like there was no tomorrow, they had bought her a bunny a few months back but agreed to keep it at their house for fear Bruno might try and eat it. I often hated that my parents lived so far away and she didn't get to see them that often. Yeah they flew over just as we did, but it wasn't the same as just popping down the road to them like we did to Jasper's parents. Olivia didn't seem to mind when we saw them it would be for a week at a time, so she would be spoiled rotten for the week. I couldn't say that I disagreed with her thought pattern there.

"Say bye to Bruno, you won't see him until tomorrow." Jasper said, I watched as she walked across the floor and wrapped her arms around his neck giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

"Bye Uno, see you morrow." She stood up and twirled round on the stop before skipping out of the living room.

"And you call me dancing queen?" He said raising his eyebrow at me, I chuckled.

"You have clearly been teaching her." I said placing my hand on the small of his back and giving him a kiss.

With Olivia safely loaded in the back of the car we set off towards Jasper's parents. Through the drive he was talkative with Olivia, listening to her as she rambled on about something or other. I smirked listening to them, it was like they had their own little language some times. We pulled up outside his parents house, we got out as George opened the front door.

"Randpa Orge." Olivia screamed while running towards him, he bent down giving her a hug and a kiss.

"Hello, Olivia." He chuckled out as she wrapped her tiny arms around him. "Have you been a good girl?" He asked.

"Yes, had nightmare, monster wanted to eat me." Her little face was covered in fear as we walked past.

"I'm sure your daddies wouldn't let anything hurt you." She grinned at him before running in to the house, no doubt in search of Nanny. "Edward, good to see you son. How's work been treating you?" He asked as we walked in to the house, the last time they came I was working.

"Not too bad George, yourself?" I asked as we sat down in the living room, Betty appeared carrying Olivia.

"Winding down." He smiled, I felt Jasper's hand gently trace patterns on the small of my back. I had to fight the urge to shiver as his hand travelled up the back of my shirt setting my skin on fire.

"It's about time, dad; the years aren't getting any younger." Jasper joked, his dad shot him a look.

"Laugh now son, it will happen to you one day." Jasper's smile faded just slightly, not enough for anyone to really notice, unless you were playing close attention to him, but I felt his body stiffen slightly.

"I'm going to see the bunny." He said getting up and leaving me with his dad and Olivia. I watched as he walked away, his dad shrugged thinking Jasper was just being moody. I smiled slightly and got up and followed him outside.

I found him leaning against the side of the house, his head down and his arms across his chest. I touched his arm softly, suddenly he's grabbing me, turning me around and pushing me up against the wall. His lips attacked mine with force as he forced his tongue in to my mouth. I was caught off guard by his sudden attack and it takes me a second or two to catch up. My hands find themselves in his hair pulling him close to me as our tongues battle against one another. He sucks on my bottom lip and I couldn't stop the moan that escaped my lips. I could feel myself getting harder by the second as Jasper rubbed himself up against me. His lips travelled down my neck sucking on the sensitive spot that's at the curve of my neck, making me hiss in pleasure. His sparkling blue eyes met mine darkening by the second, turning the most beautiful deep shade of blue.

"Stand by me through this please." I suddenly see where the attack came from, he's trying to show me he still loves me, that he could still please me. I see the fear that is building rapidly in his eyes, as his face twists in pain, I can almost hear his heart cracking. I touch his face, my fingers trailing his skin as I feel the same warm tingly feeling I felt all those years ago when we met.

"Jasper, I stood there and swore that I would stand by you, that I would be there, through sickness and in health. I'm not going anywhere." His lips trembled slightly. "You stood by me when I needed you, I have told you I'm in this with you, and don't you ever think I won't stand by you." He smiled slightly before I captured his lips in mine, the kiss was soft, yet passionate, cherishing the feeling of the small electric shocks that hit my lips off his. I poured my love, care and devotion to this man before me in one simple kiss, confirming, supporting and cementing my words with a kiss.

We pulled apart slightly breathless with silly goofy grins on our face's, I touched his check with the palm of my hand and her turned in to it. "I would never walk away from the life I have with you and Olivia, you two are my whole world, don't ever forget that." He smiled and nodded his head.

"Sorry, I..." I put my finger against his lips and smiled. I didn't need to hear his sorry's, I understood his fear of me leaving him, the same fear I felt the night we bumped into James parents. You can't control your rational thoughts, your mind gets carried away and before you know it you're scared shitless and truly believe you're going to face this alone.

"I'm right here, babe, right here. Let's go and have dinner and find something to keep Olivia entertained while we tell your parents." He nodded a little. I laced our fingers together and led him in to the house.

We ate dinner and chatted over things of not much importance, Olivia was busy telling them how she would be starting pre-school after the summer and how she was looking forward to making new friends. We both smiled looking at how excited she was getting. Her face was shining, almost glowing as she rambled on about it, bouncing slightly in the chair.

After dinner we took her in to the living room and put on a DVD, knowing it would keep her entertained for most of it. We headed back in to the dining room, his parents waiting for us to return. I could see his mum's face smiling at us, I gave Jasper's hand a gently squeeze as we sat down.

"Umm, we have something we need to tell you about." Jasper started, he looked down at the table for a minute taking a few deep breaths.

"Are you two having another baby, has the time come for Olivia to have a brother or sister?" His mum asked smiling widely. I shook my head as I saw Jasper's back shake, the sobs soon started, painful cries that made my heart break. "Jasper, what's wrong? Oh god." Horror washed over his mother's face as her hand covered her mouth.

"Jasper has been diagnosed with kidney failure." I whispered pulling him to me as he broke down. I whispered reassuring words in his ear, along with telling him how much I loved him. His parents hadn't said a word as they let the news sink in.

"Wh... What are they doing about it?" His dad asked, his face turning a deathly white.

"He's been placed on drugs to help his kidney function while they assess the damage. We're hoping the drugs will have a good effect on them and will keep him off dialysis for a few years." His mother still hadn't spoken, her tears falling slightly down her face, letting the words sink in that her son had a serious and fatal problem.

"A transplant?" His dad asked, his voice breaking.

"At some point yes, but as I said they're hoping the drugs will help the problem and keep him away from that." I watched his mother open the door and check Olivia before coming back and walking to her son, he stood and was pulled in to a loving embrace from her.

"Jasper, oh god." She whispered, hugging her son tightly. His father looked at me full of questions.

"What's Jasper going to do?" He asked, I ran my hand through my hair, pulling it slightly.

"We still have to talk about it, hence why we asked if Olivia could stay here." I said. My heart was breaking, I had told parents, lover's, wife's, partners that they had lost their loved ones, but nothing could prepare me for telling his parents this.

"Does she know?" His mother asked.

"No, not yet. We're waiting for the right time." Jasper said, his voice thick and throaty from crying, he walked back over and sat down. "I'll get through this, we'll get through this." He squeezed my hand gently while giving me a warm loving smile.

"We will, together, every step." I gently kissed the platinum band on his finger.


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN/ I just want to take a few minutes to tell you all how greatful I am to have gotten all your wonderful reviews and PM's. Your wonderful kind words have made my day, thank you so much for showing your support to me and to this story.**_

**_I did really consider stopping this story but after all the wonderful messages I got, I knew it wasn't fair to stop it just becuase of a few people saying they couldn't read it. Yesterday all your reviews and messages got me to sit my ass down and write this chapter for you. _**

**_Your words yesterday made me cry, in a good way, and showed me just how many loyal fan's I have when it comes to writing this story. I can't thank you all enough and i have been working my way through all the revews reply to each one. _**

**_Thank you to my Beta Amy who had a few moaning emails from me, thank you hun for all you do._**

**_Again thank you for your words I hope you guys like this chapter_**

**_Jen x_**

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_**EPOV**_

We kissed Olivia goodbye before leaving Jasper's parents, we said goodbye to George and Betty telling them we would be by around midday to collect Olivia and headed home. Jasper was quiet in the car, sighing every now and then as we drove home. You didn't need to be a mind reader to figure out what he was thinking, his face frowning, screwing up every now and then as he processed different thoughts about the problem he had.

It was twilight by the time we arrived home, the evening sky doing nothing to lighten the mood that was sitting over Jasper. I watched him get out the car and head towards the house, I hated that we would have to face this, that our happy life had been fucked up. It was in no way perfect, we had our up's and down's like most couple's, but we were happy. Why did fate think now was the perfect time to try and fuck this all up for us?

I followed Jasper in to the house; Bruno was full of excitement seeing us, wanting to be fussed over before looking for Olivia. We let him and gave him his dinner which was gone in seconds after his bowl hit the floor. I wondered if he actually tasted it while he was swallowing, it sure as hell didn't seem like it. Jasper made a drink and sighed.

"The house seems so quiet, doesn't it, without her around?" I smiled, it was quiet. We had grown so used to hearing her angelic voice fill the house at all hours that when she wasn't here we realised just how much noise she actually made.

"It does, it's hard to think we used to live in this peace and quiet." I answered as he moved around to where I was standing. My back was leaning up against the worktop.

"You know we could make use of having an empty house for once." He whispered kissing down my neck, my breath caught in my throat as he nibbled my neck.

"And what do you have in mind?" My words came out as nothing more than a breathless whisper. His hands trailed down my chest making me shiver.

"I think you know what I have in mind." He whispered in a husky voice in my ear. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my mouth. "Meet me in the living room in five." He kissed me on the lips, flashed a devilish smile and walked away.

I was now hard and horny and not liking be told to wait, my fingers drummed the counter top as I watched the clock. Why is it if you watch the damn thing it doesn't move, but when you don't time flies by? I heard the CD player come to life, filling the living room in soft gentle music. I smiled as I heard the song playing, our wedding song filled the house making me melt. It still held so much meaning to, not just me, but to the both of us. I walked in to the living room to see my beautiful angel had lit the candles casting a soft warm romantic glow throughout the living room. The floor was covered in pillows off the sofa along with the blanket. I smiled seeing him looking like the perfect angel, he was on the floor leaning back on his heel's nearly naked. The soft warm candlelight glow lighting up the perfection of his face, his lean defined muscles of chest cascading perfectly as the light flickered patterns on his chest.

I moved slowly towards him on my hands and knees wanting to get to him quicker, but at the same time wanting to prolong it for as long as possible. Our lips met, the wonderful electric sparks flying off as we moved in perfect unison with one another. My hands ran up and down the sides of his body feeling his hard soft skin, almost like silk over his muscles. I moaned in to the kiss as he pulled me close to him, his tongue traced my lips wanting entrance which I happily gave. Our tongues danced together as we kissed passionately. No need or urgency there, just love and passion, pure and raw as we reconnected to one another. His hands undid the buttons on my shirt pushing it off my shoulders. I broke the kiss needing air but kissed down his neck, licking and sucking at all his sweet spots. Jasper moaned as his head rolled back giving me better access. His hands undid the button and zip on my jeans, pulling them down along with my boxers over my ass, releasing my painfully hard cock from its confinements. His hand gripped my length running his thumb over my swollen head.

"Jasper." I breathed breathlessly as he gently stroked my hard cock. Our lips met once again, pouring our love for one another in to the kiss. I was beyond being blissfully happy as our passion grew, the air thick with the electric current that ran off us, basking in our love.

My thumbs hooked the waistband of his boxers pulling them down, he lifted his ass off the ground so I could remove them. I smiled at him pulling away to remove my jeans and boxers. I looked at my angel, my eyes slightly clouded in the love I felt for him. He's mine, I wasn't going to lose him, not without a fight.

I crawled over him bringing my lips to his, our bodies pushed flushed together, groaning as our erections touched and rubbed against one another. I kissed down his neck licking and sucking as I went, my tongued trailed down the line in between his pecs, before circling and swirling around his right nipple making it hard and pebble like. Jasper gasped and moaned as my teeth gently bit his nipple making him shudder and writhe underneath me. I trailed my tongue down over his abs, his muscles contracting under my touch as I moved lower down.

My tongue licked the pre-cum that had gathered at the tip, making Jasper gasp and raise his back off the floor. My lips covered his head sucking gently as my tongue swirled around his sensitive head, flicking his weeping slit, tasting him. Jasper shivered and moaned as his hands found themselves in my hair, fisting it tightly in his hands. I slid my lips further down his hardened shaft. I hummed slightly as his tip hit the back of my throat making Jasper squirm underneath me, I swallowed around him.

"Fuck..... Oh.... god." Jasper panted out as I pulled my mouth back up his cock, sucking my cheeks in as I went. I moved up and down his length at a pace I knew he loved, slow and torturous, soon I had Jasper fisting the blanket that laid underneath us crying out in pleasure.

"Please..... make love to me..... I need to feel." His breathless pleas made me smile. How could I ever deny my angel anything? I released him from my mouth and picked up the bottle of lube off the side, coating my fingers in it I pushed two in to his tight warm hole of heaven. Jasper moaned as I pumped my fingers in and out of his ass.

"I love you so much." I whispered in his ear before gently kissing his lips. I removed my fingers from his ass and sat back on my heels, flicking the lid on the bottle of lube I poured it over my cock making Jasper moan, it was one of his favourite things to see. I gently stroked my mouth keeping my eyes locked on Jasper's as he bit his bottom lip. Jasper wrapped his legs around my waist as I positioned myself at his entrance. We both moaned as I pushed slowly in to his accepting ass. Fuck, I loved being inside him, surrounded by his warmth, being covered in our love. I leant forward as his heels dug in to my ass pushing me deeper in to him. Our lips met casting gentle love felt kisses on one another. I moved slowly in and out of him, keeping our eyes locked together.

"Oh..... god." He moaned out as his hips started to meet my thrusts wanting me to go faster. I picked up my pace a little more as I rolled my eyes back. I couldn't help but break our connection, being lost in the feeling of our intimate lovemaking, soaring us in to an euphoric state, being us on our own personal high, past the heavens and in to outer space.

Jasper gripped his cock and started to stroke himself matching my thrusts, his cries of pleasure getting louder and louder and we rocketed closer and closer to the edge.

"I'm so close." Jasper panted out as he pushed his heels harder in to my ass, his head was pushed back, lost in his own heaven. "Cum for me baby." I groaned out knowing how close he was and it would push him over the edge.

"Fuuucccck..... Edward." He cried out as he shot stream after stream of his creamy hot cum over his stomach. His ass muscles tightened around me bringing on my own release, my body shook and I threw my head back crying out loudly as I came hard, filling him with my cum. I collapsed on him breathing hard, and feeling amazingly high in our euphoric state. His arms wrapped around me, holding me close to him as our breathing subsided to its normal rate.

I pulled out of him and grabbed the wipes off the side, taking a few before handing them to Jasper to clean himself up. Once done I threw them in the bin and walked back to my angel. I kissed him gently on the lips and laid down beside him pulling the blanket over us. Jasper rested his head on my shoulder as I wrapped an arm around him, our fingers locking together.

"Okay, so how long will it be before I need a transplant or dialysis?" He asked gently pulling our fingers apart before pushing them back together again.

"It depends on how much damage is done. We hope the medication you have been given will help ease the strain on your kidney's, the less strain that is on them the better. The drugs will help control your blood pressure as well which will have an added effect on your kidneys." I hated having this talk with him. I knew we had to cover this, he had to be fully aware of what was and would be happening; but still having to talk about your kidneys failing with your partner, and your husband is a hard thing to handle.

"The diet?" He whispered to me. Jasper had been given a list of the amount of certain foods he could intake, and which ones he had to avoid.

"Is also to help the kidney's, with them failing they won't be able to handle high amounts of certain things like protein, so you have to follow the diet Jasper." I kissed the top of his head.

"And the rest? Will I have to have dialysis?" I felt the soft wet warm tears hit my arm. I tightened my grip around him.

"No, it depends on how things go. When we get to the point that it looks like you need to do it they will start looking for a donor hoping to skip dialysis altogether." He sobbed quietly for awhile, all the time I held him close to me, feeling my own eyes fill with tears.

"And if I have to go on dialysis then what happens?" He rolled to face me, his eyes turning slightly red from the tears he shed.

"You don't need to know because you won't go on it, it will be skipped altogether." I told him, he frowned at me and narrowed his eyes.

"I want to know Edward, how long I will have to stay in hospital for. How it works, I want to know, despite you saying I will just skip to a transplant." I sighed. "Well?"

"Okay, fine. They will need to perform surgery to create a connection between the artery and a vein; this will make it easier for your blood to be circulated from your body to the dialysis machine for cleaning. It works like your kidneys, cleaning the blood and removing the waste products and excess fluid, it takes about four hours for the whole process to be complete." I heard him release a breath he was holding and him sniffle slightly.

"Four hours? How many times a week?" The shock in his voice made my heart break. It was a long time to be stuck to a machine for.

"About three times a week." I answered. Jasper rolled off me and on to his front propping himself up on his elbows.

"So I will have to spend most of the week in hospital, great." I turned to my side and ran my fingers across his cheek to under his chin.

"You can have it done at home. We can have the machine here and you can be hooked up to it through the night, every night. It won't restrict you that way, you won't need to watch the fluid intake either." He wiped his face and smiled slightly.

"I guess that won't be so bad, will it? So a transplant then, where do I get one?" He asked.

"Family or friends, they will test the person to find the best match. The higher the match the best chance of your body not rejecting it, that's what we need to look at. As long as the person who gives the kidney is fit and healthy then there won't be a problem, age is also a key part. The younger, the better." He smirked slightly

"Can I have a beer?" I laughed at him. "What? Simple question."

"In moderation you can have what you want at the moment, but I think you should wait until you have spoken the dietitian before you start drinking. I'll get you a juice instead." I gave him a gentle kiss and got up off the floor pulling on my boxers.

I headed in to the kitchen and pulled out the juice from the fridge pouring two glasses before I put it back. I wandered back in to the living to see Bruno laying next to Jasper, I smiled watching him stroke him, he looked peaceful as I handed him the glass, he looked at me and smiled.

"I don't want you to be tested to see if you match." He suddenly said. I was shocked. Why would he not want me to be tested?

"What? Jasper, I'm getting tested." I said, he just shook his head at me.

"No, if something happens, goes wrong, then what? It's not right for Olivia to risk losing both of us, if no one is a good match, then I will go on the list." He took a sip of his drink. "I mean it Edward, don't bother doing it behind my back either." He stared at me; I shook my head at him.

"You can't ask me to do that Jasper, I can't not get tested. If you're going to get your friends tested then I am too. I'm your husband Jasper, I can't stand back and watch this, I just can't." He snorted at me.

"So you would sooner Olivia loose both her parents then?" I shook my head at him, of course not, but he couldn't play that card just to get me out of getting tested.

"You know I don't Jasper, don't bring Olivia in to this." He sat up and looked at me. I could see his face working through a mixture of emotions.

"Please Edward, when that time comes I don't want to risk you, promise me you won't get tested, please." I sighed and looked at him. "Please Edward." He whispered at me, I ran my fingers through my hair.

"I'll make you a deal, I won't go for it now or when the time comes, but if you are in desperate need then I'm taking the test okay?" He nodded his head at me.

"Deal, don't break it." I smiled at him.

"I won't, hand on heart." I was just about to give him a kiss when the house phone went, I groaned as Jasper moved to get it.

"Hello." I heard him say down the phone as I stretched my legs out.

"It's okay, don't be scared, nothing is there sweetheart." He turned and looked at me and mouthed Olivia. "I'm sure Grandpa will check it out and make sure you're safe. It was just a bad dream, baby girl." He moved and sat next to me, the phone still pressed to his ear, suddenly he laughed. "Olivia, I'm not driving to Grandpa's just to bring Bruno to you." I laughed, well I guess it's nice to feel wanted. "I'm sure Grandpa will read you a story until you fall asleep. Love you, baby girl. Night." He hung up the phone and smiled.

"So she doesn't want us, just the dog?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"Apparently so, she said night by the way." He rested his head on my shoulder as we sat on the floor with our backs against the sofa, the candles still burning casting the warm glow in the living.

"Nice to feel needed, isn't it?" He laughed, and linked our fingers together, then sighed.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked him

"The future really, you know we said we would have another, well is that out of our plans now or....?" I could hear the disappointment in his voice, I squeezed our linked fingers.

"Jasper, there is nothing to stop that from happening, once we know the full damage of your kidneys we can start thinking more about it." He turned to me and smiled, the love shining in his eyes.

"You know the transplant, how long will the kidney last?" He asked picking up his drink and taking a sip.

"Anywhere from thirty to forty years. Jasper, this is just a hitch, it's serious, but it can be fixed, and it will be." He got up and flicked the light on blowing out all the candles; he looked at me and smiled.

"So what stage am I at?" He stood in the middle of the living room in just his boxers. My eyes ran over his body and I licked my lips, he couldn't stand there looking like that and asking me these sorts of questions, that just wasn't fair. "Edward, stop drooling and answer the question." He smirked at me.

"Sorry." I shook my head clearing my thoughts. "At the moment the tests show stage 3b, which is a moderate form of the disease, with any luck it will be years until you reach any stage where they fail completely. Of course you will know more next week when you get the rest of the results back, but everything seems good." He smiled at me. I was glad he seemed to handle this better now than what he had been doing.

"Let's go and watch a DVD in bed." He held his hand out and smiled at me; I took it and kissed him gently.

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_**JPOV**_

I woke up to someone licking my face. I opened my eyes to see a black dog wagging his tail licking me, I pushed him off and groaned rolling on to my stomach.

"Bruno, off the bed." I heard his voice. I turned my head and saw him standing there in his green scrubs coffee's in his hand, and I smiled as he walked over to me.

"Morning." I mumbled taking the coffee from him and having a sip.

"Good morning, angel. How you feeling?" He asked sitting on the bed, pulling his foot under his knee.

"Better now that we talked, I sometimes miss the just us thing." I loved Olivia don't get me wrong and she had made our life complete, but sometimes trying to talk was hard with her bouncing around the place.

"Mmm I know what you mean." He kissed down my neck making me moan. Fuck, why did he have work this morning? He slowly crawled on top of me kissing me softly before pulling away and smiling.

"I wish you weren't at work today." He sighed. I looked at his wrist. If something happened to me would he do something like that again? "Edward?"

"Yes, angel." He didn't look up from the paper he was flicking through drinking his coffee, it was something we would do when I wasn't working. Normally Olivia was here, she didn't know how Edward got the scar's, so far she had never asked. She knew that he went to see his grave twice a year, but that was about it.

"If something happened to me with this illness you wouldn't do anything, would you?" I asked him looking at him softy; he closed the paper and took a deep breath.

"We have Olivia now, things are a little different but I couldn't handle losing you Jasper, I couldn't take it again." He smiled weakly at me.

"Edward, promise me." I pleaded with him. He closed his eyes at me and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Jasper, I can't promise anything because I don't know. I don't want to think about it because nothing like that is going to happen." He kissed me softy on the lips.

"You want me to drop you off at work? I'm sure Olivia would like to pick you up tonight." He smiled.

"I'm sure she would, and I wouldn't say no to the lift either." I smiled and got out of bed, nipping in to the bathroom quickly to empty my bladder, wash my face and brush my teeth.

I walked back in to the bedroom, Edward was laying on his side his eyes running over my body. I smirked at him.

"See something you like?" I asked raising my eyebrow at him. I saw him bite his lip and nod slightly. I smiled and got dressed, throwing on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I sat on the bed and gave him a kiss. "This is why you should have today off." He smiled.

"Yeah, I wish. The house is empty and yet I'm going to work. I'm sure work would love that, I'm not coming in today because I want to stay at home and fuck my husband all morning while Olivia is away. I don't think they will buy it somehow babe." He smiled, well it was worth a shot, and he made me use some lame excuse to get the day off work.

"I think you should try it, you made me call in sick with an excuse of broken dick." He laughed and I frowned.

"You can actually break it, okay the muscle in it, but it is a medical condition and it got you off work, didn't it?" Yeah it did, but he didn't have to pretend there was something wrong.

"Fuck." I suddenly thought about work, would I be able to carry on teaching? I loved working there, the infants were so lovely to teach and since we had Olivia I had grown a whole new understanding for them.

"What? What's wrong? Jasper, talk to me." His face looked concerned as he moved to face me.

"Work? Will I be able to carry on or....?" I didn't want to have to give up my job.

"I don't see why not, there might be a time when you won't be able to but for now you can. Come on, I've got to get going to work." He got off the bed and picked up his mug, I breathed a sigh of relief, at least that wasn't going to change.

I followed him down the stairs and opened the front door, Bruno darted straight out sitting by the truck waiting to be let in.

"You want to come to?" He stood up wagging his tail at me, Edward chuckled behind me.

"It's a good job I know you're talking to the dog, or I would think you're talking to yourself." I chuckled out as he got in the car. I did the mature thing and stuck my tongue out at him making him laugh even more. "Come on, Dancing Queen, I'm going to be late." Bastard.

I huffed and span around in a circle before skipping across the front of the car to the driver's door, Edward was close to tears laughing at me. Yeah, I'll give you something to laugh about. I'll so make everyone think you married a nutter if you carry on.

"Classic, angel, no wonder Olivia does it. Do you two practice your dance routines when I'm at work?" He asked as I pulled off the drive, I smiled at him

"Every now and then."

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**_Our boys are coming to terms with the illness now and are getting on with life, just as in real life you have keep on going._**

**_Please hit the review button for our beauitful boys :)_**


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN/ A huge thank you to all of you have reviewed, placed it on alert and added it to favourite's, you guys serously rock thank you.**_

**_Again a big thank you my beta for doing here thing._**

**_I know a few have asked question's and I'm going to answer them through the story, I'm currantly covering all doctors websites getting as much info as i can about this illness, trying to keep it as true to life as i can._**

**_Here's chapter 5!_**

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_**JPOV**_

I stood in the living room, flicking through the channels trying to find Olivia something to watch. Everything I flicked on to she screwed her face up, the same as Edward does when he finds something boring. I had to smile watching her do this, watching her copy Edward that way, she had it down to a T. It was funny to watch her lose her temper, and I had to try so hard not to laugh as she stood there fisting her hair pulling it the same way I do. Edward would be useless when it happened, claiming he couldn't handle it as she looked too much like me.

"What about this one?" I asked her again for the tenth time in the last ten minutes. She shook her head, I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I swore that she just did this to wind me up.

"Daddy looks nice." She grinned at me, I flashed her a smile.

"Thank you, baby girl. Are you going to be a good girl for Sarah?" I asked while flicking through the channel's. Sarah was babysitting tonight for us, she was seventeen and lived about three doors down. She babysat most of the children on the road, and Olivia adored her, I think it was the whole painting nails thing and messing with make-up.

"Yes, daddy." She sighed out at me as though I asked a stupid question, I chuckled. She was a good girl, very well behaved when we went out.

We were meeting up with the gang tonight round at Emmett and Rosalie's. Tonight, I, we were telling them my illness. I was scared to tell them, worried how they might treat me. I knew they would support me through this, but I didn't want them to act differently around me.

"This one?" I asked.

"Nooo, you did that one." She huffed and folded her arms over her chest, I frowned at the TV.

"Edward!" I shouted, funny how I ended up with this task, I always got this task, never him. "Edward, come here." I shouted again hearing him run down the stairs. I crossed my arms and faced the door. He appeared, his hair still slightly wet, smiling at me, showing his teeth. Fucker!

"What, Angel?" He said kissing me on the cheek.

"When does Sarah get here?" I asked him as he placed his watch on his wrist.

"In about ten minutes, why?" I didn't bother answering I just pointed at Olivia who was now flicking through the channels herself.

"Oh."

"Yes, oh." We had a lock on the movie channels and any adult channels she might happen to stumble across. She flicked on to one of the movie channels, I smirked before my face fell and Scarface filled the living.

"Olivia?" Edward snatched the control off her changing the channel fast, he looked at me. "And how does she know the code?" I shrugged.

"God knows, she must have seen one of us put it in." It was the only thing I could think of. Crap, how long had she known the code for? What else had she unlocked and watched when we weren't looking?

"I want blood back on." She demanded in her high-pitched voice.

"No." I said still trying to work out just where she had figured out the code from.

"But I want it." She screamed again.

"The answer is no, you're too young to watch it." Scarface had been the first film me and Edward ever watched together, I looked at him and he smiled remembering the same as me.

"Why?" She asked creeping round Edward latching on to his arm and looking at him with her big blue eyes.

"Because you're too young, and it will give you nightmares. Now how about we watch..." He flicked through the channels again. "Tweenies." I had to stop the groan that wanted to escape my lips, Olivia had not long grown out of them and they still haunted me, it was on all the time.

"Fine." She huffed, Edward kissed the top of her head and smiled.

"That better not start her off again." I whispered to him. Edward could switch off from it, I couldn't, and it drove me crackers listening to it all day long, day in and day out. He smiled and blew me a kiss.

The doorbell went, and I went to get it. I opened the door to see Sarah standing there, I smiled as I let her in.

"Hello, Sarah. Nice to see you again."

"You too, Jasper." She walked in to the living room, Olivia's eyes lit up when she saw her.

"Sarah." She all but screamed at her.

"Hello, Olivia." She sat down and Olivia was right on her knee, telling her what she had been up too, what she had eaten for dinner, everything and anything.

"You know the drill, we'll be back about midnight." Edward said walking out of the living room and in to the hall.

"Sure, have fun. Bye, Edward." She looked at me. "Bye, Jasper." She added in a purr with a slight giggle, I waved and left the room.

Edward was waiting by the car, arms across his chest looking unamused. I clicked the button on the remote unlocking the doors, Edward climbed in while I walked round. Closing the door I looked at Edward.

"Bye, Jasper." He said, copying Sarah with a purring voice and giggle. I rolled my eyes.

"You're jealous of Sarah?" I laughed at him, he huffed. "Edward, in case you have forgotten girls don't do it for me." I smirked pulling off the drive.

"Can she not make it any clearer? Fuck, what next? She just going to pull your pants down and fuck you?" I smiled, I loved Edward jealous. "You're gay, you're married to me for fuck sake, what is she trying to do?" He huffed out, I smirked again.

"Maybe she hopes she can turn me straight." I looked at him his face all screwed up. "You're so cute when you're jealous." I said. He shot me a dirty look.

"She was undressing you with her god damn eyes. Maybe we should stop asking Sarah to babysit Olivia when we go out." He said his arms across his chest.

"You know you have nothing to worry about." I soothed, running my free hand down his thigh.

"It's not you I worry about. I don't like seeing her drooling all over you like that." He was sulking.

"Babe, let her drool. Only you do it for me." He looked at me and smiled softly.

I had seen the nurses drooling over Edward countless times, even when I was there. Some paid no attention to the fact that he was married, to another man as well, to them it didn't matter, they just saw a challenge. We pulled up outside Emmett's, he and Rose had moved a few years back and bought a house not too far from where we lived. We were all about half an hour drive away from each other.

I laced our fingers together as we walked up the path to their house. Opening the door I could hear Alice sounded excited about something, her voice in full flow, getting higher with each passing second.

"Guys, about time." Rose said as we walked in, her baby bump suiting her well.

"Hey Rose, how you feeling?" I asked, she shot me a look.

"You don't want to know." She walked on and in to the living room, we followed behind her. Edward pulled my arms back slightly and I turned to look at him.

"It will be fine, Jasper." He whispered giving me a kiss on the lips. I wasn't sure how I was going to tell them about my illness, I hadn't thought that far ahead but I was incredibly nervous about it.

"Oh my god, oh my god, they're getting married. Jake and Bella, finally they're getting married." Alice bounced up and down.

"Thanks Alice for giving us chance to tell them." Bella said smiling. She looked so happy, how could I tell them now? They were all so happy over Bella and Jake getting married that me dropping my bombshell would ruin the mood.

"Congratulations, it's about time." Edward said while giving Bella kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah, congrats." I managed to get out. Alice looked at me, her eyes narrowed slightly. I didn't sound that happy for them, I was though. Over the moon to see them finally getting married after all these years of there on off relationship, but I just couldn't help feeling like it wasn't fair. They were basking in the wonder of getting married while I didn't know how my life was going to plan out in the next twelve months.

"Here." Emmett handed me a beer.

"No thanks, Em. I'll just have water, if that's okay?" He looked at me like I had grown horns in my head, but shrugged and walked off to get me one.

The evening wore on while we chatted and listened to the plans that Alice was making for Bella and Jake. There was no denying how gifted Alice was when it came to planning wedding's, she had made ours fantastic.

Fuck! It was a week away, the six year mark and we hadn't planned a thing, not one single thing, and I guess with everything that we had heard in the last week we hadn't given it a second thought.

"Can we have Olivia as flower girl?" Bella asked, her face shining with love.

"Of course, she will be made up." Edward answered, my heart broke.

"Excuse me." I whispered getting up and heading outside to clear my head, the night sky had turned black.

I leant against the wall of the house as the tears fell from my eyes. I didn't want this hanging over my head, worrying when they might stop working all together and then my life became nothing more than being hooked up to a machine. I knew that if I didn't get a transplant, my life would be cut short. I wanted to see Olivia grow up, to see her get married. I wanted to grow old with Edward and see our grandchildren. I wanted us to have another child, all of these things now hung on a thin fucking wire.

I sobbed as I thought about all I could miss out on. I sobbed as I thought about the day we would have to tell her that I was ill. Would she even want to see me if I was hooked up to a machine while it cleaned my blood for me? Would she hate me, and feel scarred that this is what happens when you get old? I suddenly felt Edward's arms wrapping themselves tightly around me.

"Angel.... We will get through this." He whispered in my ear rubbing my back. I buried my face in to his neck sobbing like a child on his shoulder. How could I put Edward through this?

"I don't..... want ...... to die." I choked out. He pulled my face to look at him, I could see the tears in his eyes.

"You're not going to die, Angel. I won't let you." He kissed my lips softy and smiled at me.

"I'm fucking scared, Edward..... so fucking scared." I broke down again as he pulled me tightly to him, holding me close. I felt so safe and loved in his arms.

"I would do anything for you Jasper, anything." I felt his own tears gently hit my neck. "You're mine, I won't lose you." He whispered to me. "I promise you I will do whatever it takes." His words carried so much strength and determination in them; I couldn't help but break a little more.

He was supporting me, keeping me together, and being my rock, I would be lost without his love and support right now. Hearing the words the other day, something I never in a million years thought I would hear shocked me to my core. I took nothing in, while Edward sat and listened and discussed things through, holding it all inside until I could hear it and let it sink in. I never thought we would be thrown in to something like this, something that made Edward be there for me the way I was for him. I always knew he would be there for me no matter, Edward's love for me was never ending. He loved me when I snapped at him, when I lost my temper and when I picked a fight. He loved me through it all, and now he continued to love me as I walked along this road. I wasn't alone, he was with me, by my side, every step of the way.

"Are you two okay?" I heard Bella's voice as I pushed my face further in to Edward's neck. He turned us slightly so he could face her.

"Fine, Bella." He said his voice strained as his hands gently ran up and down my back.

"No, you're not. Oh my god, what's wrong?" She demanded.

"What? What's happened?" I heard Emmett's voice next. Great ,that means that everyone would soon be at the door wanting to know. I pulled back from Edward and wiped my face.

"Sorry, I don't want to ruin the mood." I whispered out, my voice thick and harsh from crying.

"You're not ruining anything, if something is wrong tell us." Bella said coming out and walking to me. I looked at Edward who nodded. I sighed.

"We better go inside." Edward said walking in to the house. I followed with Bella glued to me, her face covered with worry as we walked in. I sat down and took a deep breath, Bella sat next to me as Edward rested against the window frame, his hands resting on the sides with his head down.

"I'm happy for you guys, and I'm sorry for dropping this on you." I stopped and took a deep breath. "I have kidney failure." I said in just a whisper. Silence fell in the room; it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"As in you're going to need a kidney transplant?" Emmett asked. I just nodded. I couldn't say anything, just a few minutes ago they had been happy, laughing and joking planning Bella's wedding, now the mood had changed.

"I'm sorry for dropping this on you guys." I whispered out as Bella wrapped her arms around me.

"We're your friends, you don't have to feel sorry for telling us anything, especially something like this." Rose said, I smiled weakly.

"You can have one of mine. Fuck, let's get this sorted now." Emmett suddenly said, I looked at him and shook my head.

"You're about to be a dad." I said, there was no way I would have that.

"So the body only needs one right, Edward?" He looked at him. Edward lifted his head, I wanted him to lie and say that they needed two, but I knew he wouldn't.

"Yeah, that's right." He said, thanks a lot Edward.

"So you can have one of mine, I don't need two. Jazz, I've known you since we were kids if I can help out then I will do, so I'm getting that test done." He looked at Edward. "You can sort that out, can't you?" He asked.

"No, you have Rose and a baby on the way, don't be stupid Em." I said, he shot me a look.

"Fuck off Jazz, I will be fine. I'm getting it done END OF." He snapped at me.

"Me too." Said Alice. My mouth dropped open, she was so small, she couldn't do this.

"No, I can't ask any of you to do that. I will be fine. I'll go the list and wait my turn." I said. There was no way I could risk any single one to do something like that for me, they all had lives, good life's that I just couldn't risk.

"No way, Jazz. Man, we love you and we will all get tested." Jacob spoke up. I looked up and saw my friends, they would all risk the surgery just to give me a better life, and I was made up.

"Thank you." I whispered out. I looked at Edward and smiled.

"He might not need one for a few years yet, it depends on the drugs he is taking and how well he reacts to them." Edward said, his eyes locked on me, never leaving mine as he spoke.

"I'm going back next week to see just how much damage has been done." My eyes stayed on his. I was glad I had told them, but I want nothing more than to go home and see our little girl. "We should get going and let Sarah go home." Edward nodded his head at me.

"Make sure you keep informed and remember we are here." Rosalie said. I smiled at her, even though she could be a bitch she was always there when friends needed her.

We said our goodbyes and headed outside, I laced my fingers through Edward's as we walked towards the truck.

"Wait up a sec." I turned to see Emmett following us, we stopped and turned round. "Last Friday when I looked after Olivia that's when you got the news, isn't it?" I nodded at him, he sighed. "Jazz, I knew something was wrong, you should have said." I shrugged.

"I just needed to get my head around it first and come to terms with it, which I slowly am doing." I said squeezing Edward's hand a little. He rubbed his thumb over my knuckle reassuringly.

"Dude, if you need to talk, either of you, I'm right here, okay?" He slapped my shoulder lightly and turned around and headed back inside the house, I looked at Edward.

"Ready to go and see Olivia?" He asked, I smiled at him and nodded my head.

We walked back to the truck, it was like he knew what I was thinking. I just wanted to see her and hold her close to me, part of me wanted her to be up still, which I knew she wouldn't be, she would push her bedtime when Sarah babysat but never made it past an hour later. I looked at Edward and smiled.

"Thanks." I whispered taking hold of his hand.

"For?" He asked raising his eyebrow at me.

"Holding me when I broke down tonight, it just got too much, you know? Just all the talk of happy times, made me think that I won't have those happy times, and I just..." I trailed off.

"Angel, we will get through this, you and me, together." He smiled at me, I knew he was scared about this, as scared as I was, we had spoken about it, our fears over the future, and I knew he was saying this to reassure me. I knew he believed what he was saying, he wouldn't lie to me just to make me feel better, just repeat the same thing so I didn't freak out on him.

I relaxed a little as we pulled up on to the drive way, I got out the car as Edward locked up and headed inside the house, leaving the door wide open. I went in to the living room to see Olivia curled up covered in a blanket asleep, Sarah flicking the through the channels.

"Oh hey, sorry she wouldn't settle and fell asleep down here. I would have moved her, but..." I smiled looking at my little angel fast asleep on the sofa.

"It's fine, I'll move her." I gently stroked her hair, I hated leaving her at home, and I missed her so much when she wasn't around.

"Hey, Edward." I watched as he smiled at her waiting for her to go without being told.

"Sarah." He replied walking over to me and kissing me in front of her. His lips smiled against mine.

"I should be off, she was as good as gold, let me know if you need me to look after again." She said getting things together and standing up.

"We will do Sarah, thank you." I showed her out and locked the front door, kicking my shoes off. "Want a drink?" I asked Edward walking in to to the kitchen.

"Please." He called softly after me not wanting to wake Olivia from her sleep.

I flicked the kettle on and got the mugs out, putting the coffee, milk and sugar in. I had to believe that I would be okay. I had to believe that this was nothing more than a hitch and in a few years time I would look back and think of this as nothing more than showing me what wonderful friends I had, and what a loving husband I had.

"Angel." He whispered in my ear wrapping his arm around my waist, I rested my head on his shoulder.

"You know I don' like needles." He smirked and snorted slightly.

"Why are people so scared of needles?" He asked. Of course only a doctor would have no problem with needles, having to be around them every day.

"I don't know, something sharp going in to your skin, injecting stuff in or taking blood out, not my idea of fun." I poured the water in the mugs and stirred them, pulling out of his arms I handed him one.

"You're just being a baby, Jasper. I'll tell the nasty lady when she takes your blood to be gentle with the baby." He joked, cunt.

"Ha ha fucking ha, we can't all be like you." I mumbled out, he chuckled.

"Olivia never had a problem when she had her injections. In fact, she found it interesting." His smugness didn't go unnoticed.

"Yeah, because we have a freak of a daughter who thinks hearing of heart bypasses is cool." He chuckled at me. I couldn't help but join him.

"Yeah, she's not normal; even I didn't take an interest at that age." He took a sip of his coffee and looked at his watch. "It won't be long until she is four. Where has the time gone?" I smiled, it had flown by. February was just around the corner and our little angel would be turning four.

"It will be here before we know it, shall we take her up?" He nodded yawning and wiping his face. I gave him a gentle kiss before heading off to pick Olivia up.

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**_Jasper is still struggling to deal with this, but doesn't he have wonderful friends? Emmett demanding he goes off to get tested to see if he matches so he can give one of his kidneys to Jasper, I thought it was sweet._**

**_Hit the review button my wonderful readers and send some love :) _**

**_Jen x_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN/ Thank you to everyone that has reviewed, I love reading your reviews as the story unfolds itself. Thank you everyone that has placed the story on alert as well as adding it into ther favourites, it means so much to me.**_

**_A big thank you to my beta for doing here thing._**

**_Here's chapter 6!_**

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_**JPOV**_

My head rested on top of the breakfast bar trying to block the sounds out around me, not an easy task when your three year old wants to play with the noisiest toy she can find. My head was killing me and I felt like utter crap, I was beyond tired and the weekend couldn't come fast enough for me. It was now late October and Olivia had started preschool and was loving it. The first day we dropped her off she couldn't wait to get out of the car, running off to go and make new friends, while me and Edward were left trying not to cry watching her run off without a second glance back. In one sense it was good that she wasn't scared about going in, but on the other hand we felt a little abandoned by her. We saw other parents having a hard time trying to get there children to let go and go in, kicking and screaming all the way to the door. It showed how fast she was growing, and it wouldn't be long until she turned four, and then before we know it she will be sixteen and not wanting to be around us. I sighed and covered my ears.

"Olivia, please." I groaned out. Why must you play with that toy right now? In fact, why did we even buy her that? Did we just want to torture ourselves?

"Daddy, daddy, daddy." She giggled out and continued her attack of making as much noise as humanly possible.

I lifted my head off the breakfast bar and walked over to the cupboard pulling out a box of pain killers. Fuck, her toy made my head feel like it's about to explode. I ran the cold water for a few minutes before filling up a glass to take the tablets with it. Please kick in fast; I all but prayed to all gods, I couldn't handle this any longer. I headed back to the breakfast bar and rested my head back down on the table. I had been told to watch myself; my body wouldn't be able to fight off things like a common cold with ease now that my immune system had been lowered. Edward had made sure that my body was taking the right vitamins it needed giving me lectures on certain foods that I should be eating. I had rolled my eyes through most of his talk. I understood that he just cares, but he was now making me take extra vitamin tablets to help my body, I was feeling a little suffocated by him. The constant checking was driving me up the fucking wall; the texts through the day checking up to see if I was all right and a list of question's, endless question's, of course when he got home the question's started again.

Our plans for our anniversary were canceled thanks to Olivia being hit with the flu. We had planned to go out for dinner and send Olivia off to Grandpa's and enjoy ourselves. We ended up ordering take away and watching some crap on TV, with no lovin'. The joys of children, happy days. I was disappointed that we didn't get to go out for it, but Olivia came first, and neither of us wanted to leave her just to have a meal somewhere.

"Daddy's home." Olivia called running past me and towards the front door to see Edward. I heard him speak to her before walking back in carrying her; he looked at me and frowned.

"Go watch cartoons, princess. I'll be in, in a minute." He gave her a kiss and put her down. He sat across from me concerned, I smiled weakly at him. I knew I looked like crap, and I knew he was now running through a list of possibilities as to what was wrong with me now.

"What's wrong, Angel?" He asked. I sighed, I knew there was no point in lying to him, but I really didn't want to have face another night of overprotective Edward.

"I'm just tired, that's all." I groaned out rubbing my temples.

"You look very pale, Jasper. Give me your arm." He asked pulling something out of his bag. I looked at him, what was he doing? Then I saw the needle.

"Um. Wh....What are you doing?" I asked as he took hold of my arm tying a strap just above my elbow.

"Taking blood." He simply said. I pulled my arm away. Oh fuck, no, you don't.

"I've got my bloods on Friday; you don't need to take them now." I whined out, he rolled his eyes at me.

"Jasper, it's fine. Come on, I can get them back in tomorrow and have the results done by the end of the day." He said pulling my arm back from me. We were now in a tug of war over my arm.

"You've never taken my blood before, I'll wait till Friday." Yanking my arm back once more from him, you're seriously taking the fucking piss with me now.

"I've taken blood countless times, Jasper. Now hand over your arm and stop being a baby." He demanded. Fuck that shit, my arm, my blood, and he's not taking it.

"No, I'll go on Friday." I spat back.

"Jasper, please." He begged. I hated it when he begged, but he knew how much I hated needles. Why would he want to take my blood now?

"Look, I'm fucking fine. I'm just a little tired, that's all. You don't need to take my fucking blood every time I say I'm tired, it's getting past a fucking joke. I feel like I can't fucking breathe with you around me like this, just back the fuck up." I seethed at him. I was pissed off with this shit now, since I got told I had kidney failure he had got worse and worse as the days and weeks wore on, I couldn't handle it anymore. I expected to see him angry, turning red in the face after my outburst, but instead the face I saw broke my heart. He looked so hurt, his head dropped down and he sighed.

"We weren't going to be here on Friday, I was taking you away for the weekend so you could relax and enjoy some time without doctor's appointments or blood appointments. Sorry, I wanted to treat you and I'm sorry you feel like you can't breathe with me around." He got up and walked toward the door away from me. Shit!

"Edward.... Wait." I started, he turned and looked me and shook his head.

"I'm going to take a shower." With that he walked in to the hallway and up the stairs. I felt like crap now, he had just wanted to take me away and I had blown up at him. I walked in to the living room and saw Olivia sitting there, her little angelic smile shining at me. I smiled softly and sat down next to her, she curled in to me.

"Love you, daddy." I kissed the top of her head as I felt the tears softly roll down my face. "Don't cry, daddy. It okay." I smiled; bless her trying to comfort me.

"Thanks, baby girl, I'm fine." She looked at me and wiped my tears away; I smiled at her and pulled her closer to me.

I laid on the sofa with Olivia for awhile until she grew bored and went looking for Edward. I wanted to kick myself for being such a cunt. Yeah, he was always making sure I was fine and eating right, he was worried about me. Did it give me the right to kick off at him just because I thought he wanted my tests done sooner? I should have asked him why he wanted to do it now, instead of telling him I can't breathe around him. I should be thankful that he cares so much. He could just not give a flying fuck what happens to me, not offering me the advice I sometimes so desperately need from him or his love and support. I sometimes feel like it's all too much for me to handle, the fear of the unknown, wondering what might happen in the future if I was not careful. It's like I feel that they think I'm this breakable fucking doll that needs to be wrapped up in cotton wool and protected. I was still me, still the same man I was before I found out that my kidneys were fucked, but now that I have everyone asking me if I'm alright all the fucking time, I just lost it. I lost it at the man who has done nothing but support me.

Olivia's giggles filled down the stairs, I heard the bath start to fill with water as she giggled and joked with Edward. I smiled hearing the two of them together, the two most important people in my life. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, something that I had picked up from Edward. How would I act if it was him with this illness and not me? Chance's are I would be the same, covering him with love and support, worrying constantly if he was okay, how he was feeling. I would act the same way, because I love him.

Fuck, I had to sort this out. I hated us not speaking, hated us being in different rooms from one another. I wanted to be with him and say sorry. I pulled myself up off the sofa and wandered up the stairs towards the bathroom, the door was open slightly. I pushed it open to see Olivia splashing in the bath flicking water at Edward who was sitting on the floor next to her. Olivia saw me and grinned widely, Edward turned his head to slightly and looked at me and looked back at Olivia, he kissed the top of her head.

"Right, then. Hair, wash." Edward said to her pulling the shower tap off. Olivia kicked the water and moved to the other side of the bath.

"Noooo." Edward grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her back down the bath. "I don't want it, Daddy." She started to cry. I couldn't help but chuckle as Edward started to wet her hair though, her eyes screwed tightly shut, her mouth wide open crying out daddy. She dry sobbed through every hair wash.

"You're not even shedding tears, just making a noise." I said as I walked over and sat down on the floor next to Edward. Olivia stretched her arms out towards me. "It's gotta be done, sweetheart." I soothed as she continued to dry sob at me.

"Daddies, ease." She begged. Edward rolled his eyes and picked up the shampoo, massaging it in to her hair.

"It's not so bad is it, princess?" Edward asked her, she kicked the water. I chuckled and looked at Edward; he half smiled at me and rinsed her hair out. Olivia continued to cry and kick the water as he washed her hair, putting conditioner on and combing it through.

"Edward...." He just shook his head at me and carried on what he was doing. Once Olivia had her hair washed she stopped the diva fit and smiled no trace of tears anywhere in sight. I smirked, all of that just over having her hair washed. I grabbed the towel off the side and opened it up and she stood, I wrapped it around her and picked her up. "Say good night to Daddy." I whispered in her ear. Her legs stayed latched around my side as her arms reached out to Edward, he wrapped his arms around her.

"Night, daddy, love you." She said giving him a kiss and a cuddle.

"Sweet dreams, princess, love you too." He whispered to her before letting her go and walking out of the bathroom. I watched him walk away feeling hurt that I had clearly hurt him. Sighing I carried Olivia in to her bedroom.

Olivia yawned as I dried her off. "Tired?" I asked her, she nodded and held her arms up and I pulled her nightdress over her head. "You'll sleep well tonight then. Climb in, baby." I pulled the covers back as she crawled in to her bed, yawning again as I pulled the covers back over her.

"Daddy?" She asked rubbing her tired eyes; I laid next to her and opened my arm up so she could curl in to my side. She moved in to my side her arm resting over my stomach.

"Yes, sweetheart?" I stroked her damp hair waiting for her to answer.

"Why you and daddy no talking?" She asked. I frowned slightly. She had picked up on us not speaking to one another; either that or she had heard me snap at Edward.

"We are, sweetheart." I kissed the top of her head; I knew it wouldn't be long until she fell asleep. "Olivia?" I whispered. Nothing. I moved her gently and saw her eyes already shut, her breathing slow and gentle. I kissed the top of her head and moved gently away from her flicking the lamp off and heading to the door.

I closed the door gently behind me and walked across to our bedroom. Pushing the door open I saw Edward laying on his back, his hands rested behind his head, with one knee bent. He didn't look at me, he didn't move or speak, he just stayed still, where he was just looking at the ceiling.

"Edward, I'm sorry I snapped, babe. I'm tired and Olivia had been getting on my nerves and I just exploded at you." I sat on the edge of the bed. "Edward?" I heard him let out a long breath, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I never meant to make you feel like you couldn't breathe with me around you. I'm worried. No, that's a lie. I'm fucking scared about what may happen to you. Jasper, you're my everything. The thought of losing you...." He trailed off. His voice broke slightly at the end. "I can't face it again, sorry if I'm trying to do all I can to keep you safe and in my arms."

I saw the tears run slowly down his face as I climbed in to move next to him. Sitting up with my arm across his stomach I wiped away the tears. He opened his eyes and looked at me, those forest green eyes that drove me crazy when we first met, and I still couldn't get enough of them.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I whispered, my own tears starting to fall. He cupped my face in his hand, gently running his thumb under my eye wiping the tears away. "I shouldn't have snapped when you wer...." My words were cut off by his lips crashing against mine; he pulled away from me, a shy smile on his lips.

"Angel, shut up. This is hard for both of us and I just want to take you away for the weekend, no talk of transplants, no talk of dialysis, no talk of anything other than me and you. We didn't do anything for our anniversary because Olivia was sick, I want to make it up to you, and I want you to relax." I smiled and leant forward capturing his lips again. Our fingers laced together, the heavenly feel of electric current that ran through us making my skin feel as though it has been set on fire. I could face this with him by my side. I pulled away.

"I love you, you know?" I smirked watching him chuckle slightly.

"I know you do, Angel." He whispered moving and kissing down my neck making me moan with delight.

"Where..... we ..... going?" I somehow managed to get out as his mouth attacked my neck, licking and nibbling all the soft spots, while his hand slowly slid down my chest and in to my jeans.

"Surprise." He whispered huskily in my ear while his fingers gently stroked my growing shaft, I moaned a little too loudly making him chuckle. "You'll wake Olivia." He murmured as he sucked my collarbone, his other hand undid the buttons on my shirt. I was gasping and trembling under his touch, his torturous teases driving me slowly crazy.

"Olivia?" I suddenly wondered where she would be going. He said us, as in me and him, so where was she going?

"At my parents." He answered licking his way down my chest. My head fell back as I started to lose all thoughts of any sense. I grabbed his head by his hair pulling him hard to me making him growl. Fuck, I just got harder.

My lips crashed against his forcing my tongue in to his mouth. Our tongues battled against one another, our hands all over our bodies tearing off clothing and undoing jeans and pulling down sweatpants. He got up and pushed me down on the bed, he smirked at me as he pulled my jeans off, leaving my boxers on. He climbed over me, his knees falling to either side of my hips, our cocks rubbed together making us both moan. He kissed my neck and up to my jaw moving along until his lips reached mine. Our lips moved perfectly together, he sucked on my bottom lip making me moan. His hand pinched my nipple making me thrust my hips upwards, he hissed out in pleasure. He pulled back and sat on his heels, he smiled.

"Don't move, Angel." He got off me and walked out the bedroom door. What the fuck? Since I had been put on medication I hadn't lost my hard on, but I didn't want to chance it now. I heard his feet hit the wooden floor in the hallway and head towards our door. I pulled myself up and rested on my elbows looking at him as he came through the door with a devilish smile on his lips.

"What you doing babe?" I asked looking at him as he hid something behind his back. He moved towards me again, climbing back over me, but keeping what he had in his hand hidden. He now sat on my hips, effectively pinning me down. He smirked and pulled his hand round, I shook my head as I saw the needle and small tube to collect the blood as well as a strap. "Oh fuck. No, you don't."

"Oh yes, angel. Come on, you're meant to be having your bloods taken on Friday and we won't be here as we fly out to my parents Thursday night, so arm now. I promise I won't hurt you." He grabbed my arm and tied the strap just above elbow, I closed my eyes. "Look at me, Angel." I opened an eye open as he rubbed my vein.

"Edward....... Please....... don't." I begged. Needles and I don't mix well together.

"You want me to fuck you, don't you?" He asked smirking slightly and raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yes,..... but...... needles." I shuddered, he chuckled.

"Don't be a baby. Now this won't hurt, just hold still and look at me." I laughed nervously as I saw him connect the tube to the needle and remove the protective cap of the needle. "I'll count to three okay?" He said looking at me.

"Edward...... ARGH!" I screamed as the needle went in to my arm draining the blood from it. I slammed my eyes shut, tensing myself up. Suddenly I felt the needle leave my arm and cotton wool press against the spot where he had just removed the needle.

"Hold that there for me." He got off me and placed the protective cap back on the needle before running off back downstairs with my blood in a tube. The fucking cunt used sex to get blood out of me, what wouldn't he try with sex? He smirked, reappearing. "See that wasn't so bad, was it? And look I even brought a plaster with me." He walked back to me smiling as he came, I frowned unhappy with how this played out.

"You didn't count to three." I grumbled out as he placed the plaster on my arm. I looked at it and shook my head. The man was clearly taking the fucking piss with me. "Winnie, the fucking Pooh?" I asked now pissed at having a child's plaster on my arm.

"Well, if you're going to be such a baby about it, then you can have a baby plaster. Do you want a lollipop as well?" He asked. I stuck my tongue out at him sulking. "Come here, Angel." He purred moving over to me so we were facing each other side by side. His hands trailed lightly up my sides making me shudder with delight. He kissed my neck, biting gently making me moan. "I'm forgiven?" He whispered in my ear as his hands trailed down and over my hip, before trailing up my inner thigh and ghosting over my now growing cock again.

"Maybe." I breathed out as his hand slid down in to my boxers, grasping my cock in his hand.

"What about now?" He whispered in a purr in my ear.

"You're getting closer." I moaned out as his hand stroked slowly up and down my shaft. He bent his head down, gently biting my nipple. I moaned out loud again. "You're......" I was cut off.

"Daddies!" Olivia cried out. We both looked over to see her standing in the doorway holding her teddy in her hand rubbing her eye, her little body shaking as she cried. We pulled apart within seconds of seeing her.

"Princess, what's wrong?" Edward asked getting off the bed and picking her up, her little arms and legs wrapped around him as she sobbed on to his shoulder. He turned round facing me, stroking her hair, gently soothing her.

"Scary noises." She sobbed out as Edward walked back to the bed carrying her, he shoot me a look. I raised my hand up and mouthed 'what' at him, he rolled his eyes and got in bed, Olivia gripping him tightly. I touched the back of her head gently, and moved my face near her ear.

"It's okay, sweetheart. There is nothing to be worried about." I soothed. I just got fucking cock blocked by my daughter and I was soothing her, where is the justice in that? Her little head turned to face me; she smiled a little, her eyes all red and puffy. I ran my hand down the side of her face. "You know you're safe here, baby. We would never let anything happen to you." I soothed to her as she slowly let go of Edward and flopped in the middle of us.

"Me sleep here?" She asked, I chuckled and nodded my head. "Uno?" She called, not the fucking dog as well, he was a dead weight during the night taking up way too much room. He bounced on the bed and flopped himself down over my feet, great.

"We need a bigger bed." I whispered to Edward, he smiled at me.

"If you learned to keep it down we wouldn't need a bigger one." He whispered back over Olivia's head, she was now falling to sleep again.

"If you had of just finished what you started the first time round then she wouldn't have nearly caught us in the act." He chuckled softly.

"No, she would have caught us in the act itself. I'm going to have to gag you in the future." He chuckled out. Yeah, I was more vocal during sex; Edward had managed to keep a lid on his moans when Olivia was sleeping just down the hall.

"You know you said that we were flying out Thursday night? Which is tomorrow night, I have work on Friday and Olivia has school." He smiled.

"Yeah, I know, but I sorted it out. They didn't seem to mind as it's half term next week, so you're in the clear." He turned gently watching Olivia as she fell more in the middle of the bed.

"When do we come back?" I asked him as our fingers interlocked together over Olivia.

"We leave my parents Friday morning. It's not that far from there and we get back there Monday night, and arrive back home Tuesday." He whispered a gentle smile on his lips. So it wasn't far from his parents, I wondered where it was then.

"Love you, babe." I whispered gently moving to give him a good night kiss.

"Love you too, Angel." He whispered against my lips and before giving me another gentle one. I turned gently not wanting to wake Olivia and turned the lamp off, before drifting off to sleep.

*****

I left work the next day with a slight spring in my step, a few nights away with Edward and an extra day off on top was enough to keep me smiling. I drove home, not picking Olivia up as Edward had finished work early. I parked up and went inside the house. I could hear Olivia crying her eyes out and Edward's soothing voice trying to sooth her. Panic hit my chest, was she hurt? What had happened to make her cry like that, a gut wrenching cry? I raced in to the living room, seeing Olivia curled up tightly to Edward sobbing uncontrollably.

"What happened?" I asked sitting down and taking hold of Olivia's hand.

"We have a slight problem." He said rolling his eyes slightly

"What problem? Is she okay?" I asked hearing her sobbing still on Edward.

"Yeah, she is, but Teddy isn't." I breathed, and almost laughed all these tears over a teddy. "Somewhere between leaving school, being in the car, stopping off at the shop and coming here, we lost teddy." He said.

"Olivia, it's okay, we will find teddy." I soothed really wanting to laugh that we were having all this drama over a bear.

"But take it tonight." She cried out looking at me, I smiled.

"But you're taking Bruno, sweetheart. How about you go start thinking about what you want to take?" She nodded and gave me a kiss before climbing off Edward's knee and walking off.

"Uno, come." She called. Bruno slid off the sofa and followed her. I relaxed back and gave Edward a kiss.

"How are you, babe?" He looked tired. Edward had gone in at four this morning moving shifts around with someone else so he could leave early, and he looked half dead.

"Fucked, looking forward to sleeping on the plane." He smiled. "Are you okay, Angel? I took your bloods in this morning; they're going to call me over the weekend with the results." We laced fingers together. One of the great things about Edward working in the hospital was he could push the results through faster.

"Okay, I guess. A little tired, but other than that, I'm fine. Have you packed?" He nodded his head. "Just me then." I added.

"Yeah, you better hurry up as we have to leave soon to catch the flight. I'll go make sure Olivia is picking clothes and not just toys." He gave me a kiss and went upstairs to check on Olivia. I sat there thinking about what to pack, what could I take with me?

Heading upstairs I walked in to our bedroom, the suitcase sat on the bed, Edward's clothes already in there along with his toiletries bag. I started flicking through the wardrobe. Fuck, I didn't know what to pack, and I flicked through Edward's clothes to see if I could get any idea of what to pack. Yeah, I came up blank.

"Fuck." I groaned out, I heard a chuckle behind me. I snapped my head round to see Edward standing there leaning against the door frame.

"Jasper, what are you doing?" He asked me with a slight smirk.

"I don't know what to pack." I moaned out as he laughed at me. I frowned, it wasn't fucking funny.

"Clothes, Jasper. Although if I get my way, you won't be needing them." He wiggled his eyebrows and winked, walking out of the room. I liked the sound of that.

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**_As you can guess the next chapters will be there weekend away, full of so good lovin' (wink) _**

**_Amy (My beta) is going away for the weekend so i wont be updating again till after then, but I'll give you something good in the next chapter, hehe._**

**_Anyway my lovelys hit the review button and send me some love, Jen x_**


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN/ Hello my lovely's have you all missed me over the weekend? Have you missed my boy's?**_

**_I wrote a super long chapter for you all, it's my longest ever chapter, and it's full of some wonderful goodies, so do you think you guys might send me loads of reviews for it? Hehe._**

**_Here's Chapter 7_**

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_**EPOV**_

We sat on the plane in mid-air, I had been hoping to sleep a little but I couldn't seem to shut off. My eyes kept falling on my family, Olivia who was asleep next to me in the middle of us, her hair falling over one side of her face as her head rested on Jasper's side, his head bent towards hers, asleep. I watched and their chests raised and fell with each breath they took, their peacefulness surrounding them both like a blanket of comfort. What I wouldn't give for that comfort right now, that chance to just switch everything off for a little while and sleep, peacefully, unaware to the outside world. I felt like I hadn't slept in years. Truth was I hadn't slept in weeks, months even. I napped here and there, my sleep consisted of tossing and turning a lot as my mind went into overdrive. I couldn't rest, I couldn't fully relax, I was on edge all the time. Every little thing worried me, everything that Jasper did in his sleep woke me up from the little slumber I got. Every turn, every arm movement, every moan or sigh woke me, sending me in to yet another crazed fit. I would stand on the balcony for hours just looking out, thinking, always thinking, wanting it all just to stop. I knew I could if I really wanted to. I could stop, slow myself down and relax, but relaxing meant dropping my guard and I couldn't do it. The thought of dropping it meant missing something, something that could be so important, that could make that difference. I was scared and struggling to keep my head above the water.

I had wrapped myself too tightly, tighter than I ever thought possible, so much so my muscles ached from the tension I was applying. It was the only way I could stay together, stay intact and not fall apart. Jasper didn't know how tightly I was wrapped, I couldn't bring myself to tell him the struggle I was facing. He didn't need that on his plate, not with what he had been told, with what he was dealing with, and my own personal demons had to stay locked away from him. We never kept anything from one another, we shared everything, but now I was hiding something from him. It ate me alive, from the inside out, slowly, driving me insane that I could hold something back from him. What else could I do? I was stuck and had to do this on my own. I had to stay strong for him, for her, for the both of them, even though inside I was dying, inside I was breaking, slowly crumbling away. I had no choice, no outlet. Jasper was scared enough about what may happen, what the future held without me adding my worries on top of him, without my burden weighing his shoulders down even more. I knew Jasper wasn't stupid, I knew he knew I was holding back but he never pushed it. He never asked me why, he knew why. Maybe he was grateful that I could hold these things back from him and not let him know the full extent of what I was feeling.

Looking down at my wedding band I spun it slowly around my finger. It had been six years since it went there, six years since he put it there on my finger, and six years ago I never dreamed that I could be facing losing everything again. Jasper had asked me if I would do anything if the worst happened. How could I answer that? He was the other half of me, my soul lay with his, our hearts beat as one. He was all that I had and all I ever wanted, if I lost him, I would be losing half of me. I wouldn't want to be without him, I couldn't be without him. I hardly it made it through the first time, when I lost James I was convinced that I wouldn't make it, and very nearly didn't, but losing Jasper? That would be the end of me. Selfish to think, I know. There is Olivia, the other half of my world, I would never do anything to harm her, to bring her pain or heartache in any way, shape or form. If I followed Jasper my little girl would be crushed, she would have lost us both. I couldn't have that for her, I couldn't crush her by leaving her as well. I loved her too much to do anything like that, she was ours, our little girl. She was the child I never thought I would have, she ruled my world, everything she wanted she got, I would give her the moon and stars if I could. How could I lose Jasper and still be there for her? It played on my mind all the time.

I know that he had a good chance of not going anywhere, a very good chance. It may be serious and life-threatening, but it can be cured. He can get better and he can live his life to full once more. There was nothing to suggest that he would go, leave me from the world and go to the next, but I also knew you couldn't count on anything. James had been young when he died, when he lost his life. It had been a cruel twist of fate that led him to his death, that took him away from me. What was to stop Jasper from going the same way? I lost one partner, could I really lose my husband and survive?

Jasper had once asked me if I would change anything, if I would change James' death. I couldn't answer him, I didn't know what to say. James' death had led me to Jasper, and then to Olivia. His death led me to my whole fucking world, to the people I loved more than my life, to the people I would do anything for, die for; whatever needed to be done to save them I would do it in a heartbeat, but would I really change anything? I had loved James, he was everything to me at the time. What I have with Jasper I wanted with him, so how could I answer his question? Jasper has never been second best, or someone I settled for because I couldn't have James, every inch of me loved Jasper, every part of me wanted him, there was never a what if in me. I had accepted the way my life had gone, and fell in love with the life that lay in front of me. The only answer I gave him was I don't know what would have happened if I had never lost James.

I would walk through hell again if it meant having Jasper at the end of it. I would take it all again if I knew he would be there. I had prayed every night, to every god known to man, not to take him away from me, not to rip my world, my heart, my soul in half. I've begged and pleaded to everything of any higher power not to destroy my family. I wanted so much for us to have the things we planned. More than anything I wanted to grow old with him, I wanted to still see his wonderful blue orbs when his blonde curls turned grey. I just wanted everything the way it should be, with him. All I ever wanted was to keep him safe and in my arms, was I asking for too much?

My fingers reached out and gently stroked his face, running my fingertips ever so gently across his perfect skin, waking him from his slumber slowly. His eyes opened slowly, his sparkling blue eyes shining back at me. I smiled, my bottom lip trembling slightly as I smiled, my emotions getting on top of me, my over powering love for him washing over me in waves. Crashing hard through me, I was consumed by my love for him.

"Hey." He said, his voice full of sleep and he stretched moving Olivia slightly, she mumbled something and curled closer to Jasper but didn't wake up.

"No." I said to him. He looked at me and shook his head leaning forward to pick up his water, looking at me with a questioning look, he didn't know what I was saying no to.

"No to what, Babe? No to our dirty weekend?" He asked with a slight smirk raising his eyebrow at me.

"Would I change anything? No, not a thing, not one single thing I would change, because everything led me to you." I said softly my voice shaking slightly as I spoke, I smiled lovingly at him.

"Where did that come from?" He asked smiling at me. He shifted in the seat again turning his body more towards me and moving Olivia.

"I never answered the question when you asked." I said looking at him holding our daughter close to him, his hand gently ran up and down her hair, he smiled softy.

"On the plane? Thought you were going to sleep?" He asked, I just shrugged. I watched him frown and sigh, not happy that I hadn't slept.

"I'll sleep tonight." I protested at him, he shot me a look and I rolled my eyes at him.

"I would change things if I could." He said while running his fingers over his chin, scratching slightly. I looked at him confused, he would change things? Why? "Don't look so worried, Edward." He smiled. I turned my head away and looked out of the window, seeing nothing but a black sky.

"Hey babe, look at me." He asked. I turned my head slightly seeing him smiling at me, his blue eyes sparkling and dancing. I saw nothing but love in his eyes. "I wouldn't have made that joke when you first told me about your past, that was pretty stupid."

I chuckled at him "It was, but it is you. Your mental filter is fucked, but you wouldn't be you if you didn't have it, and who's to say I would have fallen in love with you if you changed?"

He thought for a minute drumming his fingers on his chin.

"True, everything happens for a reason, doesn't it?" I smiled at him but watched his face fall. "So what's the reason behind my illness?" He asked, I looked at him trying to figure out what to say, I said the only thing that came to mind.

"I don't know, Angel. I wish I did." He smiled weakly as the light came on signalling for us to fasten our seat belts.

Jasper woke Olivia up gently, her blue eyes looking around wondering where we were. I watched as Jasper spoke to Olivia, watched as her eyes never left his. Their love and devotion shining between the two of them, how would she take it? How would she handle being told of Jasper's illness? We couldn't hide it forever, at some point she would ask questions or it would become too hard to hide things. How would we tell her? I don't know how I would be able to sit her down and tell her. She was smart and well in-tuned to what went off around her, she figured things out fast. How long would it take her to fit it all together?

We got off the plane, Olivia couldn't decide who she wanted to see more, my parents or Bruno, who was held up with the suitcases under the plane. I hated putting him inside the cage, he looked so sad to have to be placed in one. I could almost hear his cries on the plane, wanting to get out and be with us. It was weird how I could tell his bark when surrounded by other barking dogs. Just like how I knew Olivia's cry, I was so tuned to it, I could pick it out from anywhere.

"There!" Olivia screamed full volume and let go of Jasper's hand and raced towards my parents, my dad picking her up and swinging her around. I laced fingers with Jasper as we walked across the airport, this was the first time we had seen them since I broke the news to them. My dad had taken it well, he went in to doctor mode at me, it was his way of dealing with it. Looking at it medically made him feel better, he had since been researching as much as he could about it. My mother on the other hand had fallen apart on the phone. Jasper had a close relationship with my parents, my mother more so. She looked at him with so much love and care, all going back to when we first met. To my mother Jasper would always be held in high regards for saving her son.

"Jasper." My mother flung her arms around him hugging him tightly, they had spoken on the phone a few times since they found out, growing even closer.

"Hi, mum." I gave her a gentle hug and a kiss on the cheek already seeing the tears from her eyes.

"Good flight?" My dad asked as he carried Olivia out of the airport.

"Good." Olivia repeated. Yeah, because you would know, you spent the whole time asleep.

"Boring, these two slept the whole time." I replied as we placed the suitcases in the boot. Bruno was now out of the cage and taking full advantage of it by peeing up every tyre he came across.

The ride to my parents was short considering how tired I was. My dad was speaking to Jasper telling him about all the research he had done and what he had found out, I had stopped looking. It was hitting too close to home for me, I kept things covered and decided I would do more when the time came. Right now I was worried by how tired he was becoming, how pale he looked. Jasper had always held a more tanned skin tone, compared to mine, but it was going. I worried about his iron levels, his red blood cell count, everything. The hospital was calling me during the weekend with the results. I had wanted the results before we went away, but I couldn't get them through fast enough, I had to wait.

Arriving at my parents house late in the evening we put Olivia to bed, she protested slightly saying she wasn't tired after sleeping on the plane. She kicked and screamed for awhile until we walked away from her, she wasn't going to win the battle to stay up later, not tonight. Her will gave out and she was out before we even reached the stairs. Once Olivia was down my dad took Jasper off to talk to him leaving me with my mum.

"You look tired Edward." She said sitting down next to me handing me a cup of coffee. I shrugged slightly, being tired was an understatement. "When did you last sleep? And I mean really sleep Edward, not cat napping?" Her voice full of concern as she spoke to me.

"The night before Jasper was told he had kidney failure." I decided to just be honest with her over it. "I can't switch off or relax. I'm so tired, desperate to sleep, but when I can I can't because of Jasper." I whispered out, I felt like I was whining. I'm moaning because I can't sleep and yet my husband is dealing with kidney failure, how fair was I being?

"You're bottling up, Edward. It's not good for you or Jasper." Her soft soothing tones made me feel like a child again. I rested my head back on the sofa and closed my eyes.

"I don't want to burden Jasper with all my worries. He has enough to worry about, mum." I could feel my eyes start to sting and water.

"Maybe you should see Tanya again." I shot her a look, she raised her hand. "Let me finish, Edward. Tanya is there to talk to, you need to get your worries off your chest. I know you don't want to burden them on Jasper with what he is going through, so use Tanya. You need to talk; this affects you as well as him." I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I looked at her concerned face and smiled weakly feeling my emotions hitting their peaks, and I broke down. The tears fell so freely as my fears came to the surface. Her arms wrapped themselves around me pulling me to her as I wept on her shoulder.

"I can't lose him." I choked out through my sobs, her hand rubbing my back slowly, letting me cry like a baby on her shoulder. "I'm so scared I'll lose him..... like how I lost James." I whispered out. She pulled me off her and held my face in her hands, her eyes running with her own tears.

"Edward, I wish I could take away the pain you're feeling, the suffering you're going through with Jasper. It's not right to see you suffer again, to see either of you having to face this." Her fingers wiped away my tears.

"I need him to stay with me, I can't do this without him. He's the other half of me." I was in pain; I wanted it to end, to remove it from us. My words, my tone, my posture screamed pain to anyone that was looking at me. The pain I was hiding from Jasper was coming out.

"He won't leave you, not without a fight. You're worried so much about him, but what is this doing to you?" She asked, worrying over her child.

"I don't care what it does to me, I can't fail." I wiped my face. Maybe seeing Tanya would be a good idea, talking it through with her. It might do me some good.

"You won't fail, Edward. You're not failing now, and you're showering him with love and support, but you holding back how you feel is only going to wear you down. Talk it through with someone outside of this, you will feel better and it will help Jasper." I raised an eyebrow at her as I sipped my coffee. "You sense his moods and feelings, so does he. He knows you're holding back not to scare him, but you need to deposit this somewhere."

We sat there for awhile not talking, just thinking. Of course he knew I was holding back, he would know just how scared I really was without me having to tell him a thing. Talking things through to someone out of the loop was healthy, it would make things easier between us. Jasper had been going to groups, talking to others with the same illness and he seemed a lot better for it. He could share his full fears without the worry of upsetting me. I needed that too, needed to be able to moan for awhile to someone about my fear of my past repeating itself.

"I'm going to bed, night." I kissed my mother on the cheek and headed upstairs to my old room.

Jasper was on the bed taking his medication, his hair wet and flat, turning his dirty blonde hair almost brown, the curls now only bending slightly at the end. He turned his body to place the glass on the side, his muscles turning with him showing them off perfectly. His long limbs hung off the end of the bed as he propped himself up on his elbows looking at me, a loving smile on his face.

"You remember when I first came here?" He asked. I nodded smiling slightly at the thought; it was one of my happier memories, the time we actually started to make things move forward between us.

"What are you referring to?" I asked while pulling the T-shirt off my head, and undoing my jeans.

"New Year's Eve party and you were pretty wasted." He smirked. "I don't know how I managed to stop you that night." He laughed throwing his head back showing a perfect line from his chin down his neck and chest. I crawled over him and kissed his neck.

"If I remember right I had you pretty much pinned like this." I murmured against his neck, hearing his breathing hitch in his throat. His heart rate picked up and I felt him grow underneath me, I smirked. "You're so easy, Jasper." I teased, he looked shocked and pushed me up and back on to my heels.

"I'm not easy. You're a tease, Edward. I walked around constantly hard for months, and I thought I was going to die from a hard on." I chuckled. "It wasn't funny, Edward." I laughed softly at him before leaning forward and capturing his lips with mine. The buzz ran through my lips and in to my body crashing through my veins, and our lips moved together perfectly.

"Can you keep quiet?" I purred in his ear before kissing down his neck. Jasper moaned and I placed my hand over his mouth. "If you can't, then I'll stop." I rocked my hips slowly against his, causing the wonderful friction to make us both moan in delight. "Get on all fours, Angel." I purred out pinching one of his nipples before getting off him. I pulled my boxers off letting my raging hard on spring free from its confinements. I grabbed the bottle of lube out from the suitcase and looked at my angel, already on all fours, his ass in the air. His head turned over his shoulder looking at me with a sexy smile on his lips. He shook his ass, his perfectly toned ass shaking in my face made me even harder if it was at all possible. Even after six years I couldn't get enough of him, I couldn't seem to ever satisfy my need for him.

"See something you like?" He asked in a seductive voice, giving his ass another shake. I hissed out in pleasure biting my lip, I wanted him so fucking badly. I prayed that Olivia wouldn't choose now to have another nightmare, her cock blocking was becoming more of a pain.

"Fuck... Jasper." I moaned out as I poured the lube down his crack pushing my fingers in to his burning hot core.

"I'm hoping you're going to." He groaned out pushing his hips back against my fingers as I pumped them in and out of him. Adding a third finger Jasper shuddered in pleasure, his skin covered in goose bumps, he moaned out again. "I'm ready.... fuck, Edward." He grunted out as I removed my fingers from his ass. Pouring the lube over my cock I stroked it a few times before rubbing the tip against his opening. Jasper wiggled his ass against my cock, rubbing over my sensitive head. I moaned out a little too loudly, Jasper chuckled. "What were you saying?" He smirked out.

I rammed my cock in to his ass hard making Jasper moved forward, he cried out, the sound a mixture of pleasure and pain. I pulled back, nearly all the way out before slamming back in to him hard, he cried out again. My hands gripped his hips almost painfully hard as I thrust hard in to him, picking my pace up, fucking him harder and faster. Sounds of moans and cries filled the room with slapping skin.

"Edward..... oh..... fuck." He moaned out as he dropped his arms down, pressing his shoulder and face on to the pillow but keeping his ass high in the air. The new position allowed me to go deeper in to him, reaching his sweet spots. He shivered underneath me signalling his need for release, as we climbed to our orgasm. My hands reached under him grabbing hold of his hard cock dripping with pre-cum. I gripped him tightly stroking him to match my thrust, Jasper moaned out in pleasure biting the pillow to mask his screams. I could feel my release coming, the tightening feeling starting in my stomach as my balls started to tighten. I looked over to the side and saw our reflection in the large window. I closed my eyes biting my lip, holding off my release for a few minutes more. I knew Jasper was close; his moans were getting closer and closer together.

"Look .... in..... the ..... window." I panted out as I fucked him hard from behind. I looked towards the window the same time as Jasper did, seeing him being fucked by me broke me apart. "Fuck." I cried out throwing my head back as I came hard, my body shaking as the orgasm ripped through me, pumping my hot seed in to his ass. Seconds later Jasper cried out, covering my hand and cover in his creamy nectar.

Breathing hard I pulled out of him, my legs shaking slightly from the powerful orgasm I just had. I walked to the on suite bathroom to clean myself up before taking a warm wash cloth to Jasper. I cleaned him up gently as he rolled on to his side, his eyes hooded and full of love. I smiled at him and kissed his lips, his wonderful soft lips against mine, feeling the love between the two of us. I smiled against his lips.

"I love you." I whispered pulling away from him and throwing the wash cloth in the hamper before heading back to my angel.

"I love you too, babe. Shit, do you think we were a little loud?" He asked almost giggling like a school girl. I climbed in bed next to him pulling him to my chest. So what if they heard? It was too late now to worry about it.

"A little." I whispered in his ear, he lifted his head off my chest and kissed my lips. "Do you know how worried I am about you?" I said as he laid his head back down on my chest.

"Yes, we lean on each other, babe, you and me." He squeezed me tighter. "Please sleep, Edward, you need it as much as I do. Relax this weekend with me." I smiled and kissed the top of his head, if he asked me to make fucking diamonds I would.

"I will as long as you promise me you will tell me if something is wrong, and you need to stay warm." I pulled the cover up round him wrapping him up a cocoon, he sighed contented and kissed my chest.

"I will, I wouldn't keep it from you darlin'. I can't wait by the way to see where we are going." I smiled and rubbed my hands across his back softly, tracing gentle patterns on his skin.

"I hope you like it. Good night, beautiful." I whispered to him. His head popped up and he looked at me, all sleepily in the dimly lit room.

"I'm sure I will, night, babe." He kissed me softy before placing his head back on my chest. I sighed out letting my body relax feeling his heat coming off his skin, my arms tightly wrapped around him. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I stood outside in the back garden enjoying the late October sun, my back pressed against the wall of the house, my head tilted upwards slightly towards the sun. I felt refreshed. I had relaxed last night for the first time in over two months, sleeping soundly through the night in peace and not with the fear of Jasper suddenly taking a turn for the worse. I had to trust that he would tell me if something was wrong, trust that he would come to me and not have me walking on a thin blade all the time watching his every move.

We were leaving in an hour, the drive wasn't that far from where my parents lived. I didn't want to go too far away as it was only a weekend and we liked to be close by in case something happened to Olivia. I knew she was perfectly safe here, and whatever may happen would be taken care of, having my father as a doctor was a godsend, but still I worried. Olivia had ended up in A&E more times than I cared to remember, having little wheels off her toys stuck up her nose, or when she broke her nose by falling off the slide and slamming the floor face first. Most of the times she had ended up there were caused by her nature to take risks. She never saw the harm or danger in anything, she had seen someone do a bungee jump when we were on holding last year and had become fixated by it, she wanted to go and try it. We once took her to the zoo and you could hold one of the snakes, Olivia was first in the queue wanting to hold the nasty thing, and then begged for one as a pet. She either loved danger or just didn't see it.

I could hear Olivia's high-pitched screams as I walked back in to the kitchen. I saw Jasper sitting there, I raised my eyebrow at him wondering what was going on, he just shook his head and pointed to the door. I followed Olivia's high-pitched screams which where matching my father's laughter. Opening the door in to the family room I saw her hanging upside down by her ankles, my father holding them while standing up. I shook my head seeing the sight in front of me, her long bronze hair hanging down almost touching the floor. My father pretended to drop her causing another fit of laughter and screams from the pair of them.

"Having fun?" I asked. Olivia giggled at me, her face now red from both laughing and all the blood rushing there. He gently lowered her to floor resting her back and legs down before letting go. Olivia was back on her feet smiling.

"Again, Grandpa, again." She said her wonderful angelic voice full of excitement and joy.

"You're not normal." My father said and then looked at me. "Then again you did come from Edward, so it explains a lot." He chuckled out. My mouth fell open playing the hurt and shocked victim.

"I don't know what you're trying to imply." I huffed sitting down as Olivia came up and sat on my knee.

"I remember having to get you out of the jungle gym when you got stuck; you had a thing for being upside down." I laughed remembering it. I had told Jasper that story when we came here that very first Christmas, I guess he had a point.

"Yeah, so do I." I smiled and wrapped my arms around my little girl pushing my face in to her hair and breathing in her scent. "You going to be a good girl for grandpa and grandma?" I asked her whispering in her ear, she giggled.

"Yes, daddy." I smiled and kissed her head, I was going to miss her while we were away.

"Good girl, go say bye to daddy because we're leaving soon." She smiled and climbed off my knee and ran out the room to find Jasper.

"She'll be fine, Edward." He said catching my gaze after her, I looked at him and smiled. I knew she would, but I couldn't help but worry.

"I know, but call us if anything happens." He rolled his eyes at me as if to say he knows what he is doing.

"Edward go and have a nice time with Jasper, you two need some alone time together. Olivia will be fine here, we have done this before you know, look after a child." He smiled at me. I felt slightly embarrassed that I had made him feel that he didn't know what he was doing. "Son, you're a father you're always going to worry no matter what, it's part of being a parent." I smiled.

"Thanks." I got up and headed in to the kitchen. Jasper was hugging Olivia, her little arms wrapped tightly around him. "You ready to go?" I asked picking up the car keys. My dad had lent me his car, it saved having to rent one while we were here.

"Yeah, be good Olivia, love you." He whispered giving her a kiss.

"Love you too." My heart melted watching them together, the perfect bond, love and devotion between them.

We said our goodbye and headed off on the road towards the cabin in the mountains. It was something that my parents had bought a few years back. The cabin sat high up and in the heart of the forest. The river ran close to the cabin and at this time of year the place looked stunning. My biggest concern over it was the weather. It wasn't winter yet, but it was turning that way and Jasper's immune system wasn't what it should be. I didn't want him to get cold or get a cold. His body wouldn't be able to fight it off well, but I had taken extra measures, making sure that he would be warm throughout our stay.

As we started to head in to the forest Jasper kept his face pressed to the window looking for some sign of where we were heading.

"Can I have a clue?" He asked. Jasper had to have clues all the time. When it came to gifts at Christmas shaking the box wasn't enough, he wanted to know if he could wear, it, eat it, smell it, use it, you name it, he asked.

"It's quiet, it's peaceful and it's surrounded by beauty." He looked at me as he turned the words around in his head, his eyes flickered over looking up, and I smirked. "That's all you're getting, Angel. You will see it soon." I smiled and looked back at the road.

"What do you think Olivia will be up to this weekend?" He asked.

"My mum will bake a cake with her." I knew the answer already, she had pulled me up on the whole cake mix packet before.

"Well at least she will be able to eat it." He said, I laughed.

"Hey, she can eat the ones I make. It's not my fault that brain of yours has never thought of my plan." I smirked. Jasper had tried the whole cake packet mix, but Olivia caught him at it. She sulked for a while over that one.

"You cheat when you bake. I should tell her." I stuck my tongue out at him, a very mature thing to do.

We finally reached the cabin at just gone mid-day, he got out the car and looked around. The cabin itself was beautiful, fully logged with a stone chimney. The green grass sat around the cabin and you could hear the river flowing, we were that close. You could see the mountains and trees of the surrounding area, it was perfect. Jasper turned to face me.

"I love it." He gave me a kiss and helped unload the car. My parents had been up here a few days ago changing bedding and filling it with food for us to stay.

The cabin was a little cold when we first got in, so I set about building the fire up. Jasper's arms snaked around my waist, his head resting on my shoulder.

"Can I put in a request?" He asked kissing my neck, I smiled.

"Depends on what the request is." I felt him smile against my neck, his lips sending little sparks through my skin. God, how I loved this man.

"Tonight can we make love by the fire?" I chuckled at him.

"You read my mind." I turned in his arms and kissed him softly, slowly cherishing the feel of lips against mine. I pulled back and Jasper pouted as his hands squeezed my ass. "Let me show you around. If you want we can go for a walk in the forest and then come back and have dinner."

"Sounds like a plan." I walked and held his hand as I showed him around the cabin, pointing out the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, that sort of thing. I undid the suitcase and pulled out a jumper. I knew Jasper only had a T-shirt on under his coat, I passed it to him.

"Put it on, Angel." He rolled his eyes at me and put it on the bed. "Jasper, please."

"You said no talk of my illness and we have been here all of five minutes and already you are doing this." He folded his arms across his chest.

"I don't want you to get cold when we go outside. Please, I just want you to stay warm." I tried to reason with him, but could see it was getting me nowhere.

"I'm not cold, Edward." He was digging his heels in at me. I wanted to push this, everything told me to push this. His health was important, but I didn't want us to fight, I wanted us to have a nice time here, so I backed down.

"Fine, but fasten your coat up, meet me in the middle here." I asked, a compromise seemed like the best idea here.

"Okay, I will." I smiled at him and gave him a kiss. I took hold of his head and led him outside.

The leaves were starting to fall off the trees turning a wonderful array of colours. Some gold, some orange, some brown, the leaves covered the floor underneath our feet as we walked hand in hand through the forest towards the river. The silence between us was comfortable, just enjoying being in each others' company without having Olivia around. I missed this, where it was just the two of us. I wouldn't change Olivia for the world, but it was nice to have this short amount of time together.

"Edward......" He started, but stopped as my phone kicked in to life. It would be right fucking now, wouldn't it? I pulled it out looking at the caller ID.

"Jane." I said down the phone. Jasper's face fell slightly, and he knew this was his blood results.

"_I have the results back from Jasper's blood. Do you want me to give them to you now?" _She asked down the phone.

"Yeah, go on then." I squeezed his hand gently.

"_Okay. Well everything looks normal, but there is a slight problem." _I closed my eyes.

"Go on."

"_His red blood cell count is a little low. It's nothing too serious Edward, so relax. You have the iron tablets, don't you?" _She asked, I let out a sigh of relief

"I have them with me, Jane." I said looking at Jasper.

"_Good, get him to start taking them to help with the anaemia, and when you get back have Jasper come in. We may need to start looking at ESA injections, but that shouldn't be soon. Relax and enjoy the break, you two need it."_ She said.

"Thanks, Jane. We will, bye." I hung up and looked at Jasper.

"Well it's not all bad news, Angel. You know I was worried about you becoming anaemic?" He nodded. "Well the test showed your body is slightly low on red blood cells, it's nothing to worry about just yet, it happens with kidney failure. Your diet is also effecting it, so I have some iron tablets with me that you're going to start taking and it will help you feel better. Okay, Angel?" He sighed.

"Another set of pills to take, I feel like a rattle, turn me upside down and shake me." He smirked trying to see the funny side to this. "Okay, so now what then?" He asked taking back hold of my hand and walking alone the path by the river.

"Well they want you to come in when we're back just to check things over. At some point we might have to start giving you injections of ESA." He frowned at the word injections.

"What's ESA then?" He asked. I could see his mind working the information in, so much for no talk of the illness while we were away.

"ESA means Erythropoiesis-stimulating agent. Erythropoietin is a chemical that the kidneys make, it tells your body to make red blood cells. If your body isn't producing Erythropoietin then we use a drug called ESA to make the body make more red blood cells. As I said we don't know if we will be using that yet." He nodded at me.

We continued to walk along he river until Jasper stopped and lent on the wooden railing next to the river. He sighed as he lent his forearms against it locking his own fingers together.

"I want another child Edward, I want one now." He looked at me. I could see the fresh set of tears forming in his eyes. "I don't want to wait, you said yourself that me and dialysis or kidney transplants are years away, so I don't want us to wait. We know the score with my illness and it's being monitored at every stage, so....." He trailed off and looked out at the water. I stood behind him and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist resting my chin on his shoulder.

"Are you sure you want to do this now?" I asked. We had always said we would have two, both of us getting the chance to have a biological one of our own, but I wasn't sure if now was the right time. Although as he said it could be years until he has to face dialysis or a transplant.

"Yes, please. Edward, I don't want our dreams put on hold because my body decided to have my kidneys fail. I want us to go and see Claire again, find another donor and have ourselves another child." He sighed. "Please." His voice was nothing more than a whisper.

"You don't have to beg me, Angel. You know I want another one, and if you want to do it now, then we will." He lent back and turned his head to face me giving me a kiss.

"Thank you." He whispered blinking the tears away before they fell. I knew it wasn't the best time to have another child, but what else could we do? Wait around until Jasper needs to have a transplant which could be what twenty or forty years from now? We may as well have another one now. "Boy or girl?" He asked, I smiled

"Boy, we have one little diva already, so a boy would be nice. Either way I'm not bothered just as long as they're healthy." We both sighed contented at the moment, it almost felt like nothing was wrong, and everything was perfect and how it should be. He chuckled suddenly. "What's funny?" I asked him.

"Oh nothing, just the thought of dirty nappies and sleepless night again and having Olivia in tow this time around." I chuckled along with him.

"Happy times ahead then, Angel. We'll look in to sorting it out when we get back."

It started to get cold so we headed back towards the cabin, his arm around my waist as we walked, talking about different things, stupid things of no importance. We reached the cabin which was now warm inside. Jasper took his coat off and looking through the cupboards for something to eat. We laughed and joked as we made dinner together. It was rare that we made it together, I was normally at work when it came to making dinner, getting in close to it being finished.

I smiled as I looked at Jasper pouring the hot water in to the mugs. He looked so relaxed, so happy, so content. We had a battle ahead of us and hard times, but looking at him right now I knew we would be okay. Through it all we would pull together and get through this.

We ate dinner and spoke to Olivia, making sure she was okay and behaving herself. By the sounds of it she was having a blast and we were taking up top much of her time by being on the phone. She wasn't interested in us right now. Who could blame her? She was being spoiled rotten by my parents, she didn't have the laws around her of no eating this or that. My parents willingly gave it to her making up for lost time with her, as they didn't get to see her all the time.

"Do you think Olivia would like a brother or sister?" Jasper asked as we lay down in front of the fire.

I chuckled. "Yes, but it could raise the question of where the baby comes from." I said. She hadn't asked why auntie Rose was putting on weight. She knew there was a baby there, but never bothered to ask how it got there in the first place.

"Yeah, we got off lightly with Emmett's and Rose's baby, she's due soon." He said gently tracing patterns on my back as I lay on my chest.

"Yeah, she is. I saw them leave the hospital the other day, she looks like she is about to go off bang." I heard Jasper chuckle.

"She's carrying Emmett's baby, you have seen him eat." He laughed again, I joined him. Emmett and food was something to be seen, how much he could eat was shocking.

"True, I wonder what Alice will have their baby wear for Bella and Jake's wedding." Jasper rolled on to his back laughing.

"God, it's Alice. Come on, you remember when we got married, the whole nightmare with the food? I wonder if they regret letting her have control yet?" I chuckled remembering the countless hours she made us sit there and go through the menus.

"If they have any sense, then yes. I'm sure she has plans already laid out for Olivia." I rested my cheek on my crossed arms looking at him, the light of the fire highlighting his dirty blonde curls. I pushed one off his face and smiled.

"Should we just pass Olivia over to Alice and she can have her for the night, that way we can hide from Alice?" He raised his eyebrow at me and I laughed.

"Could you imagine it? Olivia and Alice together first thing in the morning? I think you're on to something there, but I'm sure she had a plan already." He sighed and looked at me, flashing me a beautiful smile before kissing me.

My hands went in to his hair pulling him closer to me, his tongue trailed across my lips wanting access. I moaned opening my lips as his tongue darted in, exploring every inch of my mouth. Our tongues battled against each other in a slow rhythmic dance, tasting each other. His hands pulled the hem of my T-shirt, we broke apart as he pulled the T-shirt over my head. Our lips connected once more, as his hands slid down my neck and over my shoulders. I shuddered feeling his fingers lightly touch my skin.

Our hips rocked against each other causing a wonderful friction against our growing erections. His hands ran down my chest and over my abs making the muscles contract under his touch. His fingers pulled at the waistband of my jeans pulling me closer to him, it never seemed to feel close enough. My hands pulled his own T-shirt up to his neck, our lips parted so I could pull it off. Jasper pushed me back, pushing so my back was on the floor. His jeans were already undone as he pulled back to remove them, taking his boxers off with them.

"So.... beautiful." I moaned out seeing my angel naked, his hard cock finally being released from it confinements. I hissed out seeing him run his hand down his chest towards his cock. Jasper locked eyes with me as he started to slowly stroke himself. I moaned and whimpered watching him as his hand slid up and down his length, rubbing his thumb over his swollen head. I couldn't take it anymore, he was driving me crazy and he wasn't even touching me. The look on his face was pure heaven as he slowly worked himself, biting his bottom lips as he moaned.

I was on my knees in seconds, not being able to wait any longer. I wanted him, and I wanted to taste him. In front of him on my knees my hands slid up the backs of his thigh before grabbing hold of his ass. I kissed up his thigh toward his balls where I popped one in my mouth gently rolling it with my tongue. His hands gripped my hair and I licked up his shaft to his head. My tongue swirled around his tip tasting the pre-cum that had collected there.

"Ugh.... Edward." He moaned out. I smiled as my tongue slid back down his shaft towards the base. I kissed and sucked his shaft back up to the tip before placing his head in my mouth. Sucking his head gently my tongue swirled around and flicked his slit.

"Fuck..... Edward.... Please." I released his head from my mouth and looked up at him through hooded eyes. His own eyes were hooded and full of lust, his breathing was hard.

"What do you want, Jasper?" I purred out at him as my tongue darted out and flicked his slit again, Jasper's thighs trembled slightly as he gasped out. "What do you want me to do? Do you want me to suck your thick hard cock?" I asked him while my hand played gently with his balls, he nodded. "I can't hear you, Jasper. Do you want your cock in my mouth? Do you want to fuck my mouth, Jasper?" My tongue licked back up his shaft.

"Please....... suck my cock, let me fuck your mouth." He breathed out breathlessly. I smiled as I took him in my mouth, my lips sliding down over his smooth skin that was like silk. I relaxed my throat taking all of him in, he hit the back of my throat, I swallowed around him making him moan and buck his hips. His hands tightened in my hair and I moaned around him, the vibrations making him moan and thrust into my mouth.

He started to fuck my mouth and I kept still round him, tightening my lips around his shaft as he thrust in to my mouth hitting the back of my throat repeatedly. I almost gagged at one point, I happened to swallow as his cock hit the back of my throat. Jasper slowed his thrust down, I squeezed his ass letting him know it was fine, and he picked his pace back up.

"I..... love..... your...... fuck..... mouth." He groaned out in between thrusts. One of my hands started to play with his balls as I heard his moans become louder and louder. I sensed his release coming as I tightened my grip around his cock with my lips.

"I'm.... gonna......" He shot his hot cum down the back of my throat, his body trembling as I drank every drop he gave, milking him for all he was worth. I released him from my mouth and he dropped to his knees breathing hard. His lips crashed on to mine, his tongue pushing my lips apart. He pushed me on to my back and laid on top of me. His lips left mine kissing down my neck, sucking the skin at the curve of my neck making me moan. His mouth kissed down my chest biting a nipple.

"Jasper." I was painfully hard and in need of release as his mouth travelled down my stomach while undoing my jeans. His thumbs hooked the sides of them; I lifted my ass off the ground letting him pull them down with ease along with my boxers. My cock throbbed and twitched with the touch he gave me. I was wiggling and squirming underneath him, bucking my hips trying to create as much friction as possible.

He kissed his way to my hip bone, sucking and biting the skin there. I moaned and gasped feeling his teeth sink in to my skin, my cock throbbed against his neck.

"Jasper..... you're... killing me." I mumbled out as his lips trailed back across my stomach. He looked up at me and smirked before taking my cock in to his mouth. "Oh..... fuck." I cried out as my head rolled back. Jasper wasted no time in taking me all the way down his throat, bobbing his head up and down at speed; bringing me closer to my release. I knew I wouldn't hold on much longer. He sucked up my cock releasing me from his mouth with a loud popping sound before swirling his tongue around my head, my hips bucked on their own accord.

"Ugh.... baby." I cried out as his mouth went to work on my member. Fuck, I loved his fucking mouth, his fucking tongue. Fuck, I just loved all of him. Jasper's teeth grazed across my shaft, it was my undoing. My hips bucked in to his mouth as my body shook, and I shot stream after stream of my cum down his throat. Jasper swallowed around me making my toes curl and my back rise up off the floor. He licked up my now softening cock before kissing me hard on the lips. I could feel him once again hard pressing in to my stomach as we kissed. He pulled back from the kiss and smiled at me, a beautiful breathtaking smile. He reached over to the side grabbing the bottle of lube that was there.

He pulled my legs around his waist before coating his fingers with lube, he gently pushed two fingers in to my ass. His eyes stayed locked with mine as he slowly pushed them in and out of me, I moaned feeling him enter a third finger. Biting my bottom lip I ached to feel him inside me.

"I'm ready.... I want you now." I murmured out desperate to feel him. He smirked at me before removing his fingers and coating his hard cock with lube. He placed himself at my entrance as I dug my heels in to his ass wanting him now. He pushed in slowly not stopping until he was all the way in. We both moaned aloud once he was all the way in. He lent forward kissing me softly.

"I love you." He purred out as he began to thrust in and out, slowly. We hardly ever fucked, every time we did we ended up making love, our eyes stayed locked on one another until one couldn't stop theirs' from rolling in to the back of their head. He thrust slowly in and out of me as we connected on a higher plane to where we were, the world was shut out, and all that mattered right now was me and him, no one else. My breathing was hard and I felt high as my angel pushed us both to an euphoric place. My mind soared as my body filled with love for him, our love filled the room thick with energy that could light up the night sky.

My eyes rolled back inside my head as I felt him hitting spots deep inside of me causing my body to shudder and shiver in pleasure. Our love consumed me sending me in to outer space as we became one. Time had stopped still, the earth had stopped spinning, the world could fucking end right now and we would be none the wiser. It was just us, the other half of one another connecting and locking together, strengthening our bond with one another.

The only sounds that I could hear were Jasper's heavy breath, his moans of pleasure and the slapping of skin. My cock got hard again as Jasper repeatedly hit my sweet spots deep within me. His thrusts picked up the pace as his release neared. Our moans became louder, filling the night sky with cries of pleasure. I gripped hold of my cock and matched my strokes to his thrust.

"I'm .... so.... close." He moaned out as his thrust became more frantic, slamming harder and faster in to me. My body was hypersensitive right now, every touch, every thrust pushing me closer and closer to my release. "Cum...with me." He cried out, his words sending me over the edge. My orgasm ripped through me making my body shake with force, I saw stars as I felt my cum cover my stomach. Jasper thrust hard in to my ass as my muscles clenched around him bringing on his release.

"Fuuucccck!" He cried out, his body went stiff as his orgasm hit, pumping his seed into my ass. His eyes closed, his mouth opened, and a look of pure bliss covered his face. We were in our ecstasy, our euphoria. He collapsed on top of me, panting and breathing hard. The fire deep within me not going out, my whole body filled with so much love, so much raw passion for him. My arms wrapped around him holding him close to me feeling his racing heart start to slow down along with his breathing. He lifted his head and looked at me, a blissful face and goofy grin covered my Angel's face.

"I love you." I whispered to him as our lips met, soft and gentle with love flowing between us. He pulled back and out of me, I missed his body on top of mine, missed him being inside of me. He disappeared out of site while I lay there, my body ached to have him back next to me. No lights were on in the cabin, choosing to let the warm, wonderful, loving glow of the fire light the room. Jasper appeared a few minutes later with two bottles of water and wipes, to clean up with. He passed me the wipes and water, our fingers touched and the wonderful tingly feeling ran through my body.

He lay down next to me once I finished cleaning up and curled in to my arms. The cabin was warm as we lay naked next to the open fire, I sighed contented with him in my arms.

"Do you like your late anniversary gift?" I asked him, moving him slightly so I could drink my water. He smiled and stretched out.

"Love it, the promise of no clothes still on?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me making me chuckle.

"Is that all you think about?" I asked him. He smiled sexily at me, and licked his lips.

"Pretty much when we're alone, yeah. You can't say anything, when you stopped taking anti-depressants you were on me constantly." He looked rather smug to bring this to my attention, I smirked.

"I was horny and I didn't see you complaining at the time. In fact, I do recall you loving every second of it." I smirked, and took a sip of water. Over time my over-driven sex drive had fallen back to its normal state. We fucked a lot, but it wasn't half as much as it was when I first came off the pills.

"I wasn't complaining, just pointing out a fact. So what's the plan for tomorrow?" He asked pushing himself up by his arms. His forearms rested on my chest keeping him up so he could look at me. I smiled and pulled the pillow more behind my head to get more comfy. I pushed some hair off his face which was starting to stick there.

"I'm thinking we stay in bed all day and fuck." He smiled and gave me a kiss.

"Sounds like a plan." He rested his head back on my chest as my arms wrapped around him. My hands gently ran my fingers over his bare back.

We didn't talk, we didn't need to, both lost in our own thoughts listening as the fire crackled every now and then. My mind drifted to the thought of us having another child, wondering what it would look like. All I could see in my mind was a little Jasper, blonde hair and blue eyes. There was no guarantee that the child would end up looking like that. We had been lucky with Olivia, having my colour hair and blue eyes that almost matched Jasper's. Olivia had picked up some of Jasper's traits. She was, without a doubt, a perfect balance.

No matter how much I tried I couldn't picture a child with blonde hair and green eyes. All I saw was a little boy who looked like Jasper, the same dimples, the same smile, the same hair, everything. It had taken us months to find a donor that we were happy with, the information you're given about the mother is limited, covering hair colour, eye colour, skin tone, background, but still you never can tell if what you're seeing on paper is going to turn out what you thought.

I wondered how Olivia would feel with a brother or sister. How would she act with another one in the house? She was the centre of our attention, would she be jealous of someone else sharing our attention? I hoped not. She wasn't a selfish child by any means, she had a good, loving, caring nature to her, but would it stay intact with another child? You read and hear stories of children who get jealous of their new baby brother or sister and try to hurt them. I couldn't see Olivia doing something like that, but then I guess their parents never thought their child would be like that.

My mind was filled with another child and I couldn't stop the excitement that ran through me. I know I shouldn't get excited just yet, we had only just spoken about it, but I couldn't help myself. I had gotten extremely excited the first time round only to have it shattered the day Claire took the test and we found out the IVF had failed. It crushed me as I never even thought about it failing, the second time round I was just as bad, but hid it. I don't think Jasper believed my little act for a second. Hearing the news that it had worked and Claire was carrying our child made me so happy. I was over the moon, and I couldn't wait to tell everyone. The day Olivia was born I was consumed with emotions going through every single person on my phone telling them we had a daughter. My heart swelled thinking about doing all this again.

The fire started to die down and Jasper shivered. I knew he was asleep. Apart from hearing his breathing change, he was also drooling on my chest. Nice, I thought as I moved him gently off me, and laid him on the floor. I got up and wiped my chest with his T-shirt smirking slightly, and headed to the bedroom. I turned the lamp on and pulled back the covers. I had my parents put an extra thick quilt on the bed to keep Jasper warm, I wasn't taking any risks of him getting sick during our stay here. I headed back in to the living room to see Jasper on his side still asleep. I smiled and carefully picked him up, carrying him to bed. My mind filled with thoughts of the first time I carried him to bed. I would never have thought that the early stages were the beginning of our wonderful relationship, the first steps to us being one.

Jasper murmured slightly as I laid him on the bed, his face showed a slight smile as I pulled the covers up and around him. I kissed him gently on his forehead.

"Love you, Angel. Goodnight." I whispered in his ear. I heard him sigh and smile as I brushed his hair off his face. I flicked the lamp off and climbed in. Sliding myself next to him I wrapped my arms around him, spooning him. I breathed in his scent and relaxed, closing my eyes and drifting off in to sleep.

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**_So what do you all think? Wasn't it full of goodies for you? hehe._**

**_Anyway my wonderful readers if you could hit the review button and send me some love, you will make Jen a very happy girl. _**

**_Reviews make me spend hours over the laptop writing dirty weekends away for the boy's._**

**_Jen x_**


	8. Chapter 8

AN/ I'm so pleased you liked the last chapter, I enjoyed writing it.

**_Thank you to all the wonderful reviewers who reviewed it, I love reading what your all thinking as the story moves on._**

**_Abig Thank you to my beta Amy who is a superstar turning these chapters around to me in a day._**

**_Here's chapter 8!_**

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_**JPOV**_

I woke up as the dull sunlight crept though the windows, I was hot and sweaty. Edward had made sure I didn't get cold, but now I was too fucking hot. I kicked the covers off and turned in his arms to face him. His fuck me hair was all over the place, a wonderful array of reddish brown, with bits of gold creating a perfect bronze colour. His eyelids were slightly purple and I wondered just how much sleep he had actually been getting lately. I kissed the tip of his nose and his lips moved in to a gentle smile, his arms tightening around me. I stared at him, watching him sleep. A small smile on my lips as I enjoyed being in his arms feeling his body heat next to mine, our flesh touching. God, I loved him. I pulled myself gently from his grip and climbed out of bed, my feet hit the floor and I shivered slightly. Pulling on a pair of sweatpants I walked in to the kitchen.

My mind thought back to yesterday and what we had decided, another child. My heart soared at this thought. I knew with everything going on that it may not be the best time, but my illness was being closely monitored by the doctors and Edward. I didn't want to wait around for us to have another one, and Olivia was turning four in a few months time, we didn't want a big age gap between the two.

I flicked the kettle thinking I'd wake Edward up with coffee, but I didn't get the chance as his arms wrapped themselves around my waist, burying his face in my neck and inhaling deeply.

"I thought we were staying in bed today." He murmured against my neck in a husky voice. I felt his lips kiss my neck and I shivered with pleasure.

"We are, but I thought you may like a coffee." I said resting my head back against his shoulder as his hand trailed up and down my side every so lightly, almost ghosting my skin.

"Hurry up back to bed." He whispered kissing my ear before walking away. I smiled as I watched his naked body walk back to the bedroom.

I hoped that he was still on for us to have another child. I had another reason why I wanted one. I think he knew the reason, but never said, and I certainly wasn't about to mention it. My other reason for wanting one was simple, if something happened to me, something went wrong and all the certainty that had been put in place was wrong, I wanted something of me to carry on. I wanted to leave Edward with something that was just a little piece of me and that came in the form of a child. I loved Olivia more than anything and I would love this child just the same, but was it wrong of me to have the all the reasons you want to have child with, with one little extra reason?

Pouring the hot water in to the mugs I stirred the mugs and walked back to the bedroom. Edward was lying on his side the phone pressed against ear talking, the loving smile on his lips told me he was talking to Olivia. I placed his mug down and got back in bed. He frowned at me as I pulled the waistband of my sweatpants causing it to flick back against my skin, and I rubbed my side and removed them.

"I'm listening..... yes, you and Bruno are going where?" He asked down the phone, swapping hands so his free hand could trail up and down my stomach, making me ticklish. My muscles contracted and he smirked. "You make sure you're a good girl." He smiled. "Yes, I will ask grandpa when we get back." He chuckled down the phone to her. "Well if you're good then you have nothing to worry about, do you?" My hand played in his hair, running it through it over and over again. "You want to talk to daddy?" He looked at me and blew me a kiss, my heart rate picked up. "Oh, all right then. Well, I won't keep you." He rolled his eyes. "Love you too, princess. Bye." He hung up and placed the phone on the side.

"She okay?" I asked him taking a sip of my coffee and burning my mouth at the same time.

"Yeah, they're off to some kids place later today. I think my dad wants to play in the ball pit." He chuckled out, my mind cast back to the time when we had taken Olivia to Run Riot. It was a massive play zone for kids full of climbing frames and slides and a large ball pit.

_Flashback_

"_Daddy, no." Olivia called out as she stood at the side of the ball pit scared to go in, not much scared her, but this ball pit did. Edward was already in there throwing the balls at other kids laughing his head off. I stood on the side with Olivia._

"_Go on, baby girl. You're safe in there, it doesn't hurt." I tried to reassure her. Edward had already picked her up and thrown her in and was now trying to pull her in whenever he could. Edward was enjoying it more then she was._

"_No." She cried again._

_Edward laughed and threw a ball at my head, it bounced off my head and hit Olivia. I froze thinking she would start screaming, but instead she burst out laughing finding it amusing that I was getting hit by the balls. Edward continued to throw them at me making her laugh even more._

"_Olivia, come here. We can do it together." Edward called to her, she looked a little hesitant. Edward held his arms out as she looked at him. Her little hand reached out to him. He grabbed hold of her and pulled her in, making a splash in the ball pit, sending them flying everywhere._

_They laughed together and started throwing them at me. Luckily Olivia's aim was a little off and I could dodge out of the way, but Edward's were right on target._

_Before too long Olivia turned her sights on Edward figuring he was closer and would have a better chance of hitting him than me, I smiled as they threw balls at each other. They looked at me and smiled, the same evil smile shining back at me, I knew I was in trouble. I laughed at them as they moved closer to me, Olivia throwing balls at me. _

"_Are you two declaring war?" I asked raising an eyebrow, Olivia nodded and giggled. I looked at Edward who was smirking. I looked at the pool and then at the slide which came in to it, working out which would be my best way in. The slide looked big enough so I chose that._

"_You'll get caught." Edward said laughing at me as I bypassed the children towards the slide. They had a rule where adults couldn't actually go on the slides or the climbing frames or any of the fun stuff, we had already broken the rule by being in the ball pit. You can't expect adults not to go on this stuff. I may be an adult, but I was still a kid at heart. I climbed the steps and sat down on the slide and pushed myself off and slid down crashing in to the ball pit, I sent more balls flying than any other child could have done._

_Olivia was laughing at me as I sunk down in the balls so just my head was popping out, and moved towards her, grabbing hold of her and pulling her through the balls. She laughed her head off as I pushed her head down knowing she wasn't about to drown in this. I let go and she came back up looking at me, her little eyes narrowing at me. I laughed so hard, she started to throw balls at me. _

"_Excuse me, but just what do you think you are doing?" I looked over to see a woman standing there with her arms on her hips, busted._

"_Um.... just playing with our daughter." I said trying to sound all innocent like we didn't know we shouldn't be in here._

"_Can you please remove yourself from the ball pit; it's for children, not for adults." She said in a stern voice. I could hear Edward chuckling behind me. Yeah, thanks for the support darlin'._

"_Sorry, we weren't doing anything wrong, but we'll leave." I started to make my way to the side, sulking that the mean lady had spoiled our fun._

"_Mean ady." Olivia said as she came to me and got out, Edward right behind her. We left soon after and picked places where adults could go in._

"The ball pit, I wonder who you get that from?" I asked him. He just shrugged and handed me my pills, I sighed.

"You know you have to take them, Angel." He stroked my cheek. Yeah, I knew I did, but I didn't want to. I hated having to take them every god damn day.

"Fine, give them here." He handed them to me and I took the pills. I really did feel like a rattle some days.

I opened the bottles and took out the pills smiling at him, as I took each one. Yeah, it wasn't a happy smile, not one full of love; it was a fake ass smile which screamed I hate you. Of course I didn't actually hate him, I just hated having to take these, hated him giving them to me and watching as I took them. I almost felt like sticking out my tongue and lifting it up so he could see I had swallowed all of them, but I knew that would just push us in to a fight and I didn't want that.

"They're all done. Happy now?" I snapped at him, he rolled his eyes at me.

"There's no need to be like that, Jasper. It's for your own good." He turned his body away from me to grab his drink. I mocked him behind his back making him laugh. What? Fuck, he hadn't seen me do that, I know he didn't.

"You can stop mocking me as well. I know you're doing it." My mouth dropped. What, does he have eyes in the back of his head? I stuck my tongue out at the back if his head, in the all so mature fashion at which you do when you can't think of anything else. He laughed and turned.

"Olivia has gotten that off you, Jasper. So I know when you're doing it, you give yourself away every time." He lay on his back and rested an arm behind his head.

"I..... how?" I asked dumbfounded that he could know I was doing this. I knew Olivia did it, I caught her in the act a few times, and yes she had picked it up from me, but Edward? How did he know?

"You huff first, and your breath comes out ragged as you're mocking, Olivia does the same thing. After getting caught you stick your tongue out the same thing that Olivia does, so Jasper, Angel, teaching our daughter these things has come back to bite you on the ass." He smirked acting all clever over his new found information he had just announced.

"I'm going to take a shower." I got off the bed sulking slightly making Edward laugh.

"You're not sulking, are you, Angel?" He asked with a smug grin on his face. I shot him a dirty look and walked away. "Angel, don't sulk. It's not my fault you can't get away with it." I heard him chuckle out, cunt.

I headed in to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My eyes looked tired, not as bright as normal, more fucking tests awaited me when I got back to check over my anaemia. I pulled the shower curtain and got in, flicking on the water.

"Agh..... fuck." I screamed out as the freezing cold water hit my body. I heard a chuckle and snapped my head to see Edward standing behind me, and I shot him a look and moved away from the cold water giving it chance to heat up.

"Don't you know you're meant to let it heat up?" He asked raising an eyebrow at me, bastard.

"Yeah, well, I'm used to ours at home, Mr. Fucking. Know. It. All." I snapped out, his hand touched my back and I swatted it away. "Don't, Edward. Just fucking don't." My mood shifting from sulking to be damn right pissed off.

"Jasper, chill out will you, please. God, your moods are killing." His tone was reasonable, but I snapped.

"Chill out? How about you fucking chill out and leave me the fuck alone." I seethed out at him. His eyes carried hurt in them, that should have stopped me, but somewhere between all the pills I was taking and getting used to the news I had been told, my moods and emotions had gone to pot. "And another thing, did I say come take a fucking shower with me? No, I don't fucking recall asking that. You're just in here to fucking check up on me." I was breathing hard and was being consumed with hatred towards him.

"Jasper..." He started, but I cut him off.

"Don't you fucking dare Jasper me." I moved and stood right in front of his face. My body was shaking with anger that was washing over me, unable to stop it or contain it.

"Calm down." I heard his voice, but all I wanted to do was knock him out. I was so angry with him, so angry for what? What had he actually done to make me so fucking angry? Nothing, that's what. He had laughed and joked with me this morning. He was playing and yet I was snapping at him for being concerned.

I took a few deep breaths and kissed him hard. He froze for a second unsure of why I switched suddenly like this. In truth I didn't know why, but all I wanted was him right now. I pulled back from the kiss.

"I'm sorry I snapped, these pills, something is disagreeing with me." My head dropped down as I felt the tears come, his hand cupped my chin and lifted it up.

"Then we will see about getting them changed." He smiled at me. I nodded and kissed him again. Our mouths moved against one another perfectly, a beautiful rhythmic dance, everything fusing together. My heart beat wildly against his chest, matching the same rhythmic drum of his.

Our hands roamed each other's bodies, setting alight our skins with one another's touch. I moaned in to the kiss and my hands gripped his hair tightly at the roots pulling him closer to me. I was rewarded with a sexy growl from him, making me even harder. Our cocks rubbed together as we rolled our hips against one another.

"Fuck me... make love to me, now, right here." My breathing was hard as I looked at his lust filled eyes roaming over my body drinking me in. He turned me around, my hands rested against the shower wall. He kissed and sucked my neck as his hands roamed down my back and towards my ass. I felt him move and grab the lube off the side. I smirked, he had planned this, being prepared for us to make love anywhere. I gasped as I felt his finger gently push in my ass, my body tightened up for a second before relaxing. He slowly moved in and out of me, soon my hips started moving to meet his thrusting fingers, letting him know I was ready.

I felt his head run across my opening. I shuddered as the excitement crashed through me, passion ran through my veins as I felt him slowly push in to me, gently kissing my neck as he went in. I cried out in pleasure feeling him all the way in, his left hand ran down my left arm until his hand overlapped mine and our fingers grasped together. I smiled as he moved slowly thrusting in and out of me. I looked at our fingers seeing our matching bands together, lapping over one another's.

I was panting and breathing hard as I felt Edward gently bite my shoulder. I closed my eyes and my head rolled back resting on his shoulder as he thrust in and out. My body felt alive feeling our love run through me. I turned and kissed him on the lips, passionately, cherishing the feeling of us being connected like this. His other hand moved down trailing lightly over my stomach before gripping hold of my cock, stroking it to match his thrust. I could feel my orgasm was getting closer.

"Edward." I breathed out as his pace picked up slightly. His lips kissed down my neck, licking and nibbling as he went, almost worshipping me. I felt myself getting closer to the edge as he started hitting spots deep within me.

"I love you, Angel." He whispered in my ear and then gently nibbled it, it pushed me over the edge. My body tightened and shook as my orgasm crashed hard through me. I exploded, shooting stream after stream of my cum over the shower wall. I felt Edward begin to shake slightly, he grunted and I felt his hot seed fill my ass. We were both panting. I could feel his heartbeat slowly start to slow down as we kissed.

We washed each other in the shower, which was now throwing out warm water. We didn't speak, we just touched and held each other, connecting and staying connected. With everything that has happened we needed to strengthen our bond with each other, relearning each other.

We relaxed together laying on the sofa, reading to each other, enjoying the company of one another. The TV never went on. We didn't need it to entertain us, we never had, and we could talk for hours about everything and anything. We spoke about our future, about us having another baby, names we liked, colours for the bedroom. We planned out our future as we had done so many times before, my heart swelled with love as we made these plans, telling each other that nothing was going to change.

I saw Edward slowly unwind and relax as the weekend moved on, his mood became lighter as he trusted me to tell him if something was wrong. I knew he was worried and I was happy when he told me he was thinking of seeing Tanya again. He even asked me if I was mad for doing this, I couldn't be mad at him for doing this. I was attending weekly meetings, speaking to others that were going through the same thing as me. It helped to be able to unload my worried to someone else. As much as we talked to one another about our fears and our worries it was nice to have an outsider there telling you that everything that you're feeling and going through was normal.

Monday soon rolled around and we were leaving. I couldn't wait to see Olivia and Bruno, I had missed her so much, and even though Edward had taken the week off work because of half term, it still wouldn't be the same. That's the great thing about being on holiday, it's a break from life. You can forget the normal worries of everyday life, not having to worry what Olivia was up to, not having the thought of her walking in on us. I was going to miss the fact that over the last few days we could fuck whenever and wherever we wanted.

"Have you enjoyed the weekend?" Edward asked me as he closed the lid on the boot. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist, his arms rested on my shoulder.

"It's been amazing, thank you." I gave him a kiss on the lips before pulling away and looking at the cabin and the surrounding forest. "Do you think we could come here in the summer one time?" I asked as I climbed in the car, Edward smirked.

"Another dirty weekend?" He raised his eyebrow at me. "Jasper, you have a dirty mind." He smirked and leant over to give me a kiss.

"I'm sorry, wasn't this dirty weekend your idea?" He chuckled at me as we drove away from the cabin, refreshed, relaxed and re-bonded.

"Yes, it was. I think we can sort something out for the summer." He winked at me, and the silly little school grin hit my face.

Even now after all this time he could turn me to mush with his voice; and even through all the crap we have had to deal with over the last few months, Little Jasper still did his happy dances whenever he did something sweet for me. I was blissfully in love with the most wonderful man I had ever laid eyes on.

We pulled up outside Edward's parent's house a little after six in the evening. The house looked empty, and I smirked as we walked towards the front door, so much for Olivia missing us. My fingers interlocked with Edward's, I rubbed small gentle circles on the back of his hand as we opened the front door. We could hear Olivia laughing her head off; we followed the laughter towards the family room.

"Well, she really missed us." Edward murmured in my ear. I smiled and gave him a kiss before we pushed the door open.

Carlisle was on all fours crawling around the living room, with Olivia on his back. Her hands gripped the shirt collar he was wearing, while she bounced up and down, her angelic high-pitched laugh filling the house throughout.

"Someone is having fun." I said as we took in the sight before us. Olivia jumped off his back and ran towards us.

"Daddies!" She screamed running towards us. Edward picked her up as her little arms and legs wrapped around him. He squeezed her tightly smiling, giving her a kiss.

"Hello, princess. Have you missed us?" He asked her, she nodded her head and rested it on his shoulder.

"Did you boys have fun?" Esme asked standing up and walking towards us. She gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek. "You look well, both of you. Drink?" She asked.

"Please." We both answered at the same time.

"Well, it looks like you boys did nothing but love each other." Carlisle said sitting down on the sofa. My face flushed red, please not the sex talk, please not the sex talk. I chanted to myself.

"We had fun." Edward said handing Olivia to me and walking over to his dad.

"Missed you, baby girl." I whispered to Olivia giving her a kiss.

"Missed you too." She smiled at me and I put her down, she ran off after Esme.

"I take it you found the lube?" He added once Olivia was out of earshot. Edward chuckled, my face burned with embarrassment.

"Dad, you're making Jasper turn red." Edward chuckled, Carlisle laughed.

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about son, having internal tears and ending up having to have stitches is something to be embarrassed about. I'm just making sure you boys are making sure everything is well lubed up." He kept his face calm while Edward was crying with laughter.

"Thanks." I muttered out giving Edward a death stare.

"Relax, Jasper. You should know by now I'm just playing, the more embarrassed you become the more I will tease." He rolled his eyes. "Honestly Jasper, after what six years of marriage with Edward you still can't handle my teasing. How will you handle it when little Olivia starts asking questions about sex." I was about to speak, about to say something but Edward beat me to it.

"Never going to happen, I'm not having any boy near her." Edward snapped. Carlisle laughed as Edward flicked in to over protective mode.

"Edward, you know the time will come." His father said.

"Yeah and when it does, it's either going to involve a shotgun or she's off to a convent. Either way, it's not happening."

"So who will give the talk when the time comes?" Edward shot his father a look who bypassed it. "She is turning four soon and before you know it she will be turning in to a teenager and you both know what that brings, so within the next nine years or so this talk will be happening." Edward was biting his bottom lip. Out of the two of us Edward had taken the more no boys attitude.

"Edward will." I said, he looked at me eyes wide open. "What? You know all the medical stuff; it's fair that you tell her when that time comes." I smiled at him, he shot me a look.

"No fucking way. She is three, almost four and we're talking about this now? It's never happening, and if I have to I will take a trip up to midwives and get a video. That will put her off it for fucking life." He grumbled out, me and Carlisle laughed at each other as Edward grumbled.

"Babe, relax that's a long way off." I soothed as Esme returned with some drinks, Carlisle was still chuckling.

"What have I missed?" Esme asked sitting down and holding her arms out as Olivia climbed up and sat on her knee.

"Nothing dear, just the usual winding Jasper up then mentioning Olivia and boys to Edward." Carlisle said with a smirk on his face, it was easy to see where Edward got his playful nature from. Trouble was Edward didn't like it when the teasing was on him.

"Leave them alone, Carlisle. Honestly, I don't know who is a bigger child some days." She said gently brushing Olivia's hair.

"Um, shall we?" I asked Edward after a few moments of silence, Edward nodded and looked at Olivia. We had agreed that we wouldn't mention it to her until the baby was on its way, we didn't want to get her excited when there wasn't a baby yet.

"Olivia, sweetheart, why don't you go upstairs and see what you want to take back home with you." Esme whispered in her ear.

"Okay." She replied jumping off and running out the room, Esme and Carlisle looked at us both.

"Is something wrong?" Esme asked, we both smiled and shook our heads.

"We have decided that we want another child and when we get back we're putting the wheels in motion." Edward said. His mother's face lit up in to a beautiful smile.

"Oh god, that's wonderful. I take it, it's your turn, Jasper?" She asked.

"Yes, I know that there is a lot going on right now but....." Carlisle raised his hand cutting me off.

"Nonsense. Jasper, you are aware that it could be years until you reach the point of needing a transplant, that's if your kidneys actually completely fail. I think you two are making a great choice. You're living your life and that's the main thing. I look forward to having a new granddaughter or grandson." He smiled. I was relieved that they had been so supportive over this.

I smiled at Edward as our fingers interlocked in to one another's, the buzz of having another child running through me. I couldn't wait to get back home and start it all.

* * *

**_So what did you all think? Carlisle teasing Jasper, Edward worrying about Olivia growing up, and of course the talks of the new addition to the family._**

**_So my wonderful readers hit the review button and send me love._**

**_Review make me put some hottness in each chapter, Jen x_**


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN/ A big thank you to everyone that has reviewed, thank you so much. I love reading your thoughts on the chapters.**_

**_A big thank you to my beta for doing her thing_**

**_Here's chapter 9 - I hope you all enjoy this one._**

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_**JPOV**_

I stared at the little clear plastic cup with its white little lid. This is what they give you, how much of a turn off is that? I had been sitting in the bathroom looking at it for the last twenty minutes. We had our appointment, if you can call it that, at one. The sample should be no longer than two hours old when it arrives at the clinic and you have to keep it at body temperature at all times. We had twenty minutes until the appointment to hand this over and it takes twenty to get there, I was failing at this.

They expect you to fill this little cup with your cum and then carry it around on your body until you get there. For one, I didn't like the idea of it being next to my body in a cup. In fact, I didn't like it being next to my body full stop, never mind the fucking cup, so that was putting me off. Secondly, the thought of I have to make sure I get it in the fucking cup is also another turn off. How the fuck did Edward do this the first time round?

"Babe." I called through the bathroom door. Olivia was safely at school and none the wiser as to what we were doing today. "Help." I said pleading to him with my eyes as he leant against the door frame, he chuckled and crossed his arms.

"Jasper, all you have to do is cum, that's all, just cum." He smirked. Fucker, you're not helping here.

"I can't, how did you do this?" I asked looking back at the plastic little fucking cup that was haunting me.

"Simple, don't look at the cup. Put it out of eyesight, but keep it close by and when you're about to cum just put the cup there, done. Now hurry up Jasper, we don't have all day." I frowned and looked at it again. How could I stop thinking about it while tugging one off?

We had been back from the cabin for just over a month, it was now early December. We had found a donor that we were happy with and had gotten in touch with Claire. She was thrilled that we were having another and was looking forward to carrying our child once again. Two weeks after we arrived back Rose finally had her baby, a little boy who had the same little dimples as Emmett. Emmett had grown in to a wonderful father in just a few short weeks, the love flowed through him as he looked at little Anthony. We had broken the news soon after his birth not being able to keep it to ourselves any longer. They were thrilled by the idea of us having another one and were supportive about our decision.

"Edward, this is stupid." I grumbled out folding my arms across my chest. "They want me to keep it on my body." I whined out, Edward just chuckled.

"Yeah, I remember. Look Angel, if you want this baby to have come from you then you have to do this." I frowned and shook my head throwing the cup in the sink.

"Just change the damn appointment, Edward. There's no point in this." I flopped on the bed and covered my face by burying it in my arms. I felt the bed dip and Edward's hand trail up my back.

"Why isn't there a point in this? We both want another child, so I'm failing to see just where you heading here." My eyes were filling with tears; truth was as much as I wanted a child I didn't want it to come from me, not now, not after researching.

"Then you do it, I don't care." My voice shook as I spoke, I heard Edward sigh.

"Angel, what's changed? All you have done is speak about having another baby, what's the sudden change?" He asked as his hands continued to run up and down my back.

"Because if it comes from me it could end up getting kidney failure." I sobbed out. I didn't want to pass that on to my child.

"Jasper, we don't know this. He or she might never have this trouble, we just don't know. If you want us to stop then just say and I'll call and cancel." I heard the disappointment in his voice although he tried to hide it from me. He wanted another baby just as much as me, if not more so. I turned on to my back and looked at him, his eyes were masked with hurt and disappointment.

"I just don't want it to have to face what I have too." I whispered to him, he stroked my face and smiled.

"I know, but as with every illness it can run in families. If everyone thought about it the human race would stop. The chances of it carrying it are small. Jasper, we have been through this." He leant over me and kissed my lips and smiled moving his mouth to my ear. "I want to see our child that has come from you; I want to see a Little Jasper."

I smiled and looked at him. I gave him a gentle kiss and sat up. Sighing I looked at the door to the bathroom. We had been through this, and there wasn't a guarantee that he or she would one day have kidney failure, then again there wasn't a guarantee that he or she wouldn't. It was a risk we had to take.

"I'll be a minute." He smiled at me and I got off the bed and in to the bathroom, this was going to be hard.

I flicked the lip of the cup and put it to the side. I closed my eyes and started to think of our honeymoon and all the places we made love. I thought about all the times when it had just happened by surprise. The times I had fucked Edward on the balcony late at night when he wasn't expecting it, the times we had fucked in the back of our car's when we had been out. Pretty soon I was reaching for the plastic cup as I shot my load. I put the lip on it and placed it in the plastic bag. I smiled as I walked out of the bathroom. Edward was on the bed spinning the car keys around his finger.

"Ready?" He asked, I nodded as I placed the plastic cup in my inside pocket. We headed to the car in silence. The same silence that we had the last time we did this, both of us thinking about the future, thinking about our baby.

"The next three weeks are going to drag." I mumbled out, Claire was booked in tomorrow to have it transferred to her, and it would be three weeks until we would find out if we were going to be dads again.

"Yes, but it will be just in time for Christmas. Wouldn't that be a great Christmas gift?" He said with a loving smile on his lips.

"It would. That reminds me, we promised Olivia we would put the tree up tonight." I chuckled as Edward groaned. "She's almost four now, it won't be so bad." I smiled. Olivia had managed to pull the tree over last year, all seven feet of it.

"True, at least she won't try and eat anything now." We both chuckled thinking back to her first Christmas.

_Flashback_

_Olivia was ten months old, Edward was holding her as she looked at the tree, her eyes mesmerised by the twinkling lights on the tree. Her eyes shone and she giggled as the lights changed their tune flashing differently._

"_I still can't believe she is here." I said to Edward as Olivia tried to get hold of the shining balls that sparkled in the light. He smiled and gave her a gentle kiss._

"_I know, her first Christmas. I think she loves the tree." He smiled as Olivia giggled loudly pulling one of the balls off and trying to eat it. "No, Olivia, it's not food." He chuckled out taking it off her._

_Edward sat her on the floor and grabbed the camera, Olivia started crawling on the floor heading towards the rocking snowman that sat in the corner. Olivia had been crawling for a few months now and once on the floor she could move like lighting. Edward snapped a picture of her sitting in front of the snowman, her hair all over the place, a trait she had gotten from Edward. Her mouth was open in to a wide smile showing her two little teeth at the front on her bottom gum just peeking through._

"_Olivia?" I called as she made her way under the tree, her little bum sticking out as she crawled under it. Edward laughed and looked at me._

"_Off you go, Jasper. Get on the floor and get her out from under there." He chuckled._

_The tree was about as wide as it was high and was sitting in the corner of the living room. Olivia had crawled right to the back of it and was shaking the tree giggling wildly as it shook. I lay down on the floor just in front of the tree and smiled at her._

"_Olivia, baby girl? Come here, darlin'." I called out, holding my hands out to her, she just giggled at me. I frowned and looked at Edward._

"_Crawl under it Jasper, just don't knock it over, you're not as small as she is." He laughed, watching me as I started to crawl under it to get hold of her._

"_Why don't you come and do it?" I asked, he just laughed making Olivia giggle more. "Olivia, come here baby." I coxed to her. She giggled and moved further away._

_I slid more under the tree hearing Edward laughing behind me. I finally managed to get hold of her. I now just had to try and worm my way back out while keeping hold of Olivia, who was wiggling trying to get free from me. She started to cry, her face turning red as the tears fell from her eyes._

"_Shh, it's okay, baby." I soothed as I finally made it out from under the tree keeping it upright. Edward lifted Olivia up and held her close as she cried._

"_What did mean daddy do?" He cooed at her in a childlike voice, I rolled my eyes at him sitting up on my knees. "I know you just wanted to sit under the tree, mean daddy." I laughed._

"_That's it, make me out to be the bad one." He smiled gently rocking Olivia to sleep._

"_You got her out and made her cry." He smirked out, fucker. That's it, send me and make me look like the bad guy._

_Christmas morning rolled round and we were up before Olivia was, more excited about her first Christmas. She had no idea what it was all about and was more than happy being in her crib. I picked her up and carried her down the stairs, telling her Santa had been here, her chubby little cheeks having little dimples as she smiled._

"_Look Olivia, look what Santa brought." I placed her on the floor as she crawled towards the wrapped boxes, her mouth biting the side of one. We laughed and looked at each other._

"_Olivia." Edward said sitting on the floor and undoing her gifts, she was more interested in the shiny wrapping paper than the gift itself._

"_We should have just bought wrapping paper." I said watching as he pulled it apart._

"_Or boxes." Edward chuckled as Olivia placed the box on her head._

Her first Christmas she had been more interested in the boxes than the stuff that came in it. Last year she had really taken hold of what Christmas was all about waking us up at four in the morning to open her gifts. Some bright spark had brought her a bike, which of course she wanted to go on right away. So at six in the morning we were outside in the cold teaching her how to ride a bike.

We pulled up outside the clinic, my plastic pot of cum sitting in the inside pocket of my coat. I looked at the door to the building and back at Edward.

"What if it doesn't work?" I asked. Edward rolled his eyes and ran his thumb under his bottom lip.

"Then we try again. Jasper, don't think that it won't work, we need to think positive. Yes, it could fail, it did the first time, but that doesn't mean it will happen again. Come on." He opened the door and got out, I followed behind him.

I felt weird, slightly silly heading in to this clinic. My emotions were flicking every couple minutes, from being nervous as hell, to the wonderful excitement of having another child. My mind swam with thoughts of the future, but I couldn't shake off the thought of not seeing it. My mind was full of what ifs, and even though I had been through this a thousand times with anyone who would listen to me I still had those thoughts. My great reasons for another child boiled down to one thing, having a little part of me left in this world.

"Right this way, have you brought the sample?" I hadn't even heard Edward speak as we entered the clinic. I felt a little spaced out, sort of like having an outer body experience. I nodded my head and followed the woman towards the hatch.

"Right, you boys know the drill, don't you? I'm sure your surrogate will call you tomorrow after the transfer." The woman smiled as I handed over the sample, my face flushed slightly and I heard Edward chuckle slightly.

"Thank you." Edward said walking away and heading towards the exit.

"Thank god that's over with." I grumbled getting in the car, it was embarrassing, handing over a pot of my cum to some random person who I didn't know at all. I was sure they thought nothing of it, they did this every day and to them it's nothing, but I couldn't help but feel silly handing it over.

"It's done now, and now we wait." Edward smiled at me. Great, these three weeks will drag like no tomorrow.

****

The next three weeks went by, Olivia and I had broken up from school for the Christmas break, the tree was up and Olivia was getting more and more excited as the days passed. We were expecting a call from Claire any day now. Edward had become stupidly excited by it and was almost bouncing with excitement, waiting for the call. I was excited, but I was keeping a lid on it. I didn't want to get too excited until we knew for sure that we were having another baby, the first failed attempt played on my mind.

"Angel?" I looked up to see Edward standing there in his scrubs having just got home, Olivia was sitting on his hip. I smiled weakly at him.

"Hey." I grumbled out. I wasn't feeling well, I had been fighting with a cold for the last few days and it was wiping me out. Edward had become a living nightmare.

"Still grumpy I see." He said giving Olivia a kiss; I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Is Santa coming tonight?" She asked him, she had asked the same question every night for the past week.

"Yes, princess. He only comes if you have been a good girl though." He looked at her. "Have you been a good girl?" He asked her, her face lit up in to a smile.

"Yes, me a good girl." She yawned and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Someone is tired." He said placing her down on the sofa, he gave me a kiss. "How are you feeling?" Like crap, I wanted to say. No, I wanted to tell him to fuck off and stop asking me if I was okay, but I knew I was just being mardy.

"Okay, I guess, be happier once this cold goes." I mumbled feeling sorry for myself.

"Promise me you won't be mad." He asked me. I looked at him wondering what he had done now.

"Depends on what it is." I said looking at him. He sighed and stroked Olivia's hair who was falling to sleep on the sofa.

"I'm on call tomorrow." I got up off the sofa and headed in to the kitchen. I was fuming, he had booked it off and yet he was now placed on call.

I leant against the counter top waiting for Edward to follow. He could get called in at any fucking minute and leave me and Olivia on our own. Why the hell had he agreed to this?

"Jasper look, I know you're mad, but what could I do?" He said standing across from me, I was seeing red.

"You could have said no. You booked it off, Edward." I snapped at him, he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Jasper, do you know how many people want it off? It's one day, that's all. I'm not the only one on call." He rested his hands behind him on the worktop and looked at me, I turned my head away.

"Yeah, one day, which happens to be Christmas day, and in case you have forgotten we have a little girl who thinks she is going to be seeing both of us together tomorrow." I seethed through gritted teeth at him.

"Jasper, the hospital doesn't shut down for Christmas. It's not like your job where everyone goes away for three weeks." I snorted. "You knew this when we got together, you knew this when you married me." His hand reached out to me, and I slapped it away.

"Well maybe you should change jobs." I snapped at him, he shook his head in disbelief at me.

"Jasper, I might not get called in, but I thought I would tell you. Everyone wants Christmas off, no one wants to work it. Besides I'm going to take a month off in, what nine months time? So the least I can do is taking the call off someone." I smiled at him, my anger fading away as I thought about a baby arriving in nine months time.

"When do you think she will call?" I asked letting the excitement slowly creep in, he shrugged and smiled.

"I don't know, hopefully soon. Shall we take Olivia to bed?" I nodded. We hadn't heard a sound from her since we had been in here.

"You know she will be waking us at silly o'clock in the morning." I whispered picking her up and carrying her upstairs.

"Yes, just like she did last year and like she will next year." He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "I'm going to take a shower, Angel." He gave me a kiss and walked off towards our bedroom.

I placed Olivia in her bed, tucking her in gently and giving her a gentle kiss on her forehead. I smiled seeing my sleepy beauty flat out. I couldn't help but sit there and just look at her. It had never changed, when she was first born I would spend hours leaning over her crib watching her sleep, admiring the way she looked, the way her lips moved during her sleep, everything about her mesmerised me. She was so precious to me, she meant the world and more, seeing her happy smiling face consumed me with love. I hoped Edward wouldn't be called to work tomorrow. I knew it was his job, but it left one heartbroken little girl behind. He had been called in on her birthday last year, some accident had taken place and they needed him there. Olivia was beside herself that day, she didn't want anything or anyone, she just wanted Edward back. For her, having the three of us together was more important than anything else. I watched as her little heart broke begging him to stay, watched as his face became pained hearing our daughters pleas, the sad look on his face, the tears in his eyes as he kissed her head and said sorry. I didn't want to have to face a stressed Olivia tomorrow.

"Are you staying there all night?" I heard his musical voice full of amusement, I looked at him and smiled. A towel wrapped just around his waist, the beads of water still running down his chiselled chest. I moaned softly taking in the sight before me, he smirked and licked his lips. Fuck.

"Well?" He said walking away from me. I realised I hadn't actually moved from the side of Olivia's bed. I fumbled getting to my feet in my excitement, trying not to trip or knock anything over in Olivia's darkened room, the last thing I wanted to do was wake her up.

I closed the door to her room, and almost ran across the hall. _What the fuck? You're acting like you have never been laid before._ Shut up. I was overly excited, Edward in just a towel, his body dripping with water was enough to send me in to a frenzy.

The bedroom door was open slightly as I walked in; my mouth hit the floor as I saw the sight in front of me. "You took your time." He purred out at me, I tried to form some sort of sentence, but couldn't get the words out. My mouth opened and closed like a goldfish in a bowl. I pushed the door to and ran my eyes over Edward.

He was lying naked on the bed, on his back, resting up slightly against the headboard. His hand on his hard cock stroking slowly, his other hand kept running down over his chest, pinching his nipples. I bit my lip and moaned feeling my raging hard on pressing against my jeans. I watched as he locked eyes with me, his eyes hooded and full of lust. He licked his lips and ran his thumb over his sensitive tip making him shudder.

"Fuck." I managed to get out.

"If you come here, you will be." He purred at me. I couldn't get out my clothes off fast enough to get to him. He smirked watching me undress, his eyes darkening with every bit of clothing being removed. I saw Edward flick open the bottle of lube and coat his cock with it, his eyes never left mine as I moved towards him. My body felt alive, a fire lit deep inside me as I felt my muscles tremble slightly, wanting him, needing him, begging for him to be inside me.

I climbed on top of him, our lips met already open as our tongues slid out, thrashing against each others, tasting his pure taste, smelling his heavenly scent, that was musky, slightly sweet and pure Edward. I moaned feeling him coat my entrance with warm lube that he had warmed up in his hand. My cock twitched and throbbed begging for attention, leaking with pre-cum. I was close to exploding by touch, his heavenly touch. His mouth kissed, licked and nipped my neck, sucking the sensitive spot just below my ear. His mouth loving and kissing any part of my skin it could get to.

My hands fisted the hair at the nape of his neck as I felt him rub his cock against my hole. I lowered slowly, relaxing as I felt him push through the tight muscles. I moaned as he gripped my ass cheeks pulling them apart as I slowly slid down his length. Our lips met again, moving in a soft blissful dance. I pulled back slightly locking eyes with him, we were both panting hard as I slowly moved up and down over his magnificent hard cock, rocking slightly as I went. His hand gripped my cock, using the sweat from our bodies as lube. I bit my lip as my head rolled back.

"So... fuck..... good." I moaned out as his hand matched my slow sensual movements. His mouth sucked my collarbone, sending me closer to the edge. My whole body trembled, every inch of me felt on fire, every nerve ending tingling with every touch, every movement.

My cock twitched and throbbed in his hand as his thumb rubbed across my sensitive head, making me shudder and moan in delight. I could feel myself getting closer to the edge as I moved faster and faster on his cock. Edward's head rolled back and pressed against the headboard as his fingers gripped my hips, pulling me back down, his hips started to thrust upwards meeting my movements.

"Jasper..... agh." He cried out, as his body shook as he tensed up. I felt his hot seed filling me as his strokes on my cock picked up, my movements continued as he rode out his orgasm.

"Fuck." I cried out as my orgasm hit. My eyes went fuzzy as my body was hit with wave after wave of pleasure, shooting cum all over Edwards hand and chest. My head rested on his shoulder breathing hard, my body felt weak as it struggled to recover from the orgasm that hit me.

I lifted my head and looked in to Edward's shining green eyes, seeing nothing but pure love running through them. I smiled and kissed his lips softly, my eyes watered slightly. Edward's face turned to one of concern, his thumbs brushed under my eyes, wiping the tears away.

"Angel, what's wrong?" He asked. I smiled and shook my head feeling stupid, crying after sex, what was I, sixteen again?

"I just love you, that's all." He chuckled and lifted my head up and smiled. His lips gently brushed against mine, pouring his love in to that one small cherished kiss.

"I love you too, Angel." He chuckled. "You really are a girl, crying after sex." He chuckled out, his hands rubbing small circles on my shoulders. He kissed my forehead, I huffed playfully at him and headed in to the bathroom.

I flicked the shower and got in, the hot water hit my back and I sighed, letting it relax my muscles. I showered quickly and climbed out drying myself off with a towel. I walked in to the bedroom to see Edward laying on his side looking at me, his eyes ran over my body and he smirked.

"What?" I asked him as I made my way across the bedroom floor.

"Nothing." He threw a pair of boxers at me. I grabbed them and looked at him. "Olivia?" He said sighing, fuck, she would be waking us at four in the morning.

"When are you going to see Tanya?" He hadn't mentioned it since we came back from our trip. I wondered if he was still going to go. He shrugged a little and linked his fingers with mine.

"In the New Year. I've just got to call her first to make an appointment with her. I was going to go sooner, but....." He trailed off. I stared at him as he looked away and sighed. His head turned back to me, but he wouldn't met my eye.

"But what, babe?" I pushed. He bent his knee and rested his wrist on it, flicking his thumb against his index finger.

"It's....." He stopped and sighed. "I've not been to see Tanya in years, Jasper. I've had no need to see her and well I feel like I can't cope with anything without going to seeing her." I touched his hand; he sighed and looked at me, his eyes holding so much pain in them.

"Edward, we're going through a bad time. I'm seeing people to help me through it, and there is no shame in you doing the same. I need you by my side through this." His thumb ran down my cheek.

"I'm right here, Angel, right by your side." He kissed me softly.

"So you're going to see Tanya then?" I raised an eyebrow at him, he sighed.

"Yes, I'll call her after the holidays, okay?" I nodded and smiled at him giving him a gentle kiss before curling in to his arms.

****

I swear I could hear Olivia whispering in Edward's ear followed by him groaning. It stopped, not Olivia's voice, no groaning, it was just part of my dream. I sighed and snuggled down in the covers a little more.

"Daddy, Daddy, Santa." Her voice whispered in my ear. Oh crap, it wasn't a dream. I groaned and rolled away from the edge of the bed.

The light flicked on in the bedroom, casting a bright glow making my eyes hurt.

"Olivia!" Edward growled out. I lifted my head and half opened my eyes to look at the clock, it was half three in the morning.

"But daddy, Santa!" She protested bouncing up and down on the spot. Edward groaned and looked at her.

"Light's off, bed now or no Santa." He warned, I had to bite my lip to stop the chuckle from escaping.

"But... but..." She started. Edward sat up in bed, an angry expression on his face. Olivia froze on the spot as he moved towards her.

"I said no, back to bed now." He took hold of her hand, but she pulled back and ran to me. Edward sighed and looked at me as Olivia climbed up.

"Baby, it's too early." She frowned and pouted, crossing her arms across her chest. "A few more hours and then we can get up." Closing my eyes, Olivia pulled my eyelids open and laughed.

"Ease daddy." She begged, I sighed and rolled on to my back.

"Olivia, two choices; number one, you can sleep here with us for a few more hours or you can go back to your own room. What's it going to be?" Edward spoke, his voice full of sleep, his eyes half closed.

"Here." She said crawling in to the middle of the bed. Edward flicked the light off and climbed back in bed.

Olivia moved and sighed, curling in to my side, I started to drift back off to sleep. Olivia moved and rolled towards Edward side, every few minutes the bed moved or a loud sigh was heard every few minutes.

"Olivia, stop it." Edward moaned, she giggled and rolled to face me, she soon starts poking me in my side. I groaned and tried to ignore her.

"How about next year we ship her to your parents or mine Christmas Eve?" I asked Edward half asleep.

"Deal." He mumbled out lying on his stomach and facing me. The moon was casting some light in to the bedroom, but for Olivia this was enough to make her think we should be getting up.

"Up now ease, Santa been." Olivia said sitting up in the middle of the bed, we both ignored her. "Ease, been good girl, Santa been." Was it wrong of me to think about telling her right now Santa didn't exist? In the vain hope she might go back to sleep.

"No." Edward mumbled. I heard her start to sniffle.

"Ease." I gave up, we weren't going to get anymore sleep right now. Maybe later I could catch a few more hours.

"Shall we?" I mumbled to Edward, my voice thick with lack of sleep.

"If we must." He said in to the pillow. Olivia had now climbed out of bed and flicked the big light on again. I pushed the covers back and got out of bed, pulling on a robe. I looked at Edward who had made no attempt to move.

"Babe, if I have to, you have too." Heading in to the bathroom I washed my face in some hope of waking up. I headed back in to the bedroom; Edward had gotten up and was sitting on the edge of the bed while Olivia was wide-eyed and bouncing on the spot.

Olivia tore the wrapping off her gifts as though it was going out of fashion, not one single hint of her wanting the paper more than the gift, not like her first Christmas. She tore through gift after gift, not really paying much attention to what she had been bought. She had been spoiled rotten not just by us, but from the grandparents as well. The amount of stuff that was filling our living room could kit out a small toy shop.

We both sat there half asleep watching her face light up as she unwrapped dolls and games, thrusting dolls in our face's to undo them. Twenty minutes and sore fingers later, I had managed to get the doll out of the cardboard and was handing it to her as she passed me another one. I know they make these things safe for children, but do they really need to use about a million pieces of plastic to tie the doll down?

"We bought way too much." I said to Edward who was collecting the wrapping the paper off the floor.

"Yeah, we should have split it and gave her half for her birthday." He smirked and sat back down.

Natural light soon started to cast through the windows of the house; we had both managed to grab another sleep during the course of the morning. Olivia was now settled with her new toys and was having a hard time choosing which one to play with first. We were heading to my parents this year as Edward's had come here last year, we had to play fair and take turns. Although his coming here was easier, trying to get Olivia to decide what she wanted to take was a task and a half.

"Just pick one; they'll be here when we get back." I heard Edward say to Olivia as I walked towards the living room door. I chuckled leaning against it. Edward looked at me and rolled his eyes.

"Remind me again why we want another one?" He asked. Yeah, the thought had crossed my mind at half three this morning. "Olivia please, just pick one." Olivia sat frustrated on the floor, in her new dress that Alice had bought and called this morning demanding that we put her in it.

"But I can't." She said back looking at him, he sighed as the phone went again.

"I'll get it." He shot me a look for leaving him to deal with it. Ha, shame on him, he disappeared when it was get Olivia dressed time. It was no easy task trying to keep her still enough to have her teeth brushed and have her clothes put on, there had been tears and screams, and it had taken twice as long as what it should have done. I smiled lovingly at him and headed to the house phone.

"Hello." I said as I picked up the phone.

"_Jasper? It's Claire." _My heart rate just picked up, I shot to the living room door, phone pressed to my ear smiling at Edward.

"It's Claire." I said walking back in to the kitchen, Edward following me. "Claire, Merry Christmas." I tried to hide the nervousness out of my voice as I spoke.

"_And Merry Christmas to you both. I'll get right to it, it's test time, I have it in my hands now." _I gripped Edward's hand tightly.

"And?" I heard her giggle down the phone.

"_I should have waited until the time was up before calling. I got the same response from Edward last time." _I chuckled.

"Sorry, were just a little...." I trailed off.

"_Anxious?" She laughed. "It's fine, so we have..........." _I could hear her picking up the test and turning it around in her hand. _"Two lines, congratulations, you're going to be daddies again." _

"You sure?" The smile growing on my face.

"_Positive, two very strong blue lines, do you want me to send a picture again?" _She asked. I nodded, but then suddenly realised she couldn't see that.

"Yes." My voice came out in nothing but a whisper, Edward was looking at me waiting for me to say something to him.

"_Of course, I'll take it once at get off the phone and send it. I'll call you later once I've sorted out the first appointments for the scan. Again, congratulations."_

"Thanks, Claire." I hung up the phone, still in shock. I was over the moon hearing that it was positive with Olivia, but hearing that it was positive knowing it was my child; it was unlike anything else I had felt before, the tears spilled over my lids.

"Jasper?" Edward's hands cupped either side of my face. His face was covered in concern and pain, I suddenly remember I hadn't told him the news yet.

"It was positive, we're having another baby." I grinned at him watching as his face turned from pain to shock. He smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, his lips crashed against mine.

"When shall we tell Olivia?" He asked smiling widely at me. I wiped my eyes laughing. I was unbelievably happy right now.

"Now." I grabbed his hand and pulled him in to the living room. Olivia was sitting there on the floor, I had visions of the two of them sitting there together. I couldn't stop the happy tears that were falling.

"Daddy, what's wrong?" Olivia said walking over to me her face all concerned, as she sat on my knee.

"I'm fine, sweetheart. I'm happy, that's all." I smiled at her. Edward's arm wrapped around my back as he kissed my cheek.

"Would you like a little baby brother or sister?" Edward asked her. Her face shone, smiling and nodding like crazy.

"Well, that's a good start." I whispered to Edward, he smiled.

"Well, in nine months time you're going to have one. We're having another baby." I told her, her little face grinning like crazy, her eyes shining as she bounced around on my knee, giving me and Edward kisses. Hearing that news from Claire was the best present I.....no, we could have gotten.

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**_So how about that then? There going to be daddies again, how exciting!_**

**_So my lovelys, hit the review button and send me some love as its cold, wet and dark in the lovely UK today. Jen x_**


	10. Chapter 10

_**AN/ Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter, and I'm Glad you all liked it!**_

**_Here's chapter 10!_**

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_**EPOV**_

Christmas passed by, we had gone to Jasper's parents on Christmas day sharing our news that we were going to be daddies again. They were thrilled at the thought of a new baby joining our family. Olivia was over the moon, telling everyone that she was going to have a baby sister; the thought of having a brother never entered her head.

It was now New Years Eve, and we were heading over to Emmett's for a few hours. He and Rosalie weren't going out because of baby Anthony and it was hard to get a babysitter New Year's Eve, so we opted to go over with Olivia for a while. Olivia couldn't wait to get there and had been bouncing around for the last hour wanting to go and play with Uncle Emmett and baby Anthony. Yeah, she didn't want to know me and Jasper right now.

I headed in to our bedroom leaving Olivia to play with her new toys for a bit to check on Jasper. He had been feeling unwell for the last few days, battling with a cold. His immune system was low and what should have taken a few days to get rid of was taking Jasper the best part of two weeks. I didn't want us to go tonight, but Jasper didn't want to let Olivia down, who was looking forward to going. He had argued the point of this illness wasn't going to ruin our lives, and just because he was suffering from a cold wasn't going to stop him from going to see our friends tonight or upset Olivia.

"Jasper, Angel." I gently shook him awake; my fingers combed his hair off his face. Just once I want him to listen to me and not go tonight, it's like he doesn't realise just how precious he is to me. I sighed as my beautiful angel opened his eyes, blue sparkling orbs shining back at me. I smiled softy at him as my fingers ran down his cheek with the slightest of touches.

"Hey." He whispered out, his voice cracking slightly from his sore throat and sleep.

"How are you feeling, Angel?" I sat on the edge of the bed gently running my fingers through his dirty blonde locks, his arm wrapped around me as he pulled himself closer.

"Tired, got a bit of a headache." He sighed. "Where's Olivia?" He asked sitting up slightly to look around the room before resting his head on my thigh.

"Downstairs playing with her toys, she is hard to contain right now, overexcited about seeing Emmett." I handed Jasper a bottle of water which I brought up with me. I watched as Jasper sat up and downed most of the water in one go. I looked at him slightly concerned by his water intake; he smiled at me then caught sight of my face.

"God, what is it now?" He asked getting out of bed.

"Nothing, just you know you should be watching your fluid intake, that's all." I mumbled out. Jasper huffed loudly and walked across to the on suite. He stopped and turned around looking at me.

"I know and I do, I'm just a little thirsty, that's all. I'll watch what I drink tonight, promise." He flashed a small smile and I headed in to the bathroom.

I heard the water come on and thought about nipping in there with him, but Olivia was just downstairs and wasn't highly entertained as it was. Knowing her, she would appear at the worst minute. Jasper walked out from the bathroom, his T-shirt off showing off his wonderfully defined lean muscular body. The buttons on his jeans were open showing the top of his boxers, the wonderful V off his hips and his happy trail. I felt myself growing hard as I licked my lips.

"Enjoying the view, Darlin'?" He asked pulling down his jeans. I bit my lip to stop the loud moan that threatened to come out.

Jasper chuckled then coughed; my lust filled thoughts of ripping his boxers off and fucking him hard bent over the sink disappeared. He was sick and I was thinking of fucking. Fuck!

"Sorry, the sexy cough isn't that sexy, is it?" He smirked making light of it; I chuckled and shook my head.

"No, it's not, Angel." I smiled as he walked over to me, giving me a soft kiss on the lips.

"I hate being sick. I want you, but......." I put my finger against his lips stopping him from talking.

"Angel." I chuckled watching him sigh. "Nobody wants it when they're ill, don't worry about it." I kissed his lips softly and smiled. "You sure you want to go tonight?" I asked him yet again. I watched him shoot me a dirty look as he moved away from me and back towards the bathroom.

"Yes, I want to go and so does Olivia. If I feel any worse later we can leave, okay?" I sighed in defeat, he wasn't moving and I couldn't push anymore without it ending in an argument.

"Okay, I'll see you downstairs." I smiled and wandered out of the bedroom and back to Olivia.

Olivia sat on the sofa twirling her fingers around a strand of hair; she seemed completely fixed by what was on TV. I looked at it for a few minutes, realising that this crap was a complete head fuck and wondering why she was watching it. The not smart thing to do would be to change over the channel and put something more educational on, which would result in Olivia going in to meltdown and screaming at the top of her lungs, followed by doors slamming and tears. Did I really want that? No, so despite the fact that I think this is crap, I'll let her watch it for some peace and quiet.

Olivia turned her head to me, smiling widely, and slid off the sofa, teddy under her arm and came to me, her blue eyes staring intently at me, full of questions. I opened my arms as she climbed up sitting on my knee, wrapping her arms around me and resting her head on my chest. I smiled breathing in her hair and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Daddy?" The clock was ticking for the questions to follow.

"Yes, princess?" She pulled her head off me and looked up, her big blue eyes shining.

"Baby, where coming from?" Oh, crap. How do I explain this one without getting more questions? My brow came together as I thought, fuck, fuck, fuck. You were meant to ask Jasper, not me.

"Umm...." I trailed off. Olivia looked at me expecting an answer.

"You ready?" Jasper asked suddenly appearing at the door. Oh, thank you god. Olivia looked at me and then at Jasper. "You ready to see Uncle Emmett and Baby Anthony?" He asked his voice harsh and rough.

"Unle Em." Olivia screamed out jumping off my knee and running to Jasper, her mind forgetting the question she was asking. Thank god for that. "Daddy, up?" Olivia asked, her arms stretching up to him. He smiled, and bent down.

"Sweetheart, we're going in a minute, and Daddy's ill." She looked concerned and put her palm on his forehead, copying what she had seen us do. I chuckled gently; she looked so cute doing it.

"Daddy poorly." She said. "Daddy should be in bed." I chuckled again, Jasper shot me a look.

"Well, now you have been told by our daughter, you still want to go tonight?" He nodded.

"I'm fine, sweetheart. Let's get your coat on, to keep you warm." He took her hand and stood up walking her out of the room.

"And yours." I heard her say to him, making me chuckle even more.

We headed to Emmett's, Olivia busy talking about seeing baby Anthony. Jasper had a silly little smile on his face; he looked at me and grinned.

"I can't wait." He whispered to me as Olivia carried on talking in the back.

"Me either." I flashed him a wink.

Claire had called and said she had been in touch with the midwife and would be back in touch when she got her appointment for her twelve week scan. Something that we were both looking forward to, it would make it all seem so real, actually seeing the baby on the screen, right now it all seemed so un-real, just talk. Claire forwarded us a picture of the test to prove it was real, but it still didn't seem real. We had every scan picture of Olivia, her first lock of hair, everything collecting in a box.

Jasper had a coughing fit in the car, I frowned. Why did he have to insist on coming out tonight? Sure it was only to Emmett's, but I would have sooner stayed in and had to deal with an upset Olivia.

"I'm fine." He whispered looking at me. "Stop worrying about me." He sat back and rubbed his forehead.

I couldn't stop worrying about him, worry about what this cold was doing to his body. I just wanted him to be safe, just wanted this nightmare to end and not get any worse. Was I asking so much to keep my family safe?

"Sorry." I mumbled to him as we got out of the car.

"Bean." Emmett boomed at Olivia as he opened the front door. Olivia ran to him jumping up in to his arms. He covered her in an oversized bear hug. Jasper walked to me and linked his fingers with mine.

"I know you're worried, but I promise if I feel worse later I will tell you, okay?" I nodded and gave him a gentle kiss before walking in to the house. Rose was holding baby Anthony, and he was looking more and more like Emmett. Olivia stood next to her watching Anthony.

"Hey, Rose." I gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek as she smiled. "Hello, little Anthony." I whispered running my finger across his cheek.

"Hi, he's just been fed, want to hold him?" She asked. I nodded as she handed me him, her face glowing, it suited her well.

"He's gorgeous, is there any of you in him, or is it all Emmett?" I asked gently rocking Anthony, she rolled her eyes.

"You wouldn't think so, would you?" She said looking at Emmett, who was grinning.

"I have strong genes." He boomed. Rose slapped him around the head.

"Emmett, don't you dare wake him." Rose threatened, Jasper chuckled besides me. "Jasper, are you okay?" She asked looking at his pale face.

"Yeah, I've just got a bit of a cold, so I won't hold Anthony." He said his voice fading slightly.

"You should be in bed." Rose said, I smirked and looked at him, he rolled his eyes.

"Not you as well Rose, please." He rubbed his forehead again, and grabbed a glass of water. "Yes, I know before you say it, Edward."

I held my hands up, I wasn't about to say anything, we had had this talk once today already. I knew it was just a bad cold he had, I knew it was nothing serious, but I didn't want to take any chances with him. I handed back Anthony and made an excuse about forgetting something in the car and disappeared. I leant against the car, trying to calm myself down, trying to keep my thoughts, my feelings in check. I hated not being able to do anything for him, not being able to help him right now. Through all the talk of planning another child the thought niggled in the back of my mind. How well is he going to be seeing our children grow up?

I couldn't shake the feeling off me, no matter what, scared shitless of losing him, being left with two children and not having him with me, next to me, not sharing all the things with me. He is my world; I would switch places with him if I could. He shouldn't have to face this illness. It's not fair and there is no justice to it, at all.

The front door opened and Jasper came out, he smiled and wrapped his arms around me, his skin felt so cold as he shook slightly.

"Sorry, I know you're just looking out for me as is Rose and Em, and you're right...... I should have stayed home tonight and not come here." He smiled slightly. "I just don't want to roll over and let this take my life away." I kissed the top of his head and squeezed him tighter.

"There is no shame in staying in because you're ill, Angel. I just want you to be safe, that's all." I whispered in his ear.

"Call Tanya, please; go see her, go talk to her and unload what you're feeling, please babe." I nodded my head. "Promise?" He asked.

"Promise, now in, you're getting cold." He chuckled and held my hand heading back inside in the house.

The evening moved forward, Jasper spent most of the evening curled up by my side talking with Emmett and Rose. Emmett had once again stressed that the moment he needed a transplant he better get the call before anyone else, he wanted the test done now so he knew for sure if he was a match. Jasper told them how he had asked both his parents not to be tested, his choice, he didn't want his parents being put at that risk with their ages, and would only agree to them being tested if there was no one else. This had pushed Emmett further wanting to be tested now.

Olivia soon crashed out, after using most of her energy before she got here and then the rest playing with Emmett and following Rose and Anthony around. By half ten Jasper was tired and wanted to go home.

"Sorry guys, just this cold has wiped me." He looked so sorry for just being ill, Rose laughed.

"Newborn baby, tired all the time. Have you forgotten what it's like, Jasper?" She asked giving him a hug and a kiss.

"No." He shook his head. "I guess we should make good use of a full night's sleep while we can." He chuckled coughing slightly.

I fastened Olivia in to her car seat and said goodbye to Emmett and Rose. Arriving back home I put Olivia to bed, while Jasper headed to our bedroom. I kissed Olivia goodnight and tucked her in. By the time I had gotten to our bedroom Jasper was already in bed waiting.

"How are you feeling?" I asked undoing the buttons on my shirt, he smirked.

"My head is killing me. I'll be happier when this cold goes." He ran his fingers through his blonde curls.

"It will go, are you taking the meds for it?" He nodded coughing, he shivered. "You cold?" The heating was on; in fact the heating was on all the time now. The price of how much it was costing to heat this place was a nightmare, but I didn't care how much the bill was going to be. I couldn't put a price on his health.

"A little, I'll be better when you get in here." I smiled climbing in to bed. Jasper curled up to me resting his head on my chest, and I wrapped my arms tightly around him rubbing my hands up and down his back to warm him up.

"What were you and Olivia talking about before I came in?" He asked, his voice sounding rougher and rougher. I chuckled.

"She was asking me where the new baby is coming from." I chuckled. "Thanks by the way for causing a distraction." I kissed the top of his head.

"That talk is going to come out isn't it in the next nine months?" He asked with a sigh.

"Yeah, I don't think she will leave it alone for too long." He lifted his head up and gave me a kiss. "Love you, don't go anywhere, please." I whispered, my bottom lip trembled slightly.

"I won't, you'll get me through this." His fingers linked in mine, and he kissed the band on my finger. "I'm staying where I am, promise. I love you, Edward." I smiled as his head rested back on my chest. He squeezed me tightly and moved so we were facing each other, our arms wrapped around one another. The warm tingly feeling running high through me as we stared in to each other's eyes not talking, but talking to each other with our eyes, relaxing and feeling content until we fell asleep.

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Three weeks had passed since New Year, and Jasper was still suffering with his cold, which had now turned into a chest infection. His body was losing the battle against the infection. He had been back and forth to the doctors being given different antibiotics to fight the infection, none were working well. They had to be careful as to what they gave him with the other pills he was taking; there was a risk of pills counteracting other pills.

I had seen Tanya once since New Year. I felt a lot better after speaking to her, pouring out my fears to her over Jasper's illness. Since the visit to Tanya's, I had been able to speak to Jasper more about my fears. It was a healthy talk to be able to have with him, without upsetting each other.

Jasper was leaning against the breakfast table as Olivia ate her breakfast, already in her school uniform. I kissed the top of her head as I walked past and wrapped my arms around him.

"You look awful, you better not be going in to work again today." Jasper had continued to go in to work even though he was this ill. He said he felt worse if he stayed at home.

"I'm going in, Edward. Others are off today, ill." He mumbled out, his skin looking paler than it did yesterday.

"But those other teachers aren't suffering from kidney failure, are they?" I whispered to him so Olivia wouldn't hear.

"If I get too ill I will come home, okay?" I rolled my eyes at him, he huffed. "Edward, please." He pleaded.

"Then don't go in today, have the day off. Drop Olivia at school, come home and rest. I'm going to be late, I'll see you tonight." I gave him a kiss. "Love you, please don't go." I whispered in his ear walking over to Olivia.

"I'll think about it, okay?" He said emptying his mug in the sink.

"Fine. Be a good girl today, love you, princess." I gave her a kiss on the top of her head and headed out the door.

I just had this uneasy feeling, stirring in the pit of my stomach as I drove to work. Jasper was seeing the specialist on Monday, running more tests checking how well his kidneys were working. He had the test done a handful of times and every time he had them I felt sick with worry wondering if it was going to bring bad news. I kept telling myself that it wouldn't, he was being watched closely, and the specialist was sure that anything like dialysis or a transplant was miles away. He was hopeful that the drugs would work well for him now that they had the right balance.

We saw so many people who were living with kidney failure who were living close to normal lives with drugs, with no threat of dialysis, but for me the thought was there all the time. I couldn't shift it, no matter what was said, no matter how many times I checked up on his stage, the black cloud stayed over my head.

I arrived at work; it was mid week, the worst part of the week. The weekend seemed so long away and it seemed ages since I was last off. God, I hated mid week.

The hospital was busy as it was every day of the week. People who were time wasters, having nothing wrong with them other than a cold that could be taken of by going to the drug store or if need be going and seeing their GP, but where did they end up? Here, taking up time that could go elsewhere to people who really needed it.

"Someone looks happy this morning?" Jane greeted me as I walked through the staff room doors; I shrugged and took my coat off.

"Jasper and work." I grumbled out, she smiled leaning against one of the lockers.

"He still digging his heels in?" I nodded. "Is his chest infection getting any better?" She asked pulling her hair back.

"Yes, well sort of, the doctor gave him some different meds, they seem to be working." I pulled a bottle of water from the machine and gulped a load down.

"He'll get better, Edward. His body is just taking longer to recover that's all." I smiled a little. "So do you know when the scan is yet?"

"I do." I smirked, we had heard from Claire last night telling us the scan was.

"Are you going to tell me, or do I have to send all the time wasters your way?" She threatened. I chuckled and closed my locker.

"Two weeks Friday." I smiled, Jane grinned at me.

"Please bring the picture in with you, in fact come down and show me, I want to see." Jane was super excited about the baby. She was having her own trouble trying to get pregnant, and they were having tests at the moment.

"I will. You'll get there." She smiled weakly at me. "Hey come on, if two gay men can have children then you can, you just need to find the right road. Besides if you want, I'll send Olivia over to you when it's her birthday and we will see how much you want one." I joked.

"That bad?" She asked.

"Worse, anytime after half two and she is in our room wanting to get up, it's the same at Christmas." I told her, Jane laughed.

"Yeah, you laugh now, when your time comes I'll remind you of this talk." She slapped my arm playfully and headed out the door.

Around two in the afternoon I was sent on time waster watch. We all took it in turn splitting the day up so it was fair. I was currently seeing a woman who had stubbed her toe and was worried it might be broken or worse her toenail might fall off.

"Mrs. Anderson?" I asked as I pulled back the curtain stepping in to the cubicle. The woman was in her late forties, her hair black hair pulled back in a bun. I smiled as she smiled at me.

"Yes, that's me." She said in a nice friendly voice.

"I'm , I heard you stubbed your toe, am I right?" She nodded at me. I inwardly groaned; this had to be the worst case I had dealt with today.

"I banged it on the doorframe, is it broken?" She asked while I looked at it. "Oh, you're married."

"Yes, I am and no, it's not broken." I kept my nice happy face plastered on as I went through her notes checking there was nothing else before I sent her off.

"Shame the good looking ones are." She giggled out. "Any children?" She asked.

"Yes, one daughter that's four in a few weeks and one on the way." I told her, small talk and you're wasting my time.

"Oh, that's wonderful. Are you hoping for..........?" I switched off from listening to her as I heard Jane talking quietly outside the cubicle.

"......I'll keep him busy when he gets here, just don't let Edward know, not yet." A chill ran up my spine, hearing her words.

"Excuse me for just a moment." I told Mrs. Anderson who looked slightly pissed that I had stopped her midway through her ramble. I pulled the curtain back and saw Jane walking off.

"Jane." I called, she turned and smiled acting as through nothing was wrong. I walked up to her dreading what was coming; something told me it was either Olivia or Jasper. Please don't be Jasper.

"Jane, he's......." Aro stopped seeing me standing next to Jane.

"Who?" I seethed through gritted teeth.

"Edward relax, okay, he's fine." Her calming tone doing nothing.

"He wouldn't be here if he was fine. Where is he?" I started to head towards the room where they brought all the patients in; Jane grabbed my arm stopping me.

"Edward, let them work on him." My heart was beating wildly in my chest, hearing her words. Jasper was in there, my Jasper, my angel, my world. I could feel myself shaking.

"Edward, he will be fine." She soothed rubbing my arm. I was standing in the middle of the corridor looking at the door to the room that had Jasper in it.

"What happened?" She looked away. "Jane, tell me." Her head slowly turned to me, her eyes sad.

"From what I know he collapsed at work and had a fit, he was stable enough to bring him in here." He collapsed. He went to work and collapsed. My angel, I needed to be with him, my heart was breaking knowing he was in there and I was here. "Edward, let them work, the specialist is there. They're taking good care of him. I promise, Edward."

Please, please. This is a bad dream, a fucked up dream. I was not really here, I was at home, in bed and Jasper is next to me. But no matter how hard I tried to tell myself this I knew it wasn't true, this was real.

"Edward, come with me." The tears spilled over my lids as Jane led me away. All I could do was think about my angel being in there away from me, and I had no idea what was going on with him. "Edward, was Jasper picking Olivia up?" She asked once we were outside, I nodded.

Olivia. Oh god, I was going to have to tell her?

"Edward, look at me." I continued to stare ahead as my mind raced, the tears falling hard from my eyes. Please don't let him die.

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**_Sorry, (runs and hides behind the sofa.) I know, I know leaving it like that at the worst place._**

**_Please be nice and hit the review button......or not._**

**_Jen x_**


	11. Chapter 11

_**AN/ (Sticks head up from behind sofa waving a white flag.) I know i was so, so . But never fear you guys didn't have to wait long for the next chapter. **_

**_I will warn you all, it may make you cry, so my advice before you read, get out the chocolate._**

**_Here's chapter 11!_**

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_**EPOV**_

I sat outside the hospital, my back against the wall, my mind racing with a thousand different thing all at once. Jasper. My angel had been brought in. I couldn't get my head around it, couldn't figure out why he collapsed at work, why he had a fit. I couldn't get my head around any of it. Had I missed something, had I relaxed that much that I hadn't seen just how ill he was? I knew he was ill, the cold and chest infection were hammering his body hard, but he seemed to be getting better. The doctor didn't seem too concerned, convinced that the latest batch of antibiotics would do the trick to clear it up. I trusted this doctor, put my angel's life in his hands when deep down I knew I should have brought him here, to people I know and trust, not to some GP.

My eyes were stinging from the tears I was shedding, the pain in my chest gripping tighter and tighter, making it harder for me to breath. Why me? Why us? Our second child was on its way and now this. How can everything go from happy to utter crap in a matter of seconds? What had I really done to be dealt this sort of hand in my life? I had lost James, gone through the suffering of losing one loved one, and now I faced it again with Jasper. Faced losing everything all over again, my world lay in there and I had no idea what was happening. Jane had stopped me from going in, telling me to let them do their work and there was nothing to worry about, easier said than done.

"Here." Jane passed me a coffee. She had nipped in to gather some information for me as I was going crazy. She handed me my phone and I looked at her, thoughts raced through my mind please don't tell me this is make the calls time.

"You need to get someone to pick Olivia up." Who was I going to call? I was torn between wanting to pick her up myself and wanting to stay here with Jasper.

"Jasper?" I asked her, she bent down next to me and rubbed my arm.

"Stable, they're moving him up to the kidney unit to continue their work. Other than that, I don't know." I wiped my face trying to pull myself together, my heart breaking I looked at the band on my finger. "Edward, he will be fine. They wouldn't tell me anymore because they haven't finished yet. He'll pull through, he has too much to lose, you, Olivia and your unborn child, he'll make it." Something in her voice told me that this was hanging in the balance, that he could go either way right now.

I was crumbling inside, praying that he wouldn't be taken from me, for me not to have to suffer the loss again. Would he even see our unborn child born? I closed my eyes, as wave after wave of pain and heartache crashed through me, the blackness pulling me back in, the pit of hell opening up and dragging me back. How could I be made to suffer again? Wasn't once enough for one person to go through? I pulled out my phone and called the first person I could think of that would be free to pick up Olivia.

"Alice?" I asked as she answered the phone, my voice shaking as I tried to keep my emotions in check.

"_Edward? __Is that you? My god what's wrong_?" She asked.

"Ca.... Can you pick Olivia up for me please." The tears fell once more. I rested my elbow on my bent knee, my fingers rubbing against my forehead.

"_Of course I can, what's happened? Is it Jasper_?" I broke down, the sobs ripped through my chest in a painful sound. _"It is, oh god. Edward, what's happened?" _I couldn't find the words to form the sentence to tell her what had happened. I cried harder, my stomach twisted and my chest tightened. I was gasping for breath, I couldn't breath. I could hear Alice in my ear calling my name, but I couldn't answer her, the pain, the heartbreak had consumed me.

"Alice, it's Jane." Jane pulled the phone from my hand as she rubbed my back, trying to comfort me. "He collapsed at work and was rushed in, they're seeing to him now, he's stable." I was somewhat aware of Jane nodding as Alice was talking. "No...we don't know. He's not gone in there......... That would be great. Thank you, Alice. I don't think he could handle that right now." I just wanted to see my angel, I wanted to be near him, to hold his hand, to have in my arms and know he is safe. I managed to pull myself together long enough to stop the heart wrenching tears to be able to stand.

Jane looked at me, my mind went in to some sort of auto mode. All I wanted to do was see him, Jane wasn't about to stop me this time round. I walked through the sliding doors, I saw the concerned face's of people I work with. I didn't speak to anyone, no one tried to speak to me as I made my way through A&E towards the kidney unit. He would have been moved by now, moved there. I wondered if he was awake, if he had any idea of what was going on around him, if he wondered why he hadn't seen me. If he knew I wasn't there in the room with him, was he thinking I had just left him to face this on his own? My heart tightened at that thought. I had promised him I would walk through this with him, be there every step of the way. Would he think I had just abandoned him?

My fist clenched as the gut wrenching pain crashed through me. I needed him to know I was here, I was right here with him, that he wasn't on his own, and he never will be. I was by his side, my world, my life, my soul lay with him, it always had been since I fell in love with him. The tears ran down my face. I noticed people looking at me, it must have been a site seeing a doctor walk through the hospital in his scrubs crying. I didn't care if people saw me cry, I wasn't ashamed to cry. I wasn't ashamed to show my pain and heartache while my husband was fighting for his life.

"Edward." Sam stood there looking at me. I went to move past him but he grabbed my arm. "Stay here, they have taken him in to surgery." I tried to look at it from a medical point, there were thousands of reasons why they would taken him to surgery. I knew this, but still I battled thinking the worst.

"Please...... I just need....... need him to know I'm here....... please, Sam." I pleaded, it was so important to me for him to know that I was here with him. That I hadn't left and abandoned him, left him to face this hell on his own, to have just given up on him, on us, on everything we have together. The tears fell again, I was a mess, a pile of slowly crumbling rubble losing the glue that kept it together.

Sam placed his hand on my shoulder. "He knows you're here, Edward. Come on, let's sit and wait." He led me in to a room, a room I had sent many family's in to over the years. The family rooms were all over the hospital, sending loved ones and parents of the poor souls you're working on in to this room. You can stare at the wall and feel either more private in your wait or utterly forgotten about.

"I'll come get you when he is out, okay? Edward, relax, he is in safe hands." With that he sent me a small heartfelt smile and left the room. The closed door cut off all noise in to the room. I felt utterly alone, completely abandoned, left to stare at the wall, left to be with my own thoughts, left to question what I missed.

What did I miss? He had been in my care, my safe hands or so I thought, yet I missed something. Something that had led him to this place, to that theater. How could I have missed something? I check everything countless times, he was too important for me to miss something, for me to let something happen to him. Was I cursed? Was my life mapped out that I couldn't have that long and happy life with the one I love? Was I just destined for heartbreak and pain?

The clock ticked on, I sat and watched it, watched as the seconds ticked by painfully slow. For me it seemed to be later then what it was, but it wasn't. I promised him I wouldn't fail him and yet I did, if I had seen this before then it could have been stopped, all this nightmare might not have happened. But I didn't know what 'it' was that I missed. The door opened, my heart rate picked up as I thought this would be news, news I so badly needed to hear. But the person I saw wasn't the person I was expecting. Emmett stood there, his face covered in concern and worry, his eyes carrying a slight shimmer of water. The door closed behind him, neither of us spoke, unsure of what to say to one another. I had no idea what I could possibly say to him. Jasper was his best friend, they grew up together and he had been told that Jasper had been rushed in, knowing that I had missed something.

"I'm sorry." I whispered out, my voice harsh from crying. I couldn't even look at him, to see the disappointment in his face, to know that he knew I failed, that I missed something, that because of me Jasper ended up in here.

Emmett's arms covered me, pulling me in to an oversized bear hug. "You have nothing to say sorry for." He said pulling out of the hug. He sat down next to me, his own face awash with tears. I ran my fingers through my hair pulling it in order to replace one pain with another, it wasn't working.

"I just feel like I missed something, Em." I said bending forward slightly and rubbing my hands together. I heard Emmett sigh I turned my head towards him.

"Dude, you didn't miss anything, we all know that. Have they come out with any news yet?" I shook my head, the wait was killing me. "Alice called me, she got in touch with Jasper's parents as well."

I closed my eyes, I never even thought about calling them. I'd been so wrapped up in Jasper and someone getting Olivia I forgot to call his parents. I felt awful, how could I forget to call them?

"Thanks.... I....." I trailed off, Emmett just shrugged at me.

"Ed, it's cool, you have enough to deal with. Alice informed everyone, hence me being here. Rose is at home, wanting updates and Bella and Jake are going to make their way over after work." I felt a little better that Alice had called everyone for me. I don't think I could have spoken to anyone.

I was going to have to tell Olivia tonight, we couldn't hide it any longer. I hoped she could handle the news, I hoped that when it came to it I would be able to find the words to tell her how sick Jasper was. God, what was Alice going to tell her when she picked Olivia up from school. I hadn't even thought about that, thought about what Alice would say to her.

We sat in silence waiting, trapped with our own thoughts. I wondered how much longer I was going to have to wait, I had been in here for close to two hours, just what was taking so long in theater? I wanted to know what they were doing in theater to being with, I needed to know now. The wait was killing me, knowing my world was out there in some state, to which I had no idea was killing me inside. My head snapped up as I saw Sam opening the door, his face looked grim as he walked in. He looked at Emmett and back at me, almost as if he was asking if I wanted this information shared with the man in the room, I nodded, he took a deep breath.

"Okay, it's not good news." He started, my heart stopped, my world stopped spinning, and everything around me started to go all fuzzy. I shook my head trying to shake off the feeling that was running through me, the feeling of dread, the spaced out feeling.

"How bad?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly as I battled to keep it together.

"His kidney's have failed, we have had to place him on dialysis." The tears ran down my face hearing his words. This wasn't meant to happen, not now, we had a baby on the way, this was too much for me to handle. "Edward, Jasper is in a dangerous state. I won't lie to you, he needs a transplant, but until we can get him well enough he can't have one." My mind shut off from listening.

Jasper was hanging by a thread right now, he was in renal failure, he had collapsed due to his body not being able to cope. He had gotten an infection in his kidneys, which on top of the chest infection and cold he was suffering from had been the final blow to the kidneys. I was angry that this hadn't been picked up. In the span of two weeks he had gone downhill rapidly. I could hear Sam telling me they had to place a neck line in to be able to start the dialysis. It was the first place to place it, they had also fitted Jasper with an AV fistula in his arm, which would take about six weeks to heal. In the meantime he had to have the neck line for dialysis, once his AV Fistula was healed the neck line could be removed. Right now his body was struggling with the waste his kidneys would have removed. Dialysis takes four hours to clean blood, we were battling to keep Jasper alive, trying to give his body time to recover and him to get his strength back. If he didn't, he wouldn't be able to have the transplant.

"Can I see him?" I asked Sam, he nodded. I looked at Emmett. "Give me a minute?" I asked him. I knew he wanted to see Jasper just as much as I did.

"Sure, I'll call Rose and let her know." Emmett said walking out the door to call Rose. I looked at Sam, and stood up following him out of the room to see Jasper.

I pushed open the door to see my angel hooked up to the dialysis machine, two thin tubes coming out of his neck, he was awake. He turned his head slowly wincing slightly to look at me. He looked weak, his face pale, his eyes dull, my beautiful angel looked terrible. He smiled weakly at me as I walked to him, the tears running down once again. Our fingers laced together, he felt so cold, like ice. I gave him a gentle kiss on the lips and sat down tightly gripping his hand scared that if I let go he would disappear.

"Hey." He whispered, his voice nothing more than a forced whisper. With my free hand I touched his face letting my fingerstips run over his smooth skin, savoring the beautiful, sensual feeling of the electric current that flowed through us.

"I love you, so much." I managed to get out through my tears. He smiled at me, and mouthed he loved me.

"Olivia?" He choked out as worry hit his face. I smiled and rubbed small circles on the back of his hand.

"Alice is piking her up. Don't worry, I'll tell her tonight." He cringed slightly, and mouthed sorry. " Don't be, Angel, don't be sorry for this." I smiled weakly as my bottom lip trembled slightly.

We stayed like this for what seemed like forever, not talking, just looking in to each others eyes. My mind tried to calm itself down, I didn't want to project my worry on to Jasper, but I was sure the worry was crystal clear on my face. I was so thankful to see him smile, to see his blue eyes, to see him breathing. He may look weak and pale, but he was here, that was the main thing.

"Emmett's outside." I said to him. "Want me to get him?" He nodded. I went to go and get him, unlock my fingers from his, but Jasper gripped them tighter. "Two seconds, that's all, Angel." I could see the scared look on his face, how worried and frighten he looked. I smiled and stroked his face, leaning forward to give him a kiss. I whispered in his ear. "I'm right here, Angel." His fingers relaxed in mine as I kissed his forehead. The door opened, I turned my head to see Emmett's head poking through the door.

"Um.... Is it okay?" He asked with a half smile. I nodded, smiling, looking at my angel who relaxed and squeezed my hand tightly.

Emmett walked over and sat down, looking at the machines that were around Jasper. He looked at the dialysis machine, cleaning his blood before shipping it back to him, the heart monitor beeping every couple of seconds with Jasper's heart rate, the wires and little tubes coming out him, and of course how Jasper actually looked himself.

"As soon as you're well enough, I have a kidney right here waiting for you." Emmett said, Jasper shook his head. "No buts, Whitlock. If you were well enough to have the op now we would be wheeling down to theater." The passion in his voice, the utter devotion to his friend made my heart melt a little. Emmett was willing to hand over his kidney to save Jasper, without a second thought. I was sure that if Emmett was denied that match he would have a breakdown over it.

"Thanks." Jasper croaked out, his voice a little rough.

"You're welcome, Jazz. Man... you look like shit." Emmett boomed. Jasper smiled weakly and nodded his head. "Rose is coming by tomorrow with Anthony. That's okay, isn't it?" He asked, Jasper nodded. "Good, she wanted to come now. It's been a little...... well, hellish."

"Tell her thanks, and sorry for causing such a fuss." Jasper whispered coughing slightly. I stroked his cheek.

"You haven't, Angel." I kissed his hand. I looked at the clock on the wall, it was getting late, Alice would have Olivia now and she would be wondering where we were.

"Go to Olivia, she'll be worried." Jasper whispered looking at me, I shook my head.

"I don't want to leave you." I was so torn, staying with Jasper and seeing Olivia. "I'll go soon, okay?" He nodded.

"Guys, speaking of little ones, I needed to get back. Jazz, I'll see you tomorrow." He squeezed Jasper's shoulder and turned and headed to the door. "Edward, can I have a sec?" I looked at Jasper and nodded.

"I mean it, when he's well enough I want to take to the test. I don't want to step on your toes or anything because I know you will be taking it too, but he's my best friend, you know?" He looked down slightly; I could see the tears forming.

"I know and you're not. Thanks for coming today, it meant a lot." He gave me a hug patting me on the back.

"If you need anything, someone to talk too or collect Olivia, just call, okay?" He said pulling his car keys out his pocket.

"Thanks, Em, I will." I smiled and pushed the door open back to Jasper.

I sat back down next to Jasper. His eyes were closed, I wasn't sure if he was asleep or not. Looking at his broken form, seeing him hooked up to all these machines, machines I had seen thousands of time hooked up to thousands of different people and it never once bothered me, not once, until now. Seeing him, the man I love more than anything in the world, the other half my soul, my world, stuck there next to those machines broke me. I rested my head on the bed next to his hand and broke down. The sobs ripped painfully through my chest, as the hot salty tears ran down my face. My sobs were drowned out by my face being pushed against the bed. I felt someone touch my hair, gently, softly, yet intimately. I lifted my head to see Jasper looking at me, tears rolling down his face slowly. His hand dropped down from my hair to my face, he ran his thumb under my eyes, wiping away the tears.

"Jasper." I cried moving close to him. Our foreheads touched; my hands around his neck and his hair, his locked in to my hair. "I love you." I said, the tears rolling down both our faces.

"I'm not going anywhere." He croaked out, his voice sounding so rough and harsh.

"Please don't." I pleaded. He shook his head, pulling my face down his lips met mine, pouring our love for one another in to the kiss.

"I love you." He whispered after pulling away from the kiss. Our fingers interlocked with each others, he smiled and yawned, his eyes struggling to stay open.

"Go home to Olivia, babe." He smiled softy. "Bring her to see me please." He said. I smiled and nodded my head.

"I'll see you in the morning, don't go anywhere. I love you." I gave him a kiss, he nodded and smiled.

Leaving the hospital, I felt lost and alone, like part of me was missing. Well, it was. My heart was missing from me. Walking away from that building, leaving a massive part of me behind, in there, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. We were never apart a night, I hadn't worked a night in years. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle not being next to him tonight.

I pulled up outside our house; the lights were on the living room. I rubbed my forehead and looked at my face in the rear view mirror. My eyes were red and swollen, puffy from the tears I had shed throughout the afternoon. I took a deep breath and got out the car. Opening the front door I could hear Olivia giggling with Alice. My heart cracked a little more, I had to face her now, face our daughter and tell her Jasper was in hospital.

"Daddy." She screamed running to me. I dropped to my knees as she ran in to my arms. I held her so tight, breathing in her scent.

"Hello, Princess." I choked out trying to stop myself from crying. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the pain that was ripping hard inside of me holding our daughter. I opened my eyes to see Alice, she smiled softly.

"Emmett called, call me later, okay?" I nodded. "You want me to pick her up tomorrow? I could take her to school if you like?" She asked pulling on her coat.

"If you could." She nodded. "Say bye to Alice, Princess." I picked Olivia up and rested her on my hip.

"Bye, Auntie Alice." Alice gave her a kiss and walked out the front door closing it softly behind her. "Where's daddy?" Olivia asked as I carried her in to the living. I sat down on the sofa with Olivia on my knee. I kissed her head as the tears slowly fell from my eyes.

"Why you crying, daddy?" She asked putting her hands on my face. I smiled weakly and took a deep breath.

"Daddy's very poorly, Sweetheart. He's in hospital." I looked at her face, her eyes filling with tears. "Don't be sad. Daddy needs to have an operation, in order to make him all better again." I wiped the tears that were falling down her face.

"Me see him?" She asked through her tears.

"Tomorrow, Princess, but daddy is going to be hooked up to all sorts of machines. There is nothing to worry about; they're just there to make sure he is alright. Okay?" I asked her, she nodded her head, her tears continuing to fall.

"Why he poorly?" She asked, her little hands gripping my scrubs.

"Daddy needs a new kidney, Princess, and his are making him poorly." I told her, her little face covering in worry and concern.

"Is... Is.... daddy... going...... to..... die?" She sobbed out. I pulled her closer to me, rocking her gently and kissing her head.

"No, no Princess, he's not going to die, but he is poorly." I whispered in her ear. Sitting back on the sofa pulling her to my chest as she sobbed, wanting Jasper. "Do you want to sleep with me tonight?" I asked her wiping my own tears tonight.

"And Uno?" She asked in a small voice.

"Yes." I answered, she nodded her head.

The only comfort I could find was having Olivia close to me, it tore me apart to know he was in hospital and not here with us. It crushed me to hear Olivia cry over Jasper and call for him, her eyes on the door at all times thinking he would walk through at any moment. He had never spent a night apart from like this. Yes, she had stayed away from us, but never like this had they been apart.

Olivia started to calm down and fell asleep on my chest. I cried gently holding her tightly to me, I wanted Jasper here, I missed him so much, and everything lay in pieces without him, without him being here next to me, next to us. Holding her close to me I prayed that Jasper would make it through this, I would make a deal with the devil if it guaranteed he would make it through this.

"I love you, Princess." I whispered to Olivia as she slept on my chest.

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**_I sobbed my heart out writing this chapter, most of it i wrote at work, yes i was crying at work, can we say freak?_**

**_Who wants to go cuddle Edward now? I do!_**

**_So my lovelys would you all be so kind and hit the review button? Send the boys a bit of love?_**

**_Thanks Jen x_**


	12. Chapter 12

_**AN/ Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews, I know that the last chapter was hard to read and as I'm sure you all know the next few will be be hard as well.**_

**_Thank you to my wonderful Beta who does a wonderful job of turning these chapter back to me everyday, your a star hun._**

**_I don't think this one is as sad as the last one, but you may want to get some chocolate and kleenex before you read._**

**_Here's chapter 12!_**

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_**JPOV**_

I can't really remember what happened, how it all went down. I remember teaching in class; the children were learning the colour chart. I remember feeling light-headed and a little sick and then nothing. I have some fuzzy images in my head, little clips, bits of things, the ambulance, the medical room. I remember asking for Edward wondering where he was, why I couldn't see him. My eyes were all out of focus, it was like I was high and drunk all at the same time.

Everything just seems so messed up, I couldn't make sense of the things that were running around my head, the words I was hearing, nothing seemed to fit, the puzzle had bits missing. I know someone told me that Edward was outside waiting, I wanted to see him as things were pushed in to my arm then darkness fell on me once more.

The beeping sound was ringing loud when I came round, my arm was sore, so was my neck. I felt the wire in my neck, a tube of some sort; my mind was still fuzzy, trying to make sense of it all. I knew a doctor spoke to me, I knew I saw Edward, but other than that nothing sticks in. It makes no sense. I can't remember what we spoke about. I can't remember giving him a kiss, I was sure we did kiss. I was pretty sure that our fingers laced together, but I couldn't be certain. All I can really remember is seeing his eyes.

His beautiful, forest green eyes were covered in pain and hurt, slightly puffy, and bloodshot, the rims under his eyes red and raw. The fear, the heartbreak, the worry, and the love he held for me all in those eyes. His face, those eyes will haunt me for all the days of my life. He was breaking, the shell covered in cracks as he tried to hold himself together, tried to hold his strong form as he looked at me. I never wanted to see that again, never wanted to see the fear of losing everything in his eyes.

"Ah, good morning, Jasper. How are you feeling today?" The doctor asked as he picked up my chart to look at it.

"Sore." I mumbled out, my throat was so sore and dry. My hand came up to where the plaster now sat across my neck to scratch it.

"Don't scratch, you look a lot healthier today than yesterday." He smiled. "You gave us a scare yesterday." He popped a cup with ice in it in front of me. "To help with the thirst." He smiled and moved to the heart monitor that I was still connected to.

"How bad, Doc?" There was no point in beating around the bush; I needed to know what was happening and he was the man with the answers.

He sighed. "Jasper.... Your kidneys have failed, you're in renal failure. We have placed an AV Fistula in your arm for the dialysis, but until that heals we need to use the neckline. Jasper, your very lucky to be alive right now, you're in a dangerous condition." My head was spinning, what happened to the years away from dialysis? What happened to the drugs working? All I could think about was how this wasn't meant to happening now.

"A transplant?" I asked swallowing, feeling a thin tube down my throat.

"We need you to be stronger before that happens. You'll be back on dialysis tonight while we try and build your strength up." He spoke gently to me, almost as if he was frightened that the words would make me break.

"And this?" I asked touching the thin tube that ran up my nose.

"A feeding tube, we're trying to get as much vitamins in you to build up your strength. Jasper, we have a long and hard road ahead of us." He smiled slightly and stood up. "I'll be back later to check on you, the ice will help. Do you have any questions?" He asked.

"When can I go home?" The look on his face told me that it wouldn't be anytime soon.

"Once you're well enough." He answered. I guess that was the best answer he could give me considering everything.

I watched as he walked out the door, I could see the clock on the wall, it was just gone seven. I wondered if Edward would be coming in to work today or if he took it off. - wondered when I would see him. I couldn't remember much of yesterday and I just needed to feel his touch, to feel home. To give me something to be fed off of, I was so scared about all of this. I was in bad shape, a bad way dancing along with death, walking hand in hand with it. The thin rope would be so easy to fall off and lose the battle if I wasn't careful. I wanted to see Olivia, I knew by now Edward would have told her. He shouldn't have had to have done it on his own without me there. I could only imagine just how hard it must have been for him to tell her after everything that happened yesterday. How hard and frightening it must have been for Olivia not being able to see me.

My thoughts drifted to our unborn child. I had to face facts; I might not see him or her born. My body was running wild with infection; if they couldn't get it under control I couldn't have the transplant. I could die; I am that close to death. I would be leaving Olivia behind, not seeing her grow up and get married, I would be leaving our unborn child behind who I would never have met, and I would be leaving Edward behind. I had wanted to have this child now and now I might not even see it.

I closed my eyes for a minute and listened to the heart monitor beep every couple of seconds. I heard the door softly open, my eyes opened and they fell upon a very tired, red-eyed looking Edward. His hair was in even more disarray than usual as he smiled sadly at me. I held my hand out as he neared, our fingers locked together. I was home.

"You look like crap." I said sticking a cube of ice in my mouth. He smiled and chuckled slightly opening his mouth wide enough that I could just see the tips of his teeth.

"You should see you yourself." He whispered leaning forward and kissing me softy but somehow passionately. "How did you sleep?" He asked looking tired. I smiled and stroked his face.

"In and out of it all night, I can't really remember much of yesterday." His face covered in slight horror, I was glad I couldn't remember judging by his face. "I'm scared Edward, they told me just how bad I am. I'm scared I won't even see our child born." I whispered out as tears gathered in his eyes, he rubbed small delicate circles on the back of my hand.

"You will see it born, Angel. Don't think like that." He wiped the tears away from eyes. "I need you to stay strong and get better." He kissed my hand as I felt the shots of electricity run through me.

"You're working today?" I asked him seeing his scrubs on, he nodded.

"I won't be far and then I'll be in and out all day, your parents will be here soon." I rested my head back on the pillow feeling drained.

"Olivia?" I asked him opening my eyes and turning my head to him, he smiled.

"She is missing you." He whispered trying to hide the pain in his voice.

"How did she handle it?" I asked him, the thought of her being upset, scared and frightened was causing my heart to break.

"Um........ upset, crying out for you. After she calmed she just wanted to see you." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Is she......?" I started and trailed off. I wanted to see her, but I didn't know if she would want to see me hooked up to all these machines.

"She'll be here tonight. Jasper?" He asked, the fear returning to his eyes. I nodded my head and squeezed his hand. "Promise me you'll stay." He smiled weakly, his lip trembling. "I don't want to leave you, but I have to go back down." The slow tears fell from his eyes making my own fall.

"I will, I promise." I smiled slightly.

"Rest Angel, your parents will be here soon." He gave me a soft gentle loving kiss full of love and devotion. He wiped his face. "I love you." He whispered in my ear.

"Love you too." I croaked out as he left my bedside and walked to the door; he turned and looked at me giving me a pleading smile before leaving.

I hated that I had put those bags under those sore red eyes. I hated that his eyes carried pain and hurt in them knowing I had put it there. I hated that he had to comfort our daughter last night and couldn't give her what she wanted. This was my worst nightmare, I felt so weak, so drained, like I didn't even have the strength to stand up and walk to the bathroom.

Closing my eyes I tried to sleep hoping that it would make me feel better, but I couldn't, my mind went on to think of our children, or to our unborn child. He or she might never meet me. I wasn't stupid, I had done my homework, and I was on death's door. They were pumping me full of everything and anything just to keep me alive. This baby may never know me and that broke my heart. Olivia was growing up so fast becoming such a beautiful little girl who would grow in to a stunning woman, and I may never see that happen. Edward knew how serious things are for us, how everything is hanging in the balance.

I was angry at myself. All the times Edward had begged me not to go to work, to rest, and I didn't listen. I didn't think things would get this serious, this dangerous. I didn't want to let my illness ruin my life, so I dug my heels in and got stubborn, fighting Edward when he knew better. I should have backed down and done what he asked. If I had then maybe the infection would have never hit my kidneys and finished them off.

Edward's worst nightmare happened yesterday, watching as I was rushed in, his mind most have shot right back to that night with James. His mind most have been screwed last night, god only knows what sort of nightmare he had last night. My stupidity had caused this that nightmare to take place last night, I caused my husband unforgiveable pain because I wouldn't listen.

"......... Edward said he looked a lot paler yesterday. It's hard to imagine, he looks so pale right night." That was my mother's voice, they're here.

"Betty, I've never seen anything like it. He looked dead yesterday. Trust me; this is a hundred percent better." That was Emmett's voice. I groaned and my flickered my eyes open slightly.

"Jasper, dear? It's mum, honey." My mother's concerned face came in to view as my eyes slowly opened and took in my surroundings. I went to speak but my throat felt so sore and dry.

"I.... Ice." I whispered out in a dry cracked voice.

"Dude, two seconds." Emmett was out of the chair and heading out of the room within seconds. God what time was it? How long had I been out for? I pulled myself up feeling as though my body weighed a ton and a half. My arms felt so weak, like all the muscle had just vanished. "Here." Emmett handed me a cup of ice. Popping one in my mouth, it felt so good, so cold and refreshing, letting the cool liquid run down my throat, the dry sore throat started to subside.

"Wh....what time is it?" I managed to choke out. I felt more alert than I had been in the last twenty-four hours, but I had no bearing on time or anything else.

"It's just turned four." My dad said. Four, as in four in the afternoon? What the fuck? The expression on my face must have said everything. "You've been out all day, we've been here since ten and you have been flat out the whole time. The doctor said it's a good thing." He said. I had been out all day, all god damn day! Fuck.

"Edward?" I saw him this morning, but not since then, had he been back? Could he handle seeing me in here like this?

"He's been in and out all day, but you never once moved." My mum said as her tearstained face looked at me. She had been sobbing over me, crying over her son.

"I'm sorry." I grumbled out. I hated that I had caused all of this, everyone here, running around me, worrying about me.

"Dude, you're as bad as Edward with the whole sorry thing." I looked at Emmett's face, I had known him since we were kids, and I had never seen him so worried. "I have a kidney waiting for you, so you better get your act together."

"Em.... I....." He cut me off by raising his hand.

"No buts, dude. I'm taking the test, tomorrow." He stated crossing his arms over his chest, the determination in his face.

"Em... you have a wife and a newborn baby, you can't risk it." I mumbled in a whisper. He snorted.

"Bullshit, Whitlock, you have a husband and a daughter and one on the way." He retorted at me.

"It's Cullen now." Was my not so great come back.

"You may have changed your name but you're still Whitlock." He hit me back with. I sighed "I've known you since we were little snotty nose kids running around. I'm not going sit back and watch you die when you could have one of my kidneys and see your children grow up. It's final, Jasper." He was adamant, in the years I had known Emmett there was no talking him out of something once he was set on something.

"Thanks." I whispered.

"Jasper! Jasper!" The door flung open and there stood Alice, all four foot nothing of her. She ran to the bed, throwing her arms around my neck. I winced slightly as she caught the plaster that was on my neck.

"Oh, my god. Jasper, are you okay?" She asked pulling back concerned that she had hurt me. I pointed to the plaster on my neck. "Jazz, I'm sorry." She sat down pushing Emmett out of the way.

"Did you bring Olivia?" My mother asked rubbing my hand.

"Yes, she's with Edward. He's bringing her up soon. Have Bella and Jake been here?" Alice asked nicking one of my ice cubes.

"Yeah, but sleeping beauty here was asleep. They said they will pop back tomorrow and hopefully he will be awake. Where's Seth?" Emmett asked stretching out his arms.

"He's stuck in meetings; he sends his love and says he'll see you over the weekend." I nodded and smiled slightly.

Olivia is here, my little girl. I wanted to see her, I wondered why Edward hadn't brought her up yet, or let Alice bring her up. He knew I wanted to see her. The door opened again and my heart lifted just to hit the floor again as I saw the good doctor walk through.

"Good Afternoon, Jasper. How are you feeling?" He asked picking up my chart again.

"So, so." I answered watching as his brow frowned every now and then looking over my chart.

"Very good. Do you mind if we have a few minutes?" He asked looking at my friends and family.

They nodded and gathered their things and headed out the door. The doctor removed the plaster that was on my neck, and brought tubes towards me.

"I know this isn't nice, but for the time being you're going to be hooked up on dialysis daily." He said attaching me to the machine. It kicked in to life, this was my life now for however long, and being stuck to this machine doing a job my kidneys should be doing.

"I guess I should say thanks." I groaned out, the doctor smiled at me.

"You have a very supportive network of friends and family, you will get through this." He squeezed my shoulder. "There is a very excited little girl waiting to see you." He smiled. Olivia. My heart swelled.

"Thank you." He smiled and walked to the door opening it. My eyes caught sight of her scared blue eyes standing in front of Edward. I smiled, she hadn't moved. I saw Edward bend down and whisper in her ear; she nodded and ran to me.

"Daddy." She cried as she reached the bed. She climbed herself up and curled in to my side as I wrapped an arm around her. Her tiny little body curled tightly to me as I kissed her head, her tears hitting my top and soaking through.

"Don't cry, sweetheart." I whispered to her, my voice cracking as I spoke. It broke my heart to see her like this. Edward came over to me he stroked my cheek and gave me a kiss. His eyes were covered in pain. He looked as drained as I felt.

"Hey." I whispered out, my throat once again killing me.

"Angel......" He took a deep breath, his eyes watering slightly as we laced fingers together, staring in to each other's eyes. He moved Olivia slightly and sat on the bed, our foreheads touched. I heard him take a deep breath, inhaling through his nose, breathing in my scent, the same thing I was doing. Connecting to home, home lay with one another, wherever the other was. "I love you." He whispered, his free hand holding Olivia's overlapping mine. A family together, everyone and everything else blanked out as we stayed close to each other in our bubble, connecting to one another the best we could, giving each other strength. As hard as this was for me, it was just as hard for him.

"I love you." I managed to croak out. His thumb gently stroked my cheek, the warm tingly feeling running through us as we listened to each other without saying a single word. Our minds were connected, our hearts beat the same steady rhythm, and two souls joined together forming one whole one. I fell and re-fell in love with him all over again as we touched each other.

Right now everything was forgotten about; everything that had happened disappeared as we locked ourselves away together in our own world, just the three of us, no one else. We both knew how serious things were, how everything lay in the balance of the gods.

"Daddy comes home?" Olivia asked breaking the spell we were under. Edward smiled and stroked her hair.

"Soon, Princess." Edward told her. She looked at me, her face full of worry, I stroked her cheek. I hated her seeing me like this, but it felt so good to see her, to have her close to me.

"I miss you." Her little angelic voice pulled my heart that little bit more.

"I miss you too, sweetheart." Her eyes were fixed on the dialysis machine, watching it intently as it took my blood slowly and gave it back.

"What's that?" She asked pointing at it.

"You remember what I told you last night about daddy needing a new kidney?" Edward asked her, she nodded her head. "Well this machine is doing the job his kidneys should be doing until he gets a new one."

"You have mine, daddy." Her little face was serious as she spoke. I chuckled which made me cough, causing Edward to frown.

"Thank you, baby." My voice came out all raspy. Olivia yawned resting her head on my chest. "She's tired." I told Edward feeling drained myself, and looking at my family seeing how tired they both looked I felt awful, knowing my family had suffered last night worrying about me.

"It was a bad night." He smiled softy. "For all of us." He kissed my forehead.

"Get some sleep........ please." I pleaded with him to go and take Olivia home, go and get some sleep. He shook his head.

"I'll send Olivia home with your parents." He said looking at my mum and dad. I shook my head at him.

"Please, you're tired, you need to sleep." My voice strained and hurt as I spoke.

He sighed, somewhat defeated that I would ask him to go. He looked hurt that I would want him to leave. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want him to go or Olivia, but they were both tired and Edward had work again tomorrow.

"Okay." He grumbled, he didn't want to go as much as I didn't want to see him go. "I love you so much." His voice trembled as he spoke to me, I touched his cheek.

"I love you too." He leant forward and gave me a kiss. "Be a good girl, Olivia." I whispered to her. "Love you." I gave her a kiss.

"Love you." She whispered in my ear, her little hands playing in my hair. Edward picked her up, placing her on his hip. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her little eyes filling with tears as she rested her head on his chest.

I waved to her as she cried. "No.... daddy." She cried, a gut wrenching sound coming from her, it made my chest ache and my heart break. Edward stroked her back as he walked away, her face looking over his shoulder, her face red, her eyes full of tears, crying hard, reaching her hand out towards me. The tears slipped from my eyes watching as she reached for me, as she moved away from, as they both left me alone.

As Edward walked out the door he looked at me, his cheeks were wet with tears as he smiled at me, before going through it and out of my sight. I wept on my own, listening to the machines going off around me, my family's hearts were breaking, my daughter crying out for me and I couldn't sooth her pain.

Later in the evening, Dr. Madison came to see me, the top guy in the department, and when the time came he would be performing the transplant. He talked to me about a few things, and told me just how serious I was. It wasn't as easy as you need a transplant there you go, the donor had to go through a series of tests first, making sure their body wouldn't be affected by the loss of a kidney. They would need to seriously think about this and seek expert advice, as this could be traumatic for them. Before this could go ahead they needed to make sure I would survive the surgery. My blood pressure was through the roof as my kidneys had failed, and my body was weak. Right now I wouldn't survive, I was in a danger zone, placed highly in red, and my body needed the dialysis to survive. They were unsure just how long I had been carrying on with kidney failure. My blood was high in toxins, which meant the need to be on dialysis more often than the normal while they tried to lower the toxins in my body to give it time to recover.

I felt like death, I felt sure that I wouldn't make it. My body had given up on me, and without the drugs they were pumping in to me I wouldn't be alive. How could I become fit enough that I could leave here, let alone have a transplant? We were expecting our second child, I hadn't even seen it on the scan yet, and yet I may never even see her or him born. I felt selfish for pushing for this baby. I knew how badly Edward wanted a second; as much as me, but I had pushed it through banking on the fact that the dialysis would be years away. That I being in this state wouldn't happen, and now it had.

I could hardly talk, and when I did it pained me to do so. Mixed with the sore throat and the fact that they had played about with my neck, for what of a better word, had left me in serious pain. I felt tired, drained, and lifeless. This illness had ripped through me and hadn't slowed itself down. Was I about to die? Was this the end of my life? Was I meant to leave a small part of me before my life ended? If that was the case I had done so, our unborn child had come from me. I took some comfort that if this was how my life was meant to go then I had left something, no matter how small a part of it, behind.

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**_Well my lovelys please be nice and hit the review button and send some love._**

**_Jen x_**


	13. Chapter 13

_**AN/ Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I know it was a hard one to read, it will be getting better soon.**_

**_Thank you to my beta for doing her thing, your a star chick._**

**_If you didn't know I have started a new story called Its Fate, its another Edward and Jasper one, so if you haven't already go check it out, thank you._**

**_WARNING: For this chapter you guys might need, a blanket, some chocolate, a box of kleenex and some Beer, just some adivce._**

**_Here's chapter 13!_**

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_**EPOV**_

My mind raced, when was this nightmare going to end? As if things weren't bad enough before, now they're just unbearable. Pulling on a jumper and fastening up my jeans I raced downstairs, it was still dark as I pulled on my trainers and grabbed Olivia's coat and shoes. Racing back up the stairs I opened Olivia's bedroom door, her little body was curled in to a ball with Bruno lying protectively next to her. I opened up her wardrobe and pulled out some clothes for her to wear, sitting them in her little bag. I bent down and gently shook my little girl.

"Olivia, Princess, I need you to get up for me." I spoke to her in a low loving tone, her eyes barely opened as she sat up in bed. I put her coat on her to keep her warm, before picking her out of bed. Her head rested in the crook of my neck as she fell back to sleep.

Gently carrying her down the stairs I grabbed my car keys off the side and opened the front door to the bitterly cold morning. Hitting the button on my remote the car beeped loudly on the driveway. I carefully placed Olivia in her chair and fastened her in, her eyes flickered open.

"We going?" She asked rubbing her eyes; I was hoping she wouldn't notice the tears that were falling from my eyes right now, unable to stop them.

"You're going to Uncle Emmett's." I stroked her cheek and gave her a gentle kiss. What the hell was I putting her through?

My eyes streamed with tears as I drove towards Emmett's, managing to stay to the speed limit because Olivia was in the car. Luckily the roads were empty and I made it there in record time. I felt awful for calling them at this unearthly hour with a newborn baby, but I had no one else to turn to who lived close enough. I didn't have the time to drive her to Jasper's parents, or to Alice's. I left the engine running as I opened the door and pulled Olivia out. Holding her close to me I headed to their front door, I hadn't even made it to the step before the door opened. Rosalie stood there crying, her face covered in worry.

"Rose...... I'm..... so sorry." I said handing Olivia over to her; she shook her head at me and hugged Olivia.

"Don't be stupid....... I'll keep her safe." She smiled softly at me as Emmett appeared, half asleep and half worried to death, fully clothed. He kissed Rose and headed out the door.

"Where...... where....." He cut me off right away, holding his hand out in my face.

"I'm not letting you go on your own, no buts." He stated heading towards my car. I was gob-smacked, it was gone three in the morning and he was coming with me. I gave Olivia a kiss and headed to my car, Emmett was in the driver's seat. I looked at him, and he shook his head at me.

"Forget it, you're in no state to drive, you'll end up wrapping this around a lamppost or something, now get in." I smiled weakly and did as I was told. Emmett took off like a bull out of a gate, speeding down the road, racing towards the hospital.

My heart was ripped in to piece's hearing the news that woke me from my sleep. Was there something out there that just wanted to punish me? To punish us? What the hell had Jasper ever done to have to go through this? The pain was unbearable in my chest, I was sure I was about to have a heart attack. It was beating wildly in my chest, hitting my ribcage hard with each fast uneasy beat. Everything crashed painfully through me, over and over again. Every memory I had of us ripped through my mind a mile a minute, every sensual touch, every loving kiss, every intimate moment we had ever had slammed in to the forefront of my mind. The tears fell from my eyes like a waterfall, like a tap had been switched on and nothing I could do would stop it. I was holding together, managing to keep myself from completely breaking, crumbling in to a mass of rubble, but only just. The slightest knock and I would come undone. I was barely together as Emmett parked up outside the hospital.

I knew this place like the back of my hand; I knew where everything was that I didn't need to think about it as I ran through the hospital to get to him. I needed to get to my angel now. I felt as though I was racing against the clock to get to him, my world, my life, was just on a thin piece of wire ready to snap at any given second, if he goes then............

My fist slammed against the button for the lifts, my chest hurting from the pain of having my heart ripped in to piece's. My breathing was hard as I struggled to catch my breath from running and the sobs that were ripping through me. The lift seemed to take forever to open its doors; the wait up to the floor was even longer. My foot tapped impatiently against the floor of the lift as I waited, waiting for the doors to open, waiting to get to my angel. I prayed silently to everything known to man that I wouldn't lose him, that he would stay with me. I begged and pleaded to every god you can think of to take me instead and not my angel. The doors finally opened and I was out there faster than a bullet from a gun, my eyes clocked the sign, Intensive Care. I pushed the doors open and raced to where my angel was. I expected to see my angel lying there, hooked up to everything known to man. What I didn't expect was Jane and Aro standing there blocking my path to him.

"Edward....." Jane started as I went to push past them both, Aro pushed me back.

"Let me past." I said trying to keep my tone down, Aro shook his head. I was half aware of Emmett next to me, but my sights were on one thing, the door. The door that led to where Jasper was, the door where I kept seeing people walk in and out of, rushing around, the door that screamed chance at me.

"You can't go in there, Edward...... listen to me, please" Jane touched my arm, but I slapped it away. I was raging. Just who the hell do they think they are? Stopping me from seeing him, from seeing the man I love? Being so close but yet so far was even worse than the call itself.

"Move it now, Jane!" I seethed moving again to push past them. This time the arms that stopped me were Emmett's, holding me back and pulling me away.

"Trust them, Edward. Now is not the time." His tone was grave as he spoke to me. I forced myself against his hold, moving forward slightly before Emmett pulled me back, his strength outweighing mine by a mile.

"No." I said as the pain hit home harder than before. "NO!" I screamed falling to my knees in a heap of tears clutching my sides and crying hard, harder then I have ever cried before. "Please." I choked out as my body slumped forward. "Please..... please..... don't ....... let....... him........ die." I sobbed out through my hysterics.

Emmett pulled me off the floor; I could barely stand as he helped me toward the family room to wait. I sobbed painfully hard, almost wrenching as I sucked in air to my burning lungs. This isn't how it was meant to be, this wasn't what was meant to happen. A few days ago he was at home, with me, in my arms, next to me in bed, and now he lays in intensive care, fighting to stay alive.

I tried to work out just what had happened, just what had gone wrong since I left him last night. He seemed well enough all things considered, how quickly things can change. Jane had called me waking me up from my dream of everything just being normal to tell me he had been moved and was in critical condition. I knew nothing else.

I tried to work out what was harder to handle, the not knowing or the thought of him losing his battle? Both hurt just as much to think about, both had the same pain that was written through every word or thought; both had the same thing in the end, Jasper, my Jasper, my angel. My whole fucking world, everything that made me the person that I am, the man that I am, was attached to the ends of those thoughts. He was my foundation, my very core of my being, the fire that ran through me, he was my life support. Remove the foundation's from a house and it will fall. Crush the core of someone's being and they will fade away. Smother a fire and darkness will fall. Switch off the life support and they will die.

My mind and body ran through those thoughts over and over again. My whole body was shaking with trembling need to be near him, just to be next to him, to hold in him in my arms and keep him safe. To feel his body next to mine, to feel his heart beating against my chest as he lays in my arms, to feel his heat and love surround me in blanket of protection, just to be able to feel him right now I would give anything for.

The tremors hit constantly, in waves, from slightly shaking to full-blown shakes that made it look like I was freezing. I tried to shut my mind off to the ticking sound of the clock on the wall, tried to find a safe place in my head where he was with me, but I couldn't, that happy place isn't here right now. My mind hit me with the thoughts of Olivia, she was half asleep when I dropped her off and would wake wondering what had happened. My little girl was going through everything alongside me. How could I put her through this, put her through the suffering she was facing right now, seeing Jasper looking so weak and ill, her begging for him to hold her? Hearing her cry and beg tore me in half, I had no choice but to put her through this, as much as I didn't want to. I couldn't protect her from this, she had to know and as much as it pains me, the truth carries pain.

Dr. Madison appeared through the doors, he look tired and worn out. He sat down and took a few deep breaths, taking in the sight of me his faced turned to one of concern.

"Edward, are..." I cut him off. I didn't care what was happening to me, I didn't care if my body shut itself down. I just wanted to see him.

"Just tell me." My voice sounded like one of a man four times my age, all rough and harsh, like my voice box had sandpaper ripped through it.

"Um..." He took a deep breath and composed himself before he spoke. I knew the look, he was about to hand me bad news.

"Edward, we hit a complication. Jasper had a severe reaction to one of the drugs we gave him for his chest infection. I'm not going to bullshit you, Edward. I won't lie or bend the truth. Jasper is hanging on by the thinnest of thin threads. We had to restart his heart twice, his body is shutting down, and it can't take what it is going through." My world shattered, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Edward, if Jasper's heart stops again I'm not sure if we will be able to restart it." He stopped, I heard Emmett sniffle and from the corner of my eye I saw him wipe his face.

"Edward, Jasper's body was in....." He shook his head and looked at me. "I can't begin to tell you just how sorry I am to watch you and your family go through such a horrid thing as this." I stared at the ceiling as the tears ran down the sides of my cheeks, hitting and collecting in my ear.

"You don't need to say any more, I know." I whispered out. "Thank you." I added at the end, my world was falling apart around me.

"We're doing all we can for him. The only thing we can do now is wait, wait to see if he can recover from this." He stood and walked over to me, he squeezed my shoulder gently. "You can see him now." I nodded my head as he walked out the door, it closed softly behind him.

The room was still, nothing was moving, the clock on the wall had stopped ticking, or so I thought. I couldn't hear it any more, the sound that had driven me insane had stopped. The earth for me had stopped living.

His body was already weak when he got that drug and he reacted to it, he didn't have the strength to fight against it, to help as they worked and his heart just stopped. I knew that they would have him on life-support, hooking him up to everything known to man to do the jobs his body should be doing, in some hope that this will take the pressure off and he will recover. He had to recover, not just for me, but for Olivia and our unborn child. His unborn child, that had come from him, he had to see him or her born, he had to meet it.

Emmett cleared his throat. I looked over at him and saw something that broke my heart all over again. Emmett was a mess, his face red and puffy from the tears he was shedding. He loved Jasper just like I did, he was suffering as I was. "You want to go in?" He asked me. I nodded my head and stood up, walking over to the door that seemed to take forever to get to. I stopped and looked at Emmett who continued to stay where he was.

"You coming?" I asked, he shook his head and looked to the floor, a hand running over his face.

"See your husband on your own, come get me when it's okay for me to see him." The pain in his voice caused more tears to fall.

"Come with me, Em. You love him too. What I have to say I don't care who hears, please come." I smiled weakly and watched as he stood and made his way over to me. We walked through the doors and to his room, to where my angel was. I took a deep breath before pushing it open, preparing myself for what I would see.

Jasper lay on the bed, two large pipes coming out of his mouth, casting a hissing sound every couple of seconds as it worked his lungs, bringing air in to his weak body. Wires ran from his body as different machines did different things, the beeping of the heart monitor telling me he was there, but looking at him he didn't look there, at all. He wasn't my Jasper, not my angel. There were no radiant smiles with dancing blue sparkling orbs, no wonderful laughter coming from his rich full lips, no loving gaze telling me everything I ever needed and wanted to know. What I was seeing wasn't my love.

I walked over to his still, lifeless body, taking in the sight that will haunt me for all the days of time, taking in my world broken. I bent over his body and my lips kissed his cold damp forehead, my tears hit his soft beautiful skin as I squeezed my eyes shut trying to block the pain I was feeling from touching him. I pulled back as my fingers wiped my tears off his skin before trailing down his face, over his eyes and cheeks before running under his chin feeling his stubble. I sat down next to his bed taking his hand in mine, squeezing it tightly, while silently asking him to squeeze back if he could feel me here. I brought his fingers to my lips and held them there, curling his fingers over my hand I held them next to my lips kissing them softy, just trying to let him know I was here.

I wasn't sure just how long we stayed like this, both Emmett and I talking to him softly, silently, almost as though we thought he would hear our thoughts, our words that we pushed to him. It could have carried on for hours or just minutes, I had lost track of all time. The light was shining through the window signalling it was morning, but to what time in the morning it was, I had no clue. It could have been light for hours and I had only just noticed or it could have just come up.

"I'm going to grab a coffee and call Rose, you want one?" Emmett asked. He looked tired, his eyes matching my own, sore and swollen.

"Please." I cleared my throat to try and make myself sound a little better. "Will you tell Rose I'll call soon to speak to Olivia?" I asked him. My.... our little girl would be worried and would be wanting either one of us.

"Sure." He smiled and kissed Jasper's forehead and left the room.

Hearing the door softly close, I sighed and looked at my husband. The scariest sound in the world was hearing that fucking machine breathe for him, knowing he wasn't doing it on his own. I wrapped my fingers around his, trying to hold my tears back.

"You remember when we first met? The night you found me on top of the cliffs. You stayed all night by my side in hospital, not really knowing me, just knowing my fucked up past. I remember feeling your hand on mine, the soft small circles you drew on my hand." I traced the same patterns on his. "I felt your warmth reach me, your care, the electric blots running through me in short wonderful waves. I knew you were there, there for me, and as much as it scared me Jasper, I wanted you to pull me through." I wiped my face with my free hand and looked at him.

"Please Angel, come back to me, and know I'm here with you right now. Stay, fight to stay with me as I fought to be with you. Hear my voice Jasper, follow it to me, please....... Please don't leave me." I broke down all over again. There wasn't a single drug in this whole place that could take my pain away.

Pain of the unknown, pain of possibly losing him. All I wanted was him just to open his eyes, to see them looking back at me, to know that he is still here, still with me. Right now all I saw is a shell, the shell of his outer body. I didn't see his soul, didn't see the wonderful man I fell in love with. I need the person that he is, not the body his soul resides in.

"Open your eyes, baby. Please let me see you, tell me you're still here with me.......... Please." The last part came out in nothing more than a whisper.

If you believe in two souls being one, if you believe your soul mate can hear and feel you no matter what, or where they are, then you will convince yourself that they can hear you, that they are there pushing and fighting their way back to you. I had never really believed in your soul mate can hear you, can feel you and sense you, but right now I was willing to believe it. I was willing to believe anything that will ease the pain right now.

Jasper's parents arrived shortly after ten, his mother looked unbelievable strained, and I thought this was hard for me. How hard must it be for her to see her son like this? I moved away as I watched his mother and father cry over him and talk to him.

"I'll leave you three alone." I said standing up and stretching my aching muscles. They both looked at me like I had grown horns. His father looked almost furious at me.

"You don't have to leave, Edward. You know you don't, you're his husband." His father spoke to me and placed an arm over my shoulder. "Your part of our family, Edward, you don't have to disappear for a while because we have turned up." I smiled weakly as my bottom lip trembled slightly.

"I know, George, but I thought you may like five minutes alone with him. I have to call Olivia anyway, so......." I trailed off. I didn't know how to finish the sentence I started. It wasn't as though I thought they wouldn't want me around. I had known them long enough to know how they work, but seeing Jasper like this I thought they may benefit from spending alone time with him. Emmett had spent some time alone with him as I had. I found it helped to be able to speak what I was thinking to him instead of it just staying in my head.

"Oh gosh, Olivia. Where is she?" His mother asked taking a seat beside Jasper.

"Rose has her, I dropped her off there this morning. Emmett's just nipped back to make sure she's okay for me." His mother smiled and looked at her son's lifeless body. "I'm going to go and call her, I'll be back soon." I walked over to Jasper's side and stroked his face, I kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear. "Come back to me, Angel."

Outside the hospital grounds I pulled my phone out, checking the screen I had missed calls and text messages. I browsed through the texts from friends and family all hoping that Jasper was going to be okay, that he'd make it through this. I sighed and rested against the wall of the hospital. I felt like crap, like I was pushed out of the world, in a bubble closed off from it all. I could see the world moving by before me, yet I didn't seem to be in it. The world that stood in front of my eyes wasn't the same world I wanted to see. How different the world looked when Jasper lay in the balance, counting on time to heal him, to bring him back to me. Would his body recover from this in order for him to get better and come back to me, to have the operation he so badly needs. _Please, please just let him make it through. _

"Hey, Rose." I croaked out, my voice sounding strained. The lack of sleep, the constant worry playing on my mind was taking its toll on me.

"_Edward.... oh my god. Emmett told me, god it's awful. Has he showed any sign of improvement?" _She asked me. I was touched by just how caring our friends were. I had called them in the middle of night asking for them to take Olivia so I could come here, I rambled down the phone somewhat hysterically, and they had gotten up and taken her in. Emmett had missed a day's work just to be here, by Jasper's side, by mine. We really did have great friends.

"No, not yet, but it's still early." I sniffled slightly. "How's Olivia been?" I could hear her in the background talking to Emmett.

"_As good as gold. We had a few tears this morning, but other than that she has been great, let me get her." _I heard her walk towards Olivia, I heard Emmett say he was on his way back, and then I heard my little girl's voice.

"_Daddy." _Her beautiful angelic voice called to me, the tears fell once again.

"Hello Princess, are you being a good girl for Auntie Rose?" I asked her. I felt awful that I just left her there in her half asleep state form for her to wake and not know what's going on.

"_Yes, been good, Aunie Rose let me eat mash mellows." _I smiled hearing her tell me this.

"That's nice, but make sure you don't eat too much."

"_Daddy very poorly, I see him today?" _I closed my eyes and took a deep breath,

"I'm sorry, Olivia, you can't see him today." I heard her start to cry. "Don't cry Princess, please don't cry." Hearing her cry made my chest ache, our little girl was upset and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop it from happening.

"_Ease.... me be good..... I want daddy." _She pleaded down the phone to me. I was never any good at denying her anything, but I had to deny her this. I couldn't let her in to intensive care; it would scare her way too much, especially since Jasper wasn't awake.

"I know you are sugar, but you can't see him today. I'm sorry, Princess."

"_Ease daddy." _She sobbed harder down the phone, breaking me that little bit more.

"Soon, I promise you can see him soon. Olivia, princess, please know if I could have you here I would, but I can't. I love you, baby." I cried silently down the phone hearing her tears fall from her beautiful eyes.

"_Love you daddy, me see you?" _Being torn hit me all over again, our little girl needed me, but I couldn't leave Jasper tonight, not with him being in such a state. _"Ease daddy."_ She begged down the phone. All I wanted to do was to please her, but I needed to stay with Jasper tonight. My heart couldn't take being away from him tonight, so I lied.

"Of course, Princess. Soon, okay? I love you, Olivia." It broke me to have to lie to her, to tell her she would see me today and I knew she wouldn't. Was I a bad father for lying to her like that? For choosing to stay with Jasper tonight and not go home to our daughter? I was plagued with guilt.

"_Love you." _I hung up as the threat of another wave of pain threatened to hit me hard once again.

The day passed by in a blur, test after test was run. Checking on Jasper, the outcome never changed, he was no better or worse. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. We always think it's a good thing, when there is no change and in one sense it is. They haven't gotten any worse so that's good, but in the same breath they hadn't improved either. You don't normally tend to think like that, you just want to hear that they haven't gotten any worse and as far as you are concerned that's good. But is it really? Just because there hasn't been a change doesn't mean he is slowly getting better or fighting back. The machine's were doing all the work for him. I was, of course, thankful that he hadn't gotten any worse, but yet it wasn't what I longed to hear.

Night drew round and everyone left, people had been back and forth all day long coming to see him. I wondered if he knew they had all been. We can guess that they hear you, but we never really know. Does the person who has been in this state lie just to make you feel better when they tell you that they heard you? Or did they actually hear you?

I rubbed my face, scratching my chin which was now covered in stubble. I looked at him wishing I could swap places with him, to take his place. What I wouldn't give to swap with him, in fact what I wouldn't give to have him awake and talking. If the price was my life, I would pay it.

"Angel." I took hold of his hand as I spoke, bringing it to my lips and kissing it. "I know you can hear me, I know you can hear my voice. Angel, come back to me, please. I can't do this without you. I can't live without you by my side. I need you so badly; you are my life support, please." I closed my eyes as the tears threatened to spill over once more. "Beautiful, you can't leave me. You can't go anywhere but here, back to me, back in to my arms. We have a new baby on the way, Angel. You have to be there, please." I sobbed gently, so scared that right now I was going to lose him, lose everything I had with this man.

I moved and kissed his forehead, holding the side's of his face with my hands. "Wake up, Angel. I love you." My lips stayed pressed to his forehead for what seemed like forever before I sat myself back down.

The rise and fall of his chest was hypnotic, my eyes stayed fixed on it, watching as air was forced into his lungs. I knew he could breathe on his own and that this was just to help his body recover, but it still made him look worse, made him look like if they were removed he would stop breathing. I hated it, hated the hissing sound it made, hated the way it forced the air in to him and made it look unnatural. I had watched Jasper breathe so many times and this pattern was out of sorts to him, for him. I wanted to rip them out and see his own breathing pattern. I wanted to snapped the wires off him which monitored everything little thing his body was doing. Most of all I just wanted him in my arms.

My night's sleep had been hell. I woke continually through the night uncomfortable and sore with aching muscles. The chairs weren't meant for you to sleep on, but I had no other choice, for me to be near him through the night I had to put up with it.

By the time I woke up for the last time it was light. I stood up and stretched my muscles, yawning, hearing the hissing and beeping going off around me. I wanted that noise to end. I looked at Jasper and smiled turning my head away, forgetting for a moment where I was. My head snapped back and I looked at Jasper. I blinked a few time sure that my eyes were playing tricks on me. My eyes went wide as I saw him.

"Jasper?" I whispered out looking at his blue eyes looking back at me.

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**_Can we still see the screen? I sob so many times when writing this one, I was in some serious pain._**

**_I know I left it awful again, but if you would be so kind and hit the review buttom for me? _**

**_Thanks Jen x_**


	14. Chapter 14

_**AN/ Thank you for the wonderful reviews I got for the last chapter, I know it was hard one to read but this one is a lot happier!**_

**_Thanks you to my beta for doing her thing._**

**_Here's chapter 14!_**

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_**JPOV**_

I could feel something in my mouth and down my throat, I could feel the oxygen being pushed down in to me. I could hear the beeps going off around me, something had changed but I wasn't sure what. I wasn't sure just where everything was. I flickered my eyes open and took in the sights around me. The room was different to the one I last saw, the bed was facing the other way, the curtains were different as well. Just where the fuck had they moved me to? I tried to sit up but the tube in my throat hurt when I did, so I stayed still. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I was scared shitless. I heard someone's joints click and snap, then I saw Edward stand and stretch, he hadn't looked at me yet. Seeing him he looked so tired, so drained, and I hadn't even seen his face yet. His eyes flickered to me and he smiled before turning away again, I wanted to shout and scream for him to look at me, but I couldn't. I saw him freeze and snap his head back round to see me, our eyes met.

"Jasper?" He whispered out moving closer to me, he touched my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. I saw his eyes go from concerned and worried to nothing but love as he looked at me. Seeing his forest green eyes shine with love he hit the button that was behind my head.

I wanted to talk to him, to tell him I loved him and ask just what the hell had gone off. His hand stopped mine before it could reach the pipe that was coming from my mouth.

"Don't Angel, leave it be." His voice sounded so rough, I wanted to laugh at how he sounded. I was scared shitless right now wondering why I had this thing breathing for me. Wondering why I was in another room, why Edward had clearly spent the night and not been with Olivia.

"It's okay, Angel. I know you're scared, we'll get this out in a minute. I love you." He whispered to me kissing my forehead. I felt his hot wet salty tears hit my skin, just why was he crying? What the hell had happened? Yeah, I felt like shit, felt as though my whole body had been pulled apart and put back together again, but I didn't understand any of this.

"Edward go and wait outside." That was Dr. Madison's voice. Why was he getting Edward to wait outside? My eyes must have gone wide with worry as the next thing I felt was Edward's fingers gently run down my face.

"It's okay, I'll be back." He whispered before moving away from me. I panicked feeling his skin leave mine, the heart monitor beeped wildly next to me.

"Jasper, Edward will be back, we just need as much room as we can while we remove the tubes from you. It's okay." One of the nurse's said as I felt different things being unclipped from my skin. God my head was killing me, I was groggy and not in the mood to be poked around by these people.

I coughed as they pulled the tube from my throat, it burned slightly and left my throat feeling rough and sore. I wanted water badly, I felt unbelievably thirsty, like I hadn't drunk in days, weeks even.

"Wa..... wat... er." I groaned out in a harsh sounding voice that was fading. I couldn't keep my voice up to make out one word.

"Open up, Jasper." One of the nurse's said to me holding a cup of ice in her hand. I opened my mouth as she placed the small ice cube on my tongue. The freezing cold of the ice felt heavenly on my tongue. I sucked the cube fighting the need to chomp it and crush it in to pieces. The cool cold water from the ice slowly slid down my throat cooling and soothing my throat as it went down.

The machines slowly left me, leaving with me with just two, the dialysis machine and the heart monitor. The nurses slowly left the room, happy that I was awake. Dr. Madison sat down on the edge of the bed and smiled. The tired looking man looked worn out. Fuck, just what had happened?

"Jasper, you're wondering where you are. Well, you're in Intensive Care." Wait... did he just say Intensive care? Why was I here? Surely I should be in the Kidney unit considering my kidneys have failed. My brows pulled together as I tried to piece it all together.

"You've given us a bit of scare over the last forty-eight hours. Can you remember anything at all?" He asked, the whole time feeling my pulse in my wrist. I shook my head.

"You had a severe allergic reaction to the drug we gave you Thursday night for your chest infection. Your heart stopped beating twice, we had a battle on our hands to keep you alive. Jasper, you're in a highly dangerous condition." He told me. Fuck, my heart stopped.... twice. No wonder Edward looked like shit and had stayed here all night. Oh my god, what had he told Olivia? In fact, where was Olivia?

"Ho.... How?" I managed to get out swallowing around my ice cube. A fucking ice cube, I would kill for a beer right now._ Yeah, that's it Jasper, think of beer, you're only on death's doorstep. _Fuck off, I've just been told my heart stopped, like to see how you would deal with it. _Point taken._

"Your body has been weakened due to your kidneys failing, you were in a weak state when you first arrived. The reaction to the drugs was just too much for you to handle, it was.... is touch and go." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and looked at him. Part of me, a massive part wants to laugh and say this is a joke, but the look in his eyes tells me just how serious this really is.

"Jasper, right now we need to look at getting you fit and well for your transplant. This is the goal we are aiming for. Your body is recovering slowly, you are now awake and breathing on your own. It's a good sign, a good start. I just hope we can continue on this path. I will let your family in now. I'll be by later to see how things are going." He smiled and got off the bed and headed to the door.

Within seconds the door is pushed open and a rush of people consume the room, everyone all talking at once to me. My mother and father both wore the same relieved and concerned faces. Emmett and Rose were here, Alice and Seth, Bella and Jake, all here, all talking at the same time, saying the same things. How glad they are I was awake, how much they hated seeing me in such a state, how badly they want me to get better. But as my eyes fall around the room, the one person I so badly need to see wasn't here.

Edward is nowhere to be seen.

"Wher..." I cleared my throat and tried again. "Where's... Edward?" I get out. The room falls silent, all of a sudden no one wants to talk. I look at them all and they look away from my eyes, knowing if they meet mine they will spill. Even my own parents don't answer the question. Finally I look at Rosalie, she has never had a problem with saying things. She meets my eyes and sighs.

"Jazz hun, Edward is with Olivia....... I don't know." She takes a deep breath and looks hurt. "He's not handling this well, Jazz. He'll be back, but he needs to sort his head out first. I'm sorry." She dropped her eyes from me. I had never in all the years I had known Rosalie to look so sad and disheartened.

Edward left? He left me after promising he wouldn't go far, why? I knew he had to see Olivia, but I had just woken up. I'd just been told that my heart stopped twice might I add, and he just walked out. I couldn't figure out if I was more hurt or angry at him for this.

"I....." I popped another ice cube in my mouth trying to moisten my throat to talk.

"Here Jazz, I thought this might help." Bella said smiling handing me pen and paper. I took it from her and wrote '_Thanks' _down.

How could he just go? I needed him by my side, needed his support, but yet he turned and walked away. I was hurt, crushed that he could do such a thing, was I nothing now to him? Served a purpose and now I was no good he just threw me away like a disused towel. Edward was my everything, I thought I was his, or so he had led me to believe. I picked up the paper and started to write things down.

"_Where the fuck is he? I wake up and he does a fucking runner on me, what the fuck? He's meant to be facing this with me! He'll be fucking back? Tell him to not fucking bother coming back to see me if he can't fucking hang around after I'm told my heart stopped twice! Fucking twice! I died twice!" _

I thrust the paper in my mother's face, her face fell looking at it. Yeah, I was angry. No, I was fucking seething. The bastard just left to sort his head out, what about me? Surely somewhere I should have been a little more important than him sorting his head out.

"Dear, please calm down, remember......" She stopped as the door opened and Esme walked in looking tired and concerned.

"Jasper... oh god, I'm so happy to see you awake." She kissed my forehead. "Hello." She said looking at my friends.

"Maybe you could answer this better?" My mother passed the paper to Esme. Oh fuck, that's his mum, shit. She read over it and placed it back down.

"Would you mind if I had a few moments with Jasper to explain? It will only be a few minutes that's all, please." Her soft caring tone bounced through the room. Everyone nodded and left the room. Esme waited until everyone had gone and the door had closed before she sat down on the bed and took hold of my hand.

"Jasper, you really don't know just how much you have put Edward through and everyone else for that matter. Jasper, Edward called me late Wednesday night after you were rushed in, he was a mess, crying and begging down the phone. He saw you rushed in to this place, the same place where James was rushed in. These two time-frames clashed around him, he relived that night on top of the pain he was suffering seeing you in here." She squeezed my hand.

"Edward rushed here Thursday night when they moved you to Intensive care. He hadn't left the hospital since, and he has been by your side all the time. Jasper, he is scared to death that he is going to lose you, he is scared to death that he will lose another love like this. It's opened up old wounds for him and he is struggling to cope with it all. He loves you so much, you know this. He wants nothing more than for you to be back in his arms. Jasper, my son would swap places with you in a heartbeat." She stopped and wiped the tears under her eyes.

I had never given a thought to that, to what this might have caused for him, seeing me rushed in here, seeing me hooked up to all these machine's fighting to stay alive. I got angry because he wasn't here and he hadn't left my side until he knew I was awake to go and clear his head. I felt like a class A asshole.

"_I'm sorry." _I wrote down. Looking at his mother's face I could see so much Edward in her when she was upset.

"Jasper, it's fine. He will be back, but he needed to clear his head and see Olivia. Your little girl is missing you so much." She smiled at me. "Just don't be mad at him, he's trying to do what's best for his family."

"_Where is he?" _I wrote down. I felt even worse now, how could I have been so stupid to think these things? To think he didn't care anymore and that I didn't matter. He had a breakdown after James had died and this was effecting him to a point of..... I didn't know. How could I have been so heartless?

"He's with Carlisle and Olivia. Carlisle is talking to him, he needs to clear out a few things in his head. Jasper, he told me to tell you that he loves you and he won't be long. I'll go get the others back in now, okay?" She asked standing up off the bed. "Anything else before I get them?" I shook my head as she walked to the door.

Again everyone piled in; flooding around the bed, giving me hugs and kisses while trying to watch the wires coming out of me.

"Always were the drama queen weren't you, son?" My dad joked out, Emmett boomed.

"George, drama queen is an understatement." Emmett added as his booming laugh bounced around the room.

"Don't you think you have caused everyone enough drama to last us a hell of a long time?" I knew my dad was just joking around, but I frowned and played the hurt little victim.

"Dude, you so owe me a night's sleep." Emmett smiled at me, he had been here the night I moved with Edward. My heart swelled, he came here with Edward to offer support and see me.

I looked at Seth who was busy looking at the wires coming out my neck, as I was on dialysis. My arm wasn't healed yet and wouldn't be for a while so they had to go there.

"What is it for?" He asked pointing at the wires in my neck.

"_They're for my dialysis, they had to use the neck line because I was rushed in. It will be moved to my arm soon." _I wrote down, his mouth formed an O shape. I smiled and placed another ice cube in my mouth, I couldn't get enough of them.

"So.... how.... um..... when you.... you know..... um need..... to pee?" He asked, Emmett laughed.

"Dude, you want to know when Jasper pees?" He laughed again, Seth looked unamused.

"Well he hasn't moved off the bed and I wondered how he pees, is that so wrong?" Emmett just laughed at him as the door swung open. Carlisle walked in with a smile on his face. He came to the end of my bed and picked up my chart.

"How you feeling, son?" He asked me before looking at my chart. Doctors and charts, huh?

"_Like I have been run over by a bus, had my muscles ripped apart and pushed back together again. Other than that, I'm fine." _I wrote, he chuckled at me

"That's good." He sat down next to Esme and continued going through my chart. I wondered how many times Edward had flicked through it?

"Where's Edward?" My mother asked rubbing circles on my hand.

"He's at home with Olivia. He wanted to spend some time with her and freshen up before he comes back." Carlisle answered.

"Excited about the new baby? Olivia will love a little brother or sister to play with." Esme asked my mother.

"Oh yes, she will indeed. Although she seems to think it's going to be girl. I hope you didn't disappoint your daughter, Jasper." My mother giggled looking at me, I just shrugged. The thoughts of a new baby filled the room.

The scan was next week; would I be well enough to go to it? I wanted to see our baby on the screen, wanted to see and know that it was real. It would kill me if I wasn't allowed to go to the scan. I had to get better. If for nothing else I had to see our baby being born.

I fell asleep at some point and woke up to an empty room. It was dark now outside the window and I wondered just where everyone had gone. I wondered if Edward had been back at all and if he did how long he stayed for? Was he upset that I wasn't awake when he came? My chest was so sore, it felt tender to touch. I don't recommend having your heart re-started. It hurts like a bitch.

"Would you like some ice?" I turned my head to see a nurse standing there. How long had she been there? Fuck. I nodded and she smiled at me.

"He'll be happy you're awake." She said smiling and leaving. Edward was here then, that's who she meant, right?

The door came open and Edward walked in holding a cup of coffee and some ice for me. He smiled a breathtaking, releasing worry smile, my lips curled up of their own accord. I couldn't stop the happy feelings that ran through me as he walked towards me. He placed the cups on the side and gave me a gentle kiss, a soft pure kiss of love. He never said a word to me as he pulled back and smiled. His fingers ran over my face slowly relearning every bump, every dip, every curve of my face. He smiled and placed an ice cube on my lips, trailing it across them. I slowly opened my mouth and he pushed it in, I bite his finger between my teeth and sucked it gently. He smiled softy at me, his eyes full and overflowing with love. There was something so sensual, so intimate, and so perfect by this little act of love.

"Hi." He whispered out sitting on the edge of the bed, he looked tired and drained. My hand touched his cheek, I felt his smooth skin that was freshly shaven. His head turned in to my touch and gently kissed my palm.

"Love... you." I croaked out, he smiled and passed me the pen and paper on the side.

"Love you too, Angel." He whispered. "You wondered where I was." He asked tapping the page where I had written this morning in my rage. I nodded my head at him; he sighed and laced my fingers with his.

"Don't ever think you're not important to me. Don't ever think I'm not in this with you." His tone was strong and firm at me. I had hurt him with what I wrote.

"_I didn't realise, I didn't think. I was scared and....." _He placed his hand on my pen and looked at me.

"You are the most important thing in my life. These past few days have opened up a lot of old memories and when you woke this morning I relaxed and went to piece's. I needed to think, empty my head, and see Olivia. I hadn't seen her since late Thursday night, early Friday morning." He smiled. "You scared the shit out of me, Angel. Don't you dare do this to me again." He kissed my lips softy.

"_Olivia? How is she?" _I wrote down, he sighed and gently rubbed my knuckles.

"Missing you and very upset. She is desperate to come see you, and wants to know when you're coming home. But she seems to have her mind elsewhere tonight." He smiled at me.

"_Grandpa and Grandma?" _I wrote down, his eyes watching what I was writing, he chuckled slightly.

"Yes, she seems to be being spoiled by them tonight." He kissed my hand. "I'm glad you came back to me."

"_Me too. Can I see Olivia tomorrow?" _I wanted to see our little girl so badly. Edward shook his head at me, my heart and face fell.

"Soon beautiful, when you're out of Intensive care I'll bring her. This will be too much for her." He answered. I knew and understood the reasons, but I just wanted to see her and it hurt that I couldn't.

We talked for ages, well he talked and I wrote. It was hard not to talk, but I had been told I shouldn't talk too much for a few days while my throat healed. It was a pain because I knew he wanted to hear my voice just as I wanted to hear his. It didn't seem fair that I got hear his and he couldn't hear mine. Soon it got late, I didn't want him to leave as much as he didn't want to, but he needed sleep, he looked worn out.

"I love you, Angel. I'll see you tomorrow, please don't disappear during the night." He kissed my lips softy.

"Love you too, babe." I whispered. "And I won't." He kissed me softly once more before leaving. I watched him leave, flashing me a loving smile before he closed the door.

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The days passed and soon I was moved back to the kidney unit. I was slowly getting better; my body was getting stronger slowly. My chest infection had now gone and I was feeling so much better. The feeding tube was now out, no more heart monitor. I wasn't out of the woods yet, but I was getting there, slowly. I had now seen Olivia again, I cried my fucking eyes out seeing her again. I hadn't seen her for almost a week. I had been apart from her before but this was different, being forced apart from her like this was too much to bear.

I sat on the bed looking out of the window looking as it rained against the window. Olivia's birthday was coming up, it was only weeks away now and I wondered if I was going to be out of this place by then. I didn't want to miss that, it was bad enough I was going miss our baby's scan today. I sighed wishing that I could be there today. Edward was going to have to go on his own. I made him promise me that he would come right back to the kidney unit with the scan pictures so I could see them, him or her, whichever one it was going to be.

It wasn't fair, I was away from my husband, away from our daughter and now I couldn't even see our unborn child's first scan pictures. I was going to be there for the next one, no fucking doubt about that. I wasn't going to miss that. I didn't miss one single scan with Olivia, I was there at every one. Claire had called the day she felt Olivia kick, called the day you could actually feel Olivia kick from the outside. We drove right over to her and spent hours poking her bump getting Olivia to kick, it was fascinating to watch and feel her little kicks.

"Hello, Angel." I snapped my head round to see Edward standing there smiling widely at me, pushing a wheelchair.

"What... what are you doing here?" I asked shocked, the scan was in ten minutes time.

"Coming to get you, we do have an appointment to see our baby." His eyes sparkled at me. "Unless you don't want to come." He said slowly turning away.

"Wait. Of course, but I thought.... I thought I couldn't come." I asked gob-smacked that he was here to bring me with him.

"Well I'm bending the rules, but there are conditions. You have to be in this thing, and we can't be out long, but I have cleared it, so come on." I looked at him blinking, unsure. I could go, fuck. "Jasper, I'm pushing you all the way there and all the way back, the least you could do is move your ass and walk all of nothing to the chair." He smirked. I didn't waste time moving to the chair.

Edward pushed me down the corridors towards the unit, it was nice to be out of the ward. It was depressing in there, and I was counting the days until I got the all clear to go home. I had been told that once I got the all clear to leave and was strong enough they would start looking for a kidney for me. Edward had already said that he was taking it, no buts, he wasn't moving, and so were Emmett and everyone else that I knew.

"Are you enjoying pushing me around in this chair?" I asked him sitting back and enjoying it. I could get used to this, we soooo have to get one.

"Oh yeah, it's bags of fun." He answered, I couldn't help but chuckle.

"So does this mean we can't get one?" I asked sounding disappointed.

"Nope, no chair unless you fancy pushing me around in it." He joked.

We reached the unit and went to the room. Claire was already on the bed waiting for us to get here, she smiled seeing me.

"Jasper, it's so good to see you, Edward told me what happened." She said, she already had a small bump there on her skinny frame.

"It's good to see you too, Claire. It's been a rough few weeks." I smiled as the gel was placed on her tummy. I squeezed Edward's hand watching the monitor.

"There, can you see it?" The midwife said pointing to the tiny picture on the screen. "There are its arms, and its head, and its legs."

My heart swelled seeing the picture come up on the screen. Our baby, our baby was real, no more talk, and there it was. Tears ran down my face seeing it. I turned my head to look at Edward, his face was priceless, looking at our baby. I could see the shimmer of tears running down his face. He looked down at me and smiled, his eyes shining brightly, the love pouring out of him.

"Thank you." He whispered in my ear, repeating the same words I had said to him at Olivia's first scan.

"I love you." I whispered kissing him softly, our foreheads touched as we both cried, smiling at one another.

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**_Wasn't this one a lit happier? Didn't we end on such a happy note? Who cried?_**

**_Hit the review button my lovelys if you'll be so kind._**

**_Jen x_**


	15. Chapter 15

_**AN/ I take it we all liked the last chapter? Hehe. **_

**_Thank you to everyone that reviewed, I'm working my way through them and replying to each one. I had a complete nightmare last night when Word thought it was a wonder Idea to lock itself! ARG I was not a happy bunny last night, thankfully once i restored the stupi laptop it started working again......so its all good, lol._**

**_If you haven't checked out Brand New Start by Darkira, then do so, it rocks!_**

**_So I'm really sure you will like this chapter, it's full of real goodness and no heartache, (for once lol.)_**

**_Here's chapter 15!_**

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_**EPOV**_

The house was a mess, an utter mess of paperwork, wires and machines. No, let me correct myself, the house was fine, our bedroom on the other hand wasn't. Jasper was coming out today, after spending the last three weeks in there he was now well enough to come home. He wasn't well enough for the transplant just yet, but they hoped that by the time the results had come back from everyone he would be well enough to undergo the operation. It was a relief to have him coming back home, to have him here again. The last three weeks had been nothing short of a nightmare for all of us, his near-death experience had left me feeling lost and alone, crying out for his love and comfort. The day we were told he could come home was one of the happiest days of my life. I had taken the precaution of having a dialysis machine brought here, so he could go on it through the night and not have to spend fours at a time stuck in the kidney unit, also his fluid intake wouldn't have to be restricted so much.

Olivia was extremely excited about Jasper coming home, she had missed him so much. She hated that at bath time he wasn't there to wash her hair, or at bedtime when he wasn't there to read her a bedtime story and tuck her in. She had begged me not to take her to preschool today. I caved in, she should have gone, but I had taken the rest of the week off to help Jasper settle back at home. I would have hated to be at work today not being able to see him until I got home, so this was only fair.

"Olivia...... coat now, please?" I asked her while she was bouncing on the bed, her laughter filling the house.

"Is daddy really home?" She asked bouncing off and in to my arms, I smiled at her.

"Yes, he is coming home today. Now go get your coat Princess, so we can go and get him." I gave her a kiss and placed her back on the floor. She took off towards her bedroom as I finished cleaning the rest of the bedroom.

Olivia had seen the baby scans and was over the moon, she was convinced that the picture clearly showed a girl. I hoped she was write or there was going to be a disappointed little girl.

"Daddy, now." Olivia said standing in the doorway. I laughed at her, seeing her hands on her hips her coat half on and half off. "Don't laugh." She said making me chuckle even more. I walked over to her and fastened up her coat.

"Okay, Princess, let's go." I took hold of her hand as we walked down the stairs towards the front door. I picked my car keys up off the side and opened the front door. Bruno sat there looking at me, his eyes sad, he had been looking for Jasper for the last three weeks. "He's coming home today, Bruno." He barked at me. I chuckled thinking how crazy it must sound to hear me talking to the dog.

Once Olivia was strapped in to the car we set off on the way to the hospital. Olivia was full of beans, busy talking away about Jasper coming home and what she wanted to do when he arrived back. I had to smile listening to her as she planned on making him dinner, she hadn't figured out that Jasper's diet had changed now and he couldn't eat half the stuff she was saying. Pulling up at the hospital Olivia couldn't get out of the car fast enough to get to Jasper, she wanted to run through the hospital towards him. Holding her back was a fun act to try and do. For someone so small she could be a handful when she didn't want to do what you wanted her to do.

Olivia was bouncing with joy as we reached the kidney unit. I pushed the door open and saw Jasper sitting waiting on the edge of the bed for us. He smiled seeing us as Olivia ran full force at him. He caught her in his arms, pulling her close to him and covering her in love and kisses. Her little arms were wrapped tightly around him as he walked over to me.

"Hey." He whispered out giving me a kiss on the lips. "Are we going to get out of here?" He asked still carrying Olivia on his hip.

"Yes." I picked up his bag off the bed and we made our way out of the hospital. Jasper placed Olivia on the floor and held her hand, the whole time talking to her. I felt a little left out watching as he was busy talking to her. Of course I wasn't jealous of this, but I wanted him to myself for a while.

He sat in the back of the car on the ride home, much to my disappointment. They chatted all the way back to the house. Olivia asked him questions about the plaster that was still on his neck. His arm hadn't healed yet and still needed to do dialysis through the neck line. We were hoping that he wouldn't have to be on dialysis much longer, that one of us was going to be a match for him. Jasper didn't know I had taken the test. When I mentioned it, it ended in an argument between the two of us, so I hadn't brought it up again. I didn't want to argue with him, I understood why he didn't want me to be a donor, but I couldn't not have the test done.

We arrived home and Olivia disappeared trying to find Jasper a painting she had done to show him, he smiled watching her run up the stairs. I snaked my arms around his waist pulling him closer to me, relishing the feel f his body pressed up against mine.

"Welcome home, Angel." My lips brushed against his softly just once, as I trailed kisses across his strong jaw line and down his neck. He moaned and shivered under my touched, I smiled against his neck before looking in to his beautiful blue eyes that shimmered with tears.

"I didn't think I was ever going to come home." He whispered against my lips as our foreheads touched. "I didn't think I would be coming home to you again." The tears slowly slid down his cheeks; I kissed them away as my bottom lip trembled looking at him.

"I'm glad you did." I choked out, my voice thick with emotion as I fought to keep it together.

"I'm sorry I caused you so much pain." His hands held the sides of my face as mine were locked around his waist. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut as the tears slipped though.

"It's not your fault." I whispered kissing his soft lips again, the feeling of kissing his lips would never bore me. Having him back here, back in my arms was the best thing in the world, being able to touch him and not have the restrictions was great. "I love you so much." My voice shook slightly at the end; my emotions were getting the better of me.

"I love you, always." We stayed locked together like this, lost in our own world of love of comfort for what seemed like forever. Feeding off one another, breathing in each other's scents, giving love, support and comfort to each other.

"Daddy, look!" Olivia said bouncing around in front of us. We broke apart from each other. I missed the contact right away, I had gone too long without his touch, the feel of his body against mine.

"That's really good, Princess. Are you going to be a painter when you're older?" Jasper asked taking the painting off her. She giggled at him, her beautiful angelic giggle filling the house. I saw Jasper's eyes fill with tears again, he had missed that sound.

"No silly, I'm a doctor just like daddy." She grinned at him. Jasper looked at me and raised an eyebrow, I just shrugged.

"You don't fancy teaching little kids like me then?" He asked almost sounding hurt. I knew he was just playing with her, but her face fell.

"Daddy don't be sad, me sorry." Her little arms went around his neck to comfort him, he chuckled.

"I'm not upset, sweetheart. If that is what you want to do I will be proud when the day comes." He smiled giving her a gentle kiss.

We ate dinner, Jasper looked unamused having to stick to his new diet, and he pushed the food around on his plate and sulked like a child. Olivia giggled at him as he continued to pull faces over his dinner. You would have thought he was a teenager and not a fully grown thirty-two year old man the way he was carrying on.

"Bath time, Olivia." Jasper said walking in to the living room to where Olivia was, she pulled a face at him.

"No." She said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yes, it's not up for negotiation, come on." He held her hand out towards her; she ducked under it and ran to me as though coming to me was going to stop her from having a bath.

"Go on, Princess." I whispered in her ear, she pouted.

"Ease..... no hair wash." She asked taking Jasper's hand.

"We'll see, baby girl." I followed them up the stairs and in to the bathroom. Jasper turned the taps and started to fill up the bath. Olivia was running around her room playing with Bruno while she waited.

"It seems so different." He said sitting on the edge of the bath. "The house, it doesn't seem like the same, I've not seen it in so long." He sighed. I lifted his chin up with my hand and gave him a kiss.

"I wonder if you'll feel that way tomorrow morning when Olivia wakes up at the crack of dawn." We both chuckled, it was her birthday tomorrow and we had both thought he wouldn't get out for it.

"I haven't done anything for it." He said sounding a little disheartened, I laced our fingers together and smiled.

"You have given her the best gift she wanted. You came home." I whispered giving him a gentle kiss on the lips.

Olivia soon appeared for her bath, her little angelic face smiling at Jasper as she climbed in. She splashed around for awhile, soaking Jasper through, making up for lost time. He laughed and smiled the whole time. I couldn't take the silly ass grin off my face watching them; he seemed so content, so happy bathing her. She didn't complain this time when he washed her hair which surprised me considering she had been moaning about it downstairs.

"Are we getting out then?" He asked holding up the towel for her to be wrapped in it, she nodded her head and giggled. She stood up in the bath, he wrapped the towel around her and lifted her out the bath. "Give daddy a kiss and say goodnight." He whispered in her ear. She came over to me in the oversized bath towel, her hair all wet and flat. I picked her up giving her a big cuddle and a kiss.

"Goodnight, Princess." I whispered as she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Nigh,t daddy." She yawned giving me a kiss on my cheek, I put her back down on the floor. "Love you." My heart melted, she looked so happy to see us both back here. I dreaded to think what these past few weeks have done to her.

"Love you too." She headed in to her bedroom. "I'm going to take a shower." I said to Jasper leaning in to give him a kiss, I noticed he had tears in his eyes. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" Worry washed over me, he smiled.

"I'm fine, I just missed doing this, you know bath time, bedtime. I didn't think I would ever do this again." The tears ran down his face, as he sobbed. I pulled him to my chest holding him tightly against me.

"You will have many more bath times and bedtimes to come; you're not going anywhere, Jasper. In a few months time we are going to have a little baby." I kissed the top of his head; he pulled away and smiled kissing me softly on the lips.

"You're all I thought about, you know? Just coming back to you. You would have followed me, wouldn't you?" He asked, I looked at the floor. "I know you would have, Edward."

"Yes." I whispered out ashamed that I would have done that. "I'm sorry." He touched my face, the wonderful warm tingly feeling ran through me.

"Don't be." He kissed my lips softly. "I better go put Olivia to bed before she gets hyper." He smiled and disappeared out of the bath.

I wandered in to our bedroom, the wonderful happy feelings running through me as I showered. For the first time in three weeks Jasper would be lying next to me tonight. I smiled at the thought of being able to have him next to me, his body next to mine. I switched the shower off and wrapped a towel around my waist. I walked back in to the bedroom and saw Jasper sitting on the end of the bed. He smiled at me and was against me before I could blink, his lips attacking mine with force. He forced his tongue in to my mouth causing me to moan in to the kiss. My hands grabbed and fisted his hair pulling him closer to me. His hands trailed down my wet chest, making my muscles contract under touch. His hand ghosted over my erection making me moan.

"I need you." He whispered breathlessly against my lips before trailing kisses down my neck and sucking on my collarbone.

"Jasper..... you sure?" I mumbled rather breathlessly out, his hands pushed to the towel off my hips before squeezing my ass cheeks hard.

"Please.... I need you so bad." His lips attacked mine again with force as he pulled me towards the bed. My hands pulled up his T-shirt, we broke the kiss so I could remove it. My mouth trailed down his chest placing wet kisses as I went. Jasper squirmed underneath me, as my kisses went lower and moving across to his hip bone, biting gently making him moan. My hands unbuttoned his jeans; he lifted his ass off the bed so I could pull them down.

I rested on my heels in between his legs, my eyes drank him as though I was seeing him for the first time. God, how much I have missed him. My fingers trailed slowly up his thigh barely touching his skin. My fingers ghosted lightly over his hard cock, Jasper gasped as I gently kissed his tip, tasting him. My lips slid down his hard length until he hit the back of my throat, Jasper's hips bucked and thrust in to my mouth. I released him from my mouth licking up from his base to his tip.

"Edward.... please..... I need to feel you." He breathed out, his eyes hooded and lust-filled, full of love. I trailed my tongue up his stomach and chest, licking up his neck, sucking slightly on his Adam's apple. Jasper moaned out loudly before my lips crashed hard against his, cherishing the feel of lips against mine, his tongue dancing with mine, his naked body pushed up against mine.

"Do you know how much I love? How much I have missed you?" I asked him looking in to his eyes. He was my whole fucking world, I was nothing without him. As if to answer my question he kissed me softly yet passionately, pouring his love in to the kiss. I couldn't get enough of him, everything I did didn't fill the need I had for him. I leant over to the side opening the bedside drawer and pulling out the bottle of lube and coated my fingers with it. I slowly pushed a finger in to him, slowly pushing in and out of him before adding another and then a third.

"I'm ready..... Please, I need you now." He gasped out. I removed my fingers from him and coated my cock with lube. My eyes never left his, and I fell in love with him all over again. I slowly pushed in to him making us both moan at the sensation. His legs locked around my waist, his heels digging in to my ass pushing me further and deeper in to him.

Our eyes stayed locked on one another as we made love, they never left each others. I thrust slowly in to him, savouring the feeling of being in my love. His hips met each thrust; we both panted and gasped as the feeling's crashed though us. Our lips met kissing softly, pouring our love in to it. I moved my lips from his mouth and kissed his chest.

"I love you." I breathed out as my thrusts picked up, driving harder and faster in to him as I neared my own release. Jasper raised his hips off the bed giving a new position, allowing me to go deeper inside him hitting his sweet spot repeatedly. Jasper moaned loudly underneath me as his eyes rolled back in to his head. His hand trailed down grabbing hold of his cock, he matched my thrusts with his strokes, bringing him closer to the edge.

I was euphoric, casting off in to outer space as we reconnected to one another, being one. Our souls twisted together, our hearts beating the same rhythmic pattern. Jasper cried out as his body went stiff and shuddered as he came hard, covering our stomachs in his hot cum. His muscles tightened around me bringing on my own release.

"Jasper!" I cried out throwing my head back as I filled him. My body shook as wave after wave of pleasure crashed through me. I collapsed on top of him, his arms wrapped tightly around me kissing my neck. Our loved flowed through us, covering each other in a warm blanket. He was my everything and reconnecting back with him this way healed the heartache I had gone through, watching him fight to stay alive. Watching him covered in wires and tubes, on life-support.

I broke down. Sobbed on his shoulder in my relief to have him back home, back here with me, he held me close to him gently rubbing my back as I cried. Everything that I held back, the strength I had to find to stay strong for Jasper and Olivia, every fear that I went through all came crashing out of me, knowing he was home and safe with me.

"I'm here, babe." His voice shook slightly, thick with emotion. I lifted my head and looked at him; my hands covered the sides of his face, moving the hair off his face. His eyes were awash with tears that slowly ran down his face. "I love you, babe." He whispered wiping the tears from my eyes.

"I love you." I kissed his lips softly and rolled off the bed grabbing the wipes off the side. I passed them to Jasper, he smiled looking at me. "Sorry." I grumbled out wiping my face after crying like a baby.

"Don't be, it's been hard for us." He squeezed my hand and rolled over to the side of the bed picking up the scan pictures. "I have too much to lose. You, Olivia and our unborn child." His fingers gently traced the scan picture. "Our baby.... I can't wait to meet him or her." He smiled. I lay on my side facing him, and I leant over slightly and captured his lips with mine.

"Me either." He placed the scan picture back on the side and lay down on his back. "It's unreal, isn't it? Seeing the scan pictures. Olivia said she wants to come next time." I smiled at him, he looked so peaceful, so relaxed.

"It does, but it makes it all seem so real at the same time. I still find it weird that our baby is growing inside Claire." He chuckled. "God, it makes me sound thick, doesn't it? But honestly it's weird to think how those little cells create a baby."

I laughed; we had this chat a few times when we were waiting for Olivia. "For me, the weirdest thing is them being there. One minute they're not and the next they're born." He smiled thinking for a moment before looking at me.

"So when were you going to tell me?" He asked leaning up on his elbows looking at the dialysis machine next to the bed.

"The machine?" I asked a little confused; he knew that was coming here. He shook his head.

"Not the machine, the other thing that you have yet to tell me about, that I know all about because you suck at lying to me." He looked rather smug, I chuckled at him.

"I do not suck at lying to you." I retorted. He laughed at me, hearing his wonderful laugh made my heart swell, I had missed hearing that sound so much lying in our bed. I had missed our gentle chats of banter between the two of us.

"Yeah, you do. If you're lying on the phone you always start the lie with 'well'. If it's face to face you always rub your left elbow in slight circler motions and finish it with a slight tap. So come clean." The smugness ran through him. I was gob-smacked, he had paid way too much attention.

"You always snort when you lie." He laughed at me. "And flicker your eyes around, they tend to shake when you lie, it drives me insane." I chuckled.

"Come on, Edward, tell me." He waited looking at me. I was trying to figure out what he was on about. Surely he didn't know I had taken the test, did he? "All right, then you're not going to tell me. I know that you took the test, Edward."

"Jasper..... Don't be mad, okay." I whispered out waiting for him to be pissed at me. We had had this argument so many times. I didn't want us to fight tonight, not on his first night back home.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked sitting up on the bed and looking at me, I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Because you didn't want me to take it, because we had fallen out so many times over it that I didn't want us to fight over it again. Because you're my husband and I would do anything to keep you safe and here even if it means risking surgery and losing an organ. None of it matters to me, as long as you're safe and sound. I'm willing to go to any length for you to survive no matter what the cost, you mean far too much to me." I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want to see the anger that was sure to be there, and so I waited, waited for the sigh that would indicate him about to yell at me for going against his wish.

"Edward....." He sighed out, touching my arm slightly, trailing his fingers up and down my arm. "I'm mad you went behind my back and did something I asked you not too, but I understand why you did it." I opened my eyes to see love and compassion filling his eyes.

"You do?" I asked as he laced our fingers together.

"Yeah, Edward. If it was the other way around, would you want me to risk my life like this? Because whatever way you want to look at it that's what you're doing. This surgery carries risks, would you want me to do that?" He asked. I had to admit he had a point there; I wouldn't want to put him through that.

"No, I wouldn't, and I would fight you on it as well." I replied honestly to him, he smiled and kissed my hand.

"And I would do the same thing as you. I would go behind your back and take the test, because I would do anything for you even if it meant losing my life to save yours. So I can't really be mad when I would do the same thing that you have done." He smiled at me and leant forward to give me a kiss. His lips moved perfectly with mine sucking on my bottom lips making me moan. He broke the kiss and chuckled slightly.

"I still don't want you to be a match though." He whispered before kissing me again, I smiled at him. "How long will it all take? You know the test, the operation, the recovery time?"

"Well, the tests will come back pretty quick. Once you have a match and you're fit and well enough to undergo the operation there will be a few tests for the donor, making sure that there won't be any massive damage done to their body. As well as going to see someone and talking this through, the whole process takes a couple of weeks. The operation itself is a few hours and recovery time, well they say you should be able to be back at work after three months depending on how well your body reacts to the new kidney." I answered; he worked out in his head for a few minutes.

"So if I'm lucky and I get well enough soon for the operation I could be fit and healthy with no more dialysis or restricted life by the time the baby arrives?" His face was full of excitement at this thought.

"Yes, you could well be. But you will be on drugs for the rest of your life, Angel, to make sure your body doesn't reject the kidney." He simply shrugged at me.

"I'll take the drugs if it gets me off that thing." He said looking at it with disgust.

"Is it that bad?" I asked as he lay down on my chest, our fingers locking and unlocking together.

"Sort of, I mean it doesn't hurt, but I get a few muscle cramps from it and when they hooked me up to it through the day I felt like crap afterwards, utterly drained. During the night isn't so bad, I don't feel too bad in the morning as I slept while it was happening, but I don't want it for the rest of my life. I want a normal life, doing normal things, and not having to suck on ice cubes all the time." He said looking at our interlocked fingers.

"It won't be forever, Angel. We're on the right road now to everything getting slowly back to normal." He tilted his head slightly and kissed me on the lips.

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**_Was that a happy chapter or what?_**

**_Right then my lovelys if you would be so kind and hit the review button for me that would be great._**

**_Jen x_**


	16. Chapter 16

_**AN/ Thank you to everyone that has reviewed the last chapter, I am getting round to reply to you all but I have had a few problems with Word and its been eating my time lol.**_

**_I'm glad you all liked the last chapter hopefully you will love this one, its full of goodness._**

**_Here's 16!_**

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_**JPOV**_

It's all been so unreal. How the last few weeks have gone, how my life has changed and how pissed off I truly am.

Its Olivia's fourth birthday and we planned nothing for her. I felt guilty that she had missed out on a birthday party, missed out on her friends seeing her, all because I had been so ill and in hospital. Of course she didn't seem to mind, she was more than happy that I was back home and back with her, but I felt like I had gotten in the way and let her down. If none of this had happened then she would have got her birthday party, we would have had time to plan it and I wouldn't be feeling guilty for it, but that wasn't meant to be. Edward told me she had no intention of having a party if I wasn't going to be there and all she wanted was me to come home

She got her wish. The house didn't seem like home anymore, everything was still in its place, but after spending so long in hospital I had forgotten just how the house feels. I was, of course, glad to be back, there was nothing better, no greater feeling in the world then waking up and having Edward next to me on our bed. I had put him through hell, how much could he take before he broke down all together unable to be repaired? I knew he was suffering nightmares again, I had heard him move around and groan on the bed last night. I could hear his tears, his tears of pain and loneliness that he was feeling. He left the bedroom at just gone three and didn't return till gone five this morning. When I asked him he said he was fine and tried to make out that he didn't know what I was on about. That pissed me off, that he choose to lie to me and not tell me the nightmares he was suffering. I knew he was only doing it because he didn't want to add to my worry, but I hated that he was bottling things up like this, and seeing Tanya instead of telling me.

Even though I knew and understood his reasons for hiding this from me it didn't take away the pain I felt knowing he wouldn't tell me, it only added to my sour mood. When he finally confessed he had taken the test to see if he would be a match I was well and truly pissed at him. Yes, I would do the same thing if the roles were the other way around, but this was risky. It carried risks and not just for me for the donor as well. We have Olivia and a new baby on the way, was it that wrong of me not to want him to be a match so he wouldn't be risked through surgery? If something happened and something went wrong, Olivia would lose both of us, and so would our unborn child. I was thinking about them whereas Edward was just thinking about me.

Okay maybe that's not completely true, but you get my point. I just didn't want to risk him, to risk his life because of me, not when we have children to think of. If it was just me and him, if we had never gone for children then my mood, my attitude would be different, but the fact remains they're here now and they needs us.

I didn't want Edward to be a match; part of me hoped that if he was a match that I wouldn't get passed for surgery so we didn't have to walk this road. I was scared of what the outcome might be, scared of what the future held for me, for us.

Watching Edward sitting on the floor with Olivia playing I was consumed with my love for them, hearing Olivia's high pitched laugh and giggle next to Edward musical laugh and chuckle, I was overjoyed by it. The best sounds in the world, in my world at least. Edward looked at me and flashed me a smile while Olivia climbed all over him, using Edward as her own personal jungle gym.

"No, daddy." Olivia giggled as Edward picked her up holding her upside down by her ankles, she laughed as he pretended to drop her on her head.

"You want me to put you down?" He asked her, she nodded her head at him. "What was that? I didn't hear you?" Spinning her gently making her giggle even more

"Daddy, put me down." She laughed out, he sighed and rested her on the sofa, and she sat up brushing her hair off her face. "We have cake now?" She asked grinning madly at the pair of us making Edward chuckle.

"You'll be sick" I warned her, she shook her head at me. I looked at Edward. "Shall we?" He shrugged and I took it as a yes.

Heading into the kitchen I pulled the cake out of the cupboard that Alice had dropped off this morning. The woman was a life saver; the cake had been something else we had forgotten about. I placed four candles on the cake and lit them, I couldn't help but look at them for a while, she was four. The last four years had flown by, she was growing so fast, and Alice's gift to her this morning was a clear sign that she was not going be my little girl for long.

Alice had brought her a child's make-up set, and fifteen million pairs of clothes, insisting that she have the latest child's fashion. I couldn't help but laugh as we looked through the clothes, Alice had no idea that these wouldn't stay nice forever, that Olivia didn't care about the latest fashion in child's wear. Olivia cared about the latest Barbie and when she could go play outside and that sweet little dress would soon be covered in mud and dirt.

I picked up the cake and carefully carried it in to the living room singing happy birthday as I went. Olivia's face lit up as the cake was placed in front of her.

"Make a wish, baby girl." I whispered to her giving her a gentle kiss on the side of her head. I watched as she took a big breath and blew the candles out, she clapped her little hands together and my heart almost burst. I didn't think I would be here to celebrate her birthday, I thought I would still be in hospital. In fact I had thought at one point I would never come home again.

"Don't tell what you wished for or it won't come true." Edward said giving her a gentle squeeze, she beamed at him.

"It will. I wished for daddy to get better, and he will." She simply said pulling the candles off the cake.

I choked up, tears formed in my eyes as I took in her words. She was so sure, so convinced that I would get better and to her she had never even thought about the worst happening. Edward took the cake off Olivia and walked in to the kitchen with it; Olivia looked at me and smiled.

"We have cake now? You have cake too?" She asked. Cake wasn't really on my diet; I flashed her a smile and followed Edward in to the kitchen. He was busy pulling plates out of the cupboard and grabbing a knife so he could cut the cake, he turned and smiled at me.

"What are you crying for, Angel?" He asked snaking his arm around my waist and kissing my neck.

"Olivia, her wish." I whispered out, I felt him smile against my neck before lifting his head to look at me.

"Well, what else would she wished for?" He asked just inches from my face. His sweet breath fanned my face making me shiver.

"I know, but..... I didn't think she would wish for me to get better." The tears slowly ran down my cheeks, he wiped them away.

"Jasper, she loves you. You coming home yesterday was the best thing in the world for her, she wants nothing more than for you to be well." He kissed my lips. "I love you." He whispered against my lips. I smiled as he pulled away and went to cut the cake.

"I know I'm not allowed cake, but can I have a little bit?" I asked pouting slightly and giving him puppy dog eyes. It works for Olivia, why not me?

He smirked and cut the tiniest bit of cake ever and pushed it in my mouth chuckling, I slapped his hand away and laughed.

"I meant a proper bit of cake not a bit that's that small the dog wouldn't even taste it." He smiled at me as I pouted cutting off another piece and giving it to me.

"Better?" He asked picking up Olivia's piece and walking past me. I nodded my head putting the cake in my mouth, fuck it was good!

I sat on the floor with Olivia as she went through her new make-up. Edward was in the study doing some work; secretly I think he just wanted to get away from Olivia and make-up. I wish I had thought of it earlier as now Olivia was currently applying green eye shadow to my cheeks. The things you do.

"We put this on now?" She said holding a small pot of red nail polish. I cringed slightly, can you be anymore gay then this?

"Go on then." Her little face lit up as she grabbed my hand and opened the bottle. "Don't spill it or daddy will be mad." I whispered at her, she giggled at me and started to paint my nails as well as the skin around them.

"They look pretty." She beamed at me once she had finished, I looked at them and fought back the urge to screw my face up at the sight of it. I plastered a smile on my face so as not to hurt her feelings.

"Lovely, sweetheart." I leant forward and gave her a kiss. "You enjoyed your birthday?" I asked her, she nodded and rested her head on my shoulder, cuddling up to me. "What was your best gift?" I whispered, she turned to me and smiled.

"My daddy came home." She gave me a gentle kiss as my heart melted and I turned in to mush. "Love you." She whispered rubbing her eyes.

"Love you too, sweetheart." I said fighting back the tears that once again wanted to spill over. I had become a mess of emotions being back home with the people that love me.

"Daddy, me go bed?" Olivia asked yawning, I smiled. She looked worn out, there was no doubt that me not being here had affected her as much as it had Edward.

"Go say goodnight to daddy." I said to her as she got off the floor and darted toward where Edward was. I could hear her shouting for him as she went making me chuckle.

I cleaned up her mess placing the make-up back in the little bag Alice had brought her. I picked it up and headed up the stairs to where Olivia was. I could hear her running around darting from the bathroom to her bedroom, as I turned the corner towards her room I caught her running with the toothbrush in her mouth, I cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Don't run with your toothbrush in your mouth, Olivia" I warned, she bounced back in to the bathroom as I headed in to her bedroom.

Olivia returned a few minutes later with toothpaste round her mouth. I pulled her top over her head and wiped her mouth with it, she pulled back laughing at me. Putting her in pyjama's I pulled the cover back for her to get in, tucking her in I sat on the edge of the bed looking at my little beauty. I smiled and gave her a gentle kiss, how I missed tucking her at night, she seems to have changed so much in the last three weeks. The slight baby look she had doesn't seem to be there now, she looks like a little girl and not a baby anymore.

"You want a bedtime story?" I asked her, she shook her head at me and yawned.

"Night daddy, love you." She mumbled out, her eyes already closing. I kissed the top of her head letting my hand trail through her soft silky hair.

"Night, baby girl, love you." I turned the lamp off and closed the door gently behind me.

Wandering in to the bed room I picked up the wipes, pulling one out I started to wipe the mak-eup off my face that Olivia had put there. I walked back in to the hallway continuing to wipe my face as I went, towards the study. Pushing the door open my eyes fell on Edward slightly bent over the laptop on the desk deep in thought.

I smiled seeing him like that, lost in his thoughts. I walked over towards the desk and sat on the side. He looked at me and smiled relaxing his back in to the chair and pushing the laptop away. His hand reached out to me and I happily took it as he pulled me to him, on top of him. I straddled his waist locking my fingers around his neck while letting my thumbs massage the nape of his neck. His head rolled back in to my hands as I leant forward kissing, licking, sucking and biting his neck. I heard his breathing pick up and hitch in his throat. His hands gripped my hips pulling me close to him; I could feel him harden beneath me.

I looked up and moved away from his neck and looked deep in to his darkening green eyes, full of love, lust and passion. He smiled at me, flashing me a sexy smile on his plump red kissable lips. My lips crashed against his meeting his slightly open mouth, our tongues battled against one another as our lust and need grew. I ground my hips in to him in a rocking motion making him moan in to the kiss. His hands left my hips and sneaked their way up my T-Shirt, pulling it up as he went. Our lips broke apart as he pulled it over my head, his lips attacked my chest biting and kissing as he went, making me gasp in delight, his teeth sank in to my left nipple making me shudder and turning it hard.

"Fuck...... Babe." I panted out as he lifted me and placed me on the desk. His lips continued their assault on my chest and stomach biting and sucking in all the places he knew I loved, his teeth sunk in to my hip bone making me scream and wither underneath him.

His hands hooked the sides of my waistband tugging them; I lifted my ass up letting him pull them down along with my boxers. I felt his tongue lick up my inner thigh making me shiver, his nose brushed against my balls before he tongued them and gently popped one in his mouth causing me to moan his name breathlessly. His tongue licked up my length from the base before swirling his tongue around the tip; I shuddered unable to contain the rush of sheer need that ran through me. His tongue flicked against my slit.

"Mmm...... Edward." My breathless pleas echoed round the study and he gently took me in his mouth. His hot mouth covered my hard cock, feeling the wet and warmth of it I gasped and bucked my hips. I hit the back of his throat and I felt him swallow around me, his tongue cupping around my length as he sucked his cheeks in pulling back up. I was in heaven feeling him suck round the tip, my body shook uncontrollably as I felt his teeth gently graze my shaft, and he reapplied the pressure sucking up and down my cock, hitting the back of his throat every now and then.

I was panting hard and shuddering underneath him, as his hand cupped my balls, playing and tugging them gently. I couldn't stop my hips from thrusting in to his mouth as he took me closer and closer to the edge, his pace picked up before bring me to my undoing. I hit the back of his throat and he grabbed my hips pinning me down, he hummed and swallowed around me, my back arched as the powerful orgasm rocketed through me.

"Fuck!" I cried out as I shot my hot seed down the back of his throat, he swallowed everything I gave. Once spent he released me from his mouth, licking up my chest. Our lips met, our tongues battled against one another, I moaned tasting myself on his tongue, and I tugged at his T-Shit, almost ripping it off with need. My hands ran over his chest and back, loving the feel of his soft skin covering his hard muscles. I pulled at the waistband of sweats, pulling it down over his ass to find out he had gone commando today. I smirked against his lips, squeezing his ass hard in my hands causing a very throaty groan from Edward. My fingers trailed down his well defined abs, causing them to contract under my touch, my fingers gently brushed over his head making him gasp.

"Jasper...." His pleas are breathless, almost like a silent prayer, rolling off his lips. I ghosted my fingertips up and down his shaft, teasing him slowly before grasping hold of his cock firmly in my hand. I stroked him a few times as he continued to call my name softly and gently. My lips moved down his chest sucking and biting his collarbone making him growl at me, before working my way up to his ear. I sucked on his earlobe making him squirm and beg for more.

"Lube?" I whispered in his ear before capturing his lips with mine, our passion and need had turned from frenzy in to desire, wanting to be close to one another, feeling each other with love and desire not a frenzied fuck. His hand left my back as he dipped slightly to open the draw. I heard the click of the lube bottle as my mind exploded with what was about to come. His fingertips pushed my shoulder asking me to lay back, our lips broke apart as I lay back on the desk, and I felt his coated fingers slowly push in me making me gasp out with pleasure.

His fingers continued to stretch me, he kissed my bent knees as my feet were resting on the edge. I felt him remove his fingers as my mind went in to overdrive wanting him with so much need. I wonder if the want will ever subside, if I will one day never have this same amount of want for him that I have now. I hoped it never subsides, I hoped I felt this want and need for him forever.

"Turn over, Angel." He whispers to me in a husky tone which makes my heart beat wildly in my chest even more. I comply bending over the desk as I feel the cool lube run down my crack, I gasp as I feel him slowly push in to me. He lets out a low deep groan as he fills me completely, moving slowly in and out of me, making me feel compete.

His thrust is slow and strong driving deep within me, my cock twitches slightly as I feel him hit my sweet spot deep within me. I was climbing as his thrusts became harder and faster, his hands gripped in to my hips pulling me back to met his thrust. My body started to go in to overload as the pleasure soared through my body at a record pace. My cock twitched as I grew hard again, the thrusting movements causing me to slide against the desk creating a wonderful friction.

I was soaring with passion, love and desire as he drove in to me harder and faster than before, his grunts and moans were getting closer together as my hips met his thrusts. I felt his love for me pouring in to me, covering me from head to toe, the love he holds is purely for me as we connect as one. My mind explodes as I shudder and tighten around him, I see stars, and my focus becomes all fuzzy as my orgasm hit my body, rocking me to my very core. My muscles tighten all over me as I feel my hot cum hit my stomach and the desk under me.

"Jazz!" He cries out breathlessly so he doesn't wake Olivia up. I feel his cock pulse and throb as he erupts in me, his muscles in thighs shook against mine as his orgasm hit him hard. He placed kisses on my back, breathing hard against my skin.

"I love you." He whispers against my spine before pulling out of me. I stay still as I wait for him to clean me up. I feel his delicate touch as he cleans me, I sigh happily content as my eyes close. My body was still running wild with love for him, purely him. I slowly moved and looked at him as he pulled his sweatpants up.

"You never call me Jazz." I suddenly said to him, he looks at me and cocks an eyebrow at me. "You've called me Jazz all of about five times in all the years we have been together." He shrugs at me and flashes a smile. "And why is it the times you call me it is when we're making love?" I ask climbing off the desk and grabbing my sweats.

"I don't know, it's not a name I really like calling you, it just seems so....." He pulls a face. "So.....I don't know. You've just always been Jasper to me, or Angel, or." He smirks. "Jasmine." He chuckles slightly at me.

"You promised you wouldn't call me Jasmine again." I pouted playfully at him, he grabbed my hand and bent my fingers down looking at them, and I wondered what he was doing at first until he bent them back up.

"Red nail polish?" He smirked. "Lose the red and I'll lose Jasmine." He gave me a kiss and headed toward the door.

"You can blame our daughter for that one. I noticed you disappeared quickly out of sight for this one." I said following him across the hall, he chuckled at me as we entered out bedroom.

"It's not really my colour, but it suits you, Jasmine." He whispered the last part in my ear followed with a chuckle. Cunt!

"Next time she gets it out, it's your turn." He chuckled and shook his head. "Oh yes, you can get your nails and skin I might add painted red." He wandered off in to the bathroom for a moment. I heard him moving things around in the cupboard in there before returning through me a bottle of nail polish remover. "And just why do have this?" I asked opening the top and grabbing the cotton wool.

"Because we, Angel, have a daughter who finds it highly amusing to paint our nails if you give her a chance." I continued to remove the red polish off my nails. I looked at him, something wasn't adding up, there was something missing here.

"What are you hiding?" I asked, he shook his head at me and headed in to the bathroom again. I heard the shower come on so I followed him in, resting against the sink. "Come on, out with it. Why do we have nail polish remover, because as far as I know, Olivia has never had nail polish until now." I waited for the response, I heard Edward sigh in the shower.

"Fine." He called out, a smile spread across his lips, Edward couldn't contain something if you pushed. The water went off and Edward stepped out wrapping a towel around his body as the droplets of water ran down his chest.

"Okay, don't laugh. I had to bring it back with me from Alice's. Olivia was there, I went to pick her up, she was upset because you weren't here and wanted to paint my nails, so I agreed. Anyway I kind of forgot it was there, until the morning when I dropped her off at Alice's. I had work and had to take the bottle with me. So I went to work with bright fucking pink nail polish on, happy now?" I tried not to laugh, but the thought of seeing Edward in his scrubs with bright pink nail polish on was too much. I burst out laughing.

"Wait, did you have to work with it on?" I asked through my bouts of laughter, he nodded his head. "How long for?"

"About two hours, until I got five minutes to take it off, and you promised you wouldn't laugh." He pouted at me making me laugh even more.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh." I wrapped my arm around his waist and gave him a kiss. "Forgive me?" I asked still smiling.

"It's okay, Jasmine." He murmured against my lips, before walking away.

"It's Jasper." I shouted as I turned the water of the shower on.

"Whatever you say, Jasmine." He called back. Wanker!

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**_How was that for a nice chapter of goodness? _**

**_Ok next chapter we have the results to see who is the match, takes your bets now! _**

**_Hit the review button my lovelys and send some love._**

**_Jen x_**


	17. Chapter 17

_**AN/ Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, i think i have caught up with my replies to the reviews, if i have missed someone then I'm truly sorry.**_

**_Thank you to my wonderful Beta for doing her thing._**

**_Here's chapter 17_**

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_**JPOV**_

My eyes opened to the sound of the shower running in the on suite bathroom. My eyes were heavy and sore from the tears I had shed last night dreading this morning, dreading having to go to the hospital to hear the results of the tests that my friends and family had taken. I had been consumed by such guilt that maybe one of them would be risking their life just so I could have a better life had crashed on top of me, I broke down in Edwards arms. It didn't seem right that it might be someone I know, putting someone I love through the risk of surgery. Even in today's modern world of the medical field surgery carried risk's, removing an organ carried high risk's to the donor.

What if their body couldn't handle only having one kidney? It would be my fault, Edward had assured me that everything will be done to test the body to see how it will handle having one kidney, that they wouldn't remove it if it was going to put in danger the donor. But what if twenty years from now they end up with kidney problems that they wouldn't have had if they had never given me the kidney? I was consumed by these questions over and over again. Even with all the tests that they carry out to ensure that the donor will not be effected by donating a kidney they couldn't ensure that they would be fine during the surgery, and that thought scared me.

My eyes were tired waiting for Edward to come out of the shower, waiting for him to remove the god forsaken wires that now ran out of my arm. I hated removing them, hated having to put them in. It freaked me out too much so I left it alone, choosing to let Edward do it, who didn't so much as bat an eyelid at it. I heard the shower shut off and a few minutes later Edward appeared, a towel wrapped around his waist, he smiled at me walking over to the bed.

"Good morning, Angel." He murmured giving me a kiss on the lips.

"Morning, you want to take this thing out of my arm so I can move?" My voice cracked slightly from the tears I shed last night. He smiled and began to remove the wires from my arm, I closed my eyes not wanting to watch it, feeling it was bad enough.

"Done." My eyes opened again and I sat up in bed. I hated being stuck to that thing through the night, I hated how it controled my life, everything I did resulted in being hooked to that. Edward had stressed I didn't need to be on it every night, but if I choose not to have it every night then I would have to watch the amount of liquid I drank. Which would mean more fucking ice cubes.

"Thanks, what time is it?" I asked getting the feeling that it was later then I had first thought.

"Almost eight, Olivia is up and dressed and waiting to go to preschool." He said pulling on his jeans, I went to move but his hand came up.

"Don't rush, Angel,. I'll take her." He smiled and pulled the T-shirt over his head covering his chest and abs from my sight once more. "Want a drink?" He asked heading towards the door, I nodded at him as he left the room.

I slowly got out of bed, the dialysis through the night was better then through the day. I felt a little wiped out at frist, almost like I had drunk too much the night more before and spent way too long on the dance floor. My muscles ached slightly and everything seemed to be moving a little slower, taking me more time and effort to get things done. After an hour or two I was normally back to normal with the odd muscle cramp. The days were a lot worse, I would be no good for anything other than sleep, it would just wipe out my days.

Heading in to the shower I tried to think of the better part of today, trying to block out the part where I might just be finding who is going to be risking their own life to save mine. Claire had her next scan today, I was really excited about seeing a better picture this time round. We hadn't done anything or bought anything for this baby's arrival. We really needed to start thinking more about this, we only had another five months to go.

Coming out of the shower I sat on the edge of the bed. It wasn't as though I didn't want a new kidney because I did, the thought of never having to go back on dialysis was great, I just didn't want to put any I loved at risk. I would sooner just wait than have someone close to me go through it, but waiting meant years on dialysis, years of restrictions, years of my life being controlled by that fucking machine.

"Daddy." Olivia called running in to the room towards me, her little arms reached out to me as she came at me. I grabbed her pulling her up and on to my knee.

"You going to school?" I asked her, she nodded her head.

"We have a trip, were going to the zoo." The excitement in her voice, her eyes shining at me as she spoke just made my heart burst with love.

"I know. Are you going to see the monkeys?" She shook her head at me.

"No, I'm going to see the snakes." I cringed slightly, the girl was not normal. "We have one as a pet? Sarah says her unle has one, and it's this big." Her arms stretched out showing me.

"That's nice for Sarah's uncle, but you're not having one." Why in the world would she want one of them? "Besides Bruno might eat it." I chuckled as she frowned at me, her perfect mirror frown of what Edward does.

"No, Uno won't eat it, ease daddy." She begged, looking up at me through her long lashes, her blue eyes looking sad. Oh yes, she knew how to play me.

"We'll see." She smiled at me.

"Really?" She asked, the excitement raising in her voice.

"Yes, I'll talk it over with Daddy." _Well done you're heading for the corner. _No, I won't, she'll forget...... I hope.

"Talk what over with me?" Edward asked cocking his eyebrow at me. "Olivia we're going to be late, say bye to daddy."

"Bye, daddy." She gave me a kiss and rushed past Edward. He stood there looking at me waiting for me to answer him.

"What have you promised her?" He asked, I cringed outwardly and looked down. "Oh no, I'm not falling for the act, what did you just promise her?" He asked again leaning against the door frame.

"Nothing, honestly. I said I would talk it over with you first." I said, he motioned for me to carry on. Olivia appeared with her coat on and school bag. She tugged Edward's T-Shirt, he looked down at her, she grinned at him.

"Daddy says I can have a snake." She said, Edward's face turned to one of horror. _Consider yourself well and truly cornered smart ass._

"Did he now?" His eyes burrowed in to mine. "We'll have to talk about it, Princess. Come on, car now." His eyes never left mine.

"Bye, daddy, love you." Olivia called as she left the bedroom.

"Bye, sweetheart, love you too." I looked at Edward who shook is head.

"You can break it to her that we're not having a snake in this house." With that he turned and left the bedroom.

I heard the front door close signalling that they had left, I laid down on the bed, resting my arms behind my head. I tried to think back, tried to remember just what our life was like before all of this mess. Before dialysis ruled everything, before this illness happened. It didn't seem right to have to suffer this, for my family to suffer this; the strain that it brought on to Olivia and Edward, the nightmares he suffered because of what had happened. I wanted our old life back, I wanted to be able to live my life without having to walk along a knife edge. Was I asking too much?

I had to face it and accept it, if one of them were a match there was no way that I would be able to talk them out of it, they were all willing to go in there and risk their lives just for me. I was unbelievably touched by their kindness, by the wonderful group of people that surrounded my life, I just didn't want to hurt any of them. In a few hours time I would be finding out just who, if any, are a match, and then I would be looking at the surgery itself next.

Surgery, I cringed at the sheer thought of it, I was told that if all was well and they're happy with how everything is, I could be looking at staying in for a week, which wouldn't be too bad. I could handle a week in there, it's got to be easier than three weeks, hasn't it? The three weeks I spent in hospital were awful, not being with Olivia, being there at bedtime or bath time, not being with Edward, just not being at home, it was hell. I don't want that again so a week will suit me just fine.

I heard the front door open and close, followed by Bruno barking. I smiled hearing Edward fuss with the dog, I still hadn't gotten dressed, in fact I hadn't moved from the spot I was in when they left. I heard him run up the stairs quickly followed by Bruno and his paws hitting the hard stairs. The door about came off its hinges as Bruno came running in and jumping up on the bed.

"Not planning on getting dressed today? Or is there another reason why you still have a towel wrapped around you?" He asked smirking slightly and licking his lips.

"I'm sure you could give me a reason why I haven't gotten dressed." I said as Edward crawled slowly on to the bed and over me, kissing my neck. My hands found themselves in his hair pulling his face to mine. Our lips met, his tongue darted out and forced my lips apart. I moaned as he gently sucked my bottom lip.

"I'm sure I could think of something." He purred in my ear before nibbling it. I shivered as my hands ran up his back underneath his T-shirt, pulling it up and over his head. I groaned as he rocked his erection against mine setting off a frenzy inside me, the need to have him became overpowering as I attacked his mouth with need and lust, flipping us over.

My hands reached his jeans undoing them and yanking them down along with his boxers, I got them halfway down before he kicked them off. My mouth was back on his, sinking my teeth in to his bottom lip until it became painful. My lips trailed down his neck until they reached his collarbone, my teeth sank in to his skin there. Edward moaned loudly encouraging me even more. I sucked and bit the skin there, marking him, making him mine. Our breathing was jagged and hard, as our skin exploded under each others touch. Our cocks ground together creating a ludicrously good friction.

"Get on all fours." I purred out moving to the bedside table to get the lube. Edward complied, and was on all fours within seconds. Positioning myself behind him I poured the lube down his crack, before working my fingers in his tight warm hole. I kissed his ass cheek while adding a third finger, I was rushed with the sudden need to sink my teeth in to his firm round ass cheek. Hearing Edward moan and rock his hips back against my fingers only fueled that need to bite. Like some primal creature I sank my teeth in to his juicy round rump, he gasped slightly before letting out the sexist growl I'd ever heard, tuning me on even more. I kissed the skin I had just bit, seeing the mark I had clearly left. I pulled my fingers out hearing him whimper at the loss of contact. I coated my hardened cock with lube before rubbing the tip against his opening. I pushed gently in at first, hearing him moan before slamming in to him hard, not stopping until I was all the way in.

"Agh........... fuck........ Jasper." His cries filled the room is a strangled mixture of pain and pleasure. I pulled back just leaving the very tip of me in before slamming in to him again harder than before. He cried out again and again as I continued my assault on him, slamming in to him hard and faster with each thrust. His cries turned from a mixture of pleasure and pain to one's of pure pleasure as I hit his sweet spot deep within him.

"So....... fucking........... tight." I grunted out between thrusts. Grabbing hold of his hips hard I pulled them back to meet my thrust. My fingers dug in to his hips almost painfully as my thrusts became more frantic, getting closer and closer to my release.

My hand snaked around him grabbing on to his throbbing member tightly. I matched my strokes to my thrust's, I pushed further and deeper in to his warm tight hole. Edward started to shake, his muscles trembling all around him as he came closer to the edge.

"Cum..... with.... me.... baby." I panted out, continuing to hit his sweet spot with every thrust, my hand gripping tightly around his beautiful hard cock. He went stiff slightly before his body shook, his muscles clamping down around me.

"Jasper........ fuck." He cried out in a growl as he shot his hot load on the bed, covering my hand in the process. The tightening feeling began to build in the pit of my stomach tightening my balls in the process. With a final thrust I exploded deep within him, burying my hot seed in his warmth. I collapsed on his back breathing hard, my thighs felt weak as they trembled slightly, the aftermath of my orgasm still running through me.

"I love you." I whispered out pulling out of him and grabbing the wipes I had thrown on the bed. I removed a few and passed them to him

"Love you too, Angel." His voice was still all husky from our latest session. I threw the wipes in the bin and climbed back on the bed. Edward had rolled on to his back, he winced slightly, moving around until he was comfortable.

"You okay?" I asked resting my head on his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around me, kissing the top of my head. I could feel the smile on his lips.

"Yes, Angel, just hurts a bit where you bit me, that's all." I had sunk my teeth painfully hard in to him, breaking the soft delicate skin.

"Sorry, I got carried away." He chuckled against my head.

"I'll remember, just don't moan when I do it back." He laughed out kissing the top of my head again. His hands trailed patterns on my arm, lightly brushing over the AV fistula that sat in my arm for dialysis. Our hands locked together every now and then, feeling the tingly feeling get more intense with each touch. This was the most perfect thing in the world for me, just laying in his arms, feeling each others' touch, being consumed in our love, nothing else in the world compared to this feeling.

I still couldn't believe that this Edward was the very same Edward that I had met almost seven years ago. Even now I still had trouble getting my head around it, the same as I still had trouble getting my head around my life, and not just the illness. Being a father, being married, expecting our second, it still seemed like a dream. How can anyone really get as much love from one person? Feel so much love for one person? Edward knew me inside and out, he knew my moods, some people never find that complete love that I had found in Edward. His inner strength still amazed me, even now, he really and truly was not just my husband or lover, he was my best friend.

"We really should get up." Edward said. I groaned, he knew how much I wasn't looking forward to going. "Jasper, why are you so worried?"

"I just don't want to hurt anyone I love that's all, and these results could hurt someone I love." I sighed out, his hand stroked my hair.

"Angel, everyone has taken this test knowing the risk, they all know that this is major surgery, this isn't like having a tooth removed, but everyone took it because they all love you and want you better." He moved pushing me off him and rolling on to his side. "Whoever it is will be fine. You need to stop this now, Jasper. It won't effect their lives, they will carry on the way they did before the surgery but yours will improve so much, you will have your old life back. Please, Angel, everyone knows the risk and they're willing to take it." He kissed me, bringing his soft lips to mine. His eyes shimmered slightly as he smiled, his eyes awash with emotion.

"Lets get dressed then." I sighed getting up and off the bed.

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The drive to the hospital was surprisingly relaxing, I expected I would be a bag of nerves considering I was about to find out if one of my friends or family was about to donate me a kidney. Edward spent most of the drive singing to me in the car, whatever came on the radio he sang, hold my hand rubbing little circles on the back of my hand and every now and then kissing it. I feel more in love with him than I ever thought possible.

"Dr. E. Cullen?" I asked getting out of the car noticing the parking spot with his name on it, he smirked at me.

"Jealous?" He asked interlocking his fingers with mine; the short sharp burst of electricity running up my arm, letting me know the other half to me, to my soul, was right here with me.

"No, why would I be jealous of a personal parking spot?" Sod, I want one! I chuckled at him in a not so bothered but clearly am tone.

"No, of course you're not. Come on, Dancing Queen." He tugged my hand as we walked towards the main doors of the hospital.

"Stop calling me Dancing Queen." I grumbled out. He smiled and spun around in front of me, pulling me to his chest, his arms locking around my waist; he gave me a gentle kiss.

"You'll always be my Dancing Queen, Angel." He whispered in my ear, I felt the flush hit my cheek, making him laugh. "Shall we?" I nodded.

Walking through the hospital my mind raced with just how many times I had been through those doors so many times, some of them for good reason's and some of them weren't. Edward's hand stayed locked in mine, squeezing it gently as we neared the room.

"Relax, Angel." He gave me a gentle kiss and knocked on before opening the door.

"Ah, Edward, Jasper, you're right on time. How are we both feeling?" Dr. Madison said pointing to the two chairs. I sat down nervously as we waited for Dr. Madison to go through the paperwork.

"Well Jasper, it seems that since your recent trouble's you have made a remarkable recovery. This now puts us at brilliant course for a transplant." He flicked through the papers.

"So... um, the results?" I asked with a shaky voice. I heard Edward take a deep breath and look at me. He smiled and gently rubbed the back of my hand.

"Okay Jasper, now we had a lot to take in to consideration, the build of the donor to yours, blood type, things like that, now with all things taken in to account we look at the best matched donor to you." I held my breath waiting for the news I so badly wanted to hear and also not want to hear.

"Edward was the best matched donor, so gentlemen we need to start the ball rolling for the transplant, if everyone is still happy." He looked at us, I couldn't talk, couldn't think of anything other than Edward was the match.

"Can you give us a minute?" I asked. Edward looked slightly concerned, I smiled slightly.

"Of course." I watched as the good doctor rose from his chair and walked out the door; Edward turned and looked at me.

"Jasper?" He asked, the concern in his voice screamed through.

"But.... you..... Olivia........ the......" His finger rested on my lips stopping me from talking.

"Jasper, shh, I know the risks, but you are my everything. I want you to have my kidney, Angel. I don't want to see you suffer anymore. Jasper, it kills me to see you hooked up to that machine every night, the pain it inflicts on me every time I look at you attached to it....... Jasper, I told you I would do anything if it meant you getting better, and this is it." He rubbed his thumbs over my knuckles and smiled.

"I....." I sighed. "Thank you." I whispered my eyes twitching as they filled up with tears.

"You have nothing to say thank you for, because there isn't a single thing I wouldn't do for you, and besides you really will belong to me." He smiled and gave me a kiss.

I stared in to his eyes, unable to find the words I wanted to use to tell him what this meant to me, even though the thought of it being him scared me. Just the thought that he had taken the test was enough for him, but knowing that he was going to be giving up one of his kidneys made my heart break and swell at the same time. Looking in to his forest green eyes, I saw nothing but love and care, the underlying hint of devotion to do anything in his power to keep me safe.

People often say to their loved ones that they will do anything for them, they would risk their life for them if that's what it took; and even though you believe it, you never really and truly understand the sheer power of those words until you're faced with that choice. Edward had always claimed he would do anything for me, just as I had claimed to him, now he was actually putting those words to use.

"You really would do anything for me, wouldn't you?" I asked him as my voice shook, he smiled at me.

"Anything." He kissed me gently as the door opened.

"So I take it we are still going ahead with the transplant?" Dr. Madison asked.

"Yes." I answered, the Doctor smiled.

"Excellent, well if everything moves well you should be looking at you undergoing the transplant in about four weeks time." The doctor explained.

Four weeks? That would be more than enough time to recover before the baby arrives. My mind thought about the recovery time that I would have to have off, which wouldn't really make much difference as I currently wasn't working, being on sick leave. My thoughts moved to Edward having time off with me, recovering from his operation, and the time we could enjoy together while we recovered.

We left the Doctors office and surprisingly I felt almost high, knowing that my time on dialysis was coming to an end, knowing that the man I love, the other half of me was giving me something so pure and as wonderful as an organ just to give me a new lease of life. We held hands as we headed toward to the baby unit; we had booked the scan to coincide with the results, killing two birds with one stone.

"It's really going to be okay, isn't it?" I asked Edward as we walked slowly through the hospital.

"Yes, Angel, it's all going to be okay, for both of us." He smiled at me.

"Olivia? We need to think about where she is going to go?" I asked as we entered the baby unit.

"Well we'll let the grandparents argue it out, I'm sure she will be happy with either. Ready to see the next addition?" His eyes danced as he looked at me; maybe today wasn't so bad after all.

Claire was already in the room, with a technician, the monitor facing way from us in order for her to find the best picture of the baby before showing us. "You look huge." I whispered giving her hug, she giggled slightly at me.

"Baby is sitting at the front, I've been this big before at this stage." She said.

"So you don't believe in that how you carry if it's a boy or a girl?" Edward asked, Claire laughed and shook her head.

"God no, it's all about where the baby is sitting, well that's what I believe anyway." Claire relaxed back on the bed as the technician applied the gel to her swelling stomach, Edward and I looked at one another, both smiling, waiting for the technician to turn the monitor around so we could finally see our baby. Her faced frowned slightly at the monitor, she looked at Claire and then back to the monitor, she shifted through Claire's notes. My heart started beating wildly in my chest. I looked at Edward a concerned look spread across his face, he gripped my hand tighter.

"Just excuse me a moment." The technician said; turning the monitor off and leaving the room. I looked at Edward his eyes already filling with tears.

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**_I know before you all say it, I'm mean, Hehe._**

**_Sorry, please hit the review button my lovelys, Jen x_**


	18. Chapter 18

_**AN/ Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter, I'm blown away by the amount of reviews I've had.**_

**_I know was mean and left you just hanging like that and then i didn't update yesterday, sorry guys but have no fear the chapter is here._**

**_Anyway I posted the secound chapter to It's Fate last night, If you haven't checked it out then please go do so for me. X_**

**_chapter 18!_**

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_**EPOV**_

Everything just crashed around me, watching as the technician left the room, turning off the monitor as she went my mind raced. Jasper's concerned face stared at mine as I tried to keep my feelings under control. I could feel my eyes start to water, and I tried telling myself that everything was going to be okay, but the thought still rang in my head, _why did she leave?_

"Jasper, look at me." I whispered to him, watching as his eyes were fixed on Claire's large bump, the shimmer of light reflecting off his cheeks telling me he was crying. He turned his head slowly to me, everything written on his face, the pain he was feeling, the confusion of why she just left, I squeezed his hand even tighter. "It's going to be okay, Angel." I murmured to him gently wiping the tears off his face with my free hand.

The technician arrived back with the senior midwife, she had been the woman who had delivered Olivia, and she smiled slightly as she sat down at the monitor switching it on in the process. She looked at the saved picture, and her face didn't seem that concerned as she ran the scan over again, she frowned slightly at the monitor. My heart was beating wildly in my chest dreading what they were finding.

"Sorry, this may be slightly uncomfortable Claire, but I'll try not to make it too uncomfortable, okay?" She smiled at Claire who nodded; her face all full of apology. The senior midwife poked and pushed Claire's stomach a few times pushing her hands around her bump.

"Try now." She said looking at the technician, a few seconds ran by as the scan carried on. Moving the wand over Claire's bump, the technician nodded at the midwife who went around to look at the monitor, she smiled.

"Congratulations guys, it seems baby number two has been busy hiding baby number one, you're having twins." She turned the monitor around and there they both were. I let out a sigh of relief as the tears fell. I looked at Jasper and smiled at him.

"Twins." He whispered out, his face full of joy. I kissed him gently as a rush of love washed over me.

"Sorry to have startled you both, all we could see at first was one baby and three arms. There were no records of twins being picked up on the last scan." She added. Jasper chuckled slightly releasing all his concern and worry in a relieving laugh.

She printed off a couple of scan pictures and handed them to us. I couldn't believe that we were expecting twins, looking at the little scan pictures of them I felt high. I never thought that we might end up having twins one day.

"When can we find out what we're having?" Jasper asked through his tears, his face beaming at me.

"Your next scan is in four weeks time, we should be able to tell you then depending on how they are laying at the time." She answered, Jasper beamed again.

We waited for Claire to get up off the bed; I felt a little bad for her if she was this big now how big was she going to be when she was about due? We waited outside the room for her; neither of us had said anything as we waited for Claire, both of us grinning stupidly at each other with the thought of us having twins. Claire appeared smiling.

"Twins guy's double the fun. I was so relieved when she said it was twins." Claire said as we walked out of the hospital.

"God, I actually thought that there was something wrong. Wait until we tell Olivia, she will be thrilled." Jasper said.

We reached the main doors, Jasper let go of my hand and looked at Claire. She nodded at him; he reached his hands out and placed them on her bump. He knelt down and gently whispered against her bump. "Bye babies, love you." He then kissed her bump twice and got back up.

We said our goodbyes to Claire and walked towards my car. I grabbed Jasper and pushed him up against the side of the car. I held his face in my hands and smiled before my lips crashed hard against his soft plump lips. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist as he moaned in to the kiss, I smiled against his lips resting my forward against his.

"I love you so much." I whispered as my fingers gently played with the hair in the nape of his neck.

"I love you too. Edward, it's twins." He whispered; the shock and joy running high in his voice. I pulled back slightly and looked at him, his eyes awash with tears once more.

"It is. I can't believe it. There is going to be two of them." I smiled. "You pleased?" I asked him.

He rolled his eyes at me. "What do you think? I'm fucking buzzing over it. I can't wait for them to get here, and I can't wait to tell everyone our news." He gave me a kiss. "Shall we go get Olivia?" He asked. I nodded.

The drive to school seemed to fly by as we spoke about things for the new baby's room, colours and such. Olivia was already excited about the thought of having a baby brother or sister to play with. I wondered how she will act when she knows it's twins. We still needed to discuss with her Jasper's operation, and now mine.

I wasn't worried about the operation, I knew and understood the risks this operation would bring, but none of it bothered me. I wondered if that was to do with the fact that I worked in the medical field or because there wasn't a single thing I wouldn't do for him. In some weird way I found it sweet, romantic even that Jasper would be walking around with my kidney in him, like we will always be connected because of it. I was parting with something to keep him alive and well, to give him the life he should be living, to be able to see our children grow and not have our lives dictated by his illness and dialysis. I knew that Jasper was worried about it, worried of what might happen; that one of us might not make it. I guess he was taking the more reasonable approach to this, thinking about what if, instead of not. Most people tend to worry over their operation's, worried of what the outcome maybe, if they will make it, and Jasper was just following the normal, unlike me.

If the worst happened and I didn't make it, I knew that Jasper would okay, that was my main reason for doing this, that HE would be okay. I knew that our children would be well looked after, and taken care of, everything that I needed to know before this operation was to take place I knew. I knew that Jasper loved me and he knew I loved him and if I have to give my life to save his then I was willing to pay that price.

Of course I hoped that doesn't happen. I hoped we both make it out the operation in one piece. I hoped we both get to see our children grow up and I hoped more than anything in this world that we will grow old together.

"When shall we tell Olivia?" Jasper asked as we pulled up outside the school grounds which were covered by parents all in their car's waiting for the little ones to come out.

"The transplant or the twins?" I asked watching as some parents stood in little groups of bitches, all having their latest gossip. I had had a few run-ins with the local bitches.

"Both." He smirked leaning against the window of the car. "But which one first? Tell her we're both having an operation and then tell her about the twin to cheer her up, or the other way around?" I thought for a moment.

"The first one, may be best, we could just show her the scan pictures and see if she notices." He smiled at me and opened the door.

I suppressed the groan that threatened to come out. Jasper had already shot me a warning look, telling me to behave myself; it was a little hard with the likes of them bitches around. Walking toward the school gates I purposely grabbed his hand and walked a little closer to the stares coming from said group.

".......Well, I think it's disgusting, it's not normal. A child should be raised by a mother and a father and NOT by two fathers, what sort of an example does that set to the child?" I didn't miss her extra emphasis on the word not. My blood started to boil, hearing her words. I took a deep breath trying to calm down.

"Edward, leave it. She isn't worth it." Jasper hissed. I tried, I really did. I tried to push the nasty words away, but I couldn't, just what gave her the right?

"Having a nice gossip, Joanne?" I asked waiting for Olivia to come out of school. Jasper shook his head beside me.

"Just discussing things." She sneered at me, I smirked.

"Are you by any chance going to discuss your latest trip to A&E after developing a very nasty looking rash from your cheating husband?" Her face turned red, I wasn't sure if it was red from anger or embarrassment.

"How.... you couldn't have known that." She seethed at me, I chuckled.

"Really Joanne, you came in to my place of work. I just so happened to overhear you chat with one of my co-workers. You know Jo, you really should have safe sex considering your husband is working through half the town." I cocked an eyebrow. "You know you can say what you like about Olivia being raised by me and Jasper. At least I know our daughter is being shown what a loving a relationship is. I don't have to worry about who my husband is fucking every night, unlike you." I smirked and walked away as the bell rang.

"You went too far, Edward. You have just announced to her fellow bitches that her husband is cheating." He chuckled out.

"The bitch had it coming." I said as the playground became awash with children running around.

"." Olivia rambled out that fast as she reached us, Jasper picked her up.

"You had fun at the Zoo then?" He asked. She nodded her head smiling at him.

"Yes, I saw a spider. I want one." She asked fluttering her lashes at Jasper. I laughed, not going to happen, no way.

"A spider? You want a spider?" Jasper asked. Olivia nodded her head.

"Forget it, Princess, how about we buy you a bunny?" She shook her head. "A hamster?" She shook her head again. "Well Olivia, you're not having a spider or a snake or any other nasty creature you can think of." She huffed as Jasper loaded her in to the car.

The drive home Olivia talked about the trip to the Zoo, but had found the nasty looking creatures fun. She had even asked if she could have one of the little lion cubs she had seen when Bruno dies. I was hoping that this was just some sort of phase and she would grow out of it.

Olivia bounced through the front door and went to Bruno; he was jumping up at her, trying to get as much fuss as possible. I made Olivia a drink and handed it to her, she disappeared in to the living room with it turning the TV on, and the sound of kiddie cartoons filled the house.

"Shall we?" Jasper asked, the excitement in his eyes shining through. I nodded and followed him through in to the living room; we sat down either side of Olivia.

"Princess, you remember we had that talk about daddy needing a new kidney to make him better?" I asked her, she nodded.

"Have you got one?" She asked looking happy as her eyes fell on Jasper.

"Well yes, I have. In a few weeks time I'm going back in to hospital to get it. Are you going to be a brave girl while I'm in hospital?" Jasper asked her.

"Yes. You will be better." Jasper chuckled and nodded at her.

"He will, Princess, but there is something else you need to know, okay? He's having one of mine." I watched as her face frowned slightly as she looked at me. "Don't be worried, baby, everything will be fine." I stroked her cheek as I spoke to her, trying to make her understand that she had nothing to worry about.

"You won't die?" I shook my head at her.

"No, Princess. I will be fine and so will daddy. Jasper?" I looked at him; he pulled the scan pictures out of his pocket.

"We saw your new baby brother or sister today when Claire went for a scan, you want to see them?" Jasper asked, her eyes lit up as she nodded her head, Jasper handed them to her. Her eyes looked over them; she looked at us and then back to the picture.

"They two?" She said. Jasper nodded.

"They're twins, sweetheart. Are you excited?" Jasper asked her.

"Two baby sister!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as her excitement got the better of her.

Olivia spent the best part of the evening looking at the scan pictures, trying to work out if they were girls. When we asked her what she would think if she they turned out to be her brothers she said she wouldn't mind but would sooner have sisters instead of brothers.

Olivia crashed out on the sofa early in the evening before her bedtime. She was worn out from her day at the Zoo. We carried her upstairs and placed her in bed, Bruno curled up at the end of bed where he would stay all night. I grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him to our bedroom, closing the door behind us as we went in.

"Come take a shower with me." I murmured kissing his neck. He shivered under my touch making me smile against his skin on his neck. I led us in to the bathroom, flicking the shower on as I entered.

My lips attacked his, pulling him closer to me, wanting nothing more than to bury myself deep within him. Jasper moaned in to the kiss opening his mouth so my tongue could gain entrance, our hands worked together pulling off T-shirts and undoing jeans. I couldn't keep my hands off him, as I pulled him in to the shower, my hands wandering all over him, kissing him deeply.

I moaned as our erections rubbed together, the hot water cascading down over our bodies cooling them as the fire spread throughout us, under our skin as the sparks flew off us. Jasper turned around, his hands pressed against the shower wall as I kissed and sucked his neck. Walking my way down and across his shoulder blade, my hand slid down his side over his ticklish spot making him squirm and giggle, I smiled against his skin.

"I love hearing you giggle." I whispered as I let my hand run down his side again, lightly touching his skin, he giggled again. "I love hearing you gasp as I do this." My hand slipped down his crack circling a finger around his entrance, he gasped making me grin. I loved playing this game. "I love hearing you moan when this happens." My circling finger pushed in to him making him moan. I kissed his neck as his head rolled back and laid on my shoulder, I sucked his pulsing vein making him moan even louder turning me on even more.

I grabbed the lube off the side coating myself with a generous amount. I removed my finger making him whimper. "So impatient." I whispered huskily in his ear. "And I love hearing you moan my name in breathless whispers when I do this." I pushed slowly in to him, hearing him gasp and moan, I thrusted slowly in and out of him.

"Edward." He whispered breathlessly making me smile hearing my favourite sound in the whole fucking world.

I placed my hand over his, our wedding rings overlapping one another as my other hand ran across his hip towards his throbbing member. I stroked him slowly matching my slow thrusts in to him, bringing him painfully slowly to his release.

"I love you." I murmured nipping at his neck, making Jasper buck his hips back on to me. I picked my thrusts up a bit, as I grew close to my own release. Jasper moaned and withered in front of me, gradually getting closer to the edge. As my thrusts became more frantic I started to lose control, I picked up my strokes wanting him to cum with me.

"Jasper...... fuck." I groaned out as my release was just moments away, the edge ever so closer as Jasper moaned loudly pulsating and twitching in my hand as he shot his load over the shower wall. His body shook and his muscles tightened around me pushing me over the edge. I screamed out pushing my face in to the crook of Jasper's neck as I came hard in him.

His hand came up and wrapped around the back of my neck as his head lent back on my shoulder, the loving smile across his face as we stayed locked like this for what seemed like forever.

"How will I ever be able to make this up to you? You are giving me your kidney." He asked turning around to face me as the shower hit our bodies, I smiled and kissed him.

"By filling my wish and growing old with me." He smiled, his gorgeous blue orbs sparkly and dancing in front of me.

"I will. You really want that, huh? The growing old together, I mean." He asked. I nodded my head.

"More than anything, Angel, more than anything in this world I want to grow old with you, to see my final days on this earth with you, and when we go to the afterlife I want you to still be by my side. I want to find you in the next life; and the life after that. I never want to be without my other half to this soul." He smiled, his lip trembled slightly.

"Have I ever told you how wonderful I think you are?" He asked. I shrugged. "You're wonderful and you're all mine." I smiled flicking the water off.

"Always, beautiful." I gave him a kiss before stepping out of the shower.

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Sunday morning rolled round and we were off to Jasper's parents. We hadn't told them about the news of the twins yet as we wanted to do it face to face, my parents had found out the next day and were over the moon at the thought of having two new little grandchildren. They had agreed to come over when we went in for Jasper's transplant, saying they will stay and look after Olivia and hang around after we get out of hospital to help us out for a while. I had stressed it wasn't needed, but I suspected they just wanted to spend more time with Olivia, which was understandable as they didn't see her that often. We hadn't told his parents I was the donor for Jasper, again we wanted to tell them to their faces just what was happening, so today after dinner was going to be the time when we told them our news.

I headed in to Olivia's room as Jasper finished off getting changed, Olivia froze as she saw the brush in my hand, and she shook her head, not wanting her hair brushed. "No." She said, I smiled and nodded my head heading in to her room and picking up her bobble off the side.

"Come on, it will take two minutes; the sooner we're done, the sooner we can leave." I sat down pulling a dry sobbing Olivia to me. I brushed her hair through as she moaned about it, acting as though she was crying but not shedding a single tear.

"Ease daddy, no brush." She begged as I brushed her hair back in to my hand.

"We're almost done." I tried to hide my amusement out of my voice, knowing that the moment this was done all traces of any tears will vanish in to thin air.

"It hurts, daddy." I rolled my eyes at her words and wrapped the bobble around her long hair.

"We could always shave it off if this is so much trouble for you." I teased; she shook her head at me.

"No, me like my hair." I chuckled softly pulling it tight and kissing the top of her head.

"There, all done, wasn't so bad, was it?" I asked she nodded her head at me, I smirked. "Go get your shoes and coat on." I told her leaving her room and heading downstairs to find Jasper waiting.

We pulled up at his parent's house a few hours later, after having to stop twice because Olivia had drunk too much before we left and even though she ensured us she didn't need to wee. No longer than ten minutes in to the car ride we heard her saying she needed a wee.

We sat and ate dinner at his parents; his mother had once again gone overboard with the cooking and had cooked enough for the five thousand. Olivia had disappeared in to the back garden after dinner to play and burn off some energy, leaving us just sitting around the table. Since Jasper was told he shouldn't drink any alcohol with kidney failure I had stopped drinking also. I didn't want him to feel left out. I wanted this to be easy for him, so I stopped; besides the days of getting drunk had disappeared.

"Okay... you know we had those tests taken to see if anyone I know would be a good donor for me?" Jasper asked, looking more at the table then his parents.

"You found one?" His mother asked, Jasper nodded at her.

"It's Edward. He's my donor, and I have the operation in four weeks time." He looked up at them as he heard his mother gasp.

"Jasper.... Edward, oh my god, you're his donor?" She asked shocked hearing the news.

"Yes." I answered smiling at Jasper; nothing would give me a greater pleasure than giving him my kidney.

"I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am that you're going to do this for him." His mother said giving me a hug.

"It wasn't even a choice." I told her pulling back from the hug; she had tears in her eyes. "And we found something out the other day when Claire had her scan." I said.

"Is the baby okay?" His father asked concerned; Jasper and I looked at each other and smiled.

"They're fine." I answered, waiting for them to pick up on the 'they're'.

"Good, for a minute there I thought..... Wait, did you just say they're?" His father asked.

"It's twins, baby number two had been hiding behind baby number one." Jasper answered grinning proudly.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with congratulations and baby talk as we showed them the scan pictures of our twins. They were over the moon at the thought of having three grandchildren running around their home. Life felt almost back on track, almost complete, like the nightmare was almost over.

"Edward, son, can I have a word." George asked me after a while. I nodded and followed him in to the living room.

"What's up?" I asked him as I sat down. George thought for a moment and sighed.

"I have always known just how much you two love each other. The first time I met you I saw the love growing between the two of you, and over the years it has continued to grow and form this wonderful bond you and Jasper have." He cleared his throat. "I look at you as a son Edward, always have. I see how happy you have made Jasper over the years and all the things you are willing to do just to keep that smile on his face, but this....." He trailed off to re-gather his thoughts.

"This is one amazing gift you're giving Jasper. I can't tell you what it means to know my son will have his life back, thank you so much, but I know that you don't need to hear the thanks, do you?" He asked. I shook my head.

"No, because anyone would do anything for the person they love, even if that means giving them an organ. I just want him to have a normal life, George. It kills me seeing him hooked up to that machine every night, it eats away at me knowing he can't eat what he wants or drink what he wants, what effects him, effects me." I ran my hand through my hair, and looked at the floor slightly.

"I love him so much, I can't lose him." My voice came out in a whisper.

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**_See it wasn't that bad was it? I gave you all a heart attack for nothing, hehe, sorry._**

**_So the boys are having Twins, how sweet! Any guesses on what the twins are?_**

**_Anyway my lovelys please hit the review button for me, Jen x_**


	19. Chapter 19

_**AN/ Thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter, I am slowly making my way through them all replying to each one. Ok so were now n the countdown for the sugary, and with that means the story is now coming to its end, i think there is only about four or five chapters left after this one. Its sad but true.**_

**_But I do have my other E/J story going, its a lot lighter then this one, so if you haven't checked it out yet then please do so._**

**_Here's chapter 19!_**

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_**JPOV**_

I sat there staring at the laptop on my knee in the living room, curled up with a blanket pulled over me to keep me warm. The light was just starting to come through, it was slightly something past four in the morning, I was unable to sleep. My life, my love, my everything, lay upstairs in our bed fast asleep with Olivia curled in to him. I should be there, with my family, asleep, being blissfully in a state of relaxation that I don't have a single care in the world, but I'm not. I watched the clock on the bedside table go round and round, noticing the times of 1, then 1:45, then 2:33. I gave up then and got up. Pissed at myself for not being able to sleep and pissed because I could hear both my husband and our daughter fast off, their even breathing with faint little murmurs or whimpers started to eat at me. It wasn't their fault they could sleep and I couldn't. It wasn't their fault that their brains switched off and allowed them to be whisked away in to the wonderful land of slumber, while I lay wide awake wondering just what I was about to embark on.

I, or I should say we had one week to go until the operation that would give me back my life. Edward was taking it all in his stride, he didn't seem fazed by the idea of major surgery, he almost seemed to be looking forward to it. Saying that this was his choice to have the operation, his gift to me to make me better, and for him and I to be forever connected. Even though I found it unbelievably sweet of him to look at it like that, and I couldn't disagree with him on the last part as I agreed it was, it didn't relax me any more about the surgery. I hated hospitals, hated the thought of being put to sleep and I certainly hated the thought of being cut open. Edward had done his best to try and relax me, bringing up certain pages for me to look at with him and talk through.

_Flashback_

"_Jasper, read them, it may relax you a little more if you know what is happening." He said to me loading up different pages and opening new tabs._

"_But it could make me worse, you don't get it, do you?" I snapped being mardy over having to have an operation._

"_Don't get what, Angel?" He asked not even lifting his eyes off the screen to look at me._

"_You could at least fucking look at me while you're talking to me instead of the laptop." I seethed at him through gritted teeth. Of course I knew I was being unreasonable, but the child in me had kicked in and the rational thought of what I was doing had gone flying out the window._

"_I'm finding you the information, Jasper." Again he never lifted his eyes off the screen._

"_Maybe I don't want to read the fucking information, maybe I would sooner not know what they're going to do, maybe...." He cut me off, his stern voice flooring me._

"_All right! You don't want the information, you don't want to know. In fact, you don't want any god forsaken help. I've had a god damn enough of it now. Nothing makes you fucking happy other than you fucking whining and moaning about it." He pushed the laptop away from him._

"_Edward..." He butted in again not letting me speak._

"_No, Jasper, don't you dare paint the fucking victim with me. I've stood by you, supported you, given you all the love and care I possibly can. I've taken your remarks and brushed them off, stood there while you shouted to all heavens at me and not stood my ground against you. I've done all of this because you're going through a hard time, but I will not have you ask for information off me then throw it in my face. It's there if you want it, if not then fine, but I'm certainly done!" He stormed away from me, slamming the door to the office behind him and disappearing out of my way for a while to cool off._

The fight had continued for most of the night, I sulked for being shouted at and he ignored me because of it. He was right and I was wrong, I knew this. I had pushed and poked Edward left right and centre, throwing remarks his way when I was being moody, snapping and shouting at him when I felt as though life was being so unfair to me and I was deep in self pity. I had blown my lid at him more times in the last seven months than I had ever done in the seven years we had been together. Each time I blew off he took it, not rising to the challenge, never once so much as raising his voice to me. He had taken all of it, but there is only so much one person can take before they snapped, and Edward snapped.

Feeling lonely and very sorry for myself I crept my way to him after he put Olivia to bed, said sorry for being an ass, and that I was just fucking scared of what may happen. Edward never held anything against me, and soon said he was sorry for snapping at me, he just wanted to help. We made up and used the slightly, only by a fraction, warm night to make love on the balcony. Our harsh words and fighting all but forgotten about as we fell in love all over again with one another.

So here I sat now, the laptop from the study on my lap looking over the transplant and getting sweaty palms in the process.

_**The Transplant**_

_During a kidney transplant, the transplanted kidney, known as a kidney 'graft', is usually placed in the lower abdomen via an incision (cut). Following the procedure, the scar is similar in appearance to that of an appendix operation except that it is longer._

_The transplanted kidney requires a blood supply, and a way of draining urine into the bladder. The artery and vein on the transplanted kidney are joined on to the main artery and vein to the leg. The ureter (the tube which carries urine from the kidney to the bladder) of the transplanted kidney is connected to the recipient's own bladder._

_Usually, the recipient's own kidneys are left in place. In situations where the donor kidney is from a living person, most hospitals have two surgical teams working simultaneously in order to minimise the time that the graft is out of the body._

_**The Risk**_

_Kidney transplantation is, overall, a fairly safe operation. The main risks are bleeding, clotting of the blood vessels and leakage or blockage of urine. If there's major bleeding, you may need blood transfusions. If the blood in the kidney clots, the kidney may have to be taken out. If there's leakage or blockage of urine, you may have to have another operation to correct it. However, the chance of these complications occurring is less than 3% to 5%._

_Anti-rejection medication reduces the body's overall resistance to illness so it can lead to an increased risk of infection. There's also an increased risk of some types of cancers. _

_**How Long It Lasts For**_

_On average, transplanted kidneys last for about 12 to 15 years. However, there is an increasing number of people with a transplanted kidney that has lasted 20 years and more. Unfortunately, there are also people who have had to have two, three or even four transplants. Transplanted kidneys can fail, and the disease that caused kidney failure in the first place can come back._

Twenty years? It could last that long or maybe more depending on how well it goes. I could live with that. Twenty years of no dialysis, twenty years or more of leading a normal life, furthermore I would see our children grow up.

"Beautiful?" My head snapped up to see Edward standing there in just a pair of boxers, his eyes half closed, his arms tightening wrapped around himself as to protect himself from the chill that ran in the house from being in bed. I smiled at him and sat the laptop down, opening the blanket and beckoning him to me, he came, snuggling close up to me. His head and face pressed in to my chest as I wrapped the blanket back around myself and him.

"Olivia is scared about what may happen." I whispered to him. Olivia had gone through a stage of being clingy to both me and Edward. For the last two weeks she had slept every night in our bed, not wanting to be apart from either us for fear of one of us not coming back, no amount of reassuring her was going to stop it.

"I know she is, I hate seeing her like this." He kissed my chest.

"Me too, I wish we didn't have to put her through this. It doesn't seem right that she has to face this, to have to see both her parents going through this sort of operation." I ran my fingers through his uncontrollable hair.

"It was the best way. We can't pretend we're going away for a week, she would figure out something was wrong. She will be fine, she is just worried." His fingers traced slowly sensual patterns on my chest.

"Are you worried? Please tell me you are." I asked, the plea in my voice screaming at him to just this once tell me he was scared.

"I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared of waking up and finding out you didn't make it, that there was some sort of complication. I'm scared that I won't get my wish, but I'm not scared of facing surgery. I have no reason to be scared of it, I trust the team, and besides they're some of the best." He gave me a kiss. "I wouldn't put your life in anyone's hands other than the best I could find."

We laid together for a while, both in our own thoughts. As the days grew nearer and nearer, we spent more and more time being locked together in a loving embrace, always touching or being touched by the other. The constant need for each other grew and grew. It was almost as though we feared if we let go of one another for too long the other wouldn't come back. The thought scared me that something could go wrong, modern surgery was a lot more safe now than it ever was, but still I wondered if fate had another cruel hand to deal to me, to deal to us.

I had had an easy run in life really, never had any major problems. I did well at school, went in to the career of my choice, found my perfect job teaching infants, had a few relationships, none of them were bad, but none of them were great either. Then I met Edward, fell in love, got married ,we had Olivia and now the twins, maybe it was only fair that I got dealt a shit hand, but Edward? Was it fair that because the of the hand I was dealt he had to go through all this pain and trouble? He lost one partner, watched as he died in front of his very eyes, was it fair for him to suffer because of me?

And then there was Olivia, the light in my life, everything was for her, she was the centre of our life. Yes, she was spoiled and got away with a lot as she could work Edward and I to her advantage, but she is so young, so delicate and pure. A little girl shouldn't have the worry of her daddy having an operation, let alone both of them. I knew that when I first wake up from the surgery I won't get to see her, and it won't be until they move me on to a ward that I will be able to see her. That thought pulled at me, the fact that I wouldn't be able to see her when I wanted to. The silver lining to this was Edward would be next to me in the next bed. He would be there when I woke up. When I went to sleep his face would be the last and the first thing I will see.

"Bed?" Edward asked his voice strained and sleepy. I chuckled slightly and moved, making him get off me.

"How did you know I wasn't next to you?" I asked him as we held hands up the stairs to our bedroom.

"I don't know, just a feeling, that was all. Something broke me from my sleep and I knew before opening my eyes that you weren't there. I can't sleep right when you're not there, I miss you." I smiled. He was half asleep and being so sweet and corny with me, it was something that I loved even though it was corny as hell, but who doesn't love corny?

As we walked in to our bedroom my eyes saw Olivia, bang in the middle of the bed and spread out, she had made use of the big bed all to herself. Edward cocked his eyebrow at me, I shook my head.

"Shall we move her to her own bed?" I asked just above a whisper so I didn't wake her.

"Yeah, I'll pick her up, you open her door and pull the covers back." He looked at Bruno who was on his back bent in a weird position. "And move Bruno." He chuckled slightly. The fat shit was a dead weight to move when he was awake and even worse when he was asleep.

Pushing Bruno who did nothing but grumble and huff and roll on to his front, I called him off the bed, as Edward picked up out little angel. Bruno slid off the bed slowly stretching as he went. I followed Edward as he carried Olivia gently to her room, he stopped and waited for me to open the door and pull back the covers before laying her down. I pulled the covers up around her as Bruno curled up at the end of her bed. I smiled placing a kiss on her forehead.

"She's perfect, I wonder what the twins will be like?" I whispered, grinning at him and wrapping my arms around his waist. His arms wrapped around me as he kissed the top of my head.

"Two perfect little angels, just like you." I giggled slightly feeling the red flush creep up my face.

We gently closed Olivia's door and went back to bed. I was tired, I hadn't had much sleep and it was now getting to a point where I would only get a few hours sleep until Olivia woke up. Crawling in to bed I curled tightly in to Edward's lush warm body, breathing in his wonderful scent and feeling content being at home. His arms were my home, wherever they were that was where my home was. There was no greater feeling than the feeling of his strong muscular arms wrapped tightly around me, as he covered me in his love. I knew this is how Edward felt all those years ago when he dealt with his past, when he craved to be in my arms, to be soaked in my love and comfort for him.

I was awake before my eyes opened. I didn't want to open them, I was comfy in bed, all warm and snug. The thought of leaving this wonderful paradise just to get up didn't appeal to me, but there were two things that were different. Number one was, no strong firm arms wrapped around me like they had been, and number two I could feel someone looking at me, staring at me, a little breath kept hitting my face every couple of seconds. I slowly opened my eyes and smiled as I saw a beautiful little girl with amazing coloured big blue eyes staring at me, her messy bronze hair curling slightly at the ends, falling freely over her face. Take away the blue eyes and she was a little clone of Edward, just a female form of him.

"Daddy." She whispered playing with my own dirty blonde curls, something she had seen Edward do and picked it up. "Daddy, me love you. Get up, sleepy head." I chuckled hearing my four year old daughter telling me to get up.

"How about mornin'?" I asked opening one eye, she giggled.

"Morning, daddy." She gave me a kiss on the end of my nose. I smiled, feeling our daughters love was unlike any other feeling in the world, it almost topped Edward's feeling, and in some ways it did.

"Mornin', baby girl. What time is it?" I asked her stretching slightly. It was nice to wake up without the dialysis machine attached to me. I had chosen not to have it last night, wanting just one night without. I didn't need to be hooked up to it every night, I just choose to do it so I wasn't so restricted.

"It's afternoon, daddy." She grinned at me. Fuck.

"Then why did you say mornin' if it is the afternoon?" She shrugged at me. I noticed she wasn't dressed yet, still in her pyjamas.

"Daddy sent me to wake you up, you get up now?" She said getting off the bed and running out the room.

I slowly got myself off the bed and headed in to the bathroom to relieve myself before heading downstairs. Edward had a coffee cup on the side waiting for me as I walked in to the kitchen. I smiled thinking of the little things he does just for me, the little reminders that show me just how much he loves me. I picked it up and wandered in to the living room, to find both Edward and Olivia spread out on the floor cushion's around them laying on a quilt. Edward flashed me a breathtaking smile, every time I saw it, it took my breath away, just how it did the very first time I saw it.

Joining them on the floor Edward leant over Olivia to give me a kiss, slow and long pouring his love for me in it. I moaned and Olivia laughed breaking the connection. Edward smirked at me over my lack of being able to kept my noise down. I couldn't switch it on and off like he could.

We stayed like this all afternoon, on the floor watching films together, enjoying our time as a family. Days like this were one of the best, where we didn't go anywhere, nobody came round, we didn't bother getting dressed choosing to stay in pyjama's on the floor watching TV.

My mind wondered what it would be like when there was five us on the floor, Edward, Olivia, the twins, and me. Edward was convinced that the twins were going to be boys, Olivia was convinced that they were both girls and I thought that one was a boy and one was a girl, we would find out this week. Edward had made sure that we would find our before the operation was to take place, neither of us wanted to go in not knowing and after the operation I didn't know what sort of state I would be in to see the scan.

Olivia feel asleep in the evening and we carried her to bed, tucking her in and giving a kiss. I stayed with Olivia a little while longer. I enjoyed watching her sleep, I always had, I could lose the whole day when she was a baby just by leaning over her crib watching her sleep. I finally left her room and headed in to our bedroom. The bathroom door was open slightly, I pushed it open and gasped.

The bathroom was full of candles creating a soft warm romantic glow, the large round marble bath was one of the best things in this house, along with the rainforest shower. Edward was already in, his head resting on the back on the bath waiting for me.

"Come take a bath with me, Angel." He said with a loving smile all over his face, making his eyes dance and fill with pure raw love that was all for me.

I climbed in resting my head on his chest, his arms wrapped loosely around me as we relaxed together. I loved and adored this aspect of our relationship, how we could be so connected to one another, so sensual and never make love; just being able to enjoy each others touch, being able to to be so intimate, but yet not being sexual with one another. It was something that we had before our relationship went to that level and I was more than pleased when we never lost this connection. Not everything was about sex, as nice and as great and mind blowing as it was, nothing compared to the feeling of relaxing with one another intimately like this.

"Edward, how big is the scar going to be? You know, will it be ugly and big?" I asked him, he chuckled at me.

"No, it's a little bigger then an appendix scar babe, and now a days the scars are so faint you will hardly notice it." He rubbed my shoulders. "I've been thinking." He said suddenly, I turned my head slightly to look at him.

"And what was that then?" I asked smiling at him.

"I want a new car." I rolled my eyes at him smiling. "Angel, we should buy a new one what with the twins. I've seen a few a like." He said, I could hear the excitement in his voice.

"We'll talk about it later, okay?" I said smirking. I knew without looking at him, that he was pouting like a baby now.

"Fine, how about a tattoo?" That shocked me. Edward had never shown any interest in having anything like that done.

"Why?" I asked turning in the bath so I wad now lying on my front over him.

"Well..... I don't know. I just kind of thought about getting it to go above my scar, just a little something, something that will remind me of you." He smiled and gave me a kiss.

"And the scar won't?" I cocked my eyebrow at him watching as he smiled.

"It will, of course it will, but I have been thinking about this for a long time now." He smiled

"Before the thought of having a scar?" I asked wondering just how long he had this thought,

"As I said a while, so what do you think?" He asked, I simply nodded and gave him a kiss.

* * *

**_So my lovelys please hit the review button for me._**

**_Jen x_**


	20. Chapter 20

_**AN/ Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter, It means a lot to see all the reviews come through and what you all think.**_

_**This chapter got beta'd by my hubby. I wanted to get this chapter up today and not being at work it would play on my mind. See how i think about my lovely readers? Oh yes my hubby loved checked this chapter out, i think I may have scared him for life, hahaha.**_

_**Anyway my Beta Ealasiad77 has got a new story up, its and Jasper and Edward one called Scares and Nightmares. Its a little dark but the first chapter is excellent please go check it out.**_

_**Anyway here is Chapter 20!**_

_**EPOV**_

We lay facing each other, just staring into each others eyes; neither of us had spoken a single word in over an hour. It wasn't as though there weren't things to say because there was, millions of words floated around my head; words I wanted to say, things I wanted to share, things I needed him to know but none of them came out. From my brain to my mouth the words got lost, they disappeared before I could voice them to him. I don't know if Jasper was having the same trouble or was just choosing not to talk, either way the silence was almost too painful that I didn't want to break it.

Our fingers touched, interlocking together, enjoying and remembering the feel of each other, as our hands lay in each others. Our fingers roamed each others face, taking in every smooth, bent and bump there was; running over cheekbones, across jaws and over lips, remembering the feel, cherishing the feel of each other. Cherishing the burning trail of fire that was left behind his touch, savouring it, enjoying it while it lasts. I swallowed hard as the emotions stuck in my throat; I blinked, wanting to rid the tears that wanted to come. I had promised myself I wouldn't cry, not right now, maybe later, but not now. The week had been a mess of sorting out things, going to scans and spending time with one another, our time alone just didn't seem enough.

_Flashback_

_Monday morning was always a mess of running late, I don't know if it was because over the weekend we had relaxed. Or if it was the fact that on a Monday morning everything seemed to go against us, but without a doubt we were always running late. _

_The alarm had failed to go off. Okay, I say failed, but it was more like we didn't set it the night before. Half an hour before Olivia was due to be at school my eyes opened, staring at the clock not really taking in the time for the first few couple of seconds before it hit me. Waking Jasper up and darting across the hall I found Olivia awake and watching cartoons, now why hadn't she woken us? She normally does. _

"_Bathroom, washed and dressed and downstairs pronto princess or we're going to be late." I switched the TV off and held her hand as she got out of bed. With Olivia now heading into the bathroom, I went back into our bedroom. Jasper was still lying there, smirking, he hadn't moved from the spot where I left him._

"_Are you getting up?" I asked pulling on a pair of jeans and T-Shirt, he rolled onto his back._

"_I don't know if you know, but I'm ill." He smirked at me folding his arms across the back of his head. I rolled my eyes._

"_Olivia, I don't hear water running." I shouted knowing full well that she would have just stood there looking in the mirror. I heard her giggle and the taps come on._

"_And don't just stand there looking at it." I looked back at Jasper. "If you're so ill then you can't come to the scan today, can you?" I cocked an eyebrow at him as he screwed his face up._

"_That's not fair." He grumbled out making me chuckle, he sat up in bed and stretched his arms._

"_Well, if you're too ill to get up then...." I trailed off leaving the bedroom with a smile on my face._

"_I'm up." I heard him call out as I went into the bathroom. Olivia stood there on the booster stool with a washcloth in her hand. I _leant_ against the wall watching her as she rubbed soap on it, her face full of concentration as she went, she looked at me and smiled._

"_Daddy do it?" She asked holding out the washcloth. I guess it would be quicker if I did it._

_After washing Olivia's face and brushing her teeth, I set about the wonderful task of trying to get her dressed. I prayed that this morning she wouldn't take it upon herself to start running over the house playing games. Thankfully she seemed to understand that we were running late. With Olivia now dressed we got downstairs; she drank her juice in record time and insisted she ate her toast in the car, which would mean crumbs in my car._

"_Ready?" I asked picking up her school bag. She wiped her mouth and nodded running over to Jasper for a cuddle._

"_Love you, daddy." She gave him a kiss and walked towards me, her hand out for me to take it._

"_Bye, Angel." I said picking up his car keys. Hah, like I was going to have crumbs in my car, Jasper didn't seem to mind the utter crap in his car._

_Dropping Olivia off at school I walked past Joanne, who took great pleasure in shooting me a dirty look. She had nothing else better do with her time, maybe she should use it better and maybe come into the current times. I gave Olivia a kiss and cuddle and watched as she disappeared into the playground to play with her friends. I watched her for a few moments before heading back home, as the scan was booked for eleven. _

_I couldn't wait to find out just what we were having. With Olivia I didn't want to know, I wanted the surprise of finding out the day she was born, but thanks to the technician who slipped up we found out that our little baby was a girl. It helped finding out really as we could plan her room better instead of taking random guesses and staying within __colours__ that wouldn't sway one way or the other. I was hoping for two boys. I wanted two little Jasper's, two little angels to go with our little princess. I wouldn't mind if I didn't get my way or half my way as long as they were both healthy. That was all that mattered._

_Jasper sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen staring at the wall. He had been doing this a lot lately, just spacing out for no reason, trapping himself in his mind. I knew he was worried about the operation. He was scared of me not making it through some sort of complication, no amount of telling him different would stop these thoughts. He had accepted that I was his donor although he wasn't too thrilled by the idea. I could understand his point of view, he was worried about both us having an operation when we had children to think of, and if it was the other way around I wouldn't want him to go through it. _

_I gently touched his shoulder bringing him out of whatever train of thought he was having. He shook his head slightly and looked at me with the most loving smile. His eyes were a pool of sparkling blue, full of love and devotion, his beautiful golden curls hanging down around his chin, and sweeping across his eyes. I smiled moving them out of his eyes so I could see them better, I placed a loving kiss on his lush red lips, feeling the fire set alight right where his lips met mine._

"_Shall we go and see our twins?" I asked him softly, seeing a new wave of love wash in his eyes at the sheer mention of our twins._

_We showered and changed and headed off to the hospital. Claire was already waiting outside for us, her baby bump even bigger then I possibly thought it could be. We hugged Claire, rubbing the bump and telling the twins we couldn't wait to meet them before heading inside. The thought that we would be arriving on Friday for a whole other reason never entered my head, and judging by Jasper's proud beaming smiling, the thought never came into his head either._

_We sat in the room as we had done before, watching as the technician poured the gel on Claire's stomach before running the wand over it. She turned the monitor to us and we saw our beautiful little twins on the screen. I had tears in my eyes seeing them, I couldn't wait to meet them, and I squeezed Jasper's hand tighter as we looked at them._

"_And are we finding out what sex they both are today?" The technician asked. We both just nodded our heads. I was unable to speak knowing I was seconds away from finding out what we were having._

"_Okay, give me a second, let me see if I can see for you." She moved the wand around Claire's large bump. "Baby number one is a boy." A boy! I was going to get my son. I was getting my wish of having a son. My mind filled with pictures of a little boy the double of Jasper, with the same blue eyes and blonde curly hair. _

_I was unaware that the tears were falling until I felt Jasper's hand wipe them away. "A son, babe." He whispered giving me a gentle kiss._

"_And baby number two is.......... from what I can see, a girl." Another daughter. I couldn't believe it; I was going to be a proud father to two beautiful daughters and a beautiful son. My heart swelled as the excitement rushed through me. I wanted to meet them now, I wanted them to be born right now so I could see them, hold them and have a cuddle with them. _

_I looked at Jasper as his tears now fell from his own his own eyes. We smiled and laughed slightly, seeing us both full of emotion at the sheer thought of a son and daughter. I couldn't be any happier than I was right now._

"_Congratulations, of course for our own backs we can't say for one hundred percent that they are a boy and girl. It's hardly ever wrong, but you never know." The technician printed out the new pictures for us that would join the others in a book. We both nodded in understanding that they could never be sure, but we were already taking it as red that we were having a boy and girl._

I opened my eyes and stroked Jasper's face. He smiled and his head turned into my touch. "I love you." I whispered to him, my voice shook slightly as my lip trembled

"I love you too, you'll be there won't you when I wake up?" He asked, our fingers locked together up against our chests.

"I'll be there, Angel. I promise." Our lips met moving perfectly with one another's, cherishing the feeling of his lips against mine.

"Are you scared?" His eyes carried so much fear in them.

"Truthfully?" I asked. He nodded. "Yeah, I'm scared, but I know it will be okay. I know we will be fine." Our foreheads rested against one another locked in a loving embrace.

_Flashback_

_Wednesday rolled round and my parents arrived to look after Olivia while we were in hospital. We had decided to use their stay to our advantage planning to go out tonight for a meal just the two of us and then spend the night in a hotel. It pained me to think of not spending tonight at home with Olivia, but we needed to be alone for a while, just the two of us._

_We waited until Olivia was asleep and tucked up in bed before we headed out. The taxi picked us up and headed to my choice of restaurant. Jasper had picked the hotel that we were staying in. As the taxi pulled up in the familiar grounds a rush of memories hit me._

"_I should have guessed you would pick here." Jasper said looking around the lake before his arms wrapped around my waist and gave me a kiss, I smiled._

"_Where else would I pick? This is the first place we came on our first date." I kissed just under his ear. "This is where we got married." I kissed down his neck making him shiver. "And this is the only place in the world I wanted us to come to tonight." I kissed his lips before taking his hand and leading him into the restaurant._

_The restaurant hadn't changed much, it had had a refit a few years ago, but other than that it was still the same as it was the first time we came here. A single rose lay across Jasper's setting waiting for him, at the same table we sat all those years ago._

"_The same table?" Jasper asked sitting down and smelling the rose._

"_The very same." I watched as he looked out of the window over the lake, the moonlight casting down creating a white light of ripples on the water._

"_It's still as beautiful; remember when we first came here?" He asked. I nodded, it wasn't something I was ever going to forget. "That was the very first time you called me your boyfriend. I remember being blown away by your sudden surprise." I chuckled._

"_The sudden surprise that I nearly didn't do." I smiled slightly. "You saved me back then, at a time in my life when I thought I didn't deserve anything but pain. I'm glad Tanya made me answer the ad, glad I came, glad I stayed and most of all, I'm glad I fell in love with you." I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it._

"_Me too." His loving smile hit his face once again, as we stayed locked in each others gaze._

_We ate and talked for a while, we spoke of pointless things, we spoke of our memories, we spoke about Olivia and the twins, and we spoke about the future and what it may hold. I loved our talks like this, when we could stay locked in our own world laughing and talking about everything and anything that came to mind. Jasper was more than my other half, more than just my husband, he was my best friend. There was never the single sight of embarrassment about what we talked about, our thoughts, our dreams. I never once felt silly or ashamed to admit to a thought I had had, or a dream I wanted to follow. Everything we ever did was completely relaxed with one another. We never forgot ourselves and made the time for each other, even when work and raising our child got in the way and distracted us. We always found the time to reconnect to one another and never lost sight of what we have and what we feel._

_It's so easy to fall into that trap, when you stop being that person you once were. You just become a father, a doctor and husband and you forget just who you are. It's a common thing that happens in a lot of marriages, you lose that draw that once brought you together. Love really is a battlefield and it's something you have to always keep working towards and fighting for. The moment you give up you lose it. Through all the highs we have had, we have had lows. Our life was far from perfect, but our love was. Our love never died, it only grew stronger, with everything that has been thrown at us, and we had pulled together and faced it as a solid unit, as one. And now just days away from major surgery, our bond is stronger than ever. We were closer than ever, and more in love than ever before._

"_Shall we?" Jasper asked snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked at my angel and smiled. He looked so happy right now, seeing the happiness on his face made me happy. Everything I ever did was just to keep that smile on his face._

"W_here are we going?" I asked as I paid the bill, handing over my credit card to the waiter. Jasper had picked the hotel and had given me no clue as to where or which one we were going to. He tapped his nose and smirked, like a child knowing a secret that you don't. I hated not knowing and he knew this, and used it to his advantage._

"_You'll see soon enough." He said linking our fingers together. We were standing so close together there wasn't a single bit of space between us._

_We got a taxi and headed to the hotel of Jasper's choosing. I was finding it hard to keep my hands to myself as they trailed up Jasper's thigh. His breathing hitched and he pushed my hand away, shooting me a look because we were in the back of the taxi. I smirked and saw it as more of a challenge. Jasper and his prudish ways when we were out and about, how many times had I broken his little act? I lost count. Never being one to give up at the first hurdle I tried again. My hand trailed slowly up his thigh as I kissed up his neck, hitting all his sweet sensitive spots that drove him crazy. He let out a soft moan, I smiled against his lips knowing I was winning._

"_Edward...... stop....... the taxi." He breathed breathlessly at me. I personally didn't care, in fact the thought of someone watching or being caught pushed me forward, turning me on even more._

_My fingers ghosted ever so slightly over his raging hard on that was trapped in his trousers. I knew I was pushing my luck but did it anyway. My fingers started to pull at the zipper of his trousers, his hand stopped me and he shot me another look, as if to warn me. I chuckled against the soft skin of his neck._

"_You won't get any if you carry on like this." He warned in my ear. I chuckled again and kissed him before moving away from his lips and to his ear._

"_Like you would deny me, you have always failed there, Angel. I don't even know why you bother to fight me on this." I was being cocky, and secretly I was sure that Jasper loved this game. Loved the slow teasing when we were out and about, driving him crazy with need and pushing him slowly towards euphoria._

_The taxi stopped and I paused my game while we got out and headed towards the hotel. I smiled seeing it, remembering the last time we were here. I watched as Jasper walked towards the main desk to get our room key. I stood by the lifts waiting for him to return to me. He walked across the hard white marbled floor towards me; a sexy smile graced his lips. He pressed the button for the lifts smiling._

"_You remember this place?" He asked looking around. Yes, I remembered it. I remembered standing here with bubbling Jasper on the eve of our wedding._

"_I do. I remember you crying and I remember us being pulled apart and pushed in to different lifts by our families." I smiled as Jasper blushed slightly._

"_I didn't want to be apart from you." He whispered to me as the lift doors opened. He hit the button to take us to our floor._

"_Me either." I murmured as the lift doors closed behind us. The moment they closed I attacked, pinning Jasper against the side of the lift. My lips crashed hard against his, our tongues battled with one _another's. _ My hands roamed like crazy over his body, pushing my erection against his making him moan._

_Jasper's hands slid down the back of my trousers grabbing hold of my ass tightly in his hands. He gasped slightly and smiled, cocking his eyebrow at me._

"_I forgot." I murmured against his neck._

"_You forgot?" He asked grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the lift and towards our door._

"_Yes." I replied innocently. "It's just another piece of clothing that gets in the way, the less items of clothing I have to remove the better." I pressed up against Jasper's backside as he scanned the room key._

"_You like?" He asked closing the door behind us. The room was amazing, but I wasn't that bothered. I only had one thing on my mind._

"_Gorgeous, but that bed will look better with you naked on it being fucked by me." As if it was all he needed to hear from me I found him attacking me, pulling towards the bed._

_Our hands worked together, undoing buttons on shirts and pushing them off shoulders. Our actions mirrored each others, kissing, licking and sucking the newly exposed skin. My lips __travelled__ down his neck, flicking my tongue against his racing pulse, tasting his skin and making me moan. My hands trailed down his muscled chest and over his abs feeling them contract and relax under my touch. I reached the waistband of his trousers and started to undo them. Our chests were pushed closely up against one another, loving the feeling of the heat that burned off our combined skin. Jasper pulled away from me, confusion washed over me until he smirked at me._

"_We may need this." He said opening the overnight bag that he had dropped off at some point today, and pulling out a small bottle of lube. He threw it on the bed before dropping his trousers and boxers._

_I bit my lip as a hiss of pleasure escaped. Seeing him standing there naked, in all his beautiful glory made me even harder. He laid down looking at me, his blue sparkly orbs full of love and hooded with lust. My eyes scanned over his perfection, drinking in the lush sight before me, taking in every hard muscle that covered his body under his soft skin. His finger beckoned me to him, I couldn't stop the moan that left my lips as I followed his command, removing my trousers as I went, releasing my hard member from its confines. _

_My lips met his just once before they __travelled__ down his body, worshiping him and loving him with my mouth and tongue. My tongue flicked over his right nipple making Jasper shudder with pleasure. I loved having him like this, shuddering and whimpering to my every touch, to my every kiss and lick. My tongue trailed down his chest and towards his navel. Jasper moaned and hissed in pleasure as I continued to pour my love for him all over him. My tongue swirled around and in his navel making him gasp._

_I placed soft wet kisses across his stomach towards his hip, avoiding where he wanted me to go the most. I bit his hip bone making him cry out in pleasure and pain. I resisted the urge to bite hard, to mark him. It wouldn't look that good going into surgery in two days time with teeth marks on your hip. _

"_Pl.... please." He whimpered out, his pleas making me smile. I moved my lips back across to his navel, I felt Jasper shiver as he anticipated what was coming next. My tongue swirled once again around his navel._

"_Please what, Jasper? What do you want?" I asked with my lips against his stomach. My hand trailed slowly up his inner thigh ghosting lightly over his balls before running back down. Jasper arched his back at me as if to answer me._

"_Tell me, what do you want?" I asked again as my nose ghosted over his shaft making him cry out with need._

"_Please..... please." I smirked and placed a kiss at the base of his shaft. His cock twitched and throbbed with desperate need for my attention._

"_Is this what you want?" I asked just before I licked up his shaft relishing in the taste and feel of his hot tight skin across my tongue._

"_YES!" He cried out loudly. My tongue trailed back up his shaft to the tip before swirling it around his head that was leaking with need. I was aware of my hips moving against the bed trying to create some friction. I was painfully hard and ready to move this forward, but I didn't want to rush it. I wanted to _savour_ and enjoy this feeling, it would be a while until we were both able to have sex again._

"_Mmmm." I murmured with my lips against his tip, making him shake with pleasure as the vibrations hit his sensitive head. "You taste so good." I purred out again against his head making his hips buck towards my mouth. I couldn't deny him anymore. My lips slowly slid down his aching member as my tongue caressed his hard skin. Jasper moaned loudly as his hands gripped into my hair._

_I bobbed up and down his length letting him hit the back of my throat. I moaned around him causing Jasper to buck his hips upwards and into my mouth. My hand searched the side of the bed looking for the lube, I was overrun with need. I needed him now. I flicked the lid of the lube and coated my fingers with it, my mouth and tongue still swirling around Jasper's over sensitive head. Slowly I circled his entrance with my finger._

"_Edward...." He panted breathlessly, our breathing was hard and ragged as our bodies ached with need, need to be loved and touched by one another, need to be connected as one. _

_Pushing two fingers into his tight warm hole I felt Jasper tighten around me before he breathed out and relaxed. I kissed up his stomach as I thrust my fingers in and out of him, getting him ready. Jasper soon started to move his hips. My lips met his as I pulled my fingers out of him, my eyes stared and locked into his as I coated myself with lube. The love I felt for him consumed every single inch of me, wanting him so badly to always be mine and forever be with me._

"_I love you." I whispered against his lips as I positioned myself at his entrance. His legs wrapped themselves tightly around me pushing his heels into my ass as I entered him._

_We both moaned at the sensation, the feeling of connecting again this way, becoming one. His warmth and tightness engulfed me, muscles creating the tight seal around my aching member as I pushed deeper and deeper into him not stopping until I got no further. I kissed his soft tender lips once before pulling myself up onto my forearms taking my weight off Jasper and being able to have more control._

_I moved slowly in and out of him, __savouring__ the feeling of being with the one I love. Jasper rocked his hips gently meeting my slow long thrusts. His arms ran along my shoulders and arms in a soft sensual loving way, our eyes stayed locked together as I drove deeper and deeper into him. _

"_God..... so.... yes." Jasper panted out as I hit his sweet spot deep inside of him. It became too much and the connection of our eyes were broken by Jasper's rolling into the back of his head. His back arched more and more with every thrust, desperately seeking more. My pace picked up a bit, hitting his sweet spot again and again. His cock was trapped between our bodies and leaking with need, as my thrusts became more urgent, more frantic with need of release. _"_Edward..." He breathed out as his cock twitched and throbbed between us. I slammed into him harder and faster feeling his release just moments away._

"_Cum for me." It was all it took as I slammed into him again hitting his sweet spot. Jasper screamed out in pleasure as his body went stiff, his cock pulsed between us and then erupted between us, covering us both in his hot creamy cum. His muscles contracted around me as his orgasm washed over him, which was all I needed to be pushed over the edge._

"_Jasper!" I cried throwing my head back and blowing my load deep within him. My body shook with the sheer power of my orgasm. I was fucking high, higher than I had ever been, consumed and wrapped in our love for one another in a euphoric bliss state of happiness. I collapsed on top of him, feeling his arms wrap tightly around me, holding me close to him, keeping us locked together._

_Slowly I pulled out of my love. I smiled as I looked at him, his eyes full of love, a wonderful glow spread across his face, with a goofy grin. I kissed his soft red lips that were now slightly swollen from my attacks before, the warm tingly feeling spread across my lips and over my face._

"_I love you, babe." He whispered, his voice shook slightly. I held his face in my hands, and the closer we got to the day the harder it was to keep our emotions in check. I pressed my forehead to his as his fingers rubbed the back of my hands._

"_I love you too, beautiful." I gave him a kiss before getting off the bed and heading to the overnight bag to get the wipes out. Taking some out I passed the packet to Jasper, to clean up before throwing them in the bin. I didn't return back to Jasper right away, instead I headed back to the overnight bag and removed a white envelop that I had placed in there. I handed it to Jasper, he took it from me and looked at it and then back to me._

"_Don't open it, it's just in case something happens. I wanted to leave you this." He shook his head and tried to pass it back to me._

"_You said it will be fine." He sounded so hurt; I sat on the bed and took his hands in mine._

"_And it will be, I have every faith that nothing is going to happen. I'm just making sure that I have left you something personal from me just in case. You won't need to open it Angel as nothing is going to happen, but please for me, just take it." I smiled weakly and watched as he nodded his head before giving me a kiss._

I felt his tears hit our hands and my chest; I pushed his face up with our hands to look at him. The sad big tears fell from his eyes slowly, like he couldn't stop them, they just came. I let go of his hand and wiped his tears away.

"Don't cry, Angel." I whispered kissing the tears away before they ran any further down his face.

"I can't help it, I'm so scared." He mumbled at me, his voice thick and full with fear. I hated it. Hated hearing him tell me he was scared, that he was worried about today.

"I know, but don't be scared. I'm right here, with you every single step of the way." I reassured him. He shook his head at me.

"You won't be there when I'm in surgery." He whispered out as he closed his eyes. I rubbed small gentle circles on his cheek until he looked at me again.

"I will be, Angel. I'll be here, right in here with you. I may not be physically there, but I will be locked in here with you, in your heart, beautiful." My hand rested against his beating heart. "And you'll be in here in with me." His hand slowly ran over my heart as his lip trembled.

"I'm going to miss not seeing Olivia every day." He whispered. This was the hardest part, knowing that when we woke up we wouldn't see our little girl for a few days until we were moved out of intensive care.

"Me too."

_**So the boys are having a girl and a boy! Aww how sweet, can't wait till they arrive.**_

_**As you can guess the next chapter is the transplant.**_

_**So my lovelys please hit thereview button for me.**_

_**Jen x**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**AN/ Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I can't believe I'm almost at 500 reviews, so again thank you very much.**_

**_A big thank you to my beta for doing her thing, No hubs didn't do this one again, I don't think he will do it again unless it's a must, hehe. Ah the look on his face was priceless tho._**

**_WARNING: You may cry with this chapter, so grab yourself some kleenex, a nice soft warm blanket, chocolate and throughs needed something a little stronger, get the hit flask out. Dont say I didn't warn you._**

**_Here's 21!_**

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_**JPOV**_

The morning was a blur. From leaving the safety of our bed to getting everything ready was a complete and utter blur. Today was the day I was both dreading and looking forward to. It marked the end of dialysis, it marked the end of restrictions, and it marked the start of a new life for me, for us. But it also meant that Edward was risking his life to give me one of his kidneys, the thought scared me deep into my very core. He was everything to me and yet I may never see him again.

I shook those thoughts from my head as I saw him walk into the living room carrying Olivia. The two of them together made my heart swell, two heads of bronze coppery hair next to one another. We had pulled Olivia out of school for today and yesterday thinking that we both wanted to spend as much time with her as we could before we had to leave. She was going to miss us as much as we were going to miss her. She had been so clingy the last few weeks, wanting to always be with us, be next to us and sleep in the same bed as us. She was scared about what may happen, and while we both were scared of that thought we had done our best to reassure Olivia that we both would be fine.

We had her out of school yesterday so we could spend it together as a family. We took her to the park, we went to the movies with her, we did everything we could to make her feel happy and loved. We played board games and even let her paint our nails before she asked if we could watch DVD's in bed. Those memories and the ones from our night out together will be with me when they put me under.

We had awakened at just after four this morning, carrying Olivia back to her own bed so we could be alone together for a little while. We both had cried and expressed our fears about today's operation; we had both comforted each other and covered one another in love, before finally accepting that we had to get up.

The surgery was booked for 1:00 pm and we were told to be there at 11:00 am, giving us two hours to be prepped for surgery and for them to answer any last minute questions we may have. I didn't have any. I just wanted it done and dusted so I could wake up and see Edward next to me. We had asked that we both be placed together in a room, wanting to be able to see the other one when we woke up. They had agreed to it, with ease. I was happy about that.

"Daddy." Olivia's little voice pulled me out of my thoughts. My eyes fell on her little red face, she had been crying on Edward's shoulder most of the morning.

"Come here, sweetheart." I picked her up and pulled her close to me, breathing in her wonderful scent. Her face pushed into the crook of my neck and it gave me a wonderful feeling of love, feeling her breath lashing my skin.

"Don't cry, baby girl. We'll be fine and you will see us in a few days." I whispered to her giving her a gentle kiss. It broke my heart to watch her cry like this, to see her pain. Surely this sort of pain was never supposed to be inflicted on a child?

The house seemed to be full of people, Edward's parents were here, along with mine, Emmett and Rose and baby Anthony. I don't think I spoke to anyone other than Edward and Olivia. I couldn't think of the words to say to my parents, or to Edward's. I was just stuck in my own little hell waiting to go. Time was ticking by so fast, like a weight that was getting heavier and heavier with each passing second.

I passed Olivia over to my mum and disappeared upstairs to Edward, he was putting the final bits into the overnight bag. An overnight bag? This is what the consultant had told us to pack, yet we were going to be in longer than a night, so why call it an overnight bag? Was it just to piss the poor people off who have to go in for a nice long stay? Bastards.

As I turned the corner towards our bedroom I remembered the letter Edward had given me, it had played on my mind over and over again, just what had he written in there? He told me that I couldn't open it at all, the only time I could is if something went wrong and he didn't make it. He had told me not to worry because I won't need to open that letter, but still the thought plagued my mind.

"You almost ready?" I asked him as I entered our bedroom. He turned and looked at me, a smile hit his full lips, his eyes almost shone at me, but I could see the worry in them.

"Almost, Angel. Are you?" He asked throwing the last few things in the bag. Edward would be home after a week whereas I was looking at ten days before I could leave. Edward had told me I may be out sooner than that, it just depended on how well my body reacted to the transplant.

"Yeah, well as ready as I'm ever going to be." I half smiled feeling like crap. We weren't allowed to eat or drink anything before the surgery , that was a real pain in the ass.

"It will be fine, Angel. I promise." He said wrapping his arms tightly around me giving me a kiss on the lips. "I'm right here with you, beautiful." His hand rested on my heart as we stared into each other's eyes.

"We should be off." Carlisle's voice broke us from our spell. We both looked at him and nodded, he headed back downstairs.

"You ready to have my kidney then?" Edward asked trying to lighten the mood between us.

"So you can always have a claim to me?" I asked. He smirked as his lips met mine again, the fire spread across my lips, sending a warm tingly feeling over me.

"Would it be wrong of me to say yes?" He asked stepping away from me and picking up his bag.

"Yes." I answered with a slight smirk on my face. He chuckled standing at the door waiting for me as I picked up my bag.

"Well then, yes." He gave me a kiss before we headed downstairs. Carlisle took our bags and placed them in the boot of the car.

Both our parents were coming with us, riding in two cars, our mums with us in one car and our dads in another. Emmett and Rose were staying behind with Olivia, saying they will come and see us when Carlisle and Esme get back. Olivia was standing near the front door, tears falling down her face. Thick hot salty tears streaked her beautiful face. Edward bent down to her and gave her a hug.

"Be a good girl, okay? I'll see you soon, Princess." He whispered in her ear holding her tightly to him. I could see his eyes already filling with his own tears.

"Daddy, no. Don't go, ease don't." She begged him gripping on his arm. He stroked her hair and smiled, his lips trembled slightly.

"Its okay, Princess, don't cry. I love you." He gave her a gentle kiss, and stood up, tears falling down his cheeks, his pain evident in his eyes. "I'll see you in the car." His voice croaked as he spoke to me. I nodded.

"No... daddy." Olivia cried after him as he walked towards the car. I bent down to Olivia who flung her arms around me sobbing.

"Shh, its okay, sweetheart. It's going to be fine." I soothed to her as she cried, her arms holding tightly around my neck.

"Don't go ease." She begged. I broke down hearing her beg for us to stay, but knowing I had to go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

"I have to, sweetheart. I have to go and get better, and you want me to get better, don't you?" I asked, she nodded her at me. "Okay, be a good girl and we will see you soon. It's just a couple of days, darlin', love you." I gave her a kiss as my tears fell. I pulled away from her knowing if I didn't go now I'd never leave.

"No!" Olivia cried as I walked towards the car. I could see Edward crying as I made my way towards him.

I turned to look at Olivia who was being cuddled by Emmett. I waved to her as I got in, I couldn't look at her again as my heart was breaking. Edward pulled me into his arms as I wept slightly on his shoulder, I could feel Edward's tears softly hitting the top of me head.

"She'll be fine, and so will you two. Once we get back tonight and tell her you're both awake and well, the tears will stop falling." My mother said. I nodded, unable to speak.

"I didn't think her begging would be this painful." Edward whispered.

We stayed locked together until we both calmed down enough, our hands stayed locked together as we sat in silence on the way to the hospital, stuck in our own thoughts.

All I could think about was Olivia crying, her begging for us to stay, for us not to go. I didn't want to leave her, it was bad enough the last time I was in hospital, but at least Edward was at home with her. But this time......this time were both in hospital, both of us away from her. I tried to focus on the fact that in two days time I should be able to see her, that is what I was aiming towards. If I could see her later tonight when I wake up that would be better, but I know that won't happen. At least Edward will be there when I wake up, he calls me his angel because of what I had done for him when we first met, but in reality he is mine.

He was giving me his kidney just so I could live my life better, so I would stay alive and not have to be stuck on dialysis every night for the rest of my life, no more restrictions on eating and drinking. I could have a normal life yet again, watching Olivia grow, along with the twins.

Our new baby boy and girl, I couldn't wait for them to arrive, with any luck I should be all well and back to normal by the time they arrive. We hadn't really discussed names; Edward had mentioned a few boy names but nothing that we both liked. I think we were waiting for us to be out of hospital and back to somewhat normal before we started thinking of names.

We pulled up to the same hospital we had been to just a few days before, both of us smiling and happy at the thought of seeing our twins, finding out the sex of what they were. It was hard to believe that was just a few days ago and now we were back here for a whole new reason, for something that scared the living hell out of me. I gripped Edward's hand tighter as the fear consumed me. I broke out into a cold sweat, and my heart was beating like crazy in my chest. The muscles in my neck under my mouth started to tighten as my mouth filled with water; I felt as through I was going to be sick.

"Relax, Angel. You're fine, you're safe, and this will be over in a few hours." He reassured me, rubbing small circles on the back of my hand. He smiled at me; I could see his own fear, his worry hiding in his eyes. I was thankful to him for hiding his own fear and worry and being strong for me.

Entering the room we were greeted by the top surgeon who would be performing the operation. I tried to take in what he was saying, but nothing was really sticking. I just kept thinking I want this over with. I want to find the fast forward button and fast forward to tonight when it will be over and done with. Why haven't we got one of those buttons?

We were left to change getting ready for the surgery. Edward and I chatted about things, pointless things, anything that didn't involve what was about to happen. Edward was going down to surgery just before me, which broke my heart knowing he wouldn't be here when I was I taken down.

The two hours we had before the surgery was due to start flew by. I wanted to go back to this morning, back being in bed with him, locked in our loving embrace, just the two of us. I wanted to go back to our day with Olivia, when we laughed and played around with our daughter. I wanted to rewind the clock and go back to a time when none of this was happening. When everything was just perfect, when we didn't have to face this nightmare that lay in front of us.

In no time at all the medical team arrived to take Edward down to surgery, the bed waiting for him to go and be cut open so he could give me a kidney. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at him.

"I love you so much." I whispered to him, hugging him tightly to me. "Don't go anywhere." I pleaded to him. His hand ran down the side of my face and along my jaw.

"I won't. I love you." The tears fell again from my eyes. "Stay with me." His whispered to me, before breaking apart from our embrace.

Before I could register what was happening Edward was wheeled down to surgery. Now I just had to wait, wait for them to come and get me to take me down there.

"Please keep him safe." I prayed almost silently. I wasn't one for praying, but right now I was willing to pray to anything just as long as he came out of there alive. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to him because he was giving me a kidney.

"Jasper, are you ready?" I nodded my head. Our families weren't anywhere near us. Much to their heartache and pain we had chosen to have it just us before we went down to surgery. I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing now.

They wheeled me down to surgery, the room was like I expected it to be, all silver and shining with a real hospital 'I'm that clean you could eat your dinner off' look. They injected me with things, I wasn't sure what. I had been told, but I hadn't been listening.

"Okay Jasper, count back from ten to one." The anaesthetist said, placing a mask over my mouth and nose.

"Ten..... nine..... eight......" And I was out.

I didn't know what to expect being put under, I wasn't sure if everything would be blank or if it would be like sleeping. The last time I was here I couldn't remember much. I remembered hearing Edward's voice, bits and pieces of things, like "love you" and "don't leave me" but other than that my mind was a blank.

I expected to wake up and feel pain, considering I was now sporting a nice long scar across my abdomen, but there wasn't any pain. I was highly drugged up to my eyeballs, and that was fine by me. I didn't want to be awake and feel the pain from where they had just cut me open, played around with my insides and sewn me up again.

My eyes felt really heavy as I tried to open them, flickering slightly and catching small sightings of the room around me. I knew our family was here. I couldn't hear them, but I could sense them, being there waiting for me to open my eyes. Was Edward awake yet? I wondered. He had gone down before me, so surely he would be awake by now, wouldn't he?

Things didn't seem right, I expected to hear the beeping noise of the heart monitor as it picked up my beats, but I heard nothing. The pain or discomfort I was told I would feel wasn't there. Something just didn't add up to me, no sound of machines, at all? Surely you would think you would be hooked up to all sorts of machines after coming out of major surgery?

I opened my eyes and took in the sight around me. My mother and father were there crying, I looked over and saw Carlisle crying hugging Esme.

"Jasper?" My mother's voice called to me. I looked at her red, puffy eyes as the tears fell. I noticed that Edward wasn't next to me, in the bed like he should have been.

"Whe...... where's...... Edward?" I croaked out, my voice all harsh from being under, my eyes were hurting looking at the bright lights above me. I tried to sit up a little bit more, but couldn't.

"Here, let me." My mother said, her voice full of pain and sorrow as she spoke. She hit a button on the side and top of the bed started to move up slowly for me. "That better?" She asked as she sniffed and wiped her eyes.

"Edward?" I asked again, my voice nothing more than a whisper. My throat was so dry and rough.

"Here." My father gave me a cup with some water in it. I took a few sips, still trying to work out why everything seemed to so unreal to me. And why were they avoiding my question?

"Edward?" I asked again, my voice slightly higher. I was getting pissed now. I could feel my blood boil. I had been out for four or five hours. I hadn't seen him since he was wheeled down to surgery. He wasn't next to me like he promised, and no one would tell me where my husband was.

"Son." My father started but stopped. I looked at his face, and I knew. I knew then without him saying anymore. My world crushed around me, my biggest fear had come true, I had lost Edward.

"No." I said shaking my head, unable to let the words into my head, to process them and take in the news.

"Son... please just listen." My father pleaded with me. I closed my eyes tightly shut, wishing I would wake up, this wasn't meant to happen. There were risks, but the doctors had assured us both that they were small considering we were both fit and healthy. Well me almost.

"No... Where is he?" I asked again. I saw the look on Esme's face, the sheer heartbreak written all over it from the pain of losing her only child.

"There were complications. They did all they could." My father told me. Complications? What sort of complications could have happened? He couldn't be..... this wasn't possible. We had a daughter, we had twins on the way, he couldn't, he wouldn't, he promised me.

A loud cry escaped my lips as my world broke in two. He was everything to me, the other half of me, the sole reason for my life. He was the air that I breathed, the sun I basked in, he was my everything. Without him I'm nothing. Nothing at all.

"Jasper." I heard my concerned mother's voice, but I continued to cry. I had lost half of me, my soul had been broken in half and gone. He made me whole, complete. In his arms was my home, he was more than just my husband, more than just my lover, he was the complete other half of me that made me, me. He was irreplaceable. I was dying inside.

"Complications?" I managed to get out between my sobs.

"He had a massive bleed, they did all they could to stop it, to save him, but it wasn't enough." My father told me. I looked at Esme and I could see so much of Edward in her. My eyes darted to his father, and I saw where Edward got his strong jaw line from, and his looks. He was the perfect balance of them both. It hurt just to look at them.

"He's in a safe place, Jasper. It was his time." I cried harder, thinking back to all the times he tried to end his life when James had passed. The times he spoke to me about the scars on his wrists that he had once hated people seeing. He had wanted to die before he met me, when he met me he still wanted to, but it never worked, fate always stepped in his path and stopped his actions. And now when he had so much to live for he was taken away.

"I.... I want to see him." I said. My father shook his head at me.

"Not yet, son. You have only just woken up, later when you have rested. Here." He placed the round platinum band in my hand. I didn't look at it, I couldn't. I wanted to be the one that removed it. I put it there, after all. My fingers gripped the band tightly as I cried blocking out everything around me, and thinking of our life together.

But I couldn't get the pictures right. I could see Edward clearly in my mind, it was fuzzy and out of sorts, his face was blurred. Why couldn't I see him in my mind? Everything I thought of was coming up blank the same as before, all fuzzy, the memories from our wedding day, our honeymoon, Olivia's birth, seeing the twins scan for the first time even his face before he went down to surgery everything was fuzzy. I tried to think of his voice, the words of 'I love you' or 'Angel' that I had heard so many times and could recall them with perfection were wrong. His voice didn't sound the same, it wasn't his musical voice I heard, but something so deep and disturbing. Even trying to hear his voice as my name falls from his lips in soft whispers as we made love was wrong.

I heard someone mention Olivia. Oh god, our daughter. How was I going to tell her that she would never see Edward again? He had promised her he would be back, that in a few days time she would see him. He had broken his promise to her.

"I'll tell her." I said listening to them as they argued over who should tell our daughter. They looked at me their faces shocked.

"Jasper..." My mother started.

"No... She is my daughter..... our daughter...... I will tell her." I closed my eyes thinking about her little face, how upset she had been when we left this morning, how she had begged. I felt awful, he died because of me, saving my life. I should have stood my ground with him and told him we would find someone else, instead of going along with this. At least then I would still have him.

"The bag..... there's a letter in there..... I want it." Suddenly remembering the letter Edward had given me. I could open it now; he said it was personal, from him. To leave me with something, I wanted that something now.

My mother passed me the white envelop that Edward had written just for me. I watched as they looked on wanting to know what the letter said. I carefully opened the envelop, not wanting to tear it, he had sealed it. It was the last thing I would ever get from him and I want to keep it safe and as it was.

I slowly pulled out the paper, noticing just how thick it was. There must have been three or four pages here all folded up. I opened them up slowly with trembling hands. I was confused when I saw the first page, it was blank. I flicked the second, and it was the same, so was the third and the fourth. All of them were blank. Not one word had been written.

I cried even harder, his something personal, something from him, was blank pages. It crushed me just that little bit more, breaking any little bits that were left standing after the first blow. He left me nothing in a note, in a letter. I blacked out unable to handle the pain I was in.

Slowly I came round. My eyes hadn't opened yet, but I could hear things, people talking together, two beeping machines going off just out of sync with each other, by a sheer fraction of a second. I felt the sore pain in my abdomen. It hurt slightly as I breathed, more a discomfort than anything else.

My eyes fluttered slightly before opening. I felt groggy and drugged, tired and sore. My eyes were heavy as I looked around the ceiling. The bright light hurt my eyes, and that's when I heard it. Harsh and rough and just above a whisper.

"Jasper."

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**_(Goes and hides behind the sofa.) Please hit the review button my lovely readers_**

**_Jen x_**


	22. Chapter 22

_**AN/ (Creeps from behind the sofa.) I left a lot of you wondering what was going on yesterday, sorry about that, but where would the fun have been? Thank you to everyone reviewed, I haven't gotten round to replying to them yet as I didn't want to give anything away, so now this chapter is up I will go back and reply to everyone.**_

**_Here's chapter 22!_**

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_**EPOV**_

My eyes flickered opened in the recovery room. I could feel the breathing mask on my face and pulled it off weakly. I felt groggy and slightly uncomfortable. I could hear my family around me along with a nurse removing the breathing mask. I turned my head to the side and I could see my Angel, lying there, the breathing mask still on him. His chest rose and fell with each breath he took, my heart swelled with pride and joy. I had such a great sense of satisfaction. Even though I was in slight discomfort and had a catheter fitted, I would do it all again just to give him a better life.

"Edward..... Are you all right, do you need some pain meds?" The nurse asked me. I shook my head. "Do you want some water?" I nodded my head.

"Can... Can I sit up, please?" I asked,. My eyes were so heavy, I felt so rough, worse then any hangover I had ever felt. This was more along the lines of being whacked by a wrecking ball.

"'Course you can." The nurse handed me a control so I could raise the top of the bed. The nurse passed me a cup of water,. I don't think I've ever drunk so fast in my life.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" My mother asked, stroking the side of my face. I smiled and rested my back on the pillow looking at Jasper.

"Sore, tired, drugged and happy." I mumbled out, my voice was harsh from being under for so long. "How did it go?" I asked looking at Jasper. I now just had to wait for him to wake up. I had been expected to wake first as I had gone down first, but part of me hoped he would be awake. I wanted to so badly to see his blue eyes looking at me.

"I'll get the surgeon." The nurse smiled at me and disappeared out the room.

"How long have we been back?" I shifted slightly and winced feeling some pain. I stopped moving, knowing they will expect me to at least be out of bed tonight and walk around tomorrow.

"You've been back almost an hour. Jasper arrived back about half an hour ago." I looked at Jasper's mum, her face covered in tears. They weren't sad tears, but happy ones.

"Edward..... Thank you... thank you for doing this." She squeezed my hand tightly. I smiled at her, there wasn't a single thing I wouldn't do for her son.

"You're welcome." Just then the door swung open and the surgeon entered. Dr. Madison walked towards me smiling.

"Ah good, you're awake. Jasper shouldn't be too far behind. Are you in any discomfort?" He asked looking over my vital signs.

"A little, but it's fine." I answered, my eyes wandering back to Jasper.

"He's fine, and so are you. The transplant went without a single hitch, and all being well Jasper won't reject the kidney and the both of you should make a fast recovery." He smiled.

"The catheter will be removed tomorrow morning, it's just a precaution your body has been through a lot today. We would like you to be out of bed later tonight, which I'm sure you already know." He said, the wide grin on his face showing just how pleased he was with the transplant.

"I'd like to be sitting next to Jasper, for when he wakes up?" I asked looking at him. I knew everything lay with Jasper's body either accepting or rejecting the kidney. I hoped and prayed he wouldn't reject it.

"Sure, we can set that up for you. But Edward, don't do too much. I'll be back when Jasper wakes up." With a flash of a smile he walked away.

"Has anyone spoke to Olivia?" I knew she would be worried about us, and I wanted to call her, to hear her voice and let her know we were all right.

"I spoke to her when you arrived back. She was a little upset, but seemed happier when I told her you were out and we were just waiting on Jasper." I smiled, bless her. I felt awful leaving her this morning, hearing her beg and plead with us not to go. It broke my heart that I had to, that I couldn't stay with her when she asked.

"Thanks, George." The nurse had set a chair up for me next to Jasper, all that was left for me to do was moving from the bed to the chair.

Slowly moving swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I winced slightly, it wasn't that painful just a little more than sore when I moved. My dad helped me up and over to the chair, my face screwed in pain and the heart monitor beeping like crazy as I moved. I relaxed once down in the chair and received another shot of pain medicine. Jasper looked so peaceful lying there, my beautiful angel had made it through the transplant. I felt like all our fears we had had beforehand were for nothing. I knew we had been worried for all the right reasons, but knowing now that we both came through it with no complications or hitches made those worries pointless.

I touched his hand, just his fingertips hoping he would know I was here, with him. The feelings that flowed through me were hard to explain. Knowing that if his body accepted the kidney that he would lead a better quality of life because of me, filled me with joy, pride, satisfaction, a great sense of accomplishment and love. I had given Jasper one of the greatest gifts in life. Knowing that he was going to live a normal life again, knowing that we won't have to live our life being surrounded by restrictions and dialysis machines was an amazing feel.

Jasper murmured a few times, almost as though he was in pain. His face screwed as he let out a slight cry, I wondered what he was dreaming about, what sort of things were running through his mind.

"Wake up, Angel." I whispered to him, gently rubbing his hand.

He continued to murmur a few times, his face screwing up every now and then, as we waited. The heart monitors were driving me crazy, the nurse wouldn't remove mine yet for some reason, which bugged me. So not only did I have to listen to mine, but to Jasper's as well. They were slightly out of sync with one another. I had to smile. We really were two halves of the same soul. Jasper's eyes flickered slightly, I watched and waited for him to open his eyes and look at me. I saw his eyes open, he blinked a few times looking at the ceiling. I smiled, overjoyed that he had woken up, that my angel was awake and back with me.

"Jasper." I whispered to him, my voice still harsh. His head turned to me, his eyes looked scared as he looked back at me, almost like he wasn't believing what he was seeing. His hand reached out to me, our fingers touched and slid in between each other's. The nurse removed Jasper's breathing mask and he smiled looking at me.

"Hi." He croaked out. It was the best sound in the world, even though it was rough and harsh and like sandpaper, but it was his voice. I smiled as the tears ran down my face. I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed them softly.

"Love you." I said holding his hand to my lips and kissing it again.

Jasper and I were checked over again by the doctors who seemed pleased with the progress we were both making. We were both tired but slowly getting better, the harshness had gone off our voice's along with the heart monitors. Jasper's new kidney had been checked over and they were pleased to see that it was already working which was a good sign, although it wasn't unusual for it to take a few days to start working right. So hearing the news that it was only a few hours after surgery was a good sign in his body accepting my kidney.

We had sent the family home, they had been here all day with us, we were both tired and dropping in and out of sleep for most of the time. We wanted them to go home and tell Olivia that we were all right and that we will speak to her tomorrow when we won't be so drugged up.

"Edward?" I heard Jasper's voice call as I lay in the bed next to him.

"Yes, Angel?" I turned my head to look him. "Are you all right?" I asked him wanting to know he wasn't in much pain.

"A little uncomfortable, but other than that I'm fine. You?" I smiled and nodded my head.

"Cloud nine, Angel." I answered my voice full of sleep.

"Thank you... for doing this for me. I can't think of the words to tell you." I heard his voice tremble slightly, I turned my head to see the soft tears roll down his cheeks.

"Jasper, I'm unbelievably happy right now. I didn't give much thought to how I would be after, but it's the best feeling in the world. Knowing you're going to be all right because of something I gave you. I can't describe it." I blew him a kiss. "Love you, Angel."

***********

The next few days went by with being made to walk around. I felt sorry for Jasper, he was having a harder time than me. Once I was up it didn't hurt that much, then again I had been cut on my back whereas Jasper had been cut on his abdomen. Watching him wince and moan as they made him do laps around the ward was painful to see. I hated seeing him in so much pain, seeing him argue with the nurses because it hurt. Unfortunately it was something he had to do. His body was accepting the kidney well even though for the rest of his life he will have to take anti-rejection drugs to make sure his body doesn't reject it. He was making amazing progress, and we were hopeful he would be out of hospital soon.

We hadn't seen Olivia yet, we were four days after the operation and hadn't seen our little girl. It was hard talking to her on the phone and not being able to see her. I was counting down the hours until I was discharged from here so I could see her. I was both happy and sad to be going home. Yes, I couldn't wait to be back at home and be with Olivia, but I hated that I was leaving and Jasper was staying.

"When will you bring Olivia in?" Jasper asked while I waited to be discharged. I sat on the side of his bed holding his hand.

"Tomorrow. I know she can't wait to see you." I smiled, he nodded his head and looked sad. I rubbed small circles on the back of his hand. "Don't be upset, a few more days Jasper and you will be out of here, back home and back to living your life, planning the arrival of our twins." I said to him. He nodded and looked at me.

"I know, but it's just so hard being away from her, being away from home." He answered, a single tear ran down his face, I wiped it away.

"The road is almost over. We have done the hard part, the risky part, it's smooth sailing from now on. I know it's hard, but just think, this time next week you will be home, with Olivia running around trying to paint your nails or finding the noisiest toy she can to play with just to drive you up the wall." He chuckled, his eyes sparkled and danced at me.

"Very true, I'll probably want this peace and quiet then." I laughed as the doctor arrived.

"All ready to be discharged, Edward?" He asked picking up my chart and flicking through it. "Mind if I take a look?" I nodded as he lifted the back of my T-shirt up, I winced slightly as he poked and prodded around the scar.

"It's healing nicely. Okay, I believe the nurse picked up your meds?" He asked placing my chart back down.

"She did." I answered my eyes not leaving Jasper's. I gave him a wink and he smiled.

"Good. Well, finish the course and if there are any......" I cut him off.

"Come back and see you. I know the drill." He chuckled and rested his hand on my shoulder.

"Of course you do. I hear they're missing you down at A&E, but I have heard that you're taking six months off, because of little feet arriving?" He asked. I smiled and nodded.

"Yes, they're due in three and a half weeks time, and I'm sure they're missing me. I'm not missing the early starts." I chuckled out, six months of no work, no coming in and having to deal with time wasters.

"Well, congratulations to you both. I'm sure I'll see you around when you pop by to see Jasper. Whenever you're ready to leave you're now free to do so." He wandered over to Jasper's bedside and picked up his chart.

"Ah Jasper, it seems all is going well, your body is accepting Edward's kidney nicely. How are you feeling with the drugs? Any side affects?" I looked between Jasper and then to the doctor.

"Yeah. All right, a little sick sometimes, but it's not half as bad as it was when I was on the other drugs before the transplant." Jasper answered. I looked at him questionably, he rolled his eyes at me, and I mouthed 'sorry' to him. I was just making sure he wasn't hiding anything.

"Good, much pain?" He asked. Jasper looked at him as though he was taking the piss, I suppressed the chuckle that wanted to come out.

"Some when I move and loads when the woman from hell makes me walk laps." He grumbled out. I chuckled slightly seeing him acting like a child being made to do something he doesn't want to. The doctor chuckled.

"Well, it will get better. I'm sure it won't be long until I'm here to discharge you." He smiled at Jasper.

"No chance of getting out today then?" The doctor shook his head. "Thought so." The doctor smiled and left us alone.

"Soon. This time last week we were waiting for this to be done, look how fast it's gone." I tried to make him feel better, but it wasn't working, he tilted his head away from me. "Angel?" He turned and looked at me, tears running down his face.

"I just want to go home. I want to be with you and our daughter, not stuck in here watching the clock tick by, waiting for when you will come and when you will go again. I just want to go home." He sobbed. "It won't be over for me until I get to leave here." I wiped his tears away, and gave him a kiss, relishing in the feel of his soft plump lips against mine.

"I know you do, and you will. Just a few more days and you will be out of here. I can't wait for you to come home. Angel, please don't cry. Tomorrow you will see Olivia, I'll bring her in and you can spend all day with her." He smiled weakly at me.

"Tell her I love her, won't you? When you see her." I smiled at him, and nodded my head.

"Of course I will, and I'll read her a bedtime story that's just from you." I stroked his cheek knowing my dad would be here soon enough to get me. I was torn between wanting to stay here with Jasper as long as I can or going and seeing Olivia.

"What was in that letter you wrote me? You know before I actually woke up I dreamt that I woke up and you were dead, some complication or something during the surgery and when I opened it the letter was blank." I looked at him, this was the first time he had mentioned this to me. So this was why he was murmuring and crying before he woke up. I did wonder and I wanted to bring it up, but figured if he could remember he would tell me.

"It's not blank. I just wrote how I feel about you, what you mean to me, what you have done for me in the years I've been with you. What I hope for, I dream for, and just how amazing you are. I wrote about Olivia and our twins, what I hope for them in the future. I wrote that if you were reading this then I wanted you to find love again and not let go of life, because you're far too amazing to not too." The tears ran down his face, I wiped them away with my thumbs holding his face in my hands. "But none of that matters now as I'm here." I gave him a kiss.

"Would you mind if I read it?" He asked, his hands laying over mine.

"No, there is nothing in there that I wouldn't say to you or that I haven't already said before." The door opened and we turned to see my dad standing there.

"There is one excited little girl waiting for you to get home, and is already counting down until Jasper gets home." We both smiled.

"Has she been good?" Jasper asked as my dad sat down for five minutes.

"As good as gold. She has been a pleasure to look after, she is turning a wonderful young lady." He smiled. "By the way I parked in your spot." I rolled my eyes at him, he flashed a grin. "Well it does say Dr. Cullen on it, it doesn't say which one, does it?"

"No, it doesn't." I gave Jasper a kiss and pressed my forehead to his. "See you tomorrow, Angel." I whispered to him.

"You better." He warned making me chuckle. "Love you, babe"

"Love you too." I parted from Jasper as my dad picked up my bag.

Walking away from him was hard, knowing that I was allowed to go home now but Jasper had to stay. It somehow didn't seem right that we both had the operation on the same day yet I could go before him.

I looked back at him lying on the bed as I walked through the door, I mouthed 'I love you' and blew him a kiss before the door closed behind me. The tears slowly ran down my face as I walked through the corridor towards the exit, my dad placed his arm over my shoulder.

"You'll see him tomorrow and he'll soon be out. Edward, you have done an amazing thing doing this for Jasper. I hope you are proud of this." I could hear just how proud he was of me in his voice.

"I am." And I was. All I wanted to do now was see Olivia, to be able to give her a cuddle and a kiss.

The first time we spoke to her on the phone was an emotional one. She cried because we were all right and we were still alive and she cried because she missed us and wanted us to come home and be with her. Sitting myself in the car hurt slightly. I was healing nicely, but the scar and surrounding area was still a little tender and sitting down hurt slightly until I got comfortable. The nurse had been kind enough to tell me that this time next week all the tenderness should have all but gone but may hurt if I press the area. Yeah, because I really see myself doing that.

I didn't speak much to my dad on the ride home, my thoughts had moved to Olivia and seeing her little face, it had been too long since I saw her. It was strange that when we went away for the night or the weekend I missed her, but it wasn't like how I missed her now. It wasn't a gut wrenching pain that I felt before, but this time it was. I think it had more to do with the fact that beforehand we had chosen to go away and leave Olivia whereas this one was more we had too, rather than choice.

As the car pulled into the drive and came to a stop I saw my mum open the door, Olivia on her hip smiling and waving at me. I saw my mum whisper something to her as I got out the car.

"Daddy." She screamed at me as I got to her. Her arms went around my neck tightly as her legs stayed around my mother's waist. I rubbed her back and kissed the top of her hair.

"Hello, Princess, missed you." I whispered to her. She gave me a kiss, her little eyes filling with tears.

"Missed you, love you." I smiled at her and wiped her tears away.

"Love you too, Princess." I pulled apart from her and headed into the house and into the living room.

I sat down slowly Olivia's concerned little face watching me intently. I smiled softly at her and opened my arms as she ran to me. She pulled herself up on to my lap, her head resting against my chest. I breathed in her scent, her hair had been washed this morning judging by the smell of it. I had missed her so much, missed our little cuddles and talks.

"How's daddy?" She asked me, her little hands gripping onto my T-shirt as if she thought if she let go I would disappear again.

"He's fine, a little sore like me, and he is missing you and has told me to tell you he loves you." She looked up at me and smiled.

"Me see him tomorrow?" She asked. I smiled at her and brushed her hair off her face.

"Yes, you will, Princess. Do you want to stay with me tonight?" She nodded her head at me. I didn't fancy being in bed on my own.

The rest of the day passed by, Olivia wouldn't leave me alone the whole afternoon, following me wherever I went. She spoke about how much she missed Jasper and how happy she was to have me home and how she couldn't wait until Jasper got out, and she mentioned the twins and how she couldn't wait for them to arrive. I soon felt tired which was a drawback from the operation. I was told that it would pass soon enough once the recovery period was over.

"Will daddy be better now?" She asked as we climbed into bed.

"Yes, he's all better now." I gave her a kiss. "Goodnight, Princess."

"Night, daddy. Love you." Her little hand rested on my arm as I fell asleep.

* * *

**_See I didn't kill Edward, It was all a bad dream for Jasper, I think I wrote it well making it seem real but little things just out of place. Hehe_**

**_So the boys came out alright and Edward is now home, Jasper won't be far behind now and then we will be looking at the twins arriving which really will be the end of this story. :( _**

**_Please hit the review button my lovelys, Jen x_**


	23. Chapter 23

_**AN/ Thank you for all the wonderful reviews for the last chapter, I'm glad you all liked it.**_

**_Thank you to my beta for doing her thing, your a star hun._**

**_Ok you might cryy in this chapter, I know i sobbed when i wrote a bit of this at work yesterday._**

**_Here's 23!_**

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_**JPOV**_

"For the love of god woman will you stop poking my scar!" I screamed at the nurse as she changed the dressing around it. The bruising was still there, not as bad as it was when it was first done, but I was still a little sensitive around that area. It had been ten days since the operation, ten long days of being stuck in this god forsaken place, but today I was finally, finally getting out.

"Mr. Cullen, I have to change the dressing. If i don't it will get infected, you don't want that, do you?" She barked at me. "You want to go home today, don't you? They won't let you go if it's not changed." I fucking hated this woman, she was the fucking devil in female form. _BITCH!_

"You do know I'm married to a doctor, right? I'm sure he can change the god damn dressing and not hurt me the way you're doing." I winced again as she pressed the dressing a little harder.

"Yes.... Dr. Cullen, such a shame he's gay." _Like he would go near you if he were straight, bitch. _

"It's not a shame, because if he wasn't he wouldn't be mine." I smirked and then winced as she added a final hard press. I glared at her, the bitch was doing this on purpose.

"Just like I said, it's a shame." She flashed a sickening smile at me and walked off. _Bitch._

The transplant had gone so well, my body wasn't rejecting it, it had started working right away, giving me my life back. No more fucking dialysis! The pain was worth it, the taking the handfull's of tablets every day was worth it; worth all the worrying I had done, all the temper fits I had thrown, all the tears I had shed, all of it was worth it.

I felt a new bond with Edward, one that I hadn't felt before. We had always been close and through all of this we had grown closer to one another, but this bond......what I felt now was so different. I knew it was down to the kidney I now had, the kidney that had come from Edward. It was a strange feeling to think I had one of his organs in me, working for me inside my body. The bond was something that I couldn't explain, it was like some higher level, one that I never knew existed, some out of space connection, that was intense and so powerfully strong. I don't think I've felt more of the same person with him than I do now. With every fear I had over him risking his life, I was pleased that it was him, that he had been the one to give me that kidney. It seems wrong to say this, but he had proven just how much he loves me and how far he is willing to go just to save me.

Part of me wonders if this, this gift he gave me, was to keep me alive. He's fixed that small part of him that was still broken after James' death. If he was so determind to do this, to save me because he couldn't save James all those years ago. It's something I never ask him, never ask if he had a hidden reason behind this, other than just saving me. I knew that he had suffered from his nightmares after I was told that I had kidney failure, and they stepped up even more when I was told that my kidneys had failed and needed a transplant. I knew it scared him to his core, and thoughts of him not being able to save James had come back to the front of his mind.

Him giving me this kidney, I could never be able to say thank you enough. In fact, thank you didn't cover the gratitude I felt towards for doing this. Because of what he had done I was now able to see our daughter grow up, get married and everything else. Because of what he had done I will be fit and healthy when our beautiful twins arrive. I had my life back. I could see and do all the things I wanted to do. Furthermore, Edward would get his wish of us growing old together, sitting out on the decking watching our grandchildren play. I wondered if we would still be as deeply in love then as we are now. If that fire burning passion and need would still be there in forty some years from now. Would we still look at each other with that love and devotion filled eyes?

I had been told that they kidney could last twenty years or more. There were more and more people walking round that had a transplant some twenty or more years. One person was reported to have had the same kidney for thirty years and it was still going strong, it just depended on how well it took. What you did, how well you treated your new kidney and of course luck. I was told that I didn't have the restrictions any more, that I could eat what I wanted, drink what I wanted, I just needed to watch my intake of certain things. There was nothing wrong in eating the things I had been banned from as long as I didn't eat them all the time. It was a weight off my mind. We did tend to eat healthy, watching the intake of fatty foods, making sure Olivia was eating a healthy balanced diet. She had fast food, but not often. It was a treat when she got it, as it should be.

I was told that light exerise was okay for the time-being, walking was a good thing to start off with and as I healed I was told I could do more and more. I was told I would have to wait six weeks before my normal activities could return, so basically no sex for six long god damn weeks. Well I was two down, four more to go. I craved his touch something awful, craved to feel his body laying next to mine. I needed him badly, needed to reconnect to him that way. Most of all I needed to be surround by his love, locked in a loving embrace curled up together in bed.

We had close onto six months together. By the time we would be fully healed our twins would arrive, one little boy and one little girl, or so they thought. Edward had wanted two boys, he wanted to see two little mes running around. Olivia was the almost double of Edward, minus her eyes, which were a bright blue. I wondered if the twins eyes would be green, if we would be that lucky to have something as small as their colour reflect Edward.

So now I sat and waited, waited to be collected by Edward or whoever. I just wanted to get out of here and the wait was killing me. I wanted to hurry up and be home, the last two weeks have killed me, and I have been nothing short of being grumpy. I hadn't meant to be grumpy when people came to see me, it was just hard, watching as they left. They got to go home, sit in their own living room, be surrounded by their family and sleep in their own bed next to their loved one's, me? I got to stay here in this..... for what I can only describe as hell. It wasn't bad really, the food sucked, the beds were okay and TV was shit, it just wasn't home. It didn't have Olivia running around or her curling up to me after she has had a bath to watch TV with me. There was no Edward giving me loving kisses and setting my skin on fire with the simplest of touches. There wasn't his breath on my skin as we slept in bed together, it just wasn't home.

The letter that he had wrote me I hadn't read yet. He had told me what was in there, told me that I could read it if I wanted to, but I still hadn't gotten around to reading it yet. I wanted to read it, but I was scared at what I might find inside the letter. No maybe scared wasn't the right word, apperhensive was a little more like it. He had written from the heart, pouring his love for me into the letter. I knew it would make me cry.

Slowly I pulled the letter out of my bag, and ran my fingers slowly over the crisp edges and the sharp corners, letting my fingertips graze gently over his wonderful script handwriting which sported my name. I turned the paper envelop over with shaking hands. I didn't really know why my hands were shaking so much, it wasn't as though he was dead and I was reading his last letter to me. He was alive, but I think that was what was making me nervous. He had written this thinking I would be reading it if he didn't make it out, that I would be reading this if he had died and gone to the afterlife. I could already feel the tears start to sting my eyes and I hadn't even opened it yet. Carefully I peeled the envelop open and slowly pulled the carefully folded letter out, taking my time to look at the folds. It felt strangely releasing, refreshing. Steadying my hands I slowly opened the folds of the crisp white paper.

_Jasper_

_If you are reading this then I either didn't make it__, or I did and you're just wanting to have a look._ _Trying to find the words to tell you just what you mean to__ me__ is hard. I don't think there are enough words to tell you just how much you mean to me and how amazing you really are._

_I have no shame in telling you that when I met you I was in a bad place__ and was looking for nothing than to drown in my own self- pity of hell. I certainly wasn't looking for love, wasn't looking for a relationship or anything. I was hurting over what had happened to Jam__e__s and I truly believed that I didn't deserve love or happiness, that I didn't deserve that warm fuzzy feeling I got whenever your skin touched mine._

_I couldn't deny the fee__lings I felt, the electric current that ran through me when my skin brushed against yours. Slowly you reached me, you were there for me when I needed you, you talked to me and listened to me, surrounded me and covered me in a blanket of your love._

_I fell in love with you. __I faced my fears with you by my side, you were my rock when I needed that support, you were my angel when I needed help to move. You helped me and encoraged me to relax, __not__ to be ashamed of hitting rock bottom and needing help to get back up. You were there pushing me forward when I needed it. You were my sole reason to get better, my sole reason to go back to work, my sole reason to stop taking anti-depressants__, my sole reason to live__. I got better for you, for us, because I wanted to be the man you deserved to have._

_I hope I didn't fail there._

_The day I married you, you made me complete. __Your my best friend, my husband, my lover, the other half of me. Two halves of the same whole._

_You are the most amazing man I've ever met, your courage shines through, your love __a__nd comfort surround__s__ everyone that is in your life. You're the most loving person I've ever met._

_I truly hope and pra__y that I have been the rock and support system you were to me when I faced my own hell. I hope I have loved and supported you and never made you feel alone through any of this._

_I'm always by your side, even if you can__'t see me. I'm always with you, you carry my heart, Angel. It's always been yours and it always will be._

_If I'm not lucky enough to make it out of this__, then I want you to know I will be waiting for you and looking over you. Please do not try to follow me, even though I would follow you. I ask you not to do the same. I want you to find love again, as much as that thought pains me. I don't want you to be alone. You're too wonderful, too amazing to be on your own and if I have left you, my Angel, I pray you will find someone else._

_Olivia, our beautiful daughter who I love dearly, please d__on't let her be too sad over me. Tell her how much I love her and I will always watch over her. That I hope she follows her dreams and for her to know I'm so proud of her and everything she does. I hope she meets and marries someone as wonderful as you are. If she could find the love I have found with you then she will be a very happy woman. I hope I see the day she marries, I hope I see the day she gives us grandchildren, but if I don't then let her know I will be there, with her._

_Our beautiful twins who have yet to met us.__ It hurts to think I may never ever met them, but if I don't please tell them about me. Tell them I love them even though I haven't met them. Tell them I will always watch over them as I will you and Olivia._

_I know they will be beautiful when they arrive, and how could they not be?__ They came from you, my beautiful, angelic Dancing Queen._

_I know you will be crying as you read this, and I'm hoping I will be __there to kiss those tears away as they fall. I'm hoping this won't be the last thing I ever leave you, but if it is then know I love you more than my own life, with every fibre of my being I love you._

_So beautiful__, if I have passed, know I will see when you join me, but not until i'st your time and I will find you again in my next life._

_Love you forever__, Angel._

_Edward x._

The tears fell down my face as I carefully folded the paper again and placed it in the envelope. It had made me cry and brought me pain and he wasn't even dead, he was still with me. How would I have felt if he was actually dead? I shuddered pushing the thought away from me. I needed to stop thinking about that. He had surived. I had surived. Everything was going to be okay now, things would be fine, things would be better than ever.

"You ready to go, Angel?" The sound of his musical voice hit my ears. I turned my head slowly to see him standing there smiling at me. His breathtaking smile set me alight on the inside, radiating love from him. I smiled weakly through my tears as he walked towards me and took the envelope off my hands. His fingers slipped between mine. He softly kissed me, his soft lips meeting mine as the sparks flew off us.

"Are you ready to come home and see Olivia?" I chuckled and smiled brightly nodding my head. "Well then, let's go." He stood up and held his hand out for me, my fingers linked through his. I picked up the letter with my free hand as Edward grabbed my bag.

"Are you sure you can carry that?" I asked. Edward rolled his eyes at me.

"Angel, it hardly hurts now. I'm fine. As I told you before my cut is different from yours." I smiled and rested my head against his shoulder for a second as he kissed my head. We just so happened to pass the fucking she devil as we walked the corridor. I watched her give me the evil eye, so I did the more mature thing that everyone does in these types of situations, I stuck my tongue out at her.

"What are you doing?" He chuckled out. I shrugged making him chuckle more. "No wonder Olivia does it so much, with you doing it every five minutes." He chuckled at me smiling.

"Well I don't know what you're talking about. Are you sure those meds haven't done some brain damage?" I asked smirking at him.

"Ha ha." I was filled with so much love and joy walking out of the hospital being playful with Edward. I had feared so much that I wouldn't get to this again. I had realised just what a wonderful gift life is. What a wonderful gift love is, two things I'll never take for granted.

***********

"Daddy!" Olivia cried running towards me as we walked into the house. Her beautiful little face lighting up at me, how I had missed her face, her voice, her hugs and love. She clung to my leg making me and Edward chuckle. I stroked her hair, I really wanted to pick her up, but I knew I couldn't. I knew bending would hurt me and picking her up would leave me screaming in pain. I had to be careful while I was still so tender.

"Hi sweetheart, shall we go sit down and you can give me a cuddle." She nodded and let go of my leg and held my hand instead. Her other hand held my wrist as we walked into the living room. Carlisle and Esme were there, along with my parents.

As I sat down and said my hello's, answered the hunderd questions of am I feeling all right, in any pain, that sort of thing, Olivia gently climbed on to my lap and lent against me for a cuddle. I was amazed by just how gentle she was being around my abdomen choosing to lie against the side where I was okay and hadn't been cut. Her little body curled up into mine. I was in my own little heaven, feeling her little fingers grip onto me, not wanting to let me go. I smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"Missed you, baby girl. Love you." I whispered against the top of her head, she turned her head and looked at me.

"Missed you too, love you." She gave me a little kiss and rested her head back on me. I was so pleased that this was all over, that we wouldn't have to put her through this. Walking away and hearing her beg was painful, it made me realise just what we were putting her through.

As much as I loved seeing our family, I wanted them to go. My parents to go back home, Edward's to disappear for a while, it wasn't as though I didn't appreciate them being here, because I did. I was very grateful of Edward's parents having been here looking after Olivia while we were in hospital. Grateful that they had stayed for the past week while Edward settled back in at home, but I craved alone time with my family in my own home. I craved it more than anything right now. I just wanted to be with Edward and Olivia and not have everyone here right now. It all just felt too much right now, too overbearing. If this was only tomorrow after I have been back for a night, back in my own home, with my family, but I knew Icouldn't ask them to hurry up and go. Edward's parents were set to stay a few more days yet, and my parents had been worried about me, going through this operation. I could understand their concern as a parent, understand them waiting to spend some time with me now. I had come out of hospital. But still I wished they would go, just for a while and let me spend sometime alone with my family.

"Son?" I was shook slightly, waking me up from my sleep. I blinked a few times, looking around before my eyes fell on my father.

"Sorry..... How long have I been asleep for?" I asked pulling myself up slowly so I didn't hurt myself. My father smiled at me and patted me on my shoulder.

"About two hours. It's okay, no one sleeps well in hospital and you can never fully relax there. I just wanted to let you know that me and your mother are off. We'll pop by tomorrow afternoon, okay?" He asked as I stood up and stretched slightly. I ran my fingers through my hair roughly almost shaking it in an attempt to wake me up.

"Okay... Um, where's Olivia?" I asked thinking the last time I had seen her she was on my lap.

"In bed, Edward put her down about half an hour ago. She couldn't keep her eyes open." He smiled at me as my heart plummeted. I had wanted to put Olivia to bed tonight. I walked into the kitchen seeing Edward leaning slightly over the breakfast bar, his elbows resting on the top. He turned his to me and smiled as I walked towards him.

His arm went around my waist pulling me closer to him as my skin set alight, he pushed his face into my neck kissing me softly and making me shiver. He inhaled deeply and I felt his lips smile against my skin.

"Love you, Angel." He whispered. His hand caressed the base of my back, drawing soft circles on my skin. Oh, how I had missed his small intimate touches. I turned my head as he lifted his face from my neck. Our lips touched briefly, in a small gentle kiss, enough to set my lips all tingly.

"Aw, I think the boys want some alone time." My mother announced moving towards me and giving me a hug.

"Bye, Mum, Dad." I mumbled, as I saw Carlisle smirk. Esme caught him and slapped his arm playfully.

My parents slowly left after spending a whole twenty minutes at the front door talking to Carlisle and Esme about...... well nothing. It amazed me how they could spend so long saying goodbye. I didn't even spend this long saying goodbye to Edward.

I got bored of waiting for them to go and wandered upstairs. Instinctively I headed to our bedroom, but froze at the door. There was something about going in there that scared me, that made me stop and think about all that had happened. The last time I had been in our bedroom was the morning before the surgery. I still remember seeing the dialysis machine sitting there in the corner of our bedroom, near the bed, near my side of the bed. I wondered if I had had my last dose on it the day I left. And now I wondered if it was still there. Surely it had been moved by now? Wouldn't it?

I turned and headed toward the new nursery. I opened the door slowly and stepped in. The room was full of cardboard boxes, waiting to be unpacked and put together. Test paints covered the bits of the wall for us to decide what colours we wanted. We still had to go and buy cribs for them; it was something we said we wait to do until after the operation before we brought them home. Seeing the room as it was right now it was hard to believe that in a few months time they would be here, that this would be their bedroom. I smiled thinking about seeing them sleeping in their cribs, it wouldn't be long now until I would be seeing them.

Turning and leaving the room, I headed into Olivia's room. Gently pushing her door open I looked at our sleeping angel. My heart swelled walking towards her; she was the picture of perfection in my eyes. We had been blessed with a beautiful little girl, and she had handled it all so well. Even when she came to see me in hospital she was amazing, she wasn't scared when she came. Thankfully most things had been removed and they were just keeping me there monitoring how my new kidney was working. She cried when she saw me, wanting me to come home with her and Edward, wanting us to both be home. She couldn't understand why Edward was out and I was still in there.

I stroked her hair and smiled, listening to her breathing as she slept. On my knees I slowly lent forward and kissed her forehead. Her little eyes fluttered open all clouded, she smiled and touched my face.

"Love you, Daddy." Her little voice was nothing more than a whisper. I smiled at her as her eyes started to close again. I doubted she was really awake and wouldn't remember waking up in the morning.

"Love you too." I gave her a gentle kiss as she rolled over on to her side. I stood slowly and made my way out of her room. Closing the door behind me I turned to see Edward standing next to our bedroom door, a light smile on his lips as I walked towards him.

"Your parents have gone and mine are entertaining themselves with a DVD downstairs, so we have some alone time, Angel." He grabbed my hand and opened the bedroom door pulling my arm. I pulled back not wanting to go in case that machine was still there.

"What's wrong?" He asked as concern spread across his face. I screwed my face up and shook my head.

"Is it still there?" I asked watching as he chuckled slightly at me, and shook his head. I released a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Take a look, Angel." He whispered in my ear.

He stood back away from the door as I walked towards it. I opened the door slowly to see the room covered in candles, and a large bunch of red roses lay on the bed. Not a single trace of the dialysis machine in sight, it was like it had never been in there. My eyes filled slowly with tears, as I turned to Edward.

"Welcome home, Angel." He gave me a kiss on the lips, sensual and passionate, but slow and gentle. All too soon I needed air and pulled away from his lips.

"Babe.... thank you." I managed to choke out as the tears fell down my face.

"You're welcome. I wanted us to relax together and have some alone time." He walked towards the bed and sat down waiting for me. I followed a few seconds after him picking up the roses and smelling them, they were beautiful. It never stopped to amaze me how romantic Edward was. His little gestures set my heart racing, consuming with love and reminding of just how lucky I was to have him.

"Can I see it?" I asked. He smirked at me and cocked his eyebrow.

"You know that's off limits for the next few weeks." He smirked out. I rolled my eyes at him.

"I meant the scar." I replied shifting slightly on the bed to get more comfortable.

"Sure, only if I can see yours." I nodded as he pulled his T-shirt off and laid on his front, showing me the neat red line on his lower back. I gently touched it, lightly ghosting my fingers over it.

"Does it hurt still?" I asked, my eyes fixed on the scar.

"Not really, no. If you press against it, then yeah it hurts a bit, or if I turn too sharply. Other than that it doesn't hurt, it's healing nicely, the bruising has almost gone. Give it a week and it will be loads better." He replied, sighing contentedly as my fingers touched his scar and the skin around it.

"Does it bother you? The scar, I mean." I asked as he slowly turned over on to his back letting my fingers trail over his chest and stomach.

"No, I'm actually proud of it." My eyes looked up from his chest to his, the love poured out of them.

"Proud of it?" He smiled as he slid his fingers through mine.

"Very proud of it. Angel, the scar is there because I gave you something so you could live a better life, so you could have your life back. This scar isn't something I hate, or dislike, or something I'm ashamed of. I love the scar that now sits there on my skin. I love it because that scar tells me that you're alive and will be for a long time." He smiled and looked at me. "Lets see yours then."

Moving to give me room to lie down, I lifted my T-shirt off revealing the dressing that still covered it. I was told I would be able to remove it in a few days time. Edwards's hands slowly went to the dressing, but I stopped them.

"It looks awful. It's horrid, Edward." He rolled his eyes at me and pushed my hands away. "It's not half as healed as yours is." I grumbled out, he smiled at me.

"That's because yours is on the side of your stomach. They cut through muscle and pulled you about more than they did me, it will soon heal and look fine." He carefully removed the dressing. I closed my eyes tightly shut not wanting to see his face when he sees the nasty scar. I felt his lips gently kiss around the sides of my scar, careful not to touch the scar itself as it was still healing.

"It's beautiful, Angel." He whispered as he pulled away from my skin smiling at me.

"You think so?" I asked looking at it. It looked red and swollen with bruising still around it.

"Yes, Angel. It's sill healing, in a few weeks time all the bruising will have gone. The redness will fade and you will be left with a neat line that will only add to your beauty. If you're worried I won't be attracted to you now, you have nothing to worry about, because I still am and always will be." He lent forward and kissed my lips, before moving to other side of me and lying down next to me. I rolled over slowly and curled into his chest as his arms wrapped around me.

"I still want to get a tattoo next to it, I want something meaningful to symbolise the gift I gave you. I'm thinking of an angel." He whispered. I smiled against his chest.

"Well if you get one done then I will, but I don't want an angel. I'm thinking over our names, our wedding date and the date you gave me your kidney tattooed in Latin. What do you think?" I asked. His arms gripped tighter around me.

"I love it." He kissed the top of my head softy.

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**_So did you all cry when you read the letter? Now don't lie I know most of you did, lol._**

**_Anyway my lovelys please hit the review button, Jen x_**


	24. Chapter 24

_**AN/ Sorry Guys about the day wait, did you miss me and my boys? I had a complete and utter block on friday night, my head was swiming with this chapter, it's last chapter, the fourth chapter to It's Fate, and a new story, that when i came to write it, my mind just went blank. **_

**_Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter I am going through them and replying to them all._**

**_Here's chapter 24!_**

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_**EPOV**_

Three long weeks had gone by since Jasper had been released from hospital. We had both healed and looking at Jasper now there wasn't a single trace of what he had been through. But it's still been a long three weeks, five if you include the two he was in hospital for. We still had two days to go until we had passed our six week recovery period, two more fucking days. It has been five weeks, five days, seven hours and something minutes since we last made love - not that I'm counting or anything. It was too long; I hadn't gone this long without sex in years! I was used to us fucking four or five times a week, so this was killing me. I need him badly. I ached to feel his touch, and my body ached to have him underneath me withering and whimpering, calling my name breathlessly as I pounded into his nice tight hole of warmth. Screw the fucking two more days wait. I was overruling it, because if I don't fuck him now I'm going to fucking explode.

With this in mind I walked up the stairs after dropping Olivia off at school. When I left Jasper was in the new babies room painting the walls for their arrival, I knew he would still be there waiting for me. His plan had been for him to start it while I took Olivia to school and then for me to help when I got back, painting the fucking walls was not in my plan. I leant against the doorframe watching as he cut in along the ceiling line, standing up on the ladder and reaching across making his Tee ride up slightly. I licked my lips as my eyes scanned down his body. His worn ripped jeans sat low on his hip, just hugging around his pert ass. I stepped across the room to him unable to contain myself any long as my raging hard on strained against my jeans painfully. My hands ran up the sides of his thighs to the waistband of his jeans as my face pressed against the small of his back, making Jasper jump slightly. My hands ran round the front of his hips and down the front of his thigh.

"I need you." I whispered out as my hand ghosted over his swelling hard on in his jeans making him moan, while my lips kissed across the small of his back.

"It's two more days, babe." He moaned out as my hand slid into his jeans, running my fingers over his hard length.

"Screw the two days, I need you now." I said as I took the paintbrush off his hands and put it on top of the can of paint. I looked at Jasper with hungry eyes as he came down the ladder.

"You can't wait two more days?" I shook my head pulling him out of the nursery and towards our bedroom. "We're meant to wait." He groaned out as I kissed down his neck, reaching the curve of it and sucking it gently.

"Fuck waiting, I'm done with waiting." I pulled his T-shirt over his head, my lips crashed hard against his already slightly open mouth. Our tongues battled against one another, passion ran through my veins, topped off with desire to have him. It had been far too long.

I pushed him back on to the bed and pulled my T-shirt off. My eyes ran over his body, drinking him in hungrily. His lust-filled eyes stared back at me as he licked his luscious full red lips. Catching sight of his pink tongue sweeping his lips; I bit down on my bottom lip moaning. I crawled over him kissing, licking and nibbling his neck as I went up. I placed soft wet kisses across his jaw, loving the feel of his stubble against my lips. Jasper moaned as his fingers went into my hair, pulling me up to met his mouth for a slow and passionate kiss. My hands roamed the side of his body as his did the same to me, my muscles contracted making me shudder as his fingers swept across the side of my stomach. I broke the kiss needing air, breathing hard my lips trailed down his neck and to his chest, flicking my tongue over his right nipple making it hard before gently biting down on it.

Jasper moaned loudly and arched his back, as my hand squeezed his other nipple. I moved down his body kissing and biting into his skin making him shiver and shudder in delight. My tongue swept across his bellybutton before moving to his scar.

"So beautiful." I whispered out against his scar before placing soft loving kisses up it. I kissed and licked the length of his scar, before moving towards the waistband of his jeans. My fingers undid the button and pulled the zipper down. Jasper lifted his ass as I pulled his jeans down. Noticing he was going commando I smirked.

I ran my tongue up his thigh adding little nibbles along the away. My tongue ran over his balls and up the length of his hard long cock, as I flicked my tongue over his swollen sensitive tip. Jasper cried out and bucked his hips upwards. My tongue ran over his tip that was dripping with pre-cum, he tasted so good. We had stayed away from any form of pleasure knowing it would be easy to cross over that line. I took Jasper into my mouth, sliding down his hard cock slowly until his hit the back of my throat. I swallowed around him making him moan and shiver. His head thrashed on the bed as his hands gripped the sheets. I bobbed my head up and down, taking him all the way each time. Jasper's hips thrust into my mouth as he neared his peak.

"Babe..... please...... I need you." He moaned out, holding back on his orgasm. I released him from my mouth and undid my jeans letting them drop to the floor releasing my painfully hard cock that was throbbing with need. I heard Jasper flick the cap on the lube bottle, and it was the best sound in the fucking world right there and then. I took the lube from Jasper coating my fingers as his legs came either side of my hips. I pushed two fingers into his tight hole, scissoring him, before adding a third, thrusting them in and out of him. Jasper's hips started to move against me as he moaned. I pulled my fingers out and coated my cock before placing myself at his entrance.

Our lips met as I slowly pushed into him, not stopping until I was all the way in, I cried out in pleasure. Feeling Jasper tightly around me, his warmth covering me, I knew I wouldn't last long. It had been far too long since I had been buried deep within him. His legs locked around me, digging his heels into my ass as I thrust in and out of him.

Jasper moaned and bit his lip as his hips met my thrust, pushing us closer to our release, to our euphoric heaven. I propped myself up on my hands giving me more control over my thrusts, as I slammed into him repeatedly, hitting his sweet spot deep within him.

"Fuck....... babe..... I........ ARGH!" Jasper cried out as he came hard, shooting his load onto both our stomachs. His muscles contracted as he rode out his orgasm. I continued to slam hard into him, before throwing my head back and crying out his name as I came. My body shook with the sheer force of my orgasm, sending me in to outer space. I was flying high, consumed with love and passion for him, and I was completely devoted to him, only him, my angel.

I collapsed breathing hard on top of him, his arms wrapped tightly around me as we both came down from our high, our pleased state of love. I lifted my head from the crook of his neck and kissed him, the lust and need gone and its place was nothing but pure raw love.

I pulled out of him, not wanting to part from him after reconnecting with him after so long. I looked at Jasper's face as I grabbed the wipes off the side, his face flushed red with a layer of sweat covering his beautiful skin, a sheepish smile on his lips as I handed him the wipes before lying back down next to him.

"You know I love you so much. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to see you back to your old self and not having to restrict your life." He turned to me and smiled placing a kiss on my lips.

"It's because of you I have my life back." He rolled onto his stomach and looked at me. "It's worth the pain I went through, the heartache of fearing for you, the fear and the pills I have to take every day. All of it was worth it because I get to spend my life with you." He smiled with a slight shimmer in his eyes. I cupped the side of his face with my hand as he leaned into it.

"Anything for you, Beautiful." I kissed his soft slightly swollen lips feeling myself melt into the kiss. He pulled away from me and rested his head on my chest.

"We need to start thinking about baby names; the twins will be arriving soon." He whispered kissing my chest. The twins would be arriving soon and we still had so much to do, cribs to buy and finishing off the nursery. Claire was right on course, and had had another scan since our operations. Our babies would be here before we knew it.

"Okay, well I like Benjamin for a boy, and for a girl.....I don't know." I said. I hated this, last time when we were expecting Olivia we had countless nights thinking of names. Olivia came about by accident more than anything else.

"Benjamin? It's nice, but I like Joshua, and for a girl I like the name Emily." He turned and looked at me. "So Joshua or Benjamin?" He asked.

"Benjamin, I like Joshua but would sooner have Benjamin. As for Emily, it's okay..... I'll make you a deal, you can have Emily for a girl's name and I can have Benjamin, how's that sound?" I asked.

I watched as he tilted his head to the side thinking before smiling and looking at me. "Deal."

**********

The weeks seemed to fly by. The nursery was ready for the twin's to arrive. The new car was now picked up and sitting proudly in the drive. My brand spanking new fifty grand X5 BMW, with full cream leather interior, all the works stuck in it and in shiny jet black. This car was my baby. I had worked on Jasper for months over this car, he was adamant that it was too much and we should look for something else. Of course Jasper cracked, it had been in my hands for a week now, and I loved every second driving it. I had however banned Olivia from having any sort of drink or food in the car, no muddy feet, no pens or pencils, no nothing. Was I being mean? I don't think I was. Jasper didn't seem to mind her get crap in his car, so she was free to do whatever she wanted in his, but mine? It was off limits.

Jasper was convinced I had just used the twins as an excuse to buy the car, claiming that the twins were more likely to make a mess in my car then Olivia was, but I had thought of this, just as I had done when Olivia was a baby. When she was asleep we took my car, safe in the knowledge that my car would remain spot free. When she was awake we took Jasper's, the same rules will apply.

"No. I need it." Olivia cried as I walked into the kitchen. I smirked watching Jasper battle her to get her teddy off her so it could go in the washer.

"It's dirty." He retorted to her. "A couple of hours Olivia and you can have it back all nice and clean, now hand it over." He put his hand out, as she held it tighter to her chest.

"No, I need it to sleep with." The teddy in question went everywhere with her. If it got lost we had to search the whole house looking for it, retracing all our steps until the teddy appeared.

"You don't want to meet the twins with a dirty teddy, do you?" I asked. She looked at me and shook her head. The twins were due any day now. Every time the phone rang we thought it was Claire telling us that they were on their way.

"No, will they be here tomorrow?" She asked handing the teddy over to Jasper. Olivia was having a hard time trying to understand that the babies didn't have a certain time, as far as she was concerned, nine months equal's twins.

"Maybe." Jasper said as he switched on the washer. We had used the whole twin thing a few times on Olivia, getting her to do something she didn't want to do. I was working a treat, just like at Christmas when we could use Santa; trouble was we were now running out of time with it and with each passing day Olivia was starting to wonder if the twins were ever going to show.

"When? I want to meet them." Olivia asked climbing onto the stool and picking up an apple.

"Well we don't know, soon I guess. We want to meet them too. You're not the only one waiting, baby girl." Jasper walked over to the phone as it rang, Olivia looked at me.

"Am I staying with Uncle Em when the babies arrive?" Olivia asked. I nodded she grinned at me. "Will I get to see them when they get here?"

"Yes, Princess, once they're born Uncle Em will bring you to the hospital and you can meet your new brother and sister." I answered her question looking at Jasper who was smiling and talking down the phone. He hung up and looked at me, a big smile across his face.

"They're on their way." He whispered to me. "Claire is on her way to the hospital now, we need to go now." He almost bounced on the spot. Olivia with some super hearing heard Jasper and started to smile.

"They're coming? Are they really?" She asked climbing down off the stool.

"Yes, baby girl, go and get your bag. You're off to Uncle Em's for the night." Olivia ran off towards the stairs calling Bruno as she went, Jasper snaked his arm around my waist.

"Are they really coming?" I asked him. Claire had had a false alarm about a week ago, I had gotten all excited thinking we were about to meet our babies when we were told it was nothing.

"Honestly, her waters have broken; it's not a false alarm this time." I gave him a kiss and picked up my car keys. Olivia was now down by the front door waiting to go.

Loading Olivia and Bruno in the car we set off towards Emmett's. I couldn't contain the smile on my face as I thought about meeting our twins. We had been ready for weeks, and were bored of waiting for them to arrive, although a lot can be said about having a full night's sleep. Olivia hadn't been that bad sleeping through the night, choosing to wake up twice during the night for a feed. I wondered if the twins would both be hungry at the same time, or if they would want feeding at different times, and if that was the case just how far apart would they be?

Pulling up at Emmett's I had a strange sense of being her before, racing here to drop Olivia off. I shivered as my mind remembered the night I had received that call telling me Jasper had taken a bad turn. I pushed that thought to the side as I saw Emmett and Rose smiling, little Anthony wiggling in Rose's arms trying to break free.

"I hope you two don't have to wait too long for them to arrive." Rose said as I passed Olivia's bag to Emmett.

"We hope so too." I smiled at Jasper pulling him closer to me. I was overflowing with love right now. I knew I would breakdown when they arrived; I did when Olivia was born.

"Call when they're born, okay?" Emmett said picking Olivia up. Jasper nodded.

"We will, be good Olivia, love you." Jasper said giving Olivia kiss.

"I will, love you." She called after us as we headed back to the car.

We set off towards the hospital, Claire's husband had called to say they had arrived and Claire was well on her way to having the twins. My heart raced as we approached the hospital, in a few hours time they would be here, our little angels would be here with us. I couldn't believe how this year had gone, what we had been through. A kidney transplant and the birth of our twins all in one year.

I gripped Jasper's hand as we rushed through the hospital both of us a little overexcited about the fact that they were on their way. I couldn't wait to hold them, have a cuddle with them, kiss them, and find out if they looked like Jasper or not.

"You're just in time." The midwife said as we walked into the labour room. Claire was already fully dilated and was beginning to push.

We sat and watched as Claire pushed and cursed at men in general. We held hands as we saw the top of baby number one's head. I looked at Jasper with tears in my eyes. He smiled at me and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles.

"Baby number one is almost here, do you think it will be Benjamin or Emily?" He asked. I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Benjamin." I answered, looking to see our baby's head all the way out. I could see the blonde fine strands of hair cover its head.

"You're doing really well Claire, one more push and this little one will be here." The midwife said. Claire pushed again as her husband whispered words into her ear. The tears spilled over my eyes as our baby was born.

"Benjamin." Jasper whispered giving me a kiss as he cried. Jasper cut his cord, he looked beautiful, a miniature version of my angel. The midwife handed me Benjamin for a second, Jasper's arm was around my waist with his head resting on my shoulder, looking at our son.

"He's beautiful, thank you." I gave him a small kiss as they took Benjamin to be cleaned up.

Claire looked so tired and she still had to go through the birth of Emily yet. It was hard to watch the nurses clean Benjamin up and watch Claire at the same time. Watching as Emily's head appeared a few seconds later, I looked at Jasper again. Tears were running down his face, I couldn't help but smile seeing him like this. There was nothing greater than knowing that the child you're looking at has come from you.

"Here comes Emily." I whispered to Jasper, my arm around his waist holding him close to me. With a final push Emily arrived into the world two minutes behind her brother.

"It's a boy." Jasper whispered out as I went to cut the cord. We looked at each other and smiled, all this time we had thought it was a boy and girl, when in fact little Emily was a little boy.

"Joshua." I whispered against his ear, before cutting the cord. Jasper's face lit up, and tears shone in his eyes.

"Are you sure?" He asked as he was handed Joshua.

I nodded resting my head on his shoulder. "You wanted Joshua for a boy, Angel, we have two boys, and it's only fair."

"Thank you." He gave me a kiss on the lips; I smiled against his lips as the tears fell down my face.

"I love you." I murmured against his lips, as the emotions flooded through me. I was overcome by love seeing our two beautiful little boys.

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We sat holding a baby each, studying both their faces's, both grinning madly at one another. They were almost identical, only the smallest of changes to each other. Benjamin's bottom lip was slightly fuller than Joshua's, Joshua's eyes were slightly rounder, little tiny things like that, that unless you really studied their face's you wouldn't notice. They both looked so much like Jasper, little doubles of my angel.

"How do you think Olivia will take it when we tell her that Emily wasn't a girl after all?" Jasper asked cuddling Benjamin close to his chest.

I chuckled; it was a slight shock, finding out that she was in fact a he. "I'm sure she won't care once she sees them. Jasper they're beautiful, thank you for giving me them." I kissed the top of Joshua's head trying to fight the urge to cry again. Jasper smiled softly at me, and moved Benjamin in his arms so he had a hand free, his hand wrapped around my waist as he pushed himself closer to me.

"I can't believe they're here. Shall we take them to show Claire?" He asked. I nodded carefully moving and standing up.

The gratitude we both felt towards Claire was unbelievable, without her we wouldn't have Olivia or the twins. She was a remarkable woman, doing this for couples who wanted children, giving them a gift they couldn't do on their own. If the world was full of more women like Claire the world would be a better place.

We had kept in touch with Claire after Olivia was born. She always sent Olivia a birthday card and Christmas card. We spoke on the phone a few times a year and we sent her pictures of Olivia as she grew, the twins would be no different.

We knocked gently on the door hearing Claire call out. We pushed the door open, the hospital was quiet, it was gone three in the morning now, but surprisingly enough I wasn't tired. I didn't want to go home and sleep just yet.

"Hi guys, are they alright?" Claire asked her voice full of sleep. She pulled herself up the bed a bit so she was sitting up.

"They're beautiful, we thought you might like to see them." Jasper answered as we sat either side of Claire.

"Meet Benjamin and Joshua." Jasper passed her Benjamin, she held him gently looking over his face. I carefully passed her Joshua, placing him in her other arm. Her eyes scanned over Joshua and then she looked at Jasper.

"People won't be able to deny that they're yours Jasper, they're the double of you." She smiled, Jasper flushed slightly.

"Thank you again Claire for what you have done for us." I told her, she smiled as she passed back Benjamin and Joshua to us.

"You guys deserve it; you're great guys and great fathers to Olivia. I'm glad you choose to use me again." She yawned.

"Get some rest, Claire. We'll pop by tomorrow morning with Olivia." We carefully walked back out of her room, leaving her to get some rest.

The nurse looked at us we arrived back to the baby's room. "I think you two should put those little beauty's down and get some sleep yourselves, they'll want to be fed soon enough." She smiled and took a peek at the both of them. "Congratulation's." She walked off as we entered the room, placing them both in the cots. They looked so peaceful, two perfect beautiful little angels.

We curled up together watching them both sleep for what seemed like hours, watching their little movements, curling their little fingers and making little noises as they slept. We soon fell asleep waking up when it was light to two little cries demanding our attention and wanting to be fed.

After we had fed the twins, they were yet again checked over by the midwife. We took this time to call our friends and family, letting them know that they had arrived and they were both boys. I had gotten my wish after all, when we found out they were twins I had wanted two boys. I wasn't disappointed when we were told that one was a girl, I wanted them both to be healthy more than anything else. But when they were born and we found out that they were both boys, I can't deny I was secretly pleased to have gotten what I wanted.

Olivia arrived dragging Emmett through the door by his hand, her little face full of excitement to meet them. We had told Emmett and Rose on the phone that they had gotten it wrong at the scan, but asked them not to mention it to Olivia as we wanted to tell her when she arrived.

"Daddies." Olivia called walking towards us. I pulled her into my arms giving her a kiss and cuddle.

"Hello, Princess." I gave her a squeeze. "Missed you." I whispered to her, my eyes feeling heavy from lack of sleep.

"Missed you too." She crawled off me and went to Jasper as he gave her a hug and a kiss, the feeling of being complete ran over me tenfold. Seeing our beautiful daughter and our gorgeous twins, I truly had been blessed.

"Come meet your brothers." I told her as Jasper picked her up carrying her to the cots.

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**_Our boy's are all healed, and have two little Jasper's now. Hehe two little boys, who is happy with that then?_**

**_Chapter 25 is the final chapter!_**

**_Okay my lovely readers, please hit the review button and send me some love. Jen x_**


	25. Chapter 25

_**AN/ Well guys we have come to the end. I'm sad to see the end of this story it's been a long road full of ups and downs, I hope you all have enjoyed it as much as me.**_

**_I want to thank everyone who has stuck by me with this story, I know it was sometimes hard to read and sometimes you were left in tears but it meant the world to me to know I had some wonderful readers who were willing to see this through to see if they got there HEA. I'm glad I continued this story after I almost stopped at chapter 2, I've enjoyed the ride and enjoyed reading all the wonderful reviews that I have had._**

**_I hope to see you all in my new story tht is being posted today. It's of course another Edward and Jasper Story called Right There, and of course we still have It's Fate going on as well._**

**_A massive thank you to my beta Amy for all the hours she has put in turning these chapters back to me everyday._**

**_So this chapter is for all of you, I hope like the last little look into their lives._**

**_Here's chapter 25!_**

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_**JPOV**_

"Fuck, that hurts." I moaned as I felt the needle hit my skin again, the buzzing sound was making me feel sick, as I tried not to move. Edward chuckled holding my hand.

"It looks amazing, Angel. It's almost finished." He smiled at me before turning his attention back to my tattoo.

Edward had already had his done, his little angel sat just above his scar on his back. I had laughed and took the piss as Edward screwed his face up while it was being done. Twenty minutes later I was in the chair having our names, our wedding date and the date Edward gave me his kidney. I was approaching the year mark with my new kidney, my body had accepted the kidney well. I hadn't had any lapses or slight rejection that I was warned about I could have which would mean them playing about with the drugs to stop the problem. I had my old life back, other than me having to take a hand-full of meds in the morning, there was nothing different about me now. What a difference a year had made, this time last year I was seriously ill fighting for my life and a black cloud hung over my head. Now twelve months on I was fit, healthy, with two gorgeous twin boys and a beautiful little girl who is about to turn five.

"Olivia will want to see them when we get home, she wanted to come." I chuckled out slightly, my chuckle sounding more like a cry than anything else.

"Weird child, are you sure she belongs to us?" Edward asked. We heard the tattooist snort at that remark, Edward shot the guy a look as he continued to ink my skin.

"I have no idea, she really thinks she is going to get a spider for her birthday. Do you want to tell her she isn't getting one?" I asked. Edward shook his head at me.

"Oh no, it's your turn. I had to tell her at Christmas, this one is all yours." His eyes danced at me, full of love and devotion. "What do you think the twins will make of them?"

"I can see them drooling over them." I chuckled again trying to stay still. The twins were currently at home with Olivia. Alice was looking after them for us while we came to have these done.

"It's all done. Keep it covered for three days and put this cream on it, when it scabs up don't pick." I nodded relieved that it was over. I stood up and looked at it in the mirror, the Latin words stared back at me either side of the scar, it looked awesome.

I had wondered if they would look alright with it being in Latin and not English. I didn't want to have both dates in English and then have questions about it or people wondering if that was the day it all ended. It was personal, something that only a few people knew what it meant, everyone I had told thought it was a wonderful idea. Edward had never second guessed the Angel, he had always called me his angel and for him there wasn't anything else that represented me better than an Angel.

"Wow." I whispered out, carefully touching the tender skin. Edward's hand lapsed over mine, the tingly feeling ran through me. I could feel his body heat against my skin, my heart rated picked up as I felt myself turning into a puddle of goo on the floor. His touch still left me in fuzzy state. His lips brushed against my neck.

"It's beautiful, just like you. Let's go and see our babies." He whispered in my ear before stepping away from me and handing me my T-shirt.

We paid and left the shop, holding hands as we walked towards the car, feeling the wonderful sparks buzz between us. The ride home was full of us talking about the new tattoo's, the past year and our children. Olivia had a been slightly gutted when the twins arrived, she had wanted a sister but the thoughts soon left her head when she had a cuddle with them. Olivia adored them, she followed them everywhere, always wanting to help out and have a cuddle with one of them. She could tell them apart even though others had trouble with it. Their differences were very slight, as they started to get older you noticed their personalities were a little different. Benjamin was noisier than Joshua was and more bold. They were little doubles of me, clones if you may, they were our little angels.

"Were home." Edward called as we opened the front door. Olivia came running to us grinning.

"Daddies, shh, the twins are sleeping." She grinned making Edward and I chuckle.

"Sorry, baby girl. Have you been good?" I asked her giving her a hug and kiss, she nodded her head.

"I want to see them, the tattoo's." She said lifting up Edward's T-shirt. Edward chuckled and held his T-shirt up as she looked at the angel that sat just above his scar, the clear cover protecting it, as her little fingers ran over it.

"You like it?" Edward asked her, her eyes danced, fixed by the angel on his skin.

"I love it, can I have one?" She asked, I laughed.

"No, you're too young." I told her as she looked at me. I lifted up the side of my T-shirt to show her mine.

"What does it say?" She asked as she touched the words on my skin. I looked at Edward who smiled.

"It says our names, our wedding date and the date I had my kidney transplant." I looked down at her blue eyes as she smiled, her cheeks dimpling slightly, how she looked like Edward when she smiled.

"That's beautiful." She took both mine and Edward's hands and pulled us towards the living room. "Come see Ben and Josh." The smile shone through her voice as we walked into the living room. Alice smiled picking up her bag.

"They have been as good as gold. Joshua woke about an hour an go to be fed, but Benjamin hasn't. Lets see them then?" She asked heading towards us. Edward turned and showed her his first.

"Nice touch, I like the angel, its something to remember Jasper with." She said staring at Edward's. She turned to look at mine. "I love the Latin, it suits you both. Anyway, I better be off." She said pulling on her coat.

"You don't have to shoot off, Alice." Edward said walking over to the twins who were fast asleep.

"I know, but I'm meeting up with Seth so I don't want to be late." She smiled giving Olivia a hug and a kiss.

"When are you going to marry Seth, we know he has asked a few times." I teased, Alice snorted and shook her head.

"No, I like planning weddings, but I don't want to do it myself. I'm happy the way I am. I'll leave weddings and babies to my friends, see you later." She turned and headed towards the front door. I followed her out closing the door behind her before returning to the living room.

Edward stood looking down over the twins who were fast asleep. Olivia was colouring on the sofa. I walked behind Edward snaking my arms around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder. He sighed content and turned his head to me giving me a loving kiss that set my lips on fire.

"I love you." He whispered against my lips adding another soft gentle kiss after his words.

"I love you too." I smiled and looked at our twins and then to Olivia.

My life was complete, it wasn't perfect, but I was happy. I had three wonderful children who were my world. I had a loving husband who would do anything for me, even if it meant him risking his life. He was my rock, my foundation to my very being. With him by my side I had faced and overcome one of my biggest struggles. Life was truly a wonderful gift, one in which it can throw you some horrid hands at times and leave you wondering why, but with love and support you can get through anything.

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**_(Wipes tears away) I am actually crying, I can't believe I'm saying goodbye to these boys!_**

**_Well my lovely readers, I hope you enjoyed the last chapter and I ask you to one last time hit the review button and send me some love._**

**_Jen x_**


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